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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/7/2008 12:32:24 AM | Previous is the key word. I could see not wanting to date someone who is currently abusing drugs but to rule out someone who used to have an addiction is harsh. A lot of people have addictions, seek help, go into therapy/rehab, come out a better person and do not go back to drugs.
If we were all to judge someone who did wrong in the past and not date them because of it, we would all be single.
I think I would only have a problem if they went back to their addiction or were always in rehab and never learned from their past.
And for anyone who had an addiction and posted on here, kudos to you guys for talkin about it and changing your life.
~Carrie | |
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ric3o3
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Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 78 | |
| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:35:08 AM | | Darkblindangel , my sympathy goes out to you....I have 3 children , Recently seperated of 12 years & 3 -1 year break-ups with a woman with currently 5 years clean attends NA regularly, meth head....I love that woman ! You are in for a long emotional rollercoaster ride with most recovering addicts....They fight that desease with every little thing that goes wrong or social setting , which creates strain on a relationship.Also a requirement is attending meetings regularly then they become dependent on those meetings... And ultimately what is going to happen is you were there when they were at there worst and she will appreciate that but when they get some clean time under there belt they start to actually grow and find there true Identity and realize that they would rather be with somone like them that also does not drink even socially....So unless you are willing to surrender any all social drinks or usage...Ultimately it will never work if the woman is a True addict in Recovery! And your still struggling just waiting for her to get clean....You need to run for the hills...But you cant because you Love her...So be ready I warned you will expierience severe Heartache... ric.: help: | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:57:38 PM | | Look, I am a recovering addict. I went through rehab 3 & 1/2 years ago and have been clean ever since. From my perspective it should be a non-issue. However, only 3-5% of people do what I have done. Drug addiction is not receptive to treatment and is subject to relapse. Perhaps you could have stayed until (or if) she relapsed then walked away. But these are my thoughts only | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:44:01 PM | Well, way back when.......the guy i married was addicted at one time to heroin.....it was the 70's/80's and everyone was getting high........
He went into rehab and i stuck w/him.....had a few relapses but once we got really serious, he gave it up....... i was with him for close to 30 years before he died after a liver transplant didn't take....
Long story short, had close to 30 yrs together and a daughter to be proud of | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:11:42 PM | | I have had a few friends who unfortunaltely got hooked on drugs. But I was there for them as a real friend should be. I was there as they went through withdrawl and must say they went through Hell. I am not a B/S friend. I am a TRUE friend to the end. I do not abandon someone because they are going through a bad time in their life, how would you like all of your friends abandon you if something negative happend in your life. Alcohol, drugs, and many other negative things can happpen to good people. Something may have happened to a person and they made a mistake and used drugs or alcohol to releive the pain. I would be there for my friend and help them find help - therapy, detox. I have had to do an intervention for a friend once and we are closer today than ever and that person is a strong and sober person today because a real friend like me stood by that person. I will never abandon a friend in need - or anyone in need, I may not even know you but I believe I should help as many people as I can - maybe I will need someone to help me one day and I pray they are there for me. When lost both parents I would never have survived if it was not for the love and support of my TRUE FRIENDS. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 12:37:31 AM | | Personally I prefer NOT to date drug users/abusers, recovering or not. I prefer not to date ex-cons. I prefer not to do this because I have children and know that I am responsible for their safety. Not saying people shouldn't be given second chances because I know I've made my mistakes. Although I wish them the best of luck, I don't prefer to be involved with them. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:04:07 AM | | OP/whatever choice you made is right for you.Please dont be quite so harsh on crackheads though in attitude.I have spent a couple of years of my life,drying out on/off a nephew who is a multiple sufferer of things.This one has also been through any program that was available ,to assist in the drying out process.It was definitely no picnic watching one go from crack,to methodone(going to hospital to pick up daily doses)/cramps,vomiting,agitation an depression,suicide attempts,hiding my tablets an his///quinine for cramps an valium...... I left him alone in the car after visiting the doctor/he would eat a box of valium if he had access/its not funny at all---then there was also the alcohol bouts with the tablets on top.Better not forget the gambling as well either.The list goes on an on.I cant even begin to describe what this did to my blood pressure an stress levels/my doctor was not very happy .Each person has to way up what their criteria list is an make their own decision.Gaining knowledge about things does help.Some people have successfully beaten whatever habit they were addicted to,gone on with proper support,to live full an normal lives. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:27:21 AM | | Its a bad idea,,,,,for me (wont speak for anyone else). Dealt with a family member from the time i was 16 until 4 years ago who was addicted (needles was his thing, he has now passed on), and was with a man for 5 years who towards the end of our relationship was a crack head. Yes, people do change and can turn their lives around, but i have a bitter taste in my mouth from my experiences and i just prefer to not date a former addict. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:40:09 AM | | You people make me sick. I am a drug addict. (clean for 18 months). I was addicted to ecstasy and cocaine for quite a long time. I never lived on the streets. I went to College. I had a descent job and even had my own car. I now go to Narcotics Anomoyous meetings. Someone who has changed there life for the better should be seen as a hero. Not a cracker or a crack head. Recognise the person that they have become not the person that they were. Drug addiction is a very serious and constant battle. Stand by your partner and have an open view about whats going on. Would you break up with a girl who is skinny now but used to be fat????? use your head | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 2:01:22 AM |
I was addicted to ecstasy and cocaine for quite a long time....Someone who has changed there life for the better should be seen as a hero.
Sorry pal, you're no hero...all you did was stop using illegal drugs on a daily basis, that's not a heroic act in my mind. Kudos to you for changing your life for the better....I'll save my appreciation for people who are smart enough not to go down that road in the first place. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 4:15:46 AM | I know that I, personally would be turned off the minute anyone even told me about them even doing crack, etc. I dont care if it was "oh, I only did it once or twice at a party....."
Its STILL a major turn off for me.
I worked in an outpatient drug & alcohol clinic and its like a revolving door in there.
What makes me even more sick about working there and seeing some of the court mandated drug abusers - the one case still sticks out in my mind.
A MOTHER (same age as me) pimping out her daughter (approximately the same age as my daughter) FOR CRACK? To support HER drug habits? UGH! THAT irks me soooooooo bad!!
No thanks coach- I'll take the zero!!
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:51:06 AM | Sometimes it all depends on the person, i have a friend who did drugs when he was younger and is a little ashamed of it and now does not want to heat nothing about drus or anything. When we met he had gotten clean and been clean for several years and its by mere chance that drug thing came up in a conversation. Mind you he is a great guy.
People go through tough times and have no one to turn to or give in to ill advised peer pressure perhaps to fit in or to mask pain, perhaps not to be alone, who knows.
But having said that it is smart and safer to take precautions with people who have had an addiction because in the end its still an addiction and having read openlover35 's post that would be a good reason why.
I have never taken any drugs, and dislike them and think people that dabble in them and think its fine are pathetic because there is so much more to life. I would drop someone if i new they have a drug habit - wouldn't want anything to do with them.
But hey if someone did have an addiction, got help, managed to stay clean, and is honest/open enough to tell you about that ( preferrably when you have known them for a while and been seeing each other and it was years ago not just last week) and you like them, suddenly it becomes a deal breaker? come on!!Had they never told you ever, you would've date them right?
In the end it all depends and you just never know. Never say never.
Judging someone on the past is just harsh | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 9:33:52 AM | I lived with someone who was a former heroin addict... he had been clean for several years before we met. I also seriously dated an alcoholic who had been sober for our entire relationship.
I would never date a former drug addict or reformed alcoholic again. Just because someone sobers up, does not mean they have resolved the issues that led to the drug or alcohol use in the first place. The person I dated who was a sober alcoholic was a 'dry drunk'... even though they went to AA. I finally could not deal with their unresolved issues anymore. The person I lived with who was a former herion addict had serious psychological problems, that didn't come out until after we were living together. It was those problems that led them to use drugs, to kill the pain, as it were.
I do have respect for anyone who overcomes any type of addiction. But that person needs to be sure that they have resolved ALL of the issues related to their addiction before becoming involved in a relationship. And that includes whatever led them to using in the first place. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:31:33 PM | I will be 10 yrs clean and sober in 7 more days, God given. Umm, I don't know what to say to the idiot who started this thread,  That girl you dumped because she was in recovery would've taught you a thing or two about LIFE! And then you have the nerve to give US some advice, "Keep it REAL and stay straight, hahah", OMFG! Like you know what "it" is, lol. Grow the **** up! | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:18:28 PM | | unfortunately, this is a MESSY situation... I would not want to date someone who was seriously addicted to drugs within a few years- I know that sounds really judgmental but from my experiences, no matter how much the person WANTS to change, addiction is a disease and it can creep up any time to the person it infects... I'm very sorry if I have offended anyone out there, I know how difficult and sad this situation can be. Unless I was in love with the person before they became addicted, I probably would not want to pursue a relationship with him. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:27:46 PM |
In the end it all depends and you just never know. Never say never.
Judging someone on the past is just harsh
Uh huh...welcome to the real world buttercup. The real world where LIFE is harsh. Funny that people still expect the world to turn a blind eye to the sins of the past when it suits them. They wanna label themselves "heroes" for their accomplishment to stay sober/clean. They wanna say that judging a past is harsh.
It's called LIFE. It works that way.
Good decisions come with rewards. Bad decisions come with consequences. I can't say it any clearer than that. Blame it on an addiction all you want...it was piss poor decision making skills and nothing but. No one has ever just woken up one day, slapped a crack pipe in their mouth and said "I'm addicted. It's a disease."
Nice try. You fail.
A disease is something you're BORN with or something you CATCH. You don't just wake up one day and BAM...I have a new disease. Addicts and recovering addicts all have the same token standby excuses on tap, ready to flash at a moment's notice. And the excuses have all been done to death.
I smoke. People call it an addicition. I say bullshit. I didn't wake up one day and found a cigarette in my yap and suddenly I had this new disease. Nope. I CHOSE to take the habit up. Just like meth heads, crack users and their ilk. Just like alcoholics. These are all CHOICES. You CHOOSE to become a social blight. You didn't catch it. You weren't born with it. You CHOSE it.
So quit coppin' out. It's gettin' lame. You did it to escape reality. To "take the edge off". To fit in. To rebel. Whatever. But it was a CHOICE. Nothing more and nothing less.
And as for those that decry a judgement based on the past sins...I suppose if you had kids you wouldn't judge a recovering pedophile then eh? You'd be more than happy to leave your kids in their care? Yea RIGHT. Or a "reformed" murderer? You'd be more than happy to trust your life in their hands? Yea RIGHT. Or a "reformed" thief? You'd be more than happy to leave them alone in your home or business? Yea RIGHT. Get over yourselves you hypocrites. You would judge them just as people judge you, and don't even try to deny it.
Addicts made piss poor decisions and expect a get out of jail free card later on in life just because they are now clean and sober. Your past counts. Like my Grandpa always said, never do anything you'll regret later.
You all made piss poor choices. You have consequences that include judgement. Cope. You did it to yourselves.
Sayin' it's unfair or "harsh" to be judged for past sins is just juvenile and shows that most of you never really grew up. You still think that "sorry" will make everything better and just because you made a mistake you shouldn't have to pay for it forever because "that was then and this is now".
Weak.
Fail.  | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:31:48 PM | Once a cracker always a cracker
once a cheater always a cheater
once a drunk always a drunk
once a thief always a thief
once a liar always a liar
I don't think those are necessarily truths at all, they might have a disposition towards those. Definitely hard for people to change and not all do. But what happens if they were the one and you never gave it a chance. You didn't give her a ring and got married. You were only dating, isn't that what dating is for to see if that person is what you want?
But on the other hand, it would make me feel like a large responsibility on myself, looking for the signs of relapse. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:46:57 PM | Well, I did date someone who had been addicted to coke... was a dealer etc...
She had cleaned herself up by her own effort alone... and she was clean for at least 7 years when I met her... maybe more... can't remember specifics....
She still likes a few beers, and so forth... but she has no interest in coke or hard stuff anymore, and is really one of the finest ladies I've ever met... so, people can change even after a serious addiction.... | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:50:03 PM | If the drug/alcohol issue was a decade or more ago and even when under pressure the person doesn't succumb to temptation, I might date them. Am concerned with alcohol issues since my late husband died as a result of a drunk driver and our son had been seriously injured by a drunk driver two years earlier.
While I have never done drugs and have never been tempted I know a lot fo college kids try marijuana and other things. Its the word addiction that is the key word.
I don't care if its meth, marijuana, food, pornography,gambling if someone under pressure succumbs to the drug or addiction of choice, that says they lack the discipline and maturity I as an adult need. Life is challenging enough without living with someone who has chosen to make poor choices.
~Beth~ | |
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