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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:40:50 PM | Speaking from personal experience, it's usually a bad idea.
The addiction to the drug itself is only the immediate problem. The addiction is a sign of a self-destructive psyche that may remain in another form even if the addiction to the drug is gone.
I loved a former addict and believe me, I tried to make it work but sometimes the issues beneath are just too much to tackle. I suppose if I were stronger than I am and stuck it out just a little a longer... but how long is a person supposed to try? How much of your own life are you willing to give up in what may end up being a futile attempt? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:48:07 PM |
BigDaddyJinx:Good decisions come with rewards. Bad decisions come with consequences. I can't say it any clearer than that. Blame it on an addiction all you want...it was piss poor decision making skills and nothing but. No one has ever just woken up one day, slapped a crack pipe in their mouth and said "I'm addicted. It's a disease."..... Addicts made piss poor decisions and expect a get out of jail free card later on in life just because they are now clean and sober. Your past counts. Like my Grandpa always said, never do anything you'll regret later.
This was worth repeating.
~Beth~ | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:15:41 AM |
@BigDaddyJinx
Like wtf, why don't you go back under the rock you crawled out from! and quit flaming us addicts and alcoholics for something you just DON'T obviously understand OR care to understand
Splinter -- No one's "flaming" anyone here so get your knickers out of the twist and put on your big boy drawers, k?
I call 'em as I see 'em. Like I've said before, I don't MAKE the news, I just report it. I noticed that you didn't take the time to refute any of the words I used? So your zippy one liner is now tantamount to "Quit pickin' on me..."
Nice. And proves a few of my previous points.
And before you get all hoidy-toidy thinkin' that YOU and your kind have it so rough and YOU and your kind are being picked on and "flamed" (where do you people come up with that stuff anyways...)...I AM your kind you git.
So I think you need to step down off the cross...we could use the wood.
Really.
I was an alcoholic at 15. Yep, I said that. Alcoholic at 15. This was not a disease. This was not an addiction. I didn't wake up one day with a bottle in my mouth and gee well it's there and hey I can say I have this new disease... nope, this was a piss poor CHOICE I made in my life. I CHOSE to put the bottle to my yap and consume it. I CHOSE to steal money to pay for even more. I CHOSE to steal liquor from my Mom's cabinet. I CHOSE to continue my piss poor behavior. Yes indeed, I CHOSE to continue drinking and hiding it from the world...and skipping school...and causing mayhem...and terrorizing my family.
I KNEW I could stop anytime I wanted to. But I CHOSE not to.
When they sent the school counsellor to my home and I hid in my standup closet to avoid being caught...I KNEW I had to CHOOSE to quit. I KNEW that I couldn't live a life like this. Especially at just 15 years of age. I was pissing away my life, my friends, my family, my education, my future...
So I CHOSE to stop.
I CHOSE to start. So I CHOSE to stop.
It was not a disease. It was not an illness. Though I had every counsellor up my ass telling me it was. It was not. It never was. It was a shit CHOICE I made. Same if I had laid my lips on a bong. Or tied a rubber hose on my arm to shoot up. Or grabbed a blade to cut lines.
C H O I C E.
If you can't handle the truth of it all, that's your failing...not mine. But I've been there so I speak with personal experience. Am I judged for it? Damn rights. Do I care? Not a lick. Couldn't care less actually. I made a shitty CHOICE and I accepted all the consequences that came with it, even the judgement. That's the life I CHOSE for myself. I can't undo what I did. I had a CHOICE to do it or not. I CHOSE poorly and came away with a consequence. That's how life works. I don't think it's unfair, or irrational, or harsh...it's a consequence I could've easily avoided if I had been smarter about the CHOICES I made.
Blaming it on a disease or an illness is just a convenient crutch. People wanna assume NO accountability for their own piss poor CHOICES they make in life. They will ALWAYS find someone, or something to blame it all on. I CHOSE to put the blame where it belongs...on me and no one or nothing else.
Just me.
Was my CHOICE.
Was my consequence.
And you know what...the judgements I received throughout my life paled in comparison to the shame I felt because I know my Grandpa raised me better than that and he'd have been so ashamed of me had he still been alive at the time. And he woulda kicked my ass up and down the street if I even tried to blame this on a disease or illness.
So tell me again I don't understand.
I understand only too well. I just CHOOSE not to hide behind convenient excuses that society hands to me to deflect my own personal accountability, like so many others do. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:19:45 AM | "I CHOSE to start. So I CHOSE to stop."
I do think that was the point he was making perhaps, but not in such a way.
Perhaps others should view you as an addict? Perhaps they should view you as the man you are now? Than or now?
Seriously people, we are all the same we are weep, we all laugh, we all are cruel at times. We are have our own idiocies. Why can we not see the people for who they are now and not the past and do it across the board instead of picking and choosing? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:41:06 AM |
I do think that was the point he was making perhaps, but not in such a way.
KNCL -- Um no. He was insinuating I was "flaming" because I had the audacity to remove their disease/addiction card away from them all, and explain that they all made shitty CHOICES. So no, that wasn't the point they were making.
Perhaps others should view you as an addict? Perhaps they should view you as the man you are now? Than or now?
People can view me any way they like. For all intents and purposes, I'm an ex-addict myself but I wouldn't use the word "addicted" like they would. I wasn't addicted to anything but my own stupidity. I knew what I was doing. I knew what damage I was causing. I just chose to keep at it. Unlike most, I have a past that I'm not afraid of. If I'm to be judged by it, so be it. I won't tuck it away in a darkened corner and pretend I didn't have a past. I didn't make horrible choices. Nope...I had a past and those I'm with all have access to that info. Partners that I court all get told the same thing. They have a right to know who they're dealing with fully. Not just the clever bits and pieces I share with them to gloss over my piss poor decisions I made as kid or a young adult or whatever.
If I was a junkie I'd tell them.
A person with a criminal past I'd tell them.
Those around me have a right to know these things, and though some of it is rather shameful, it's part of who I was and part of who I am now. My past made me who I am. Why would I just tell people all the good things? Moreso, why would I try to deflect the blame to anyone or anything BUT me? If someone wants to look back and judge me solely on my past, that's their right. I won't bear any ill will or say "No fair no fair wah wah". Consequences typically don't have expiry dates on them. You wear them around your neck and ankles the rest of your life. I accept that. Judge the past or judge the present...makes no difference to me, because that is just another CHOICE that you or they will have to make. I can't make it for you. But you'll have the whole story in which to pass judgement...not just the clever bits I decide to tell you.
We are bound by the choices we make.
Why can we not see the people for who they are now and not the past and do it across the board instead of picking and choosing?
If that's how you wanna live your life, then all the power to you. I have a past and shameful as it is, I refuse to hide it away. My past contains as much good as it does bad. So why would I not want to be judged by it ALL instead of just "what you see is what you get"?
Little too convenient for my taste. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:48:06 AM | BigDaddyJinx, I have to apologize now, I am not so clever as to have figured out to quote someone as you did. Perhaps you'll explain it to me.. ;)
Perhaps the wording you use and the wording someone uses would not be the same? Perhaps looking at intent might be better suited in such a thing?
We are all a sum of our mistakes, hardships, glory, and accomplishments. People use the word as addiction because it helps to define what is going on with them. I don't disagree that some people definitely use it as a moronic crutch, but than others use it as a way to express what is going on with them. Are we at least in agreement in what I have stated? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:52:43 AM |
We are all a sum of our mistakes, hardships, glory, and accomplishments. People use the word as addiction because it helps to define what is going on with them. I don't disagree that some people definitely use it as a moronic crutch, but than others use it as a way to express what is going on with them. Are we at least in agreement in what I have stated?
KNCL -- Oh I don't disagree at all. It's the crutch users that give me a twitch. Total lack of personal accountability.
And to quote is easy.
[ quote ] QUOTE TEXT HERE [ /quote ]
Just remove the spaces. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:54:28 AM | @bigdaddyjinX 
You were NOT an alcoholic obviously. It is a disease. And it is treated LIKE a disease. It affects people from all walks of life, Doctors, Laywers, Judges, Members of Parliament, stay at home parents, homeless people, teachers, teenagers, etc. God help you people who turn your nose up on it, and better pray it doesn't come to your family, cause by the sounds of it, you's are NOT going to be any help what so ever! You people can drift downstream, where the shiat collects.
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:59:41 AM |
@bigdaddyjinX
You were NOT an alcoholic obviously. It is a disease. And it is treated LIKE a disease.
Splinter -- Interesting point...NOT.
Lemme see...
Get up have a drink.
Drink until lunch.
Buy new bottle after paying off hobo to bootleg.
Finish bottle before dinner.
Steal another one.
Finish half that bottle.
Go to bed.
Wake up next day and do it again. For near a year.
Yea, that's not an alcoholic. That's just "social" drinking...what was I thinking.
Some people's kids... | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:59:59 AM |
Oh I don't disagree at all. It's the crutch users that give me a twitch. Total lack of personal accountability.
(ty ty :D)
I agree, every where we look are people that aren't willing to take personal accountability. I honestly believe that you have to look at the individual. Possibly the person he was dating was strong enough and didn't want anything to do with that any longer and wanted to let him know because she trusted him enough to tell him?
I could be wrong, personally I like to think people are as they appear.
Here I would say it's not us that are dating "said person" in question, but he did put it on a public forum. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 1:17:31 AM |
SpliNter.69:@bigdaddyjinX You were NOT an alcoholic obviously. It is a disease. And it is treated LIKE a disease. It affects people from all walks of life, Doctors, Laywers, Judges, Members of Parliament, stay at home parents, homeless people, teachers, teenagers, etc. God help you people who turn your nose up on it, and better pray it doesn't come to your family, cause by the sounds of it, you's are NOT going to be any help what so ever! You people can drift downstream, where the shiat collects
Stop playing a victim.
History and science have shown us that the existence of the disease of alcoholism is pure speculation. Just saying it’s so, doesn’t make it true.
Nevertheless, medical professionals and American culture lovingly embraced the disease concept and quickly applied it to every possible deviant behavior from alcohol abuse to compulsive lecturing. The disease concept was a panacea for many failing medical institutions adding billions to the industry and leading to a prompt evolution of pop-psychology.
Research has shown that alcoholism is a choice, not a disease, and stripping alcohol abusers of their choice, by applying the disease concept, is a threat to the health of the individual.In a recent Gallup poll, 90% of people surveyed believe that alcoholism is a disease. Most argue that because the American Medical Association (AMA) has proclaimed alcoholism a disease, the idea is without reproach. But, the fact is that the AMA made this determination in the absence of empirical evidence. After reviewing the history of the decision, it would not be unreasonable to suggest that the AMA has been pursuing its own agenda in the face of evidence negating the validity of alcoholism. http://www.addictioninfo.org
The going joke amongst physicians is the motto the pharmaceutical industry has which is 'make and need and fill'. Its all about money. Some really great books out about how we have become a nation of victims.
~Beth~ | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 1:52:47 AM | @BDJ
I was an alcoholic at 15. Yep, I said that. Alcoholic at 15. This was not a disease. This was not an addiction.
This makes me laugh! If you were an alky at 15, how is that not an addiction. It seems you tend to jump off the fence to both sides. How confusing it must be for you.
Beth, I'm sorry if I come across as a victim to you, but I really have a need to put BDJ in his place. He has several posts in this thread both flaming addicts and praising them. And thats not right. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:05:57 AM | Stop playing a victim.
History and science have shown us that the existence of the disease of alcoholism is pure speculation. Just saying it’s so, doesn’t make it true.
Nevertheless, medical professionals and American culture lovingly embraced the disease concept and quickly applied it to every possible deviant behavior from alcohol abuse to compulsive lecturing. The disease concept was a panacea for many failing medical institutions adding billions to the industry and leading to a prompt evolution of pop-psychology.
Exactly. What she said. 
It's easy to call something a disease because you can't "cure" a CHOICE.
So instead, label it a disease or illness so they can throw medical professionals at you, and dose you with pills and prescriptions to continue to feed the ever bloated industry. And all the while live in your delusional land of blissful ignorance as they convince you that it's something that can be "treated".
You can treat a CHOICE.
Even for those smokers out there that are told it's an addiction and a disease and an illness so they give you meds and prescriptions and smoking cessation tools to try and "treat" it. You, the unsuspecting rube, think and believe that it really IS what they say it is, so you feed into their lies and nonsense and remove culpability from yourself and chalk it up to the addiction/disease/illness. Now I'm sure there'll be some that will "remind" us that cigarettes have nicotine which is addictive so our body craves it...
Ok...so what of air then? Yea, oxygen. I just said that. Our body craves that too. So shall we start calling breathing an addiction or disease or illness just the same? Or blinking...our eyes crave moisture so we blink to accommodate. Shall we call blinking an addiction or disease or illness too? Yet each and every one of us can CHOOSE to stop blinking or stop breathing. Really, it's true...I ain't making this up. Try staring and not blinking. Try holding your breath. It's possible, believe me I've tried it. Go on...try it yourselves.
Sooner or later we have to CHOOSE to blink or to breathe again. So the same with any of these so called "addictions"...we have to CHOOSE to keep feeding it/them. We blink to feed the addiction our eyes have for moisture. We breathe to feed the addiction our lungs have with air (among other things). That smoke sittin' right there is addictive they say...ok...so do we CHOOSE to feed it? Or do we CHOOSE to leave it there right where it is.
C H O I C E.
Until they outlaw breathing and blinking among others, you can never convince me that any of these so called addictions are real. The day I see "Breathers Anonymous" and/or "Blinkers Anonymous" THEN and only then will I subscribe to the crutches that these people use. They are perceived as real because we are TOLD they are real. In reality, they are just CHOICES we make.
You can't treat choice.
You can't cure choice.
So they'll call it an addiction/disease/illness to line their own pockets and help you remove culpability and personal accountability.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Grwwwwww ...Ok I agree with BDJ!
AA -- Yea I bet THAT hurt to write.
This makes me laugh! If you were an alky at 15, how is that not an addiction. It seems you tend to jump off the fence to both sides. How confusing it must be for you.
Beth, I'm sorry if I come across as a victim to you, but I really have a need to put BDJ in his place. He has several posts in this thread both flaming addicts and praising them. And thats not right.
Splinter -- Oh I see...so this is now a personal vendetta is it? A personal grudge or attack? So the one that barks about flaming is now doing exactly that?
How intriguing.
So how is that working out for ya? I mean, the whole "putting me in place" thing? Is that workin' out for ya yet?
And just where in the HELL did I praise addicts exactly? Wow man...you need therapy badly. Or stronger glasses.
What's not right is how you have now turned this into a personal vendetta against me but have added no rebuttal at ALL refuting anything I've said.
Alcoholic at 15 was never an addiction. It was a CHOICE. I chose to open that bottle. I CHOSE to consume it. I CHOSE to get another when that one was done. I knew liquor would make me drunk. I knew I'd have a hangover the next day (unless I just kept drinking). No one forced my mouth open. No one removed the cap for me. Nope, that was all MY CHOICE.
But an addiction? Not a chance. I knew what I was doing. And I CHOSE to keep doing it.
Nice try though. "E" for effort.
Lemme know when that "puttin' me in my place" thing works. I don't wanna miss it.
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:30:35 AM |
A few of my people are recovering addicts, and I applaud them for trying to straigten out their lives, for them or for their families. It doesn't mean that I'd suddenly want one of my very own to deal with.
I applaud those that are trying to stay clean, but you made a poor choice and this may or may not have long lasting consequences later on in life such as a dimished selection of potential mates who will want nothing to do with you.
For all intents and purposes, I'm an ex-addict myself but I wouldn't use the word "addicted" like they would.
Addicts made piss poor decisions and expect a get out of jail free card later on in life just because they are now clean and sober.
Read message 38 by phule. That is what we want to do to you, lol.
OHYA BABY! | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:31:51 AM | The breathing and the blinking was taken wayyyyy over board... newborns don't exactly CHOOSE to blink or breath, they just do..
And in the same context...show me one infant that has a cigarette in their yap, or a liquor bottle, or a line of coke.
My point stands.
Hey Splinter - that's more like it. Now you're catching on. Bravo.
So you wanna know where the applause comes from I take it? The use of the word? I take it this is what you referred to with me "praising" addicts? That's not praise Splinter, that's just me playing nice with the audience. While I do applaud their efforts, I made it a point to remind them this is a consequence. They are being applauded for CHOOSING to stop. Those that use the addiction crutch will get no genuine applause from me. They'll maybe see me shaking my head and maybe hear the "tsk tsk" sound.
My applause or "praise" is reserved for those that know this is not addiction - this is personal choice.
So you're doing better, but you're grasping at straws now. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:27:11 AM |
How insulting. No one has ever tried to sell me an ounce of cancer or told me how a hit of diabetes could mellow me out, or if I just smoke a little asthma it will take the edge off a stressful day.
Wait, you mean nobody's EVER offered you a shot of leukemia? 
Just kidding... excellent point. | |
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