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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:23:32 AM | Stay AWAY from Crackheads +++++ They'll Rob you and kill you for a HIT!
Plus to support her habit unless she's got allot of money.
She's probably been redden like an old Public Bus. Check you don't
Catch some Else!
Plus It's been proven that recovering many times, and many programs
Hard to Stop.
PLUS I know from many, That I've seen for 25yrs and still in the same Boat. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:37:49 AM | | There could be worse. It's the 'normal' people that I have a hard time taking seriously, sometimes. When someone overcomes their demons, usually there's a strength of character over time. It's no secret that I'm an alcoholic, but it's also been just 2 months shy of 6 years since I drank last. A former drug user/alcoholic early in sobriety usually has no real ability to maintain a healthy relationship, reverting to drugs/alcohol when things get bad, or alternatively, because of alcohol/drugs, never learned how to maintain one. I've seen people change over time, actually becoming giving, caring and loving humans, while starting out as complete losers. The greater majority, however, stay losers, unfortunately. You are correct on one point, once an alcoholic/addict, always an alcoholic/addict. However, at some point in sobriety, the liability turns into an asset, or at minimum, a non-issue. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:42:12 AM | | Dating someone in recovery is no big deal if you yourself have no bad habits, like drinking daily [even one] or smokin a joint everyday. Stay out of the party places and all is good. It is a good idea that they have 1 yr clean and sober before they test out the dating scene or get seriously involved with someone. If they are committed on going to 12 step programs and such and you get invited to go to one, I highly recommend it [if you really want to know them]. Being clean and sober is great man!! Its a good life style that has many rewards. I think the biggest rush I've had in life was when the chains of addiction had finally let go of my soul, and I felt an overwhelming feeling of freedom come over me. I will NEVER forget that feeling. It's a real shame hearing all the negativity. But then there have been some truly good souls on here with the decent comments. This disease is definately treatable. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:46:14 AM |
but I really have a need to put BDJ in his place.
Due to his perceptions of what "addiction" is, and what it "isn't", then he should be placed at the forefront of this conversation thus far. And the majority here would do good to listen. He's pretty much hit the nail squarely on the head, and he's done it from a position of logic and empirical evidence. 
**At least she is in recovery. What are you doing for your problems?**
**I think everyone is recovering from SOMETHING- & I don't just mean drogs or alcohol either**.
This statement is quite ironic, in this thread particularly, because one of the most prevalent pandemics in the world today is ignorance.
Ignorance is due to the lethargic nature prevalent in society to look no further than the "headlines", and then wax poetic with their new found "knowledge"....
The classification of "disease" has made the term so common as to be almost banal.
The strict definitions of disease where pathophysiological ones that were either infectious, communicable, or genetic.
Addictions are either known as chemical or psychological, dependancies are either chemical or psychological, complusions are known as psychological.
Chemical "addictions" and "complusions" are tied to psychological disorders because the body does not require the chemical component of the "addiction" in order to maintain health and proper body function. All of these fall under the category of psychological disorders or mental pathology.
The distictions are paramount, as you cannot cure anyone of "alcoholism" anymore than you can cure anyone of being a "pathalogical liar" with drugs. Mental disorders, primarily are treated with mental rehabilitation. The addition/intervention of drugs and surgical intervention to treat what stem from psychological disorders has become more widely accepted, but still as hugely controversial as it ever was among the medical establishment.
The motive to classify "disorders" as a disease is that without the classification of a "disease", drug companies cannot legally sell a remedy, treatment or vaccination to combat a "disorder".
In America, the FDA is responsible for governing and policing. Here is one of many articles that shows just how great a job they're doing:
http://www.newmediaexplorer.org/chris/2004/08/26/the_dirty_little_secret_between_the_fda_and_drug_industry.htm
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1370/is_4_38/ai_n6114996/
OKAY THEN!
after reading all the responses to this post, i must say that 99% of you people are addicted in some way shape or form and don't even realize it. Theres shopping, food, gambling, drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, sex, desparate need of a relationship, addicted to drama and chaos, gossip, work, exercise, self consumed with how one looks! Oh my god the list goes on and on.
And if the drug companies had their way, they'd find a way to market a pill to combat those addictions and compulsions.
The fact of the matter is, is that the vast majorities of "drugs" on the market where not one that were ever conceived for that which they are being currently marketed for.
Drug companies can invest tens of millions of dollars and many years of R&D to try and find a remedy to combat or eliminate the symptoms of a certain disease before the drug ever makes it to market.
In order to not simply lose their return on investment should the "targeted" disorder not be remedied by their "wonderdrug", they will search their clinical trials and studies with the intent to see if there were any reported "side effects" that could fall under the category of "treatment of" another, entirely unrelated "disorder".
They must then re-do their clinical trials to substantiate that the "side effects" of the drug are actually valid before the FDA will allow they drug to be legally marketed.
The drug must pass "placebo" testing in order to determine whether the drug is statistically shown to prove a significant success rate in treatment of a disorder, isolate any other side effects (short term and long term) which they must legally disclose to the end user.
This is where is becomes rather subjective and controversial. Many drug companies have been caught falsifying trial outcomes in order to prove efficacy.
Any debate on this topic not talking all this into account, is entirely obtuse. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 10:18:02 AM | Damn this is an OLD thread, someone's digging-up the dead here.
As for the O.P. it sounds like you didn't even give this woman a fair shot. She's in RECOVERY from drugs, she's no longer ON drugs.
The real issue I'd be concerned with is how long? How long has she been clean and (hopefully) sober too? The other important issue is what was her life like when she was using? Was she a hardenned street user or a sweet susie homemaker who'd light up the old crack stem when nobody was looking?
There's a vast difference in psychology between these two types of addicts. One never tried to live a normal life, the other did. As I am also in recovery, I have witnessed this difference in women and men in recovery first-hand. I would not gravitate towards the hardened street - ex-prostitute - ex-heroin junkie - ex street hustler - criminal record type. The ones that grew-up in abusive homes and have a string of bad and dysfunctional or abusive relationships. I don't care how many years they have, most are still generally very psychologically ill.
The other kind of woman is more my kind because that's closer to my own story. I tried to live a normal life and thought I could still drink the way I was. I couldn't. This kind of woman knows the difference between right and wrong and generally has a somewhat decent moral and ethical threshold. A good family history, no history of abusive relationships, etc., etc. This kind of woman still has some strong principals and beliefs left, like I do and did when I first got sober almost 6 yrs ago.
The one common thing both types have is that there is no guarantee either will STAY clean or sober. They have to WANT IT. I've been very keen at being able to see the ones that I know would relapse since I came in for some reason. There's something very emotionally unstable about them. They never find that serenity and peace of mind and they're always on the edge. I've seen some stay too, yet I give them they're distance from me. I can very easily be influenced negatively by such an un-even temperament.
What drug she used is irrelevant, Alcohol is a drug too, the only difference is it's legal. If she was a needle user though, you may have someone with HIV or HEP C to worry about. That is a very valid concern. These cannot be contracted from only smoking cocaine (crack) however.
Some people also don't like it because many of us have sworn off ALL mood and mind altering substances including alcohol and street drugs. This may make her seem less appealing to you because she doesn't drink either, so you can't get her drunk and get laid.
Am I close? Hmmm that says a lot about YOU dude.
Mike | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 10:52:50 AM | From all the negative viewpoints on former users and alcoholics I do understand why many in the program and in the fellowship often say that it really is "People outside of the 12 step meetings, oustide of AA or NA or any other "A" that really NEED a program to live by"
You could have had simliar experiences with anyone, recovering or not. That's like me saying *all women are whores* because one cheated on me. That's just prejudice. It's sad that people have one bad experience and then close their mind and shut themselves off forever. Every time you do so, you withdraw from life a little more. Much like I did when I was drinking, until I was completely isolated from life altogether. The false sense of *safety* behind a bottle at the expense of experiencing a full and rich life.
Keep withdrawing from life because of your own mistakes and let me know how that works out for you. It's not the fact that those people were in recovery from something that caused you to get hurt. It's the fact that they were just jerks or had some other issues. There's jerks everywhere, in recovery or not. Your mistake wasn't in choosing someone in recovery, your mistake was in choosing someone that was wrong for you. *Blaming* it all on people in recovery is you pointing the finger of prejudice. Remember, whenever you point the finger, there's 10 pointing back at you. If you believe the reason you got hurt was because those people were recovering addicts or alcoholics, then you sound like YOU need a 12 step program if condemnation of all recovering people is your only solution.
Contempt prior to investigation.
Thank GOD I found a solution to living with others who do not share the same kind of way of life of purpose, usefulness, self examination, restitution for my wrongs, learning from my mistakes, and good will towards all.
When was the last time you admitted you had no control over everything?
When was the last time you looked at your own behaviors?
When was the last time you admitted to yourself and someone else that you did something wrong?
When was the last time you apologized for something or tried to make right a wrong you had done?
When was the last time you walked the talk? Or just walked without the talk?
When was the last time you tried to help someone else?
It doesn't have to be about recovering from drugs or addiction. It's a way of living.
My obsession to drink left me a long time ago. Thanks to my H.P.
Mike | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 11:03:44 AM | | you were dead right!!! was dating a girl for 3 months before she told me she only came out of treatment for a herion addiction just before she met me!!! shortly after she started showing her true colors!!! she was very violent and a complete scumbag!!!! its all part of the addict in them!!! keep clear!!!! | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 11:09:55 AM | splinter, this is America; people have the right to not date former addicts if they want to; the facts are that most addicts relapse and many relapse several times and never get clean. Some brave ones do get clean and i'm thankful for that.
It isn't your right to make people date addicts; I wont date one; not in a million years. thats my right. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:11:52 PM | Dated this girl couple of years back... Found out 2 weeks in she was a recovering crackhead... (insert boot in ass pic here ) needless to say it was over at that point..
If this all happened a couple of years back, why bring it up now ? Do you feel like you need a pat on the back?
I know some men/ women who have had drug problems. They have gotten away from it, stoped hanging with those that does it, got a job or joined the military.
They are doing very well for themselves and thier families.
I would say you really never cared for this person in the first place since you jumped to judgement so fast.
I also know their are those that will never change and have stolen from their parents to support their habit. Some will only quit when they put them in the ground.
I believe in second chances . But i guess there are some like yourself that has never done anything wrong in their life and would not need a second chance to prove yourself. RIGHT ? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:08:17 PM | All thoughts are just chemical reactions. I have to wonder if response is physical ,like a chemical reaction , or spiritual aka will power. I think addiction is a malfunction of both. Plus learned behavior from parents. Either way a whole lot more families are getting help, since someone started calling it a disease.
From a dating stand point as with most human behavior is a person more trouble than they are worth. With an addict you never know , no mater how long they are clean. You get a call they are dead, or in jail ,or stole your money. Its a matter of ,are the good times worth the danger. As long as the addict know how to treat what ever you want to call it. All will be well . After years if they starts to believe they are like all the other strong people, and sometimes that is just to please the strong people. Bang the time bomb went off . I would date one , I would be careful about falling in love though | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:10:41 PM | | I think its a bad idea! Well dating is just fine, marriage and kids is not fine. My last two girlfriends admit they did coke before the relationship. Then I got to thinking about it... do I really want my future kids to be doing drugs? I've never used drugs and I come from a Brady Bunch family that probably doesn't even know they exist. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:51:02 PM | OKAY THEN!
after reading all the responses to this post, i must say that 99% of you people are addicted in some way shape or form and don't even realize it. Theres shopping, food, gambling, drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, sex, desparate need of a relationship, addicted to drama and chaos, gossip, work, exercise, self consumed with how one looks! Oh my god the list goes on and on.
As a recovering drug addict of 14 years, yes 14 I can tell you that if I had a choice of dating a recovering addict or a "normal" person (can someone explain what normal is?) I would date a recovering addict. There's a big difference between a recovering addict and an active addict. If the person is relapsing every few days to weeks to months they are considered active addicts. Recovering addicts take "their program" (the twelve steps)seriously and have changed every aspect of their lives. Which in turns give them a healthier lifestyle, physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and most important spiritually. Most recovering addicts do have a higher level of intelligence because of insight and life's experiences and are aware of themselves and their behavior, such as when they get angry they work on NOT taking it out on the ones they love, they figure out whats going on inside themselves and deal with it, AND talk about it, unlike some of you "normal people" who would just say everything's "fine" which means "****ed up" "insecure" "neurotic" "emotional" or asked what's wrong the response is "nothing" or (I love this expression from women to their spouses) "you should know" (like people are mind readers or something, sheesh!!!). There is such a higher level of communication, love, respect, understanding, open mindedness, the willingness to be there for each other between two addicts, you can't find that amongst the "normal people" and it's actually quite sad! Working the twelve steps in any program is NOT about the substance itself but about the "why" this has happened and when one does actually work the steps into every area of their life the changes are absolutely amazing! We become very aware of our behavior and those around us and have the guts and ability to look at the negatives we need to change whether its ourselves or our surroundings and do something about it! Can't say that about too many of you "non addicts" or "normal people" who stay stuck in whatever situation your in mostly out of fear if you really want to face the truth of the matter. Most of you don't even realize how you behave and treat yourselves and others and think you aren't doing anything wrong! I've heard it said many times at the meetings I attend and they are countless, but it has been said that "EVERYONE should be in a twelve step program" if you have the guts to go that deep! Recovering addicts are the bravest people I know, so I suggest before there are anymore inane comments about people's addiction, check out a meeting, see if any of it makes sense to you. If it does than maybe, just maybe there's something YOU need to look at!
^^^This guy said it all for me. I have been 13 years off narcotics and over five years off alcohol. However, having said that, I STILL wouldn't date an ex-druggie or rum dumb.
I wouldn't trust em any farther than I could throw them. Off the roof of a crack house. I understand that I am being hypocritical but that's the booze talking. I'm shaking and I got the cold sweat running down my flanks. My knuckles are chalk white. I'm gonna slip. Any minute.
Hey! Boss! I spell checked your post. Hope you don't mind. You're a good man. But I can't date you, because I'm not a homo. Just a recovered addict/alcoholic. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:00:06 AM | | Well I guess I fall into that catagory of a "Rescuer or Fixer", because I am in my internship studying to be an Alcohol/Drug Counselor. I am also a recovered drug addict. I use the term "Recovered instead of Recovering Drug Addict, because I got clean with the Power of Jesus Christ and my faith is strong! I used for 20 plus years, was one step away from prison and almost lost my kids. I do know that people can change their lives, I am living proof of that fact. In many cases , those that have been addicted and gotten clean are much more productive citizens of society because they have learned how to work on their own character defects and they have learned some spiritual values. A person has to be done with that life of using and the disfunctional ways they were living. Some people believe that addiction is a choice and others believe it to be a disease. If someone had the disease of cancer, would you kick them to the curb, because you were in fear that it might come back? Just a little food for thought...... | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:09:49 PM |
My last two girlfriends admit they did coke before the relationship. Then I got to thinking about it... do I really want my future kids to be doing drugs?
Wow, that's a bizarre attitude ... kids don't "inherit" drug use because one of their parents may have experimented or even been addicted years before they were born. Heck, a lot of kids who were raised by drug addicts, alcoholics and smokers live entirely substance-free, and just as many kids whose parents never indulged in anything end up addicts. Make whatever decisions you want about who you date/marry/raise kids with, but try to make them based on knowledge instead of ignorance. You'll end up being a much better example for those kids. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:37:56 PM |
You can't treat choice. You can't cure choice.
So they'll call it an addiction/disease/illness to line their own pockets and help you remove culpability and personal accountability.
To a point, I agree ... people "choose" to indulge their addictions, especially initially when they think they still have it under control. But when an addiction gets to the point where quitting can be life-threatening, then I don't think it's quite so black/white as choice/no choice.
BDJ, from what I read of your experience, I think it's possible that you weren't really an alcoholic, if alcoholic is understood to mean an addiction to alcohol and not merely a measure of how much/often you drank. I don't believe that using something daily, even a lot of something, is the only thing that defines an addiction. And if you were never addicted, it doesn't seem that you have any way of understanding where an addict would be coming from, even if you did spend a year drinking like a fish and then chose to quit.
I've known people who really can start and stop a pack a day cigarette habit, heavy drinking, opiate use, pot use, pretty much at will. They're not exactly common, but they do exist. Then there are others who seem to become addicted almost immediately, and have tremendous difficulty giving whatever it is up. Most people are somewhere between those extremes. I just don't think it's a simple matter of choice or willpower, for everybody, though I don't know that 'disease' is the right term either.
Sooner or later we have to CHOOSE to blink or to breathe again
That's pretty much malarkey. People blink even when they think they haven't, when they've been absolutely determined not to. If you hold your breath long enough, you'll pass out ... and start breathing again. That's not a "choice" either. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/19/2009 2:11:37 AM | | well I think that is a very personal choice that someone would have to make. so no you were not wrong. but now to keep it REAL....... drug addiction is no joke dude...and I think that your poor attempt at humor ( if that is what it was) was in poor taste.. most recovering addicts really DO want to stay clean and sober and some times it really helps to have a new group of people to "hang" with. as for the whole "once a cracker always a cracker" get real what are you 12... by the way I know all of this because I am a recovering addict and 3 years clean. as far as you decision no you were not wrong....... | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:51:32 AM |
BDJ, from what I read of your experience, I think it's possible that you weren't really an alcoholic, if alcoholic is understood to mean an addiction to alcohol and not merely a measure of how much/often you drank. I don't believe that using something daily, even a lot of something, is the only thing that defines an addiction. And if you were never addicted, it doesn't seem that you have any way of understanding where an addict would be coming from, even if you did spend a year drinking like a fish and then chose to quit.
Well then I'd suggest perusing some medical journals for the definition of alcoholic then. Alcoholism is when one can't make it one day to the next without a drink, and when they do they drink often to way past excess. They steal and lie to try and feed their habit too.
So yes, I was an alcoholic.
But it wasn't an addiction. It was a CHOICE.
People just choose to use the word "addiction" to gloss over their poor choices and remove any personal responsibility from the menu. Remember, you can't cure or treat poor choices. So it's just easier to cop out and call it an addiction. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:25:08 AM | | If a person had a current addiction problem I don't think they would be dateable. But I think people should have a chance to redeem themselves, and if the addiction has been dealt with, a past addiction should not be an absolute barrier to forming a new relationship unless it continues to affect them in the present so badly they cannot form stable relationships with anyone. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/19/2009 11:10:36 AM | | Ok... I am a recovering alcoholic and it is people like you that make it so hard for me to be honest in the beginning. I have learned to not regret the past; just learn from it, pick myself up, dust off, and go forward. Quite frankly if you’re going to judge everyone by their past then you will have a very lonely future. Please note everyone has a past and I am sure you do also, so would you want someone judging you by you past mistakes? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:44:11 AM | Yes, absolutely! I also think that it's a horrible idea to date someone with a CURRENT personality disorder...like not having any sense of compassion, or perhaps feeling an overwhelming need to put every person into a little pigeon-hole. I also would recommend staying away from anyone who thinks that the rest of "us" are somehow better, smarter, sexier, more clever and funny, more talented, more productive, more ambitious with a brighter future than "them". And of course, you see that the list of possible "things-that-'we'-are-better-at-and-so-it's-only-natural-for-'us'-to-be-in-a-separate-category-from"...well, that list is just endless because no matter what, the "we"s will always find reasons to reassure themselves that they're not like "them." However, since your deep compassion and open mind seems to be working out so well for you...I wouldn't suggest that you change a thing! It's always another great idea to continue to make the exact same choices even as the years pass and you get older and older. That's a real sign of growth and maturity as well as someone who's seeking to advance spiritually and emotionally. Good luck with that.
I "just wanted to say to all you" ummm....people who fit into MY little classification that I've created above....  ....at least those people who you're referring to are "Previous Crackers"; they have their sights set on recovery and on moving forward with their lives. One day their addicition will not be such an all-emcompassing issue. But, those people who spend all their time denigrating others and laughing at them as they grow into better people...well, they'll probably never be able to carry the label "Previous" anything, except maybe "Previously Had Hope That They Might Grow Up" and that's really sad to me.
OH...and one last question, if that's okay with you?? You've certainly got a real "eye" for catchin' the ones who don't fit your high standards. How is it that it took you two whole weeks to find out that she was a recovering "crackhead"?? Maybe you were too busy being amazed by your own witty remarks etc...to see? Or is it that you always date scrawny chicks who look like they've not slept in months so it was hard for you to be sure until she wigged out on you and ran off to go score?   | |
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