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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/21/2009 2:06:10 PM | Good...I found the perfect old thread in which to express what I've discovered lately.
Within the last year or so, I have somehow come to get to know/date/spend time with three ex-meth addicts who were all in recovery. I have never been an addict, so their particular world of using and recovery was all new to me.
All three had been meth addicts for about 20 years before getting clean.
Unfortunately (because I am very patient and compassionate and greatly admire people who are in recovery from anything) I don't think I will ever attempt to date another ex-meth user. The reason is because with all three people, there were frequent huge, sometimes bizarre, misunderstandings and/or miscommunications that I've never experienced with people who weren't ex-users. And I finally began to see such a pattern between the three men.
Has anyone else experienced this with ex-meth users? It fascinates me from a purely scientific view now that I'm not spending time with any of them. But I cared for all of them, so I long to understand what that is all about. I've even looked for books on what life is like for ex-addicts in recovery, and can't find any.
I even tried to ask them even, to try to understand them, and I think they were all so new in recovery that they either didn't know what to tell me, or didn't have the foggiest idea what I was talking about. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:32:49 PM | The question is -why are we attracted to such unfortunates. Only 10% of addicts and alcoholics ever acheive long term sobriety. I know because I am one of the fortunate 10%. I have dated many men from the AA or NA program and I always swear I won't do it again. In recovery we are some of the nicest, creative, hard working people you'll meet. Out of recovery we would pawn your mother for the right price--any price.
Today i almost drove over a young man who was SLEEPING stretched out across the entire lane of a fairly busy street. I wrestled for awhile with the idea of dating him, but finally called 911 instead. I must be getting some common sense in my older years. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:32:29 PM | | I would do the same thing you did. I dated someone who was a recovering alcoholic and it was to much stress wondering if they were going to drink again. Totally not worth it. Oh and before the comments come rolling in, he did start drinking again after we broke up. I would hate to think I was the only reason he stayed sober, if it was, than he really wasn't recovering very well. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:39:24 PM | ^^^^^^^^
...a pickle CANNOT become a cucumber again. Once you become an addict - you are an addict for life. The difference is if you're active in your addiction or active in your recovery.
Once in recovery, it is also a life long commitment.
The type of drug has little importance, the addiction is an ADDICTION regardless what substance or behaviour it is.
During active addiction, the brain is affected. Emotional and intellectual impairments are being created. Your emotional development is arrested as long as you are active in your addiction and early recovery is still difficult and those impairment are still visible. It takes a long while in recovery to continue to mature, grow and develop. Your brain has to literally relearn and grow new connections in order to function and this does take time. This is why it is recommended that early recovers do not make any NEW major changes in their life right away. No NEW moves, no NEW relationships, No NEW job changes... etc. - unless these changes are mandatory (ex: eviction.. etc.) to avoid instability or risks to their recovery.
Interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships require a lot of work. Communication is probably one of the harder skills to relearn and implement.
For me, the past is the past. If you have good recovery time, are working a good recovery program, and allow me into that world of recovery to be there as a support, then as far as dating someone with an addiction goes, I certainly don't hold it against them.
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:48:38 PM | There are variables to consider.
How long has she been sober?
Has she recovered or is she in the process of recovery where relapse is still probable?
Some former users can be very beautiful and spiritually deep souls, having overcome the addictions in their life.
Proceed with a LOT of caution.
If she shows any signs at all of being unstable or relapsing, toss the fish back.
I used drugs in my youth, I have 11 years sober. I have a younger sister who has been lost to drugs. nowadays i probably wouldnt even recognize a rock or a line if one dropped on my head from the sky. I do not associate with drug users, have zero chance of going back to it, and drugs just simply have no place in my life.
So she might be worth of a chance.
On the flip side, i can tell you from my experience as a former user that people who use are very selfish, sketchy, volatile, bizarre, unpredictable, and self absorbed. They usually hang out with other junkies. They dont care who they hurt as long as they get their high.
I blew off college classes that my family was paying good money for. I broke promises to my beloved grandfather. I lie and hurt him. I sold my grandmothers antique silverware set and engagement ring that she had left me on her passing, that could been a lovely family heirloom for my children.
I started fights, and got so blacked out i wouldnt remember how my nose had been broken when i came out of my stupor.
I would pick a fight with anyone who looked at me funny.
if she is fully recovered and is a nice person who had left that crapola in the past, sure.
But if she has not yet put it all behind, RUN LIKE A MOTHERFVCKER.
good Luck. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:36:10 PM | I could make the same argument that I shouldn't give any woman who needs psychiatric meds another chance based on my past experiences. Anyone here try to date anyone with bipolar disorder before?
I've always kept an open mind since I am a recovering crackhead myself. I fell into it about the same time in my life that most people on here were falling into their starter-marriages. I can also attest to previous posts about how an addict is always prone to relapse. It's true. No matter how long one has been sober, you have a temptation to go back, whether it's cigarettes or heroin. It's something you have to accept in the person you are with. Now obviously if you partner keeps using their addiction as a crutch to get through life, move on. But if you meet someone who has that kind of past, and is genuine, be aware that it's something that can always come back.
You have to make that decision when you find out about it. But we're all going to use our intuition whenever we hear about any baggage about our partner's past. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:54:34 PM | | I dont think that a recovered addict would be able to detect from one that isnt. How would know one unless they talked to you about it. If they have the faith to discuss it with me, I should have the respect to her not to make any preconcieved judgements about her, but to allow her to tell me her story. Everyone has made mistakes, and I expect lots of them, just not drug related. The less the better though. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:25:33 PM | | Unless they have a proven record of being straight and clean for some time.... it's a big NO to date them. I knew a guy that never was able to get off, and I just cut off all connection with him in every way. He needed help, but he wouldn't help himself. He became aggressive and his actions were scary, so it was not good to be around him. Also, he tried to offer me the stuff and I was out of there fast. I know another guy, and he was engaged to a girl who was on drugs. She went to rehab and the whole works, and for a couple of years she was ok, but then she went back. Her whole personality changed, and he didn't end up marrying her. He told her to clean up her act first and then he would consider it, but she liked the drugs more than him. She never gave it up. Both of her 2 children she had previously with another man were taken away from her by the state, and she lives on the streets.....not good. My friend said he could not handle her living in drugs, and has never looked back with any regrets on letting her go. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:07:07 PM | lekitty - Right On!
Yes, absolutely! I also think that it's a horrible idea to date someone with a CURRENT personality disorder...like not having any sense of compassion, or perhaps feeling an overwhelming need to put every person into a little pigeon-hole
btw - Just because someone has shared certain symptoms does Not mean that they have the same 'affliction' / disease. There are varying degrees of most every ailment that plagues man or womankind - addiction being only one of them.
There are some who drink "alcoholicly" for years and seem to have little or no difficulty giving it up. There are others who drink for fewer years and indeed drink less throughout who simply cannot (not by choice - by Definition of the word Addicted) just cannot give it up.
Anyone who has been to AA or who has studied addictions or alcoholism Knows that there are many 'types' .. many degrees .. But the one thing Most know is that it is Not a choice. IF it were as 'easy' as that there would be Fewer people dying in back allies, fewer people in psych units .. fewer people suffering.
There is a HUGE difference between someone "choosing" to use and someone who is Addicted to that substance. The ONLY person any of us has any right to "Judge" is our own self.
I have been sober for over 16 years = absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am an alcoholic and that I have a Very addictive nature. I poked needles, popped pills, snorted some crappy coke (and some 'good' coke) .. blahblah .. I Could NOT quit on my own.
The withdrawals that Some addicts / alcoholics must struggle through are in Some cases literally Life threatening. NOT Choice.
Judge Yourself.
IMO the key word in the OPost is PREVIOUS - aka Not Now. We all have a history - anyone who can claim they don't .. was either comatose or very boring and is just not interesting enough for me.
Live. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:47:30 PM | | Sometimes rehab works, but mostly it doesn't. I would be willing to give some people a chance, but not other people. It would depend upon: the 'vibes' I get from a particular person, how well their rehab seems to have taken, whether the person has anything other than a druggie past to offer me, and so on. I have had good experiences of this type, and known pals to have had bad ones. It's an individual sort of thing, and only you can decide whether you dare risk it with any particular person. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/16/2009 8:27:29 AM | | i dont know how to relate to this but all i can say if ther would be some one who offered me a date with the drug addiction or just getting over it i wouldent think twice i would exept the offer because most of the time that deal with alot to so i can understand ther point and ther not bad people thay blend in like we do | |
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