| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:01:50 AM | Personally, I would have followed her around each bar with a boombox, playing a recorded version of the Jaws theme... dunh dunh....dunh..dunh...
But here's the bottom line. If she is so quick to let you go as a friend, she was never a good friend to begin with. Accept it and move on. No matter how carefully you chose your words, she still feels resentment. Not so much as to what you said, but to the fact the truth is out there and she knows if she accepts it she won't like herself very much.
I've met someone like this in the past. She justified her actions as being harmless and left quite a few broken hearts in her wake. In most cases, her reasons for breaking it off were lame. Most times she just stopped calling the guy or avoiding him. Other times, she would come up with a lame reason for calling it off, even going as far as turning the situation around and making the guy feel as if he were at fault for the breakup, when in fact she was the one looking for a way out. This sounds very much like what your friend is doing to YOU... and once you start to 2nd guess yourself for sending the e-mail, or express regret for what you said, she has succeeded in averting the attention from her wrongdoing.
People like this are hurting inside. They don't feel very well about themselves and compensate by having these type of relationships. It's like the short term affect of a drug. It makes her feel good for a little while and helps her forget how much she really dislikes herself. But, the realtionships don't last and the high wears off until she finds someone new and starts it all over again. Again, they always find a way to justify it.
Let her go. Maybe someday, when she does seek therapy, she will realize what a good friend you were and find you to make amends. Until then, focus on what you can control and let everything else stay it's course.
Good luck. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 10:47:58 AM | | Thank you for the good advise Domeroth and Agstang, It seems any further effort on my part would be futile or fall on deaf ears anyway. She told another mutual friend that she is peeved at me and that she has nothing to apologize for and does not intend to do so. I am the one that was wronged and hurt , and still willing to continue the friendship and she is upset because her halo that she believes she wears is tarnished. She will find herself lonely and without friends one day because very few will be as forgiving as I. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 1:06:11 PM | | One last piece of advice... by talking about you to friends who she knows will tell you, she is actually communicating to you. 3rd party communication. Another cowardly way to say what she has to say without facing you. The next time a friend tells you what she says, (and they will because they actually think they are doing you a favor by doing so), just tell them, "I'm sorry she feels that way" and change the subject to something else. Don't explain yourself or justify your actions to the messenger. It's a waste of time and always gets lost in translation anyway. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 2:30:52 PM | | Your friendship has no boundaries. Rule number one never date your friends x-boyfriend if you still want to be friends. No matter what u friend says...she will be upset if u date her x. I have seen so may frienships break up ... He is not worth losing a friendship over. If your boyfriend is seriously flirting with your girlfriend..My advise is ditch him and her. Move on. Why hold on to someone who is not worthy of you. Those are the boundaries I live by and still have all my friends from years ago. Good Luck in your search. Star | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 10:41:16 PM | | Agstang once again good advice and a point well taken. Star my boyfriend and I are still on solid ground, he did not instigate the problem and was sorry ,very sorry for the role he played in this. He was just enjoying all the attention she was giving him and the alchohol didnt help matters. He is not interested in her at all. He is a very good guy with a kind heart. We are still getting to know one another and have a good start so far. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 10:59:16 PM | First words of wisdom: KICK YOUR FRIENDS A$$!! 
Second, your friend obviously has some SERIOUS ISSUES. I once had a friend like that, and I knew that I couldn't trust her around my man. We were honestly the best of friends, but I knew that she couldn't be trusted in that area. Thus that was one of the boundaries of our friendship. For years were were friends, but she never met the "love of my life" the entire 7 years we were "together". After some time we grew apart and haven't talked in years. I realize now that there are friends for a REASON, friends for a SEASON, and friends for a LIFETIME. She was a seasonal friend. At the time I thought it was a lifetime, but the bottom line was, if she wasn't capable of squelching her libido for me (on behalf of our friendship), she really wasn't that much of a friend in the first place.
Third, I'd question the intentions of my gentleman friend, because I don't really believe in flirting BEYOND A CERTAIN POINT!
Finally, if you're not good a confrontation, then JUST DON'T CONFRONT HER. Just stop talking to her altogether. Eventually she'll get the point. Or, if you're not interested in dissolving the friendship, stop talking to her for a period of time, and when she asks you what the problem is, TELL HER! And don't let her belittle your feelings with any lame excuses of "that's just the way I am" or "it didn't mean anything", because IT MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU and if your friendship is worth keeping, she'll make the necessary adjustments!
My two cents!   | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 11:14:39 PM | IWork4KyzrSoze "I realize now that there are friends for a REASON, friends for a SEASON, and friends for a LIFETIME. She was a seasonal friend"
This really hit home with me. For a lifetime friend would not have reacted in the manner she did when I expressed my feelings to her. She was able to discard me as easily as she discards the men that drift into her life. We share many mutual friends so it now presents a challenge in my life, we will often be in the same place at the same time. However these friends do not know her as I do ,they will find out in time what I already know. I will not even have to say a thing about our discord. I do wish her well in what ever path her life leads her and bear her no Ill will. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/10/2005 11:22:10 PM | That's very big of you. I'm vengeful myself...
You know, I've had friendships sort of "dissolve" like that, with mutual friends. For me, I've noticed that the ability to keep those mutual friends depends on the PETTY PERSON (which obviously in this case isn't you). Because it's obvious that she's petty and selfish, I hope she doesn't do anything to bring you harm (emotionally, not physically). In my experience, someone like your friend is bound to "kick up a little more dust" (for attention), but don't worry these things will work themselves out.  | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 3/11/2005 9:48:20 AM | | I do worry a bit about further damage she may cause. It is very important to her to maintain a certain image in the eyes of those who have yet to learn her short comings. She tries to portray that she is shy and a introvert , righteous and pure. These Mutual friends have not spent the time with her as I have. They live in the florida Panhandle. She is very different from the image she has protrayed to them. She is like a pirahanna where men are concerned. A man walks into a bar , she sees her prey , direct quote.. " Oh yummy I so want him" or "He so wants me" Then she sets out to get what she wants. She is good at what she does. On the rare nights where she does not get her prey she says " I think he must be gay" Or he has a girlfriend and if he didnt he would want me" Now that she has moved to Tallahassee she will get to see these friends more often then I. We use to travel together from Orlando to see them. Her true colors will show in time. I will just have to have faith that the friendships I have with our mutual friends are strong enough to sustain any damage she may try to do. Time will tell . I am going there again in two weeks. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:17:01 PM | | I hate confrontations also. I had a very dear friend do the same thing to me at my birthday party and I haven't spoken to her since then.... She did other things that ticked me off and some others at my party. I've decided if she would do that to me.. .flirt with a guy she KNEW i was interested in (and she's married) just to make herself feel better about herself then I do not need her. I do not need friends who hurt me or make me feel bad. I've had friends for many years that have done things over and over.. and I always forgave them, until they went just one step too far then it was like.. BAM.. friendship over... I have enough going on in my life without some selfcentered "friend" taking advantage of me or embarrassing me. It shows no respect for you on her part. I demand respect if nothing else. | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:43:33 AM | Dove~Sweetheart your friend has some "Major Issues" that she needs to deal with and they have nothing to do with you.
I have a bestfriend that when we go together the guys always seem to flock to her as yes she is a true blonde bubbly blue eyed gal and she is very pretty but she also has a hell of a personality that goes with her too.....
When we go out together we don't ever and I mean ever step on the others territory so to speak. We respect each other 100%......There are even some things that she does in her life that she knows that I don't agree with but we are good enough friends that I just tell like it is up front. Yes she may get upset about it but we always end up talking about it and most times we come to an agreement.
I'm sorry you seemed to come across what I would call a damned "Shedevil"....the kind that uses her looks and body to get what she wants......Now what she gonna do when those good looks and body are gone and she is left alone???????
She will then hopefully be looking on the inside of herself then to see why she has been so destructive all these years.....
Keep your chin up gal, your on the right path here and stick to your guns and don't let this person bring you down to her level of pain...... | |
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| Betrayed again .
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:57:55 AM | | One of the definitions I use for who I call "friend" is the guy I would trust with my girlfriend even if she were untrustable. Her social life is her own, but to behave in a manner that would delibertly hurt your (or did she consider the flirting "harmless"? Have you spoken with her about this), is not the actions of a friend. You have an aquaintence. | |
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