| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 7/24/2006 7:52:48 AM | | I used to think the hardest pain Id ever felt was when splitting up. Well believe me thats nothing compared to a partner dying while you're still together. I know you're feeling bad right now but trust me it will get better & remember that if he found someone that quick he obviously wasnt right for you. Find the one who is and dont let him go | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 7/24/2006 8:11:21 AM | | My divorce was final 1 year ago this month. It took exactly one year for me to get completely over him. There are five stages that everyone goes through when they have experienced a loss/grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. You won't experience these necessarily in this order, but you will go through each one. Just allow yourself this time. Be very good to yourself. The feelings you are experiencing will stop. I empathize with you. I never felt anything so painful in my life. But I am happy to say, It does stop hurting in time. Hang in there. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 7/24/2006 8:23:58 AM | Well it is almost like a grieving process..like a death I suppose...
For that one poster..can't recall the name..who said it has been 2 years and still hurts just as bad..maybe you ought to see someone about getting some help.. Could be depression...
I was cheated on after 14 years of marriage.. so I know your pain....
First BEFORE you try to find someone else, you have to get YOURSELF together.. I made that mistake trying to date too soon.. all you end up doing is talking about your past experiences.. and such... and beliieve me that turns guys off.....
So now after 2 years I am at the that point where I think about it and laugh.. no really ..didn't think I ever would..but it eventually does happen... I decided to go to school..met some great new friends.. and got myself on track..now if I could just meet a great man?????
Hang in there.....there is no set time limit... but I would venture to guess after about a year and if it is still that bad that maybe it could be depression.... You need to give yourself time.. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 7/24/2006 9:23:28 AM | Well honey, this is part of life that makes us appreciate the moments that truly bring us joy.
I am not a wallower of self-pity at all. I am not really into tearjerker movies, listening to the sad, sad songs of the 80's (and every cowboy sings a sad, sad song..........), but when my marriage was over, I went through this. I went through it for a few weeks (tear jerker movies like Pay it Forward and Gone with the Wind and Ghost and the 80's ballads of love gone by and watching the new sober CC on the Surreal Life) but I got up one day and said he isnt going to win. He no longer has this power of me. I forced myself into good moods, I listened to the music that really brought me happiness, made plans to do things FOR ME, gave myself a wonderful 5 and 10 year goal list (complete with short term and long term goals) and have recently made my peace in the world.
Now while I am not in a commited relationship with someone, I am having fun. Life doesnt stop. This week is so totally going to rock. A year ago, you think I would be this happy it is the end of July? Hell no. But I have made plans and made the plans I wanted to make and doing things I want to do and if I have to do it alone, so be it (but I wont be alone because I am going to have my friends around me and we are going to have fun!!!!)
Patience and time will relinquish your pain, but only you can relinquish your sadness. Cry your tears and then get out into the sunshine, mow your grass, get a tan, go to the gym, do something fun and for you!!!! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/24/2006 10:29:23 AM | Ok, I now know to NEVER have expectations! The second heartbreak is worse than the first. I don't know why, maybe because it never got past a friendship, but in my heart I wanted more, but only took what he was willing to give?
I've spent the last 18 hours crying my heart out, and he says he still wants to be friends, but he was never really a friend in the first place, never called, never went out anywhere, nothing...what is wrong with me? Why has my self esteem been burried in sand? When will the crying stop? was I used as a friend? Was I used for money because I have a job? It never got sexual, thank God, but it feels like I'm losing out to someone else. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/24/2006 10:35:53 AM | When you decide to not hurt anymore. I know that sounds simple and it can be simple but it can be hard to do. You have to decide if you are willing to give more of your energy and power away to him by continuing to hurt (when he could care less) OR get on with your life and stop thinking about him.
I hope it stops soon. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:40:17 AM | Hi pplz,
Im sorry if this sounds cold hearted.............. GET OVER IT! people have there own motives and agendas so there is no point in getting all bumed out. Think of it this way, If it was ment to be you'd still be together. But your not so move on with your life. If your still bummed out about a past relationship its just going to make your next one harder. I just got out of a long relationship that ended under strange circumstances and I did love her but its over now. Im not gonna sit around and wonder why...... theres no point.....ITS OVER.....SO..........SUCK IT UP AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!!
(no Im not bitter or holding a grudge or anything of the sort ,that just the way it is. Face it) | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:47:05 PM | Avoid all contact with him, find something new and exciting to do and in a month you'll forget you ever loved him. It works for me anyway.
I feel your pain and know it hurts but you will be OK again. What doesn't kill us really does make us stronger. | |
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argfin
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/27/2006 2:44:00 PM | Good grief, my ex took me 1.5 years to feel I could date again!
There is no magic date, but I think it helps if you fill your life with things to do and importantly people to see. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 12:04:24 PM | | Good question, still trying to figure that out for myself. The last time my ex and i broke up it took me 8 months then we got back together. THis time its been 3 and i am now at the i hate you stage and dont know where to go from here. I think that only time will tell. Everyone is different and ever situation is different. Good Luck | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 12:54:29 PM | aww you poor thing  Its not fair when you give your heart to someone and then they break it into a million pieces. I've been there before too...my last boyfriend broke my heart but all you can do is think positive, there are ton of guys out there that will appreciate you and any man that can make you cry isn't worth missing. No matter what anyone writes in this thread it won't make your feelings go away. But I can guarantee you in a couple months from now you will think back and know he wasn't worth your time...Hope u feel better soon :) And go out and have fun and meet new people!! It will help!
Take Care | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 1:10:25 PM | Well darlin', that depends on so many things there is no one sure answer. Sorry, bet you didn't want to know that. I left my husband after 18 years and 7 years later still get butterflies when I talk to him, but I've split with guys and been the one to have already moved on after 2 weeks.
My only advice to you is "don't be sad about what you've lost, be happy for what you've had."
Good luck, and keep smiling. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 1:21:19 PM | | wait...what makes you think that it will stop hurting? there is no guarantee that it will EVER stop hurting. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 1:22:52 PM | It can take 5 minutes, or it can take up to 2 years, it depends on how much of yourself you invested in the relationship, and it sounds like you invested a lot more than you should have, but we've all been there - at least once. It will stop hurting when you can accept that it is totally over, and it's time to move on to new and better adventures ahead. Let's hope that will be soon because life is too short to waste time moping around the house and not getting out there. Be good to yourself, and good luck.
BonBon | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 1:37:24 PM | If you keep busy, you'll be fine. Do some fun things, and .... if you're ready, and find someone new - the pain will be very bearable, very quickly.
Happy Halloween! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 1:53:39 PM | | well in my experience it can take months for the pain to dissolve, there isnt any magic cure for getting over it, when I last split up I ended up on anti deprresants, sat round moping over her and in the mean time, she was sitting pretty, cos she knew how much it was hurting me, the best advice i was given is that the best way to get your own back is to live well. Its a philosophy ive come to adapt and live with, in the mean time ive met lots of freinds, but dont jump into another relationship feet first, its a bad mistake. Don't sit indoors by your yourself either, fin people to chat to, take up a hooby, and dont go to the places where your going to see him, its only going to hurt you more. Hope you feel better soon, if yuo ever need someone to talk to im on here nearly every day, still looking! lol. Martin | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 6:31:40 PM | | Hi Becky, I am not sure how long you were with him but everyday will get a little better. It might not seem like it but keep busy, do different things enjoy life! Life is too short, just think of it as a experience and I wish you the best of luck and hope your hurt goes away! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/28/2006 6:56:27 PM |
When you decide to not hurt anymore.
Ding-ding-ding....we have a winner.
I've used this example before in some posts, but I'll mention it again here now. It's a story about me, in the period shortly after my divorce.
Read it and do with it as you will.
One day, in the darkness of the darkest night of the soul, he had put his hand out in front of him, fist clenched, and palm up.
When he slowly opened up his hand, he noticed something that he'd never ever seen before, something that had been there all that time, but unnoticed and hidden to his view.
Now it was revealed, and it was a tiny golden key that fit perfectly into every lock, on every chain, that had ever held him. He realized that he'd actually placed them all on himself (quite willingly, if the truth be told) , and that he had always had that key.
Once freed of those chains, he was forever also free of making the same mistake ever again. It had taken a long time, but one sometimes has to pay a heavy price to learn a valuable lesson.
And thus endeth the sermon of the Key and of the Chains, on a rainy and cold Saturday Montreal evening....
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/29/2006 5:53:15 AM | | You need to get in the mode....NO GUY IS GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU CRY....you need to get out of that mode and get angry....this is your wake up call to know that MOST (not all) MOST guys on here are just here for the entertainment..not taking anything serious..so don't wearing your heart on your sleeve ...k> Get up off your feet and improve the new you..take a walk ..get to the gym...take it out on the treadmill...DO SOMETHING to keep your mind off of jerkface....k?...just some advice..I need to take too.....thanks for reminding me ...we are all in this together ... | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/29/2006 7:50:29 AM | I am going to be honest it never stops hurting until you let it stop,its all up to you to get back up and out,and enjoy the years to come because life is a way to short so enjoy
chin up and start anew | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/29/2006 12:10:38 PM | | Over a year, still hurts, everytime I look at my daughter I remember the good things. It sucks. He hurts worse, but sometimes things don't work, just look ahead....Mr.Right might be right around the corner! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:04:41 AM | My dear late sister died...of cancer. She told me to not let a boy do a man's job in my life.
I have had relationships where I was the fixer. Oh yes...heartbreak was my friend. I was born into abusive relationships. It...the it that is healing comes from within you. Yourself. It is hard but worth it. I know all too well the trials of heartbreak and many tears later I still know one thing...It was him...not you. LOL
OR HER....for you guys.
We are human beings. One thing I learned though is the harder you love the more it can hurt. Take heart in that friends. I mean seriously in this cruel and bitter world would you not want to be the one who loved too much?
Nice girls and guys finish....
Ha Ha ... "what they start!"
for themselves...
heartbreak ...yes...defeated...NO!
no family here to back me up...made friends that will last forever. You will be okay! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:36:17 AM | | hate to break it to ya but it will NEVER GO AWAY u will always have that heartache everytime u see him hear him or think of him even if u move on u will still have that feeling ive been through heartbreaks plenty of times ive actually been in love with this gurl never dated tho but i told her how i felt and she said i love u too as a friend and that tore me apart and it still does and that was 4 years ago! so no matter wut its not gonna go away but the thoughts will stop when u find sum1 else to think bout so good luck with that | |
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