| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 10/31/2006 2:10:55 PM | | Ah my friends I forgot something in my comments before. We all hurt from time to time. The healthier of us share our feelings with others. Compassion takes the edge off. It is nice to know that we are not alone in our feelings. Men and women feel the same pain. If we surround ourselves with positive people when we feel bad it helps. No one likes to have someone insinuate you deserved it. No one deserves emotional pain. Death or breakups share the same quality of grief. The grieving process varies for all of us. Once you get to the final stage which is acceptance, you will feel better. Don't think you can go directly there. Many mental health professionals have identified the greiving process. If you fool yourself into thinking you are over it it will always sneak up on you later. Sometimes it comes in the form of being jaded or bitter. I would rather be a senstive person and risk sharing my emotions with someone than a bitter person. Bitterness will steal your joy and kill you. For those who will advise the just get over it advice move on. That is not what someone needs to hear. Healing is different than wallowing. Funny that those who try not to show emotion end up being the losers. They are the ones usually causing the heartbreaks as they shout next! Cheers to all those who work through their pain...it has to be done... | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 10:01:04 AM | [after being married 8 years, she ditched, found a guy in mexico...no-one in the family knows exactly when she fell and smacked her head.]
HELLO...HELLO...HELLO....
is it just me or does this phrase freak you out too? huh..
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:30:16 PM | | It has been over a month for me and I still feel like im having an anxiety attack once in awhile. It hurts so much when I know hes out with the bimbo who was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. It hurts so much that everytime I talk to him I insult and hurt him because of how horrible it feels. I have got to the point where I cannot talk to him unless its about our daughters scheduling between us and we are light years away from being friends. I hate him so much for this that it hurts me more then it hurts him. The only way I can get through it is accepting it. The more I try and fight it the worse it is. I guess I am in survival mode right now. I just lay down some ground rules for myself like not calling him unless it is actually important. I focus on all the reasons we broke up and tell myself it was the best way and I deserve better. Its been over a month and im past the shock and into the anger and soon im sure the depression. I can see its going to take a while to get over it but cutting him out of my life as much as possible and just focusing on myself and my own plans is what helps more then anything else. I wont hate him forever but right now I need to do it and I dont feel guilty about it. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 4:54:53 PM | "WHEN?does it stop hurting?"
It stops when you say “ENOUGH of this self pity crap”.
It stops when you stop living in the past.
It stops when you stop focusing on things you have no control over.
It stops when you start to look forward vs backwards.
It stops when you figure out ... it is NO LONGER about them ... it is NOW about YOU.
I’m an expert on this junk - I wallowed in it for THREE YEARS. And right now I am just about the coolest stud muffin on the planet :) | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:09:34 PM | It might never go away, you have to let your self hurt, but not wallow in the hurt. I thought when my ex and I split up I would die from a broken heart. Sometimes it still stings a bit. BUT after almost a year and a half of her moving out and after almost three years of me beginning to have my suspicions that were eventually confirmed, well life is pretty damn good.
There are six BILLION people on this planet, half of them are men. Do the math and you can pretty much figure that there is a guy out there that will treat you better, that you can love deeper and will love you that way in return.
Not saying it doesn't suck but well, it happens. My best friend called today and told me his cousin killed himself the other day when he found out his wife had wiped out his bank account and had been in a two year affair. One of the guys I work with had his girlfriend, that I am pretty sure he loves deeply, break up with him last night. A lot of times when we are in the middle of it it feels like we are the only ones on the planet that are hurting, but we aren't.
Hang in there, learn whatever lesson you are supposed to from it and move on. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:11:48 PM | It stops hurting when you replace him with a better man. Think good thoughts lady and remember there are plenty of fish in the pond.  | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:16:32 PM | | for me its been over a year and a half and i still have trouble sleeping at night sometimes still cant eat at times still try to drink her away from time to time but it is slowly getting easier to wake up and deal with life again I find talking with people helps me out i know this does not help but everyone is different it just takes time good luck | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:46:49 PM | Hey Becky18x. It has been over a month since me and my exgirlfriend split, and it still hurts. That is why I started lookin at these datin sites to try and get over it. I aint havin much luck though. I have made a couple of friend on here though. One has givin some good advice.
The answer to yer question is that it dont stop hurtin until ya have moved on and start likin someone else.  | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:25:37 PM | Well, in reality the pain will probably never go away, especially if you're not the one to break it up.
There's someone that I dated 14 years ago that I still think about. It's just how life goes. She ended the relationship because her previous boyfriend kept telling her that he was going to kill himself. I was 16, she was 17, he was 28. There was nothing I could do in that situation.
If you bonded with someone and it ended before you're ready then it'll probably stick with you forever.
Not that it doesn't get easier as the months go by. But, there will always be something sitting there in the back of your mind that will get reawakened every so often by random things. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:59:22 PM | | It stops hurting when TOTALLY let go of the situation. the imediate impact of a break up can hurt the toughest guy but i find that i have too much dignity and self respect to let it control me and hurt me a minute longer than it should. the first step of recovery in this realm is to talk about it to someone,ANYONE. second step is not to dwell on, move on. step three, when your ready to date again dont go looking for someone "LIKE" the person that hurts you, the definition of insanity is to repeat the same process time and time again only to expect different results.step four, when you find the next person, dont compare them even in your mind to the ex that hurt you, its a sign that you have never let the former go. step five, dont knitpick a person to death when you meet them, just because some off the things they do remind you of things that your ex did dont thing of them as warning signs of things to come, people are different. step six, live life a day at a time, if you have a master plan i guarntee it wont work, dont look into things to far in a relationship unless suggestion says otherwise. step seven, and most important, sit back and enjoy the ride, dont bring complication if not nessesary, and most of all dont let another person dictate your emotional life a moment longer, your the driver not them for god sake ITS YOUR LIFE! | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:06:03 AM | It's been since Dec. 22 (My bithday)...and I still can't play ANY music I enjoyed earlier.
Bought Jann Arden's new album and her rendition of "Love is a Battlefield" fits so closely, I cry EVERY time. So does her version of "Solitaire". Don't listen to music that gets you into your head. Positive/Upbeat material only. And many were on the mark with "Stop all communication"...Until I stopped "Checking" on her to see if OK via e-mail, all it did was reset the pain. The best thing I found was to find some women that didn't mind lending an ear, and
let it out. I'm new at posting, so I hope this helps(?).
From: Guy Who's Over-Sensitive I guess... | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 8:44:52 PM | Just remember, "what comes around goes around" and it always will and it is then that you will be free when you know that person is suffering now in their relationship.I is called Karma and it always will be........ | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 8:45:07 PM | | Just remember, "what comes around goes around" and it always will and it is then that you will be free when you know that person is suffering now in their relationship.I is called Karma and it always will be........ | |
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| oh my god
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:28:17 PM | | that just happen to me last month, it is killing me bad, he came back in a month and a half, for 3 weeks then last night phoned me at work and told me that he was leaving again. i no what u are saying girl. | |
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| hey
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:30:59 PM | nice place to fall in love. thats crazy sorry to hear that
mandy | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:45:28 PM | | Yes you should have goals and expectations when you have other people in your life Yes this person abused your emotions and used for money gifts etc.This so called person knew your were vunerable and used this to his advantage.Sorry but this needs to be said.You are a fine person who was naive and trusting.Friends don't abuse or use friends.You allowed yourself to believe that there was something more to this relationship and because of that you let your guard down and paid for it.Find people who accept you and want to go slow in a new relationship.What comes around goes around and this person will be held responsible for his or her actions.Start setting new goals,only from very painful experiences do we learn.Be very careful who you care for and who you trust.Good luck | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:53:00 PM | my x, never did anything for me but hurt me in alot of ways. I don't no why i loved him so much, he so blamed things on me. He left me about dec 22 2006 for some girl at work air north. we were together for over 2 years and she came into the pic, and i found her all over him when i went to pick him up one night. I was so up set at him for that so he told me that he was moving out. He ran right to her and was living in her house, i so want to kick there ass just because i was so mad. a month and a bit went by and i started to feel good because of my friend's and just then he came back.
I let him move back in with my son and i. I cryed to him for hours about what he did to me and he said it was because i was mean. Anyways he was home for 3 weeks and last night i went to work and he phoned me at work and told me once again he was leaving me for good. Man i feel so dead in side and it's killing me. What can i do. how and when does this pain stop. I am so hurt and mad and yes i have said mean things to him. dam i am going crazy,please people tell me what to dooooooooooooooo. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:04:24 PM | the pain goes away once you make it your own....pain is temp pride is forever | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:01:59 AM | | hey i know what u mean. my ex left me after 5 yrs. and living together 4yrs. he said he did not know why and started dating some fat chick with a questionable reputation. i do not know when the pain stops it has been 6 mos. for me but it gets easier as time goes by. you just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and find someone who will care about u the way u deserve to be. there are decent men out there u just have to find them. it is not easy but i know u can do it. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:14:45 AM | I'll second that it has taken me 5 yrs to recover from a 10 year marriage. But it is about doing things for you, one day at a time and using the support of good friends around you.
It's also about acknowledging that maybe you made a mistake and that it's ok for you to do that accept it, learn from it and move one.
Good luck. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:32:31 AM | I am in a similar situation was with bf for nearly 9 years and think he was playing away. for about 2 months it was awful then i logged on and met this fella who made me laugh and smile-we decided to meet and had a great night, then i never heard anything!!!!!!! - i am upset but hey cant chase someone whos not interested-thing is he restored my confidence and now i feel i should wear a t shirt saying 'boys beware' it does get better honest xx | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:23:24 PM | | I don't know when it stops. It's been over a month for me and the pain is as fresh as if it were just yesterday. Logging in and seeing him as a match doesnt help matters at all. | |
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| WHEN?does it stop hurting?
Posted: 2/19/2007 4:00:49 PM | Iam going through that stuff now. The kicker is that i work with the girl who's got ten years on me, and i can't get away from the pain no matter what!  | |
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