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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 3/23/2007 11:55:26 PM | THANK YOU meli100, so much!! I've encountered this attitude quite often whether it was from teachers at school (ohhh, the kid comes from a s.p. family..) to people automatically assuming I'm married because I have kids, and it pisses me off! I do the best I can to raise my kids and have made many sacrifices while their deadbeat father is off living carefree yet still get crapped on by society.
When I tell people I'm not looking for a father for my kids, what I am implying is that I want to get to know the person first - basically screen him to see if he's suitable to even be around my kids - and see if it's going anywhere before I even bother introducing my kids to him. If he passed the "screening", then yes, I would expect him to care about my children - we are a packaged deal, accepting and loving them is a part of accepting/loving me. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:33:39 AM | i have say this and do say this alot, what i mean is my son has a dad to call daddy, if i meet a man i would like him to know my son has more place in my home than the man does and he has to be my son's friend, special friend in a way, imagine you where a step mum, you could never be that childs mum but you could be it's special friend and have a great bond and have a happy family not giving the children false hope, it would be different if my son's dad was not in his life, but my son loves his dad, but my X dean my son seen him as a great fun friend, and now we have split up my son is not upset because his friend dean will see him once in a while, and will talk on the phone, maybe i just met a nice X concederate to my sons feelings, or maybe it was what i told my X when i introdused him to my son, be his friend if we dont work out, fade out of his life dont disapear so my son feels he is unliked or feels he messed things up, kids a fragile creatures and my sons dad does not play with him much where my X did, he misses him but he knows friends aint here all he time and now just excepts dean just dont call as much no more, i am lucky it turned out that way, my X knew as any man should my son is halfmy heart, so he is hurting me if my son gets hurt or confused...............
hope you can see the understanding of not looking another better dady for a child, his dad loves him, where not the perfect family but it's best having a dad that loves you and a frind that plays and has fun with you than the confusen of 2 dad's, at least till marraige comes along, in my case fat chance but thats life, jo | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:54:28 PM | | How noble and considerate of you to give me your unwarranted opinion of my post!! Follow the forum rules and stick to your own experience!!!! BTW...nice job on leading women on.... to the point they have to be subject to "taking a hint" before they figure out you're not interested! | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 3/30/2007 12:58:42 PM | Though i've never said it personaly, I understand whats being said, I think the main reason it's said is to NOT scare people away. Some wo/men see the single parent and think, RUN AWAY!!!.. lol But, if there isn't any pressure for a replacement parent, then it lightens the tintions and opens minds to brace the idea of being with someone who has kids, and eventually, coming to terms with wanting to be a family if the relationship goes that far.
Personaly, I tend to rather be with someone who has kids, but if they don't..then I do look to see what they are like towards kids.. Obviously I would never date a girl who has, Does not want kids, or hates kids listed in there discription. That would be plain rediculous! I actually had a girl talk to me for a few weeks once, I started getting interested, then she said randomly..I hate kids..never want them. And I never spoke to her again. The funny thing is she knew the whole time I had a son. Really weird girl I say. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 3/30/2007 1:20:17 PM | I was looking for someone who wanted me, my son came in the package too, but i was not looking for a "dad", he has one, as loosly as i use the word! my son asked my last man if he would be his dad, to which my ex said no, cruel words to a child who wants someone to be there.
Was left with my son as 6 months old, he is 12 years now!! been indepndent all the way! had relationships, but yes doing the things "families" did i would have loved to do, but it never happened, am i bitter, a bit! i doubt i will ever have that chance again.
But i have brought my son up the best i could, without much imput from his dad or any man , so no a "daddy" he did fine without.
people should want someone for them at the end of the day, if its to be it comes together like a jigsaw in time. But we all want differenth things. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 10/28/2007 3:00:39 PM | | Very well put poison ivy. Too often some think that if they start a relationship with a single parent (be it mom or dad) they will be tossed into being an instant parent to a child they hardly know. That shouldn't be a factor in my opinion until the relationship takes a serious turn. I address men that I have gone out with as friends...and that is all my kids see it as. Yes, I like to do "family" activities with my "friends" if the relationship gets to that point, you have to involve the kids eventually so they can get aquainted, but it all takes time. But for the beginning/get to know you stage I keep my kids out of it...totally...I want/need someone for me.... if it eventually works out to be a family thing great, but if not, that is fine too.....there is really no way to know if it will work if you don't try. Though for some ppl having kids is a show stopper...and who knows they may find it to be a mistake...everyone is different, we just have to find that one person that accepts us for who we are and accept all comes along with it. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:07:29 PM | | If you are not looking for dady for your kids...what role will a man play in your house if he gets married to you? Are you just looking for someone to help you pay the bills? Will he have no interaction with your kids? If you marry someone they will have to have some type of parental role...think about it!!! | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:46:38 PM | I don't think they are looking for someone to just pay the bills johne.!!
I think it means gladly be a part of the family life but ease yourself in slowly, and let the family create it's own boundaries. It would nice to have a lady in my life but i wouldn't appreciate after 11yrs of being single having someone come in and tell me how to run my life or my family, thats not to say that I wouldn't respect their values and input it just means having that person around would be a bonus not a necessity.
Hopefully for all concerned. !! | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:31:24 AM | I think it really depends on what stage of "dating" you are in.
For example, there are plenty of single parents who look for "fun" that doesnt relate to the day to day responsibilities of parenthood. Those are usually, the "other" encounters.
For me, I dont want someone to come and daddy my son.. I want someone who I can date on my time and theirs.. get to know someone for myself. My boy has a daddy who is wonderful to him..
I hope that in my efforts I find someone who is mature enough to want to be involved in my childs life at some point down the lin, but I dont want to confuse my son with random people.
Until I am really serious in a relationship, I dont feel the need to introduce my child.. when we are all ready, then it can happen. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:27:19 PM | daideydom13:
I love your attitude but I have dated women who had attitudes either one extreme or the other:
They either felt that if they married a man he should help pay bills but have no decision making power to family dsecisions suhc as vacation, money issues ect. The man would be out if the child decided tey did not like him. So basically the most important relationship would be that of step parent and step child not husband and wife.
Or the woman felt that the man should meet the child and bond right away as she was looking for a husband/daddy.
There needs to be balance between these two extremes. | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:16:00 PM | I have said this simply because I dont expect a man to come into my life and pick up where my ex husband did. It isn fair, doesnt mean I dont want to find someone who will grow to love and accept my daughter that is a must but why put the pressure on them of becoming their "father" start off as friends it may work out that the two become so close its like having a second father for them which is great. but when all is said and done my daughter has a father who is active in her life and i support her and he helps so thus when i say that I simply mean i dont need a man to replace her dad in her life and support her. certainly he needs to be a part of her life and want to freely. I dont know we all have our own opinions.
katt~ | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 12/8/2007 7:33:06 PM | | I have said this before and what I meant was that supporting the child financially is not what I am looking for. Yes, when I date I look at not only if the man will be good for me but for my children as well. Would they be a good roll model, would they be able to take WE and ME? | |
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| not looking for a daddy to my child
Posted: 12/8/2007 9:04:27 PM | Technically, what is a mom or a dad? A biological contribution to the creation of a child. Unfortunately, in our society there are many mom's and dad's who have not accepted responsibility for their children. If I am in a serious relationship with someone, although I do not expect them to replace their biological father, I do expect them to assume responsibility for how the children grow, are treated and help with the outcomes of their lives. This is what people in a committed relationship do. I am not superwoman, I am a woman living life and need help and need to be able to rely on someone - isn't that we all want? and, if I have children and that is part of what I bring to the relationship, I am sure they expect the same.
I agree that if you meet someone and you decide you want to be a part of each other's lives, you are building a family. Everyone needs to be committed to each other. We all need to teach our children and help them adjust to the changes but if it's all good the outcome will be good.
I guess if people took the sanctity of commitment seriously in the first place and made that their priority, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we? There are always bumps in the road and we need to be there for each other. | |
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