| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/11/2006 2:34:33 PM | | Thing is.. if you don't click.. why not just say.. had fun.. not my type.. what's so wrong with being honest.. ??.. that way it would be easier for everyone?.. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:32:36 PM | | Because someone they perceive as "better" comes along and they forget about the good thing they had with you. They will kick themselves later. | |
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Scene2
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Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:51:41 PM | Hello Tiny----Taking stock=taking inventory=an honest self appraisal is one thing. Wondering what we did wrong when an idiot acts out is entirely different thing. I'm not sure how many times I've written and recieved no response at al. Ten there have been the times that a woman has responded with interest..........poof.......gone. Then there have been those times when I've been fortunate enough to meet( so I thought at the time) and the same thing. POOF........gone
All of these experiences have helped me in some way to refine my needs and desires. Learning how to communicate that to a lady fish is another thing. I sometimes get the impression that right when I understand how to put it all together, I'll be adding the mirrors to my walking stick. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/11/2006 5:03:29 PM | Chances are you are doing nothing wrong. You have to remember that when you meet someone on-line, chances are, they are still talking to other people on-line - even if they say they are not. Of course, it could have been many other things too.
I also think people naturally form an impression of who they want the person to be when communicating on-line and when they actually meet it might all good and nice but when some time goes by they might feel disappointed that the person doesn't live up to their impression. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/11/2006 8:49:41 PM | You are doing nothing wrong if you are being yourself.
Some people just do not have the nerve to say they did not feel the vibe...or that they have another date tomorrow...and she's HOT.
I think a lot of the time people are dating more than one person at a time. So they may meet someone after you that they had more chemistry with. Simple as that. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 1:11:45 AM | | You're not doing anything wrong. Some people just like to play games. It happens to all of us sometime or another. Chin up. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 1:57:06 AM | | For a man to feel comfortable, Men like soft spoken, moral women, who are tender and delicate in their mannerisms. I find that the best thing to do is be a mute and smile alot and nod. Keep it cool for the first 12 or more dates before being energetic about stuff. FIND A WAY TO make them feel very comfortable with a slow even pace at getting to know one another. 10 massages before anything heavy. 10 coffee dates, lunches, walks, gym work outs before any big snowmobile rides. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 3:39:33 AM | OP it's almost too bad so many have been "supportative" towards you here---none of those really address your question though. Instead of them offering you possible reasons why this might happen they say "you're not doing anything wrong......it's their loss...." This same sort of advice is given repeated here and it's nothing more than a Band Aid on a bigger, more important topic.
Absolutely no offense to you but your profile along with you frequent posts all suggest you have this smarta s s e d "fun sense of humor" that you don't mind flaunting or bringing to bear any chance you get. While that might be cute and funny to some people some of the time if you're like this in real life that might be part of this. Naturally I don't know you beyond this site but I'm sure there's not a huge difference between you in person as opposed to on line. To some people this sort of personality seems fine at first but once it's experienced in person it begins to become annoying. You think you're being funny, scarastic, witty, out going and engaging not to mention "fun" but they don't agree. Like anything else some things are better in very, very small doses.
If this is true or even possible you might consider it as the reason for these disappearing men. Not everyone you meet evaporates simply because they're bad men, already in relationships or scared of you. If this has happened "more than a few times" maybe it's time you looked more inward?
You're certainly cute enough---if your photos are current---so it's not an issue of physical appeal. Of course, being cute cannot be overcome with a disagreeable personality even if it's only that way to one person at a time. I'm sure you have many, many friends who think you're just great but unless you're trying to date them that doesn't count for much in this area.
Again, I mean no offense and only offer this as an alternative to the cheerleaders here who won't or can't see something else other than "loser men" being part of the reason for your experiences as described.
I hope you do find someone good for yourself! | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 4:00:20 AM | | More than likely your not doing anything wrong. It's just how some people are. They have no idea on what or how to say that they feel no connection with the other. Some are rude, some are inmature and some are just plain stupid. It can be frustrating I know, so just think of it as some people just have no idea on how to be adult when it comes to being honest. best of luck to you! | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 5:53:44 AM | OP, after reading your profile, it's fairly obvious to me why no self respecting man would have anything to do with you. You ACTUALLY refer to your own child as BAGGAGE??? jeebus H. christ, woman!!
I agree with JWA's assessment. He was spot on. Perhaps the answer to your dilemma is staring right at you every time you look in a mirror.
Oh, yeah....please thank your "BAGGAGE" for me.....for his service to our country. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 6:59:48 AM | met a guy for coffee clicked agreed to see each other again next thing I know he closed out his account | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 7:05:15 AM | You know when it happened to me I felt really bad!!!! - Had this
strong connection - We were together for like 3 hours just talking and he
said - I will call you - we will talk - NOTHING - I felt - God - I must be really ugly or something!!!
I am blaming it on his age - He was REALLY young - My mistake - Never make that one
again!!!
You didnt do anything - your beautiful - His BIG loss!!
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 9:37:16 AM | | quickdogsmooch yes your right this is good advice.you have to take things slow not rush into anything.but people are such in a rush they do not want to take time to know you .getting a date is hard enough with all the nuts perverts players guys with someone so much time and effort it takes to find one for a date. then you meet no match and have to start all over again. but 10 is real hard. but if they are in a rush they are not worth your time.hard to find someone to wait that long 10 date.so tired of this ready to give up but I keep going because when you do find the person you end up with it is worth all this bs.this post quick is a real good one and will help people. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 9:55:28 AM | JWA...if that is her personality, I do not think she should try to surpress it for a date.
It would eventually come out. People have to be themselves, not what they think other people want them to be. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 11:21:41 AM | Thank you cleopatraRose.
I agree, it should be fun getting to be with them at the coffee. I should be fun just walking with them hearing about their life. I should be a riot hearing their voice on the phone asking you for a 8th date. What a rush seeing them learn how to snowboard with you. What a heart throb feeling them massage your aching leg after you both went for a 10 mile hike. Be soft spoken and genuine and available for them only. Getting to be friends is the best part. Girl friend boy friends are earned by the test of time. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/12/2006 11:43:29 AM | It all starts with friendship or should in my opinion, a gradual get to know you and see if I really like you kind of thing. I believe people try to move to quickly and the pressure kills any spontaniety that could develop.
One Step At A Time...........best way to go! | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:12:11 AM | | Quickdogsmooch - you have it right!! People just dont take the time to know you - really know you - They talk to you a couple times here - you meet - thats it - something to develop takes sooooo much more time. And I agree - by the 8th DATE NOT THE FIRST COFFEE MEETING you should have an opinion about that person. People think they are wasting thier time if they see you more than that. Sparks sometimes take time - that one way they look at you on that 6th date and that is when you feel it - if you dont give it that chance, you never see that look and you never experience that feeling. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:31:19 AM | Many people regard courtesy as optional. As annoying as it is to be dropped without a word, at least you know what life would have been like with the bum/bumette.
I had a pal who, against much advice, took up with an artist living downstairs in his duplex. We pals of his took a dim view of dating neighbors, because, more often than not, someone will have to move when it falls apart.
They were fine for a while, and then she wouldn't answer the door, or the phone, nor nothing. More than once he rambled on at her answering machine ("What's wrong? Just talk to me and I'm sure we can work it out. I really care for you." Etcetera.) when he knew she was home. After weeks of this (really!), he found a note on his door from her. He showed it to me. It said, "It's not going to work out between us. You're just not willing to work on the relationship."
So, even when they tell you something, it can be the same as nothing. Just be glad you didn't have to throw them out a year later.
BTW, I introduced my friend to a girl I knew, because I knew he was partial to big, big girls. They're still married, with a good kid.
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:47:07 AM | | Its not you its me? Maybe you're spilling too much too soon, but I suspect they're lying (they might call it polite); they're just not that into you. First daters tend to put on their best face, or game face as it were. That's neither honest nor polite IMO, but its reality for many. Because there are many fish, it may take much fishing to find one you don't throw back. Lower your expectations, but not your standards. NO pressure, just have fun. K? | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 1:39:12 PM | I find your response, totally unrealistic QUICKDOG.... Is that really how you date????? My goodness I would be dead by the time anything materialized at that rate. !!!!! | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 1:42:59 PM | OKAY SO ......... we all agree that this is some new RUDE internet dating phenomenon. People think because its all done over computer manners are no longer required. Which leaves us all shaking our heads, and trying to pull it together for the next date without becoming too JADED!!! TO LATE | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 1:53:46 PM | Um...hello gemini2263 ... I believe my profile says "NOT that I refer to my son as baggage." Perhaps a refresher course in profile review might be in order. Or maybe they don't teach ya'll to read down there?
I adore my son and I'm very proud of him. Most educated people would read that as I'm no longer responsible for him on a day-to-day basis. I'm his mother and I'll always be responsible for him, no matter where he is, what he's doing or how old he is.
But I will thank him from you for serving his country.
And thank you talista for your comment. I'm myself no matter what. I'd never try to delude myself or anyone else into thinking I'm something I'm not. There's not much about my personality I can change at this stage of the game. | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:56:24 PM |
OKAY SO ......... we all agree
NOT!
We'll blame it on your youth, edmborn, but bad manners are older even than manners. For instance, it's a fixture of 19th century fiction for the bride (or groom) to get "left at the altar." That is, an entire wedding is planned, the day arrives, and one of the principals fails to show, without so much as a 'Fare Thee Well' instant message!
The anonymity of the WWWeb certainly makes such behavior less risky and so, perhaps, more comfortable. But these folks wouldn't behave any differently if they were shooting telegrams back and forth. Nothing new here at all.
Oh, and look up 'jaded.' I don't know what you think it means, but it means something else.
Cheers!
Vulf | |
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| What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:38:11 PM | One of the things I tend to be really good at it being 'in the moment', so when I am dating to find a serious partner, it's important that I date enough different people to have a basis for comparison, and it's also important that I provide myself enough emotional distance from each person to remain objective about how I feel for them.
My recent dating experiences have been ones where the guy's MO has been to go from one relationship to another very quickly, and when I have made it clear that I am not hopping into a relationship and don't 'get physical' outside of one, they have quickly lost interest.
While this does sting a bit, it's all valuable information.
To come back to the point of this string, dating is dating, and as long as you are clear and honest about what you want, you need to not be overly bothered by what the other person does or doesn't do.
I don't want to get into any platitudes here, but (here's a small one) I'm sure you have a great deal to offer the right person. | |
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