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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:09:50 PM | No problem tournesol, that's kind of what I was saying. I believe HL put in the links to the other threads to be helpful and so we could explore further if we wanted to. I was just explaining to her (or others who might be wondering) why I asked a question here that had been asked before.
I agree totally with you. Who cares if something's come up before? The people who have gone through it, don't need it, or aren't interested can skip on by.
Sorry if I said it in a way that confused you or made you think I was bothered by repeat threads, because I'm not.
:) | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 7:20:59 AM |
-Baggage isn’t just having gone through difficult experiences; it’s not having dealt with those experiences completely or else in a healthy way.
-Small baggage is probably ok and maybe even interesting.
-Not everyone is aware of their baggage; not everyone is ready to unpack it.
- People who warn against baggage in their profile have done it for self-preservation because they’ve been bombarded unfairly with un-dealt-with issues of another person
Great post, everyone. I became aware of some of mine recently and am in the process of unpacking, tossing away, and repacking the good parts into a carryon. LOL It's amazing what crud we carry around without realizing it. I was talking to someone and both I and they questioned whether I was ready for a relationship- and I realized it was because of this darned bit of baggage. It's equally amazing how your outlook on life changes when you unpack and realize that said baggage isn't the big, elephant sized thing you thought it was...
-LJ, whose carryon looks like it'll be about the size of a Tupperware container... | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 7:53:13 AM | During period of contentment in my life, I have learn little about life's lessons.
In periods where I have picked up baggage, it has caused me to learn so many great lessons that have improved my life, and totally changed me into a much better person.
No pain, no gain.
Having had to deal with serious baggage, painstakingly working through it, forcing myself back to a place, (kicking and screaming sometimes) where I am a balanced human being, and learning the real meaning of self esteem, I refuse to take on a label of having baggage, which equals being damaged.
We all have days from hel* ie. everything that could go, did go wrong , tension has caused headache, sore muscles etc., business associates were unreasonable, bad news came from every direction.
Isn't it nice, at the end of that day, to sit peacefully, and rethink the day, laughing at the abserdity (sp) of the events, and knowing that all is good, after all no one died.
A person with baggage, wouldn't be able to do that. Wouldn't be able to say "ok I lost this round, lived to tell the tale while seeing the funny side of the situation, and now I am free to move on to better things".
Ah! Freedom (caused by baggage, and the work done to get rid of it".) | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:50:05 AM | we all have some unhappy experiences and the resultant scars.
Scars are one thing.It means the wounds have healed. Picking at an oozing, festering sore is quite another matter. I've read many a profile around here that seem to revel in the latter activity.
So, those of you who say that, does it mean that you aren't all sick and jaded by your experiences or what? And, when you see that in someone's profile, do you believe it?
Sure I do ! Why would anybody lie about themselves on a dating site ??
Carrying all those negative emotions inside you is self destructive. Let 'em go! Be happy,already ! | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 12:40:06 PM |
A person with baggage, wouldn't be able to do that. Wouldn't be able to say "ok I lost this round, lived to tell the tale while seeing the funny side of the situation, and now I am free to move on to better things".
Morie, I can do that, and very often DO exactly that at the end of the day, yet I still feel there are things I need to deal with in my life. As soon as I recognize something, I deal with it. Something popped up over the weekend last weekend, and I've spent a great deal of time this week thinking about it and getting what I did/didn't do (and why) straight in my mind- and I now feel that I've dealt with it and am able to move on to the next. But by your definition I both do and don't have baggage, because I'm sure there is some lurking out there in corners that I haven't dealt with yet- even though it will be a situational thing.
I guess what I'm asking here is- if you have things you are unaware of and so haven't dealt with yet- is that considered "baggage"...?
-LJ, who is getting better all the time! | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 1:04:26 PM | LJ - The internet is limiting to how we explain what we are trying to say. I see a lot of limitation going on in this thread, because we can't sit down and actually ask questions back and forth.
From what you have said, I would say that you are baggage free.
There maybe situations lurking out there in corners, but you immediate stop, recognize, and deal with, before moving on.
Who know what will be thrown into our paths.
Driving a vehicle requires that we have to deal with the driving conditions. Does that mean we have driving baggage on the road. No, we are just being responsible drivers.
Hope that my attempt to explain my thinking works. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 4:36:59 PM | ***I guess what I'm asking here is- if you have things you are unaware of and so haven't dealt with yet- is that considered "baggage"...?***
If you are unaware of something, then this basically has little or no effect on your life. For example: I am unaware that there may be a storm happening in another province. So, at this point in time, it has no bearing on my life, personally. Now, if that storm were to wipe out a crop, or destroy a much needed factory for something I use, then yes, it has a bearing on my life......but I still won't be aware of it, until I hear about it.
This is how I understood the above statement. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 5:20:01 PM | Lord help me. We could all get killed by a bus tomorrow. Should we hide under the bed.
What has that got to do with dating. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 7:08:01 PM |
- People who warn against baggage in their profile have done it for self-preservation because they’ve been bombarded unfairly with un-dealt-with issues of another person
yes indeed!!! | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:48:14 PM | I noticed a few of the previous posters mentioning history. This is my take on the baggage thing.
If what has happened to you in the past *explains* who you are, it's history. It's good, and it helps you understand the person you're with - we are, after all, nothing more than the sum total of our experiences.
But if what has happened to you in the past *defines* who you are .... it's baggage. Keep walking. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/27/2006 2:00:46 AM | | Its very unlikely that anyone at our age dont have any baggage, some might regard baggage as having kids at home, not quite clear of the inlaws etc. Baggage is your past, and thats where it should remain, because you cannot move into the future if you cannot bury your past | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:38:58 AM | Interesting topic bebe
I have a friend figure he'd look for a younger woman cause thay may not have as much baggage and he needed help with his baggage. I suggested age has nothing to do with the amount of baggage carried and suggested he look for someone that can leave baggage in it's place and not carry it around all the time.
I am not without unwanted baggage I'd hope to meet someone that wouldn't be affraid to see it, it's part of what's formed my character. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:18:21 PM | We all have baggage - went out on a POF dinner recently and the man who organized decided to ask people what they were passionate about - one woman said her children and had him go on at her for some time that it couldn't possibly her children and she was lying to herself - next was my turn. My answer was that I am passionate about having peace and tranquility in my life and he asked me why - my answer was that I had grown up in a combative alcoholic home and then returned to it to take care of the parents due to illness and old age. LOL he asked me if I wanted a reward - I said no, that's why I wanted the peace and tranquility with a passion.
He didn't understand my baggage and I guess a lot of people can't.
Would I change it?, no. It made me the strong person I am today and it gave me a lot of insight into other people and their behaviours. I believe the past should be just that - the past, but our past form and shape the people we become for good or ill. We either overcome our trials and disappointment of the past to become better people or we wallow in it. I avoid the wallowers and enjoy the ones who have embraced and overcome their pasts.
It's not the colour of your luggage but how you let it colour your life. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:16:30 AM | If people want to celebrate their baggage, that is up to them.
I prefer to deal with the good and the bad head on. Leaves far more time for enjoying life when the process of healing is done. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:43:38 AM | I can't believe a thread's gone by like this and I've yet to make a post - with me being such an opinionated blabbermouth and all (lol).
I have TONS of baggage. Been married twice - the first time, idyllically, and came home one day to find her in bed with someone else (learned a lot about myself that day), never yet found a relationship that's really worked completely (hence, me being here), went through a personal illness period, various disappointments throughout my life, seen more than I would ever want to even recall in my years playing in bars and on the road as a musician ... yeppers, I've got tons of baggage.
And it's all stored away, in little packages here and there - some in the closets and cubbyholes of my mind, some in the lives of others, bits and pieces here and there, adding colour to a life that was a blank slate when I was born. And as I get to know people, parts of it come out - hard to stop it, really. I'll own up to the fact that my first wife and I now exchange e-mails every month or so to see how each other is doing (most parts of our past that were unpleasant have long faded). I'll tell people about a nasty time where I went through this thing or that thing and what I've learned from it. I've even used my "musician road stories" to help friends and their kids who maybe get a little too involved with some of the nasty drugs on occasion.
But is it really baggage? Well, I think for me it's more like memories, life experiences, things that have molded me into what I am. I think if these things were hanging off my legs or my arms or sliding out cynically in the sentences that I write, then maybe then, I could call them baggage. But that's way too much weight for me to carry around ... or to even expect someone else to watch me carry around. Just doesn't make any sense to me. And occasionally I like to make sense ... and I usually try to save those times for the important things (lol).
cdn guy | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/28/2006 10:11:56 AM | Some people are scarred more than others by past relationships. Unfortunately, it makes it bad on the men and women who want to try and have a relationship with these scarred people. It is sad that it happens. I have one woman who just wants to be friends since she has major trust issues with men since all the men in her life have screwed her over. So now she wants a long term friendship that will last for gawd only knows how long before she will ever consider taking it further... Not good for those who want to have something more...
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/28/2006 11:09:07 AM | Though I would post about a discussion that I had with a Ladyfriend yesterday.
Both of us talked about how we had been married, been single, and lived various different lifestyles over the years.
When we thought back on any of these time periods, it was clear to us that we are totally different people now. Both of us felt like it was similiar to looking at other people lives, and it was actually ourselves that had been living that way.
I have gone though periods of self doubt, lack to confindence, learning, growing, and changing.
Even though I had a good marriage (widowed years ago), I doubt I would enjoy that same type of marriage again,, because I have changed so much through natural experiences.
I have no idea where my life is going to take me, and I look forward to the journey, no matter where it takes me.
I also look back and think about all the amazing advertures that I would have missed if I hadn't grown through tradgies.
I trust myself, love myself, and am balanced in how I deal with the world. (Not to say that I don't have problems in life, just as we all do.)
I strongly believe that learning who I am, has brought me to realize that baggage has no place in my life.
It took negative experiences to teach me (being a stubborn human, I need to be hit over the head at times), what the real joys of life are.
Gone are the days where my ego got in the way. There is a big difference between loving yourself and having a big ego. Ego can be a big baggage collector.
Learning to be humble to me means, known that you have learned many life lesson, only because you have been given the tools to do so. It is not a thing to take credit for.
I see some people in the threads in mental states of baggage, trying to sort out their baggage, just as I did many years ago. I am only thankful that I got through these stages at an early age. It leaves me to enjoy so many years still to come.
I thank the powers that be for all the lessons, and the tools to deal with them. | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:53:47 PM | If by baggage you mean, the figurative past experiences or long-held ideas regarded as burdens and impediments.
I got a sore knee would that be consicered baggage?
I guess it's relative
I actually like some of the stuff in the baggage I have.
Making mistakes is how we learn so would it be smart to forget about the baaggage?
When I was young I really wanted to learn how to kick and I saw someone practicing hook kicks and I asked him if he's show me how to do that kick and he said shure. He then spun around and dislocated my jaw whth his heel. remembering the baggage that comes with that story has kept me from being in the position to get kicied like that again! | |
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| No baggage, is there any such thing?
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:10:56 AM | baggage: attitudes from the past that limit us in the present
Well put..
Though nothing is simple black and white,I think the whole thing can sort of be summed up as follows:
Lets say that you've been talking to someone from POF,as you get to know this person you like what you see,this person seems to like what he/she sees and it gets to where you decide to meet this person.....the initial "feeling out process" goes well,this person seems to be as he/she represented,looks just like the picture...no computadateland shock (imagine that!!!)...It seems to be going well...conversation flowing,similar intrests,etc,and you find yourself thinking this could be promising....then,out of the blue,this person accidently says or does something that triggers memories of the person that really screwed you over and why you took so long to get "back in the saddle".....
Your reaction is.........
A)...for the rest of the evening you cannot get how badly you were hurt and how much this person reminds you of it out of your mind..it ruins the rest of the evening....That's "Baggage"
B)...Although it hit a nerve and made you a bit uncomfortable,you realize that it was just an unintentional coincidence..you shake it off and don't let it wreck the rest of the evening....That's "Stowed Baggage"
C)...You laugh to yourself because even though it briefly registered,you learned long ago that someone new isn't responsible for the sins of someone old..the evening continues on and 5 minutes later you've forgotten all about it..it ends up going so well you think you really should see this person again soon....That's "Acquired Wisdom" | |
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