| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/26/2006 11:20:49 PM | | every state is different...but the bias is still there. in my county court, the evidence i presented to the court allowed for joint custody. if it were my children's mother that presented that evidence instead of me, i would likely have supervised visitation. so in perception, from the one's that matter most (the court system), yeah men have a much greater burden. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 4:48:40 AM | Typical conversation:
ME: I've had custody of my daughter since she was 6 months old.
HER: What's wrong with her mother?
ME: I've had custody of my daughter since she was 6 months old.
HER: (sotto voice, to her friend) I'll bet you he's molesting her.
ME: I've had custody of my daughter since she was 6 months old.
HER: You must have had a lot more money to spend on a lawyer.
Then, of course, there's the conversations the single mother is subjected to.
HER: I have 3 children
HIM: Can I buy you a drink?
TO HIMSELF: She must be a slut - I wonder does she swallow?
HER: I have 3 children
HIM: Do you know who the fathers are?
HER: I have 3 children.
HIM: You irresponsible cow - are you too stupid to take a pill once a day?
HER: I have 3 children.
HIM: You lazy f..king **** - I'm sick of paying taxes so you can sit on your ass and breed.
We all have our crosses to bear. It's not worse for men, and it's not worse for women - it's just different. But both of us - single fathers AND single mothers - have to deal with the idiots on the other side. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:29:13 AM | Being a single father is not easy niether is being a single mother i.e. single parent. Imagine how hard it must be on the child not to mention confusing. I am trying very hard to get custody of my son and one would think it easy considering the other option. I however find it frustrating that I pay support as well as constantly have to pay her bills and loan her money (which I know will never come back) buy 2 of everything because if I don't then my son will go without as she is either to lazy or does not care enough to make things happen that are an absolute part of life. So I guess what I am trying to say is I would love the opportunity to be run into the ground as I am used to running that route anyway. I realize this to be a one sided point of view but it is never the less the only one I can honestly offer.
Regards: Greg | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:57:47 AM | | Oh now I get juliets statement. I guess men do get positive attention when doing the job themselves. But, Hey! can't please everyone! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 10:37:44 AM | single fathers have it WORSE then single mothers
copy and pasted from another thread (at least I quote myself lol)
"My children and I are victims of an abusive and "deadbeat mother"
When she ran out of ways to blackmail me out of money (thur agrueing custody), she was awarded supervised visits at a custody battle. Thankfully, for my children's physical and mental well being, she hasn't bothered with 'em.
One day, seems like an eon ago now, I phoned an abuse center asking for help. They laughed at me claiming "only women get abused". Since that call my ex has assulted my children serveral times including burning my son's penis with a hair dryer and scarring my daughter's face with a hot cookie sheet.
I haven't seen a child support check in quite awhile but yet I don't complain because I don't wish to fight for custody again.
The main problem is; there is NO help for men with these problems, yet there is a "woman's shelter" in every county in Michigan"
The nearest shelter that could've/would've helped my children and I is over 100 miles away. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 2:04:06 PM | | I have a hard time when I am told "I admire you so much for taking care of your children the way you do". That, to me, is the same as saying "I admire you so much for showing up for work on time". It's what I'm supposed to do, they're my children! I'm not to be admired more than any other person for not shunning the responsibility of parenthood. I just think that we fathers who have custody are still somewhat of a novelty, and that shouldn't be the case. I'm just glad that God has seen fit to allow me the opportunity to raise my two, and that He has surrounded us with loving, kindhearted people who are there when any of us need a hand with anything. My kudos go to ALL parents who do the best they can for their children, custodial or not! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:17:39 PM | If anyone is forming opinions about society in general from people that would say something like "don't spread your legs", then you are seriously looking in the wrong place to draw your conclusions. As a single dad of three, as much as I would like to expand on your point about single moms vs single dads, you sidetrack that point and undermine your own credibility by veering off into what appears to be a male-bashing and victim mentality. I initially thought you were posing a good question, but after reading the whole thing, it looks more like a veiled jab at men in general.
I have complete and total respect for anyone raising children on their own because I get it. Being a part of the 'men suck' movement is an entirely different matter however, and your previous experience with a male piece of crap has apparantly jaded you. You are entitled to physical and emotional love, just as any single father out there is too. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:55:50 PM | | Its really to bad that so many couples use kids as the prize while they sling mud at each other. If you through dirt you get dirty hands and its hard to clean them.. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 7:19:13 AM | Divorce / speration or breakup is essentially the death of a realtionship.
This means stress, most of it we put on ourselves, and when we do that we all look for, and usually find, negatives. The comments, the snickers, etc etc etc.
No-one ( Single dads v. Single moms ) overall has it better or worse than anyone one else. Its is hard, unappreciated ( some of the time ) work. I know single moms who have completely pulled themselves from gutters to become the epitome of pillars of their communities, near perfect parents. The same goes for the men. We are seeing more and more of them, which is fantastic.
I dislike moms versus dads. If we are parents, and I KNOW we are all good ones, lets leave the us against you stuff in the court room. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:02:23 AM | ladysfirst....you obviously didn't read my post properly. It was the men who said we should keep our legs crossed. Read it as it is written and you may start to understand what i am saying. Men can have support groups happening, they do over here, my point of this whole thread is why are women put down so much for being a single parent? Not by single parents themselves, but by others that are looking into us, it always seems to be OUR fault and we seem to get degraded more than men do. A recent thread was entitled 'stay away from single mothers'.....not single parents....'single mothers'! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 11/17/2006 4:34:39 PM | | Couldn't agree more! Have raised my kids on my own, since I lost my wife to cancer. Was 13 years ago. And the only reward??? Two great kids..27 and 19..Did not go looking for help, just did what I could to raise my children. Any responsible adult..faced with raising their children, will do what it takes. No level of government, support groups ( not dissing support groups, just feel we have to take responsilbility ), or organizations, can create the will to do what's best for your kids. Parents who feel their kids are a burden, should evaluate their own situation..not take it out on their kids, ex, or the system. We..not just the mother or father, created this life..cherish it! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/10/2007 7:49:48 PM | hi ,just dropping a line to say it really doesn't mateer weather you are a single father or a single mother .the ojective is to bring the children up to respect the world they are about to face .
no insult intended but it is easier for women to go on the welfare checks and be there for their children but I believe it is a way of letting your children believe they can get something for nothing in life.they use it for an excuse ,I have seen to much of it it scares me .
I am a single parent and I respect any person whom is willing to take the time in their life to rear their children,work ,and be a home keeper. The hardest job in the world is to take a little mind and try to teach that little person the important things in life.It really does not matter if you are male or female it matters if you have the skills and morals to be a good parent.... thanks | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 38 | |
| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/10/2007 7:58:53 PM | ^^^^what does welfare have to do with it? a man can collect to if he meets the requirements.
I believe there is an equality issue. Dads are starting to earn more recognition in regards to caring for children. Its a slow process but it is changing.
Taking care of your children should not be a respect issue. Its a given in my mind and should just happen by both parents even if there is a split up. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/10/2007 9:35:23 PM | | sorry if all you women are being bashed or blamed because a lot of men are not men the hide behind a zipper or they are not smart enough to realize the true meaning of family sadly enough women can be blamed as well to answer your question no for the longest of time men were thought to be deadbeats and so on society labeled men now the trend of more single fathers as risen much to the admiration of women we are made righteous because for the most part women are seeing the good in some men men on the other hand usually will defend or help the fellow man to save face so if its happening very little and or very discreet trying to uphold macho image | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 8:58:03 AM | Ladies, want your ex to pay child support or start visiting his kids?
Just start dating someone richer, better looking, more fit. I guarantee you, you'll see more of the reformed super dad than you ever wanted. Happens way too much for my liking. The woman is treated as a cow, baggage, the ex, until they find someone.
And if it's someone "better", well suddenly super dad is involved.
I realize that this is not everyone. And I hate to bash my own gender. But many dads treat mom as trash until someone else wants her. Then he can't see enough of "his kids". | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:28:18 AM | | Very good wording. I like what you said. I am a single father of 2 little boys and they live with me fulltime. It is veryu hard being a single dad. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 10:05:58 AM | It's hard being a single PARENT period.
Whether you're male or female. It's hard to find time for yourself when you're a single parent.
I think men get more recognition for being "good fathers" when they take on full custody because sadly in our society ...men walk away...dont take responsibility and it is a disheartening and alarming trend.
Personally, I do not give props to people that are doing what they are supposed to do.
You make a child you raise that child, regardless of your relationship with the other parent. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 10:09:30 AM | This is only one factor but in a way I think single fathers deserve a bit more. I'm talking about single fathers who have the primary custody (I think that's what you're talking about too). It usually means they've fought a lot harder for their kids, which is admirable. Women don't have to fight for the kids a lot of times; they get them by default, even when the father is the better parent, and for that reason alone, men should get more credit. In a way, it's also a reason to be more wary of single moms. If you meet a single dad; you can probably count on him being pretty cool and he has probably had to go through a lot to prove he was the more fit parent. If you meet a single mom, she's sometimes had to do little more than take the children and leave (she could be self-centered, spiteful, manipulative.....); she's not held to any standard to determine that the kids would be better off with her. A man having custody of his children usually says a lot about him. A woman having custody, on it's own, says nothing.
BTW, I am a single mom myself. I have recently dated someone who has left two wives because they were irresponsible and poor parents (alcoholics, lazy, manipulative etc-just bad choices on his part). I was bothered that he'd already been married twice but what I held against him more was the fact that he didn't take the kids with him. Whoops! I should add, he totally supported them, always paid child support etc. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 11:01:06 AM | For the person above who said that there are support networks for single dads, yes but these groups are set up by fathers.
We approached the government a number of years ago, in fact my friend who passed away had a human rights case about it, regarding the number of shelters for men. In BC there are, if I remembe correctly, 76 shelters for women, there were at that time 0 for men. It is the same with other programs, they are specifically set up for single mothers. Another example is parenting classes after divorce in Alberta, in the material regarding child support it only mentions Dad as being the payor not the Non custodial parent. This is though slowly changing. | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 3:13:59 PM | | I being a single full time dad of one, find it verry dificult to find some one who wants to date me but much less email me, I don't think anyone should judge any single parent unless you have been there. I went to join the only swimming lessons in my area, "MOMMY AND ME", I have a four year old and she wanted to learn how to swim, they refused to take me becouse of my sex, said the women would fell uncomfortable. who ever I meet always say's where's mommy? I do agree though with you, it does seem that we get a little more respect then the mother's. See sociaty thinks that it is the womans responsability, so when a father steps up it's amazing. The sad thing is, it's becouse of all the shitty father's out there! It has been my babygirl and I since she was two weeks old. I know how you feel. Hope this was a little insight for you! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 3:34:04 PM | i don't dwell on things like this so much, but living in the deep south i don't know any other single full time fathers. a friend of mine has his two kids but is married. so i am a minority of 1 in my circle. the only thing i think i have been affected by was when i went to push for child support, the papers went something like this.
n-c parents name, address, etc. the next question was...i promise...where does HE work.
the whole context of the application was for a woman looking for support from the ex-hubby. i called to ask why this was so and the lady asked me if i really needed the support...i gave up after that. i can't even get her parole officer to enforce the order, say's i oughta cut her a break and let her get her life in order.
if this was a man in GA. he wouldn't have a drivers license and would have his pay check garnished. the law isn't even looking out for single dads like they do for the moms... | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 8:41:46 PM | | Yeah Crane I know those looks. Screw those people, they are probably next in line to be seeing the judge and just don't know it. I enjoy my time with my boy although relegated to part time money cougher upper in the oh so biased courts in the great state of Maryland. Only place discrimination is still allowed, Father in the courts fighting for custody for the children. The courts see us as the money man and mom as the nurturer, Load of crap and way out of line in 2007. Men have changed and deserve an equal crak at the job! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/11/2007 9:20:44 PM | I had a single father move in next door to me - it was great! We were friends, our sons were friends, we traded nights out/babysitting...
The best was, the four of us spent Mother's Day and Father's Day together, and both parents got 'celebrated' on both days!
But... I do agree that there was a little more 'awe' in the fact that he was a single parent with sole custody (Good for you! That must be tough...) than there ever was for myself, in the same situation, but I believe a lot of that is simply because it is less common.
As it becomes more common, it will likely be less 'remarkable', literally.
But for JIMI1970 (hope I got that right!) - THAT BITES about the swim classes... I am peeved on your behalf. That is just wrong. Not sure where the lessons are, and I am sure you have better things to do with your time, but I'd be tempted to call/write someone and inquire about it... perhaps suggest they add a 'parent and me' class to the next schedule!
Good luck if you follow up! | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/12/2007 12:01:33 PM | single dads catch hell, esp if u don't have custody people assume ur living the life, having fun and are unable and unwilling to be a parent; alot assume u cheated or mistreated your kid or the mom an that is why u are not w/the mom.
ur decisions or opinions are criticized cus u don't live there or some other ridiculous statement; if u don't get frustrated w/ur kid its cus u don't see them everyday, if u do they say why are u whining u don't have ur kid everyday.
single moms have it tough; but being a dad gets u know favors, an people are more sympathetic to moms in my exp, an as far as dating i have just as much if not more issues than the women i know w/kids living w/them.
not saying its bad to be a single dad, but its not as easy as u think | |
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| The plight of single fathers.....
Posted: 7/13/2007 8:45:57 PM | | silentlonely....i have had the opposite issue as you describe....mothers are the worst for me to meet. they go on and on and on about kids and how they couldnt let the child live with dad. i am reluctant to even metion this to anyone, any guy is cool with it, but the women get just mean. just as you have had issues with the assumptions i have had them too....maybe we decided what was best for our child...not what jane doe thinks we should do. i have been very rude to these people who judge without facts, i actually pride myself on ripping these judgemental**** a new whole. | |
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