| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:56:40 PM | some men want to pay for their children but cannot afford to
Well, I cannot always afford to do everything I need to do either, but I am the one that is ultimately responsible to make sure my child is fed and housed.
I am sorry, I don't buy that. Five dollars is better than nothing.
I have broken off relationships with men, when I became aware that they were not following through with their child support obligations yet lived a lifestyle that benefited them with things they wanted, not necessarily needed. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 1:11:16 AM | hello
from my point of view...or my two cent worth haha ...i do pay child support to my son's mom ....we do whats best for him ...she says the money i give her is for clothes ..school stuff ..trips..food ...and anything else he needs ..its just the way i was brought up ..be responsible for that child till the day you die .. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:47:42 AM | Actually I have come across this attitude (women who don't like how much child support their partner is paying) on another forum. I have heard comments about how their is not enough money for "their (the CS payer's with his new partner) children". That seems to be the crux of it. A bit of 'out of sight, out of mind'. The child doesn't belong to her and she'd just as rather they didn't impinge on the financial resources of the new family.
I really have trouble understanding it, but it does apparently exist.
On the flip side, my ex pays very high child support (due to a high income) and his new partner doesn't seem to have a problem with it. But she doesn't have any children of her own. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:30:06 PM | | I am not sure as I have mixed feelings on this subject as well. I too have 2 girls that I pay child support. I just got out of a relationship which this was a huge factor. In the beginning, it was ok...It was a good thing that I paid child support. But as time went on, it seemed like more and more of a burden to her as it of course limits what you can and cant do sometimes as a couple. It is confusing to someone in the relationship how its good that you are paying it because it shows that you are responsible, than in the next breath become upset at that person for a lack of $$. Perhaps just not the one for me but all we can do is keep paying the child support, love our children and hope that one day a woman will come along that will actually mean that paying the support is "admirable". | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:42:39 PM | Kitty Honey...you need to stop and think here a minute, if he can't afford to pay his child support, how does he afford to take YOUR a*ss out then????
Alright Joe....I so agree, Kitty's BF makes us all look bad
OP, just how does this come up in the conversation anyway??..."Hi, I'm a Spud and I pay child support....nice shoes, by the way"...Huh????? It aint none of your dates business that you do this....just that you pay your bills in a timely fashion. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 2:33:34 PM | I wouldn't consider dating a man who didn't pay his CS. No ifs, buts or maybes it's a non-negotiable for me.
You can wine and dine some gal you've just met while your kid goes hungry? What kind of woman finds this OK?
Have a serious think about what this tells you about women who find CS a deal- breaker and their mentality? A long term relationship with someone like that would be awful - she's shown you a really selfish streak from the get-go. What would happen if a man wanted to spend most of his wages for a few months on installing a stairlift or other home comforts for his elderly parents? Would she still find you attractive if for some reason you lost your job?
You are lucky enough to have a filter you can use to weed out the selfish types very early on - how is this a problem for you? | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:24:06 PM |
I wouldn't consider dating a man who didn't pay his CS. No ifs, buts or maybes it's a non-negotiable for me.
I feel the same way about women that don't use the child support for the children's benefit. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:27:35 PM | | TravelingMel....it isn't that I'm not with you in spirit buddy....I just wanna know how do you plan to get a single Mom .....that you are dating.......to disclose to you how it is she spends the child support cheque she gets from her ex????? And doesn't she consider that behavior....on your part....to be a little bit "non-friendly" like???? | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:41:04 PM | TravelingMel....it isn't that I'm not with you in spirit buddy....I just wanna know how do you plan to get a single Mom .....that you are dating.......to disclose to you how it is she spends the child support cheque she gets from her ex????? And doesn't she consider that behavior....on your part....to be a little bit "non-friendly" like????
It comes from experience. I pay a huge Ferrari like payment faithfully each month to my ex-wife. Here's a one example: My ex-wife complains that she cannot make simple $20 co-pays to doctors and dentists. In the meantime, my ex-wife has fabulous new clothes, goes on trips without our child, etc.
In my world, it should be called ex-spouse support because the child is rarely seeing the $$$. If I found out the woman I was dating was doing the same thing to her children, I would leave because it shows to me she is too self-centered for my tastes. It's called child support for a reason. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:50:13 PM | | Personally, I wouldn't want anything to do with a man who had children and DIDN'T PAY child support. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/7/2008 7:25:20 PM | "It's called child support for a reason."
Wholeheartedly agree with this. As far as I am concerned that money is to ensure the children have a similar lifestyle in both homes and that their lifestyle is similar to what they would have had if their father and I were still together.
Every cent of that money goes on the kids, and then some! I find it despicable that this is not always the case. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:46:31 AM | | Ahhh, I understand where it all comes from now Mel, and I'm with you...I live a similiar experience and there is no law in place requiring the recipient of child support to account for where it goes,nor will there ever be....for obvious reasons.....yeah, I'm glad she is having a good time spending money, that was her main forte during our marriage too...but it has an end to it....at least her spending my money has an end to it. It's amazing that you call it " Ferrari like payment" too....just the other day I got in a conversation with 5 other guys at work and it turned out we ALL were divorced and paying child support and ALL had the same stories....I consider my child support to be a monthly car payment and I was thinking this was kinda shallow on my part but ALL these other guys talked about their payments in the exact same way!!! The current laws stop us from being fathers...give our children to the person ( as one lawyer told me "well, YOU f*ucked her! ) that hates us more than anyone ever has....and we are left with a monthly "car payment"...it is disconcerting to read some women's posts in these things and see them gloating about this too. It's harmful to the children involved. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:26:47 AM | | I have been married twice. I had two beautiful daughters from my first wife, and a just as beautiful daughter from my second wife. She also had two from her first. However the second couldn't stand that I payed support to the first....but expected her first to pay her. We are no longer together because she found some one with more money than I, that has no prior obligations for any children, and feels that she don't have to pay me support for the child she left behind. Some women are just looking for the money but there are many more that respect the fact that I am raising my youngest, staying in the lives of my older two.... and trying to keep up with my support for them without getting support for the youngest. I am a little behind... not much at all, but bothers me to no end. The way I look at it if you don't like who I am......by all means......walk away you aren't worth my time. I will find one that is. Until they are at least 18 they must remain #1 on my list, as I would expect you to feel about your own children. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:50:53 AM | I've never known a woman who was turned off by a guy paying child support. I suspect you are assuming the child support is the issue which the women find objectionable... unless one actually said "I'm not interested in you cuz you pay child support." I don't even see any guys in this thread agreeing that they have encountered such women. If such women do exist, one reason for such an attitude that I can think of right off the top of my head is that they've heard horror stories from other women who wound up having to pay child support to the ex of the new man in their lives who turned out to be unreliable.
Some women (and men), for a variety of reasons, just don't want to get involved with someone who has children. Kudos to them for having that self-awareness and being honest about it. You should be glad to know that upfront instead of later when you might be more emotionally invested. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:54:36 AM | Yes, there are women who actually resent a man paying child support . The most common reasons I am aware of are: because it "ties" him to his ex, and because it takes away from the money she feels should be going towards her and her future with him.
Perfectly understandable though, when a greedy ex is getting paid far more monthly than she should be ... where it actually affects a man's ability to "start over and get ahead". | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:04:59 AM | Whoa! On one hand a woman is already making plans for the income of a male interest, and you think the ex is the greedy one?! LOL! I say the man would be lucky to escape the clutches of two such women.
There are plenty of women out here who do not resemble and resent comments about ex-wives receiving excessive amounts of child support. I believe most child support amounts are reasonable, and good percentage of those families rarely if ever receive it. We're out here just barely surviving but we're supposed to get all choked up about your "ability... to get ahead." That's just a pike dream in our world. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:51:45 AM | "good percentage of those families rarely if ever receive it. "
In Canada the majority of non-custodial fathers pay the required amount and on time. Not sure what it is like in your area.
As for Non-custodial mothers in Canada, the majority do not pay, the last statistics I looked at showed only about 15% actually pay.
As for getting ahead, the CP can go on have other relationships where as if the NCP starts a new relationship they have to be careful since they could be held liable for child support for step kids. This means we have to take this into consideration prior to starting any relationship where as the CP does not. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:55:10 AM | I can't honestly say that I spend all of my son's child support ONLY on him. I get $50 a month in child support, and sometimes I use that money to take us BOTH to McDonald's for a treat. OMG. Shoot me now. Usually I use it to buy him shoes from walmart or "new" clothes from the thrift store. (Not whining - i'd buy his clothes from the thrift store even if I was rich - children's clothes are stupid-expensive, IMO) And I always make sure to buy him a new toy or book with "his" money. If there's any leftover (which there usually is, I don't use it to "support" us, just for extras) then it goes into his college fund ( a pickle jar that sits on my dresser)
Any woman who has nice clothes and vacations and such while her children do without should be shot, regardless of where the moeny is coming from. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:38:07 PM | Whoa....pretty low to compare child support as the equivilent to a "car payment".
Sounds like the value of your children just depreciated in value...along with your car.
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/8/2008 5:29:11 PM | | Don't judge until you have walked a mile in a father's shoes Honey....and saw how this all works.....but I will cut you some slack, I read your profile and saw a 50 yr old woman saying she "thinks like a 20 yr old"....so it's cool....Rock On Kiddo! | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:40:46 PM | Hi all,
I just wanted to get some input not sure not really a regular poster here. I have 2 boys younger ones been separated for about 4 years not legally but am looking to make it legal. I havent paid any custody support since i take my guys about 3 days a week and sometimes 4 days. We both earn about the same amount and i do pay for anything that would be medical or extra swimming lessons or whatever they require as well as daycare. How do you think this would do in a separation agreement. Both my boys want to stay with me on a full time basis but i do keep telling them that their mom must be included in thier lives. They do have some issue's with her. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:05:01 PM | Excuse me Henry L. Moon...but if you actually read my profile you would see that it says I am NOT a 50 year old woman pretending to be 20 something!!
Okay back to the child support issue.
I have been a single mom for over 10 years. I have encouraged the father of OUR (not just my) children to maintain a relationship with his children, but his bitterness and resentments over the divorce apparently prevented him from doing so.
After two years of him refusing to pay me any child support I finally took him to court. We both earn roughly the same yearly income, and the judge came down on him pretty hard for not living up to his responsibilities as a father.
For some reason my ex seemed to think the minimal money he was required to pay me($600), was going directly into my pocket as free spending money!!
Like $300 per child per month could even come close to the actual cost for me to raise them. My daughters both played sports and the money he gave me every month barely even covered that expense, nevermind the cost of providing a roof over their head, clothes on their backs, and food in their stomach. I have devoted my time, heart, soul and energy to our children and have kept them on the straight and narrow path. I am now in the process of putting them both through college (with no help from him).
So I'm sorry but I did take offense to your comment about how you compared paying child support as being the equivilent to making a car payment each month.
You shouldn't judge until you have walked a mile in a mother's shoes either Honey....
THE MONEY YOU INVEST IN PROVIDING FOR YOUR CHILDREN IS A MUCH MORE IMPORTANT INVESTMENT THAN A CAR! | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:24:48 AM |
We both earn roughly the same yearly income,
so using B.C. tables for 2006 you are both earning $40,000 approximately.
His income however is deducted $7,200 leaving him with $32,800
but your income went to $47,200.
Now the income tax is based on the $40,000 but you as custodial parent receive the equivalent to married deduction or tax credit so in fact on the initial $40,000 you actually pay less tax than your husband did which is again additional benefits in your pocket. And you also receive the CCTB every month which is nice also? too busy or tired to look up what you are getting but it looks close to $50,000 as compared to your ex who is at $32,000.
Like $300 per child per month could even come close to the actual cost for me to raise them.
And what is then the real cost in your mind. And what should be your contribution to that number? And the cost of housing is always an interesting concept. As you are looking at close to $50,000 before tax income to his $32,000 before tax income income ::: and he will be paying more income tax as you are custodial.
My daughters both played sports and the money he gave me every month barely even covered that expense
So do mine and when they asked about hockey i simply said ; No, I cannot afford it. It really is not that difficult. But they do play sports and in fact one is receiving scholarship offers.
So I'm sorry but I did take offense to your comment about how you compared paying child support as being the equivalent to making a car payment each month.
Well I also take offense to your comments as to what a custodial parent feels is required from a ncp. As a custodial parent I enjoy the added tax credits and the CCTB. But I have since day 1 paid all the bills from the roof to the clothes to the before and after school care and the braces...and the athletic costs.
So when you are complaining about what you feel he is not giving you why not break down the full picture in respect to the finacial picture? You just sound like many of those custodial mothers who want and want and want and want and want. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:27:00 AM | I am a custodial mother that receives $ 504.00 a month for three children. I pay the insurance,all household bills, all clothes and pay for everything extra. I attend every function that our children are involved in, he comes to nothing. I am the person that takes care of ALL school responsibilities and he does nothing. Not even pick up the phone on report card day. He doesn't even see our children anymore because the new wife resents the children and myself so much. He doesn't even call these children- they have to call him. His $504.00 a month does not help cover the expenses of a family, and his behavior is not one of a Dad. He sends his child support, but in many other ways he is a dead beat father in my book!
I would not be involved with a person that does perform their duty as a parent. Children are a blessing from God in so many ways. | |
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| men who pay child support
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:29:25 AM | And furthermore when you are in the system like the FRO in Canada its all or nothing and then the harrassment starts.
Think about the 55000 thousand workers that lost their jobs recently, there will be some in that system who will not be able to pay but the fro will not care why and the payments are not automatically adjusted to new lower level.
Most likely they will face what I have and take a 10 dollar an hour job but still be required to pay the higher rate. If they don't, the first thing they take is the drivers liscence which will limit the ability to find new work for many.
And it likely even after finding a new permanent job the pay will lower but the payments are still held at the higher rate. They will have to go to court to seek an adjustment, which involves lost wages for taking the time off and if they can afford a lawyer it just adds to the debt.
Funny how it works the other way as in the second he gets a better job those payments are automatically raised.
I haven't even touched on the fact having two households raises the overall costs plus if everyone is living separately the demand for housing rises which in turn raises the prices and increases the scarcity.
There are so many factors that many of you cp do not even consider.
You only seem to be concerned with where's my money and your late.
And I always thought that the female gender was the one with compassion, the comments here and all through these threads tell a much different story.
And heres a side note the reason most athletic activities are costly is also been influenced by single moms. Kids don't play outside anymore because of the rampant paranoia that some evil man will get my child so it has to be supervised.
PS. you'll be interested to know that none of the umpires or refs pay taxes on any of their earnings.
@miz q I have been laid off from three fulltime jobs in the last four and a half years and have been faced with either making the payment or paying my rent, so you would say that forcing a man into homelessness is ok as long as you don't have to cut back a little is ok, nice.
See the original plan for most men was WE as a family would have to deal with whatever comes our way but as more and more women choose to divorce instead of honouring the vows and making it work because your bored is the trend I see. | |
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