| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 1:06:15 AM | OP..
Sounds like you have a serious illness and to many that is not easy to handle, especially someone you just met online and took your time to go visit serveral miles away (why would anyone do this I have no clue, but you did).
It's not just men who don't match their actions with words. Women do it as well.
Hope you get better and hope you don't put yourself in this type of position again. It sounds like a terribly sad lonely thing to go thru.
The guy in question probably feels like he has been put in a bad position too. You don't know him, you chose to go see him, you are not well, and you expect more from him than he was willing or able to give.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but seems to be the case here.
And no, I don't know you or the entire circumstance and yes, ppl (not just men) we chat with on line do say some really silly things they may or may not mean at the time. But, you have to watch out for yourself and if you are that ill you may not want to go travelling several miles to be with someone you don't know at the risk of your health and the situation you are in now.
Can't you call a loved one to come be with you or take you back home? It's unfair to expect a virtual stranger to be there for you right now.
I have made some very good friends on line and some I have never met and they have been wonderful and sometimes surprise me, but all and all, the one's I have never met could be anybody and certainly not someone I would expect to take care of me when I chose to go see them when I knew I was not well.
Yes, you deserve someone great in your life, but this man doesn't seem to be it, or if he may have been, you kinda forced the issue as to how great he was to be so soon.
Just my opinion. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 1:13:12 AM | and all I attract are losers, ***holes, and **stards!!!
And off the back of such sexist generalising ranting ....... I wonder why. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 5:24:41 AM | | Yea OP why not give up men altogether and join a convent. Christ it nevver ends with you gals does it. You don't think you gals pull te same crap on us men?? All the time dear. You need to toughin up or give it up. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 5:57:27 AM | The thread is over a year old.......but I will say this though.
Can't a person expose his or her problem without everyone saying so do the other sex.
The problem is hers or his.......we all know the opposite is also true.  | |
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 55 | |
| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:01:07 AM | | I don't know how someone could expect someone who is all but a total stranger to bring their life to a standstill when someone they just met is in the hospital. Getting sick for a few days while chatting online and on the phone, and being admitted to the hospital for weeks, are two different things. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:07:54 AM | In answer to your question...
Hopefully at EXACTLY the same time it happens with women...
Its not the sex that determines character (or lack of), its the individual | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:24:20 AM |
Can't a person expose his or her problem without everyone saying so do the other sex.
Not when the question is posed essentially as "why are the whole of the opposite sex ...?". That sort of thing tends to rile up those members of the opposite sex who feel that they don't deserve to be tarred with the same oh-so-wide brush | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:48:46 AM | when men mean what they say and say what they mean.
when a mans word is his bond
when a man knows he might be brought accountable at any moment
for everything he says and does.
When a claymore and human virtues are equally respected. ~dar | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:55:17 AM | Few things here. 1st of all, yes you have chatted /emailed/talked. But you don't really *know* the man. All the email/talks/phone is NOT really knowing a person. They may *present* themselves as being sweet, nice, etc. but until they walk the walk (and you can only find out overtime, step by step, if they do!), he's only talking the talk. talk is cheap, easy and pleasant, but it's just that - talk. People often say to another what they *think* the other wants to hear to please them, and the other is so often so eager to listen and believe.
2nd, I dont know how physical it got, but if it did, sounds like it happened on the fisrt face to face meeting.. again, of course a guy would not turn it down and be sweet and nice about it - why not? Will he feel obligated to be by you? Not necessarily. When it came to walking the walk, he's not there. Why? Maybe all he was interested in was the fun part, but not actually a relationship. A relationship (not an *instant* one) entails being there for one another when times is good and not so good, IMO.
In my view, hours of phone calls/emails and ONE (even weekend-long)face to face meetings is *not* a relationship.. so what do you expect? He liked it while it was good, but he didnt feel obligated when things went bad with you. Is he right? Not IMO. But I find it hard to blame only him. The good thing you found out pretty early on that he does not really care enough. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 7:59:12 AM | I am really sorry you are sick....and I hope you are feeling better soon.
But you meet this guy face to face for the very first time....You spend three days with him..And you expect him to be your guardian angel never leaving your bed side?
IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!!..this guy also has real life to tend to, He came to visit you, if he didnt care then you wouldnt even get that out of him...
Its not like the two of you were in a long term committed relationship.
Plus it is very hard to realize that he is "THE ONE" after such a short period of time. when you get right down to it....you really dont know that much about each other at all.....(Phone conversations hold very little ground)
I am also sorry that you have some very bad experiences from men and dating, but you cant expect every man there after to pay for someone elses mistakes.
Best wishes to you.... and again, Hope you get well soon | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:01:50 AM | I know this may not help but you sure helped me after reading what you said, I know Im not alone in the POF world of bozos!!....Soooo many guys out there are players...will say and do whatever you want to hear to get what it is they are after...#1 thing, i dont care what kind or type of guy it is, is after sex....this is there mission and what there internal instincts are....once they have that maybe they will be ok for a bit, maybe they will disappear....but once that does happen everything changes...best advice is wait at least a month after meeting him.....Lots of guys have a 3 date rule..no sex after 3 dates and they are gone...so least wait out a bit before doing that, and im sure you can, we now have dildos that make life as a woman a lot easier :)... ....I beleive Ive had enough of the nimrods on this site...its almost enough to make me sick with disgust, the men here are here for one thing and one thing only.....and the ones that arent are the ones that are a bit off in the mental dept. So good luck to you, hope you get well...try to put this behind you, if not your health could suffer more, and truely is any man on this world worth it...Not really....unless you have a son?......Take care.....
PS read the book "why men love ****es"...beleive me you will learn a bit about how the male species narrow minds work.....:) and how good woman like us get treated like door mats and how to stop that..... | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:20:49 AM | When will actions match words??
When women learn to watch the actions and not gaze only at the features of those that pass.
When women learn not to listen to sweet words whispered but notice the actions made unspoken.
When women remember all that glitters is not gold, and when it is gold it still doesn't account for all things.
When women learn to see what someone does not just to gain something but when there is nothing to gain.
And in truth this applies to both genders I answered this way only because of the question of the op.
People need to learn what really holds value agian. To learn that service is not a disgrace but an honor. To learn how to be responsible for the choices made and the results thereof. To learn that no one is entitled to anything no matter what they look like, or own.
Soo much trouble and suffering would be spared if you paid more attention to those fables and childhood stories the wisdom of millenia is there..
Be good to others and do not be decieved by light and shadows. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:22:30 AM |
When women learn not to listen to sweet words whispered but notice the actions made unspoken.
I have.
When women learn to see what someone does not just to gain something but when there is nothing to gain.
I have.
Now if only there were more PEOPLE who have walked the walk, and not only talked the talk.. Alas, that's another topic... | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:26:29 AM | | Ahh Red n Blue you'll note perhaps that I did specifically say it applies to people men and women, that I answered only in the form of the ops question to start :). | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:40:04 AM | | is that all? is that all ` there is ~ well let's go dancing, let's break out the booze ~ and have a ball ~ if that's all ~dar | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:35:34 PM | | Unfortunately, sickness scares some away. A longterm hospital stay could really do it. Maybe he's lost a loved one to illness and if so, is a painful experience that he would not want to repeat. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:09:58 PM | OP, I'm so sorry you're sick. Get better soon!
So, anyone, please tell me!! Why do men tell you one thing and do the complete opposite??
I think it's already been said here a few times, but this isn't a behavior exclusive of just men.
He seemed to be such a sweet, sensitive, caring, and awesome person. Everything that I have been looking for in a man.
The word here is "seemed." Everyone "seems" perfect when you first date them.
The man I "thought" I knew, I don't think ever existed. I just think my radar must be totally off because I really thought he was one of the good guys. Why did he go from being such a caring and sensitive man to a complete ass?!?!
He didn't. In many cases, people (even those with the best of intentions) will tell you what you want to hear in the early stages of a relationship. You never really know a person until you've gone through a rough time with them. And in your case, this happened sooner, rather than later.
You met this guy on the "Hot or Not" site but you expected him to be solid, boyfriend material? He wasn't looking for a girlfriend. He was either bored and looking to vote, or at the most was looking for something casual.
He came to see you in the hospital which proves that he's not totally uncaring and without conscience, because usually an uncaring person will just vanish and say nothing. I honestly think he felt that he became involved in something he wasn't expecting to.
I'm not condoning his behavior. I'm just giving you my objective take on this. Because you can't go through life thinking all men are .... (insert expletives here) and that "those" types are all you'll attract. Even if he is a horrible person, take some time to get over this, and thank GOD that you found out sooner rather than later (the time to find out that he's not that caring isn't when you've been married a year).
In reality, standing by someone you love during sickness is a huge, emotional experience. Asking a new person for such an investment is asking a lot (even if you connect and seem compatible otherwise). Most new relationships can't survive it.
You, however, are going to be okay. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:06:28 PM | | good i'm glad you're in the hospital and you're sick. maybe it will get rid of some of the stupidity in your brain! if you're gonna be stupid enough to go after a loser, then you deserve whatever kind of treatment you get from that loser. so grow a brain and stop going after ***holes | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:01:27 PM | Hi There...
Hope your feeling better! Yeah I can totally identify with you about men! I am not a man hater never wanted to get a hard heart towards them but I have had about all I can take from them too.
I just ended a 5 month relationship with a guy that I was foolish enough to give a SECOND chance to ! I dont know, my interpretation of love is different then his I guess.. any how its over and I hurt.
In my opinion some guys are just not "cut out" to be involved emotionally and be an equally supportive partner in a relationship. This guy I was seeing said he loved me so much and also said he would NEVER do anything to jeopordize our relationship, yet when the newness wore off in our relationship and issues began to show between us both he SPLIT!
I feel so hurt, betrayed, and all that good stuff.
From here on out I want to only date guys and WATCH there actions to make sure that they match up with there WORDS, make them prove to me that they are mature and emotionally available before I invest my heart. ( Easier said then done) but yeah I am tired of there immature selfish crap too. Take care, Debbie | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/12/2008 1:57:29 PM | He sounds just like a first class player. He told you what he knew you would want to hear ... pre your first meeting, telling you he wishes he could look after you.....then when it became a reality, it wasnt fun anymore. Its real life grit, gore and all....players never want to get involved in all that, they only want the nice easy bits with no effort. Sh*tes aren't they, but I refuse to believe they are the norm. Unfortunately the truth of it is, that players congregate on dating sites like flies to sh*t, because the anonimity affords them easy feeds, and therefore we (the decent ones) are FAR more likely to come across them here than we ever would in real life......sad but true.  | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/12/2008 2:19:01 PM | I'm gonna rephrase you question a little when will actions match words from people? Now let's be honest we all get on these websites hoping and wishing to find the greatest person in the world! The person who were are ultimately going to be with for the rest of our lives, and so on and so forth. But let me ask you when you are writing a profile about how you are this and how you are that are you being completely honest with everyone including yourself? How many times has a person who wasn't the most attractive to you msgd you and you just blow it off because you have no physical attraction towards them? We as people need to first be honest with ourselves first, before we can expect anyone to be honest with us. If you want a great spouse look away from the ordinary people you go for. Talk to a person get to know them and learn things about them even if there's no attraction, do it just because you would want someone to do it for you! You never know just the simple things like msging a person back or just saying hi that could make a persons day, week, or even month. Become what you want a person to be and you will easily see how easy it easy to find your true spouse. Now I apologize because I didn't really get to the subject at hand but I will try my best on what I have read. Now I have read some people say maybe he was scared because you got sick, which is a reasonable view on the situation. We have to understand that we all have our fears and maybe that was one of them for him to get close to someone and lose them in a blink of an eye. I know I would be, but at the same we as people really need to be held accountable for our words. The guy probably wasn't worth your time, and you have to ask yourself how much of you guys feels were shared between you? A good warning sign of a smooth talker is the guy who tells you all the right things, because honestly no one is perfect so try going for the guy who doesn't say exactly what you want to here but close enough..hopefully this extremely long essay of sorts helps.
Michael | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/12/2008 2:31:11 PM | | If you spend 3 days with the guy I imagine you slept with him, If you did you may have been a cheap replacement for a hooker. If you didn't sleep with him he is just another a-hole. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:01:09 PM | Well, I suspect that the situation just freaked him out. It happens.
My worst dating horror story is this: A woman that I had known for quite a while but never dated before took me home one evening. She set out candles and made it very romantic, and I must say that the night was fantastic. I will always remember it as a peak experience. I went home thinking that we had a great thing going. I was very pleased and looking forward to seeing her again--until I got the phone call.
Apparently, she had neglected to put out all of the candles and went off to work with one still lit. When she got home, her entire apartment was gutted. She lost everything. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but inside I was in a complete panic. What on Earth could I do, should I do, should I not do? Of course I felt terribly for her, but I just couldn't get over my own shock and fear that I'd hooked up with someone so careless. Yes, that's selfish, but what if the place had caught fire while we were sleeping? We could have both wound up dead. And yes, I did blow out all the candles I saw and thought we'd gotten them all. I'm not a complete idiot.
When a woman portrays herself as competent and self-reliant, and yet she puts herself in a position of extreme dependency at the very beginning, it is a very bad sign. Sure, you got sick, and that part can't be helped. But where are _your_ friends, are you relying on them, and are you clear with him that you are doing so and that you don't need him to take care of you? Does he know that you'd welcome his visits and can hardly wait to get back on your feet again so that you can pick up where you left off? Or, are you expecting him to provide you with emotional support because you're feeling needy and he made the mistake of going to far with you too soon?
If you're harboring that expectation/demand, then it is perhaps understandable why he might back off. If it were me, I'd fake it until you were released from the hospital and then drop you. No one needs to add insult to injury and we all need to be rescued from time to time, but I only give one rescue per customer, if that, and once you've used it, I start looking around for a partner who might be capable of rescuing me one day should I ever happen to need it.
One thing I wish women would understand about men: we really aren't knights in shining armor and it isn't our job to rescue you. When you put us in that position there is absolutely nothing wrong with us if we choose not to step into the role.
Call your friends if you need emotional support through tough times. Don't call a man whom you're just starting to get to know--unless you want to freak him out and drive him off. If this is your way of testing his loyalty, you've got the wrong test. No man with any sense would ever measure up by that standard and if you rely on it, you'll wind up with someone who's too insecure for words or too controlling to be endured. | |
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| When will actions match words from men?
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:27:06 PM | | First off, if u sleep with anyone after only 3 days, its your own fault for getting hurt because anyone...man or woman....who sleeps with someone so quickly only sets themselves up for heartache unless its just suppose to be for only sex...which I also think is dumb but hey to each is own. In any case, Im sorry if u were hurt. Guys and gals all do the same things. Its not just gouys doing the opposite, its the women too. Unfortunently, its a trend the seems to not have an end in site | |
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