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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:31:42 PM | I'm sorry but I honestly don't see a problem with keeping your options open. I'm here to meet people as well and if I choose to agree to meet someone, that's what it is...a "meet and get to know you " thing... Northern..did you and this lady agree to be exclucive?? if not... then it's a good thing you cancelled...that just seemed a bit too possessive for a first date... but hey what do I know, and the people wonder why some of us are still single!!!
I think you did the right thing, and just for the record... not all we women are "Bunny Boilers"!!!...lol Don't give up... you'll find her when you least expect it!!
Good Luck | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/13/2009 2:52:28 PM | It depends on what both you and your potential dating partners are looking for. If all you're looking for is an activity or casual dating partner, then there is no implied goal of looking to the long term.
On the other hand, if you're looking for a long term relationship, "keeping your options open" can sound a bit opportunistic or mercenary. Is "keeping your options open" akin to dating someone only until the next better thing comes along? Trading up if a "better" opportunity arises? Not a good way to build up trust in a potential budding relationship.
Many profiles here have a line asking that "serial daters" skip over their profile. I agree with that sentiment. While a first or second date should obviously be considered as no more than an interview stage to determine if there is something worth exploring further, it's also important to decide whether to at least semi-commit (or not) early on.
If either you or your potential long term relationship prospect can't or won't do that, it's better to cut bait early so both can move on and hopefully find someone that they can do so with.
My own personal thought is that I'll date only one person at a time. If I find that there is basis for continuing, I will, but while I'm making that determination, my focus will be on that one person and no other. I have no interest in setting up two or more women in "competition" with each other, whether they realize it or not. Playing with someone's hopes and feelings until a "better option comes along" can be so wrong.
After all, isn't the goal finding someone who you can relate to and build a relationship with? If you're constantly looking away to see if you can find greener pastures elsewhere, odds are that you're going to neglect what you already have right in hand, and that's no way to build a relationship.
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:48:14 PM | Of course, if you are with someone for a long time, they ask you to take the profile off, and you don't, and you are still flirting with women/men and meeting other people there may be an issue there lol.
Heck, I haven't met anyone since returning on here. I'm getting a bit frustrated to be honest lol | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:49:51 AM | Thank you onefreeguy, for pointing out the error of my quote "keeping options open"
I apologize to everyone for that statement. I didn't mean for it to sound the way it read. "Upgrading" dates until you find something better is absolutely not the way to find that special someone. I agree that some people are fortunate to find that special connection the first time around...but for some it may take longer..or a few dates(and not necessarily with the same person). you might even have a connection with more then one person... thats when you have to figure out which peson is more compatable with you. It's not always an easy process and can be quite frustrating; and I agree with you that it's not a competition and those emotions should not be played with and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. All relationships take time to build and maintain, but are easily destroyed.
Thank you again for opening my eyes and understanding | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:20:08 AM |
It's not always an easy process and can be quite frustrating; and I agree with you that it's not a competition and those emotions should not be played with and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. All relationships take time to build and maintain, but are easily destroyed.
I'd hear you. Hope you may find what you're looking for. | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:08:29 AM | Oh come now !
Look its just a date !
And anyone who finds anything wrong with leaving your profile up when your arranging a date is surely insecure !
Now if the date leads to something more then just a date & you end up dating regularly with the same person then just change your profile to not lookiing at present time.
And if your lucky you can soon close your profile down and enjoy your new mate.
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:40:27 AM | If anyone man or woman tries to dictate who I can and can't talk to they get an instant block...even if I've known them for years.
I find it really rude, selfish and insulting to me. And it is psycho. Just because one person is insecure that they don't have special qualities that I will find in them gives them the right to tell me who I can and can't talk to?
It's very insulting to me for someone to tell me what I may do with my life because I am who I say I am and to restrict me in any way to make themselves more comfort is not fair!
If the person had bad experiences, dealt with players, whatever excuse there is for not taking responsibility for ones own negative thinking. I still don't care...to me there is no explanation why one has to project their insecurity onto a partner whether a new one or a long time one. | |
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