| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:38:44 PM | I just have to comment that while a first date, obviously, includes learning who the other person is, it also includes taking in the physical beauty of that individual (assuming it's there for both people involved). I think that with a pair of open-minded people, not hung up on religion or any other such things making it "taboo", the possibility of sex on the first date is definitely there.
It doesn't *necessarily* mean a long-term relationship is doomed to failure, or that one or both of the people were "only wanting the sex". I had one monogamous relationship that lasted about 2 years with a woman I had sex on the first date with, and another 11 month long one that started the same way.
Of course, it occurred to me that if a woman was so willing to have sex with me on the first date, then she's probably done that a number of times before meeting me. But again, why does our society consider that a "bad" or "negative" thing? Sex is like anything else in life. You get better at it with more practice and experience. I don't hold a woman I'm seeing to a different standard than I keep for myself. (In my case, that means yes, I'm "ok" with such things as sex happening on a first or second date - but I'm just as "ok" with it not happening. I don't care if the woman I'm with has had a lot of sex in her past. I only ask that she not cheat on me while our relationship is going on.) | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:53:36 PM | Kimbo you really believe that c**p. The hots doesn't translate into LOVE. You can be in lust, attracted, chemistry, what ever you want to call it in the moment,but LOVE that comes from with in down in the soul of every human being. LOVE grows with intimacy of the mind.
If two people are really interested in having a exclusive,commited monogomus relationship then sex will not only be worth waiting for but better when it is desired by both people on the same emotional page... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:21:43 AM | ^Chagal....I am too smart to confuse the hots with LOVE^
I simply quoted some lines from an author that purports a different view
and, he uses the word LOVE, not to be confused with the hots
Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity
and unless that affinity is created in a moment,
it will not be created for years or even generations
I do not believe anything is carved in stone, for things that are carved in stone will always remain the same. And, I too, believe it is always better to not rush into sex before love, and agree that it may be worth waiting for, that would be my 'preference'.
But I have also learned that my 'preferences' are simply guidelines, yet Spiritual Affinity will trump guidelines every time, hopefully, in a sacred way.
I absolutely believe that a spiritual affinity is much more powerful when created in a moment. And 'if' that does happen, then i must conclude that an emotional/spiritual bond is made. Simply put.....if it does lead to a physical encounter sooner than 'we' expect, it is not worth beating yourself up over..it happened for a reason....that is all I was trying to share.
A relationship based on being hot for each other, or simply for sex, is rather easy to engage in, think about it, I don't seek that. But if an emotionial/spiritual/physical bond happens, no matter what the time frame, it is very rare. In fact, it is probably what most souls seek, so one would be a fool to not pay attention to it.
hope that helps
regards
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Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:47:16 AM | If you both want sex on the first date why not?.....Why would a man respect you any more if he had to wait for the 3rd date etc?...I think there is little to be gained by postponing sex!
If a man just wants you for sex.....and is going to lie through hes teath to get it.He isnt going to be any different on the 3rd or forth date! he will just have to of course wait a little bit longer!
Ive had 2 long relationships that emmanated from a drunken snog down my local...I guess its up to the individaul women/man...if they feel better in themselves for waiting for the obligatory 3rd date or whatever then fine!
Maybe times and attitudes have changed though. In the mid 80,s to late 90,s it seemed ok to have sex on the first date!...and they say the 60,s where swinging!
Unfortunately for myself though I find it less likely to get my end away on the first date thesedays!
If it feels right go for it...if if doesnt dont! | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:24:03 AM | I have to answer this one. I have been in two long term relationships and both these i had sex with my partners on the first date. That is why i say it's not a good idea. I put too much in too soon and it caused arguments through the years - most being mistrust 'you let me have it on our first date, so you cant be trusted'. I have been single a year and the scenario is still the same. You give it away too easily men just dont respect you as they should | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:34:29 AM |
I have to answer this one. I have been in two long term relationships and both these i had sex with my partners on the first date. That is why i say it's not a good idea. I put too much in too soon and it caused arguments through the years - most being mistrust 'you let me have it on our first date, so you cant be trusted'. I have been single a year and the scenario is still the same. You give it away too easily men just dont respect you as they should
In my opinion, if they react that way, they just have a lot of insecurities of their own to deal with. We're all supposed to be adults here, and we all make personal choices, based on how WE feel about it. If so-and-so decides a week from now that he isn't going to respect me for doing something that felt right at the moment, then he needs to look in the mirror too, because he was there, and enjoying it right along with me. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:43:33 AM | | On a first, second, third however many numbers date the seed of a relationship is planted. You know if something special could possibly be happening if you experience that "I want to know more" feeling and sensing similar from the other side. It is the most exhilarating, confusing , exciting and humbling process of emotions that should not mix together hence the confusion. .....Sex on the first date would deprive us of that "I feel like 21 again" heady concoction. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:04:14 PM |
(Msg 278) The hots doesn't translate into LOVE. You can be in lust, attracted, chemistry, what ever you want to call it in the moment,but LOVE that comes from with in down in the soul of every human being. LOVE grows with intimacy of the mind.
If two people are really interested in having a exclusive,commited monogomus relationship then sex will not only be worth waiting for but better when it is desired by both people on the same emotional page...
I believe chemistry is wanting to have sex with the other person but experiencing chemistry is more than just sexual. For example, a person may look at an individual and think, "Wow! What a great body!" and they think sex. Then they go and meet the person. If the person smelled bad the sexual attractiveness would quickly disappear so chemistry is based on more than looks.
If the person saw the individual and was turned on by their body and met the individual and was further turned on by their scent but the individual started yelling and cussing the chemistry would quickly disappear.
If the person saw the individual and was turned on by their body, turned on by their scent, then additionally turned on by their seductive voice but the person harshly berated the waiter/waitress because they brought the wrong drink the sexual attraction would probably disappear.
The point being sexual attraction is not some superficial feeling based on only one thing which seems to be the way a lot of folks think about it. "He wants to get me in bed because I have a nice a$$." That may be one reason but there are numerous other, more subtle reasons.
When a person postpones sex it means none of those other reasons sufficiently motivate them; neither the other person's physical appearance nor their scent nor their voice nor their manners........So the question becomes, "What do you find special about that person?"
I believe that's why relationships fail today. Rather than choose a partner based on chemistry, that special something that is rare, people go for qualities like enjoying similar activities. If finding somone who plays golf is more of a turn on than the initial chemistry then what makes that person so special?
As for what a guy thinks about a gal going to bed on the first date is there any lady here who would want a man who thinks, "If she'll go to bed with me it means she'll go to bed with anyone." Not only does it show a tragic lack of self esteem on the guy's part but God only knows what other bizarre thoughts he has about women. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:11:09 PM | two consenting adults, both very attracted to each other, the problem is as i see it one or the other getting all emotionaly twisted up . come on ! its still just the first date. so you men might not respect her, but what about self respect? got any? i have the choice, i decide and i always respect myself. no self loathing here. nothing worse then men and women who claim they dont, bull lots do. and for the guys who claim they wont be back because SHE! gave it up to easly BULL! again because if it was hot! you will be back!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:20:31 PM | I confess I haven't read the previous 11 pages, and perhaps my answer lies therein, but I always wonder, what is a first date in today's world?
Well let me rephrase that, is it a first date if you've been chatting with someone online for days, weeks or months and then meet face to face? | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:22:59 PM | what about waiting and then the guys sucks in bed or is really weird sexually? i rather get it over with and know whether there is sexual chemistry. of course both parites have to be on the same page, there's protection used, and preferably no alcohol.    | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:28:29 PM | | Isn't there a rule that states you shouldn't have sex on a first date? Whatever happened to morals and self respect? Yes, I think that it is a potential relationship killer. Men enjoy the pursuit and the chase... easy women just don't get it... why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:41:32 AM | [Isn't there a rule that states you shouldn't have sex on a first date? Whatever happened to morals and self respect? Yes, I think that it is a potential relationship killer. Men enjoy the pursuit and the chase... easy women just don't get it... why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?]
Rules saying tou shouldnt have sex on the first date? my god im so glad ive broke and bended that rule, My sex life isnt bound by rules! if me and a date want it im not going to give a damn about pathetic rules!
As for men enjoy the chase thats crap generalization, I dont chase anyone.!
Mrs sex on the first date may have only have had two long relationships in her life...miss make the man wait until the fourth date may have done that 50 times in her life! | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:41:50 AM |
(Msg 286) and for the guys who claim they wont be back because SHE! gave it up to easly BULL! again because if it was hot! you will be back!!!!!!!!!!
Exactly!
Some people use such strange logic when it comes to sex. They say guys are just after sex and then turn around and say that if they supply sex the guy won't be back. That is the height of illogic.
(Msg 290) Men enjoy the pursuit and the chase... easy women just don't get it... why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
I'm not sure of the relevance of the cow analogy unless a woman thinks of herself as an animal to be bought and sold.
As for men liking the chase logic dictates such a man will endeavor to seek out chases. Whether the woman holds out for a week or a month or six months once it happens the chase is over and .....well, when the chase is over, it's over.
The opposite applies, as well. People who value being chased more than being with the person will be dissatisfied in a relationship. They will expect their partner to continue the chase, meaning they are high maintenance folks, or they will seek another partner (chase).
In any case it does not bode well for a long term relationship. If the chase is more important than the relationship one will leave a relationship so as to experience another chase. It just seems like common sense to me. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:20:02 AM | [qoute]As for men liking the chase logic dictates such a man will endeavor to seek out chases. Whether the woman holds out for a week or a month or six months once it happens the chase is over and .....well, when the chase is over, it's over.]
I couldnt agree more, im sure some women love the thrill of being chased to maybe? in my case its to gamey and leaves me cold! | |
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mroocu
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Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 294 | |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:09:57 PM | FIRST OF ALL,A DATE IS ALL ABOUT GETTING SOME,WHY GO OUT,YOU
PROBLABLY SPENT AT LEAST FIVE OR SIX HOURS ON THE PHONE BABBLIN.
BABBLE ON,IS THAT WHAT YOU GO OUT FOR?TO GET DRUNK?I HAVE MALE BUDDIES FOR THAT ACTIVITY,LIKE THE SIGN SAYS MY DRINKING
TEAM HAS A BOWLING PROBLEM!AS FOR GOING TO EAT OUT, SAME
DEAL WHY SPEND 30 OR 50 CLAMS , ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS THIS
WOMAN?WHY?DO YOU INTEND MARRIAGE. I DONT BELIEVE SEX KILLS
AND IF YOU WANT A POT-ENTIONAL RELATIONSHIP THEN POF. COM
IS NEITHER THE PLACE NOR THE TIME. MANY WOMEN AND MEN TOO
ASSUME MARKUS IS THEIR PIMP SUPPOSED TO GET THEM A MARRIAGE
PARTNER. WHY DO YOU LET SOMEONE CHOOSE AND PICK AND MAKE
AVAILABLE THE MEN YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND MEET.
FOR ME THIS SITE IS GREAT TO MAKE FRIENDS, AND THOSE WOMEN
WHO CONDUCT BVSINESS DO IT, AND NOT EXPECT POF.COM TO FIND
YOU A MARRIAGE OR SEX PARTNER.
FOR ME ITS A PLACE TO MEET ,TALK , AND LASTLY MEET ,BUT WITH
NO EXPECTATIONS OF A REAL RELATIONSHIP. POSTED JULY 3 2008
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claral
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Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 295 | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:42:49 PM |
Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
My experience has been just the opposite. Had sex on the second date with one woman, and ended up with her for just over 14 years. Had sex with my last LTR a MONTH after we met, and it didn't even last two years. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:53:24 PM | In my case, from one-night-stand it turned out a 10 years marriage. Sex is not a factor alone. We both don't regret one thing. We loved and we fought with passion, it was worthwhile.
So, I guess it pretty much lies on what you feel about yourself and the partner you're with, and what both are up to, there is not a formula one size to fit all.
If I would say something worthy to it, then my 2 cents - just go for it as if you would see good on both sides of the coin, either we get a great lesson from sex, be it bad or good, or we get a great lasting relationship for as long as it takes for both - nobody lives forever, yet. Though, moderate on antecipations, expectations and especially keep a watch on our dreaming ourselves first and foremost... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:05:10 PM | | Many, many years ago I had just gotten out of the Navy and had sex on a first date, married her 9 days later. Lasted 6 yrs and 3 kids later, but she got to running around on me so I divorced her.........and to just think if I'd have killed the ****, I'd probably be out by now! | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:44:12 PM | From what I know and from personal experiences, its usually the other way round. I don't do one night stands and I don't have sex on first date either.
This guy I was seeing once went on a date with a girl and they had sex on their first date (at least as far as I know). Not sure what happened after that, but my guess is they saw each other for a bit, then he found her annoying and told her to find someone else, so she did. I guess you could say that his ego was terribly bruised, but for a guy who tells a girl to "find someone else" once he got bored of her, I think he kinda deserved it. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:39:53 PM | You know: one predominant theme which has been running here which I believe is incorrect is that if a woman will have sex on a first date w/ one guy, she'll do it w/ anyone (or everyone!)
that said ( i have had sex on the first date, but typically do not!) i DO think it wrecks any future. Seems that by giving in, guys suddenly realize "Oh, I got that. Now there's nothing left. Huh."
and so they never call, they get all weird on you, they freak, basically, and next thing you know you're left with the "gee, what did i do wrong" remorse.
it sucks.
so, does it have to kill a relationship's chances? No. Does it, though? Sure seems to. | |
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