| |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:54:47 PM |
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Speaking just for me, the offer or intent of sex on the first date is the quickest way to kill a potential relationship...indeed.
It shows me that she has no self respect, or has an "itch to scratch" and then it implies no friggin' will power. This useless babble about "chemistry" and "sparks" and all that other crap is just that - crap.
If she wants to, tries to, or intends to give it up on the first date then she's not worth the powder to blow her to Hell and back. I'll see her just another loose, easy slut who's likely put out on the first date for many of her potentials and chalked it up to "chemistry" or some other preposterous bullshit. It's nice to feel wanted, sure I get that...but first date? She's just gutter trash to me then.
She may as well stand on the corner and make money.
JMO. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:07:17 PM | | you can size a man up and decide pretty quickly if you want a serious relationship with him...at that point you can decide would he be good for a booty call or a long term relationship...at that point you could decide ..if you trust him that much and he isn't long-term material ...to take him home ...if you don't care if you see him again or not...the thrill for the night thing might be just what you need...so each situation is different... | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:41:05 PM | | sex on the first date is a big plus for me ... I see it as she finds me irresistible...if she is just a slut it will show in more ways than just her putting out to me...when I have romantic interest in someone ..and they feel chemistry for me ..I have confidence in my ability to charm .. and I cannot fault a woman for giving into her emotions and my charm | |
|
| |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:55:55 PM |
For me if I end-up in bed and having sex on the first Date.
It tells me she's done this many times and has been ridden
better then the Public Bus.
The same thing is true about you as well then seeing as you jumped into bed with her as well. Men like to complain about double standards that are not in their favor, but the truth is there are far more double standards that are beneficial to men then there are for women. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:35:24 PM |
Would seem to me everyone on here, male/female has an ex regardless if they had sex on the first date or the tenth date. It won't make or break a potential relationship, it is what it is, sex.
Many women will refuse to acknowledge that having sex on the first date was a factor... because they really don't want to face the fact that they jumped into bed too soon and ruined it( and all the implications that go with that...)... and because most men will be more politically correct than to call them a slut or whatever to their faces... so the reason the relationship ended will always be "other"....
Realistically, some men will still stay around... and hell, if they're happy, and you're happy... then great...
But just don't expect ALL men to stick around after first date sex, as Groucho Marx once said, "I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member."
And calling it a "double standard" means nothing... just because a man will sleep with a woman doesn't mean he will have a relationship with her.... the same applies to a woman, if she sleeps with a man on the first date, she might not want to have a long term relationship with him either... | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:54:07 PM |
calling it a "double standard" means nothing
Actually yes it does mean something. It means that it is unfair. It is unfair in the same way that men are expected to pick up the dating tab all the time and if he doesn't he will not get dates. We can do better then this in our society. We should root out these outdated and old fashioned useless ideas from the stubborn minds of the masses. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:06:06 PM | Deerdog1: that was funny.
Ouch! Some strong preferences from the "yes it kills relationships." I find it odd that guys say that the girl is trash because she had sex on the first date, but he'd be a participant too, right? Would it then come down to who initiated it? So what happens if the guy initiates it, and the girl goes along, then the girl is a slut in either event? Wow. Glad I'm not a girl. I think all of these rules - second date, third date, etc. are just ridiculous. Making all these predeterminations regarding the woman's character based on sex on the first date makes no sense either. If no other information is given, then it would seem to me I'd only really know two things about this woman: 1. she's horny and/or 2. she thinks I'm hot (or some other crazy reason like..having sex with me to get at one of her friends who may be interested in me..yes ladies..you do this and often). After so much experience, it comes down to this for me (leaving religion out of the equation):
We get to know each other and those dealings can be categorized. Category 1: Physical touch. Eventually, I'm going to sleep with her, right? On a first time out, I'm hell bent on getting into her delicates - it keeps me out of the friendzone. There's a whole lot I can tell about a girl from how she handles herself in the bed (i.e. how giving she is, how comfortable in her skin she is, how in shape she is, etc.). It doesn't matter which category comes first, thing is, when there's more cons than pros, that would be the end of it.
If she waits on the sex until some later date, I could cut her loose on some things that were just not to my liking, but what if the bedroom experience made up for it? If we didn't have sex soon, I would never know. Not saying that sex on the second date is too long, just saying that it doesn't matter to me. Fist date is no biggy, and I'm definitely going to try unless I have information that says she thinks it's disrespectful that I attempt it (I've had that one before, although it turned out that what she said and what she meant were two different things). I wouldn't think less of her nor would I act differently towards her if we had sex on the first date. I suppose I should say that it *may* kill a potential relationship. If she is just outright terrible, then yes, sex on the first date would kill a potential long term romantic relationship. And good grief, I had two girls who were SERIOUS bad kissers - I didn't even care about sex after that point, that killed it right there. | |
|
| |
| |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:31:17 PM | | You know, I think it probably does. I have had strong (very strong) feelings of attraction and chemistry on a first date before..no complaints there!..but..acting on it is a mistake in my opinion unless you're just looking to get laid (and you're both ok with that). I'm not talking about playing games or hard to get or anything..But if you want a relationship, you need to have a good foundation. And sex isn't a good foundation. It is a necessity. But not a basis for a relationship. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:43:10 PM | First, let me preface this by saying - I'm a bit unorthodox on these kinds of issues.
With that out of the way, I think the date should not matter. It all depends on how good of a bond you have. I'm not a believer that the physical and emotional bonding necessarily require a specific timeline. Now to be fair, I think it is rare that the right bond and chemistry exists after one date. But think of it this way - the VAST majority of people don't believe in sex on a first date. And yet, the majority of marriages still fail. Therefore, having sex on a 1st, 2nd or 28th date is no predictor of relationship viability.
Simply put - I believe you're operating on a fatally flawed premise if you are making the timeline for entering a physical relationship a major part of the evaluation of a relationship's potential. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:27:06 PM | Can I summarize here saying
sex on a first date->too easy
no sex after 3 dates-> too difficult ?
so for a potential relationship, no first or second date sex but third date sex is cool and you won't dispise the girl you slept with on a third date and will think about having a relationship with that girl?
What a logic! | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:28:21 PM |
sex on a first date->too easy
no sex after 3 dates-> too difficult ?
so for a potential relationship, no first or second date sex but third date sex is cool and you won't dispise the girl you slept with on a third date and will think about having a relationship with that girl?
No, the logic is this....
The guy who wants sex is on the first date NOT THE SAME GUY who thinks you're too easy... if you can't figure out that difference, you shouldn't be allowed out on your own without an adult present....
The whole thing about the third date rule is that men put it out there in the hopes that the women REALLY ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they can move on to another woman for next month....!
Here's a hint, if you have to offer your vaj by the first or third date to keep a guy, what have you got to offer him to keep him past that? Once he has had sex with you, that's pretty much it, he got what he wanted, hasn't formed an emotional attachment... Over the next few days, he'll do you a couple more times (but probably your place, maybe his, but no more dates out - he's invested enough $$$ into you now) and as soon as someone else comes along, he'll tell you it's "not working out" or "It's not you, it's him" or some other stupid mindless drivel that he thinks you will believe... If you were better in bed than his hand, then he'll tell you the most he could maybe manage "Friends with Benefits" for now....
Now of course, all the men will tell you that they're NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!! Uh huh...
Of course not... but then they want to get laid, so it's pretty self-serving! Maybe you can believe them... not a problem... you can post a thread about how it turns out.... But I warn you, Threads about "FWB's - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?" are getting pretty redundan around here... | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:12:17 PM | | Yea girls I hate to admit it but sex on the first date gives us a bad rep. I use to like to think that if we're two consenting adults , and were feeling each other that's all it took. How wrong was I. You may have intense feelings, but is that feelings, or lust, and is lust what you are after. No it's not fair, but how fair is life in general. Plus it boils down to sex meaning different things to men and women. A man will have sex on the first date, and enjoy it and come back for more,but decide on that first date you are not the one. That same woman will have sex on the first date, and think he likes her for more than sex when he keeps coming back, and think they are building a relationship. Now women please don't get hysterical with that blanket statement I made. I generalized, because we can't point out every situation possible. The point is although you might want it, a man is not going to see you for who you truly are if you give it up on the first date. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:17:12 PM |
I find it odd that guys say that the girl is trash because she had sex on the first date, but he'd be a participant too, right?
I'd find it odd as well. To say "trash" but to be an active participant.
See, this is why I chose my words very carefully. I won't participate because then I can't cast stones. I said "intent or offer". If they openly come on and/or openly suggest or offer sex on the first date, then I'm done.
Then I can cast as many stones as I wish.
Was never a participant. | |
|
| |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2009 12:46:01 PM | Like I said, recently. Sex on first date, second, third or a week later gets some of them asking for moving in, marriage and kids. Its all about the mindset. If they are too closed minded they aren't chosen to begin with. And those proposals usually make me run. Not them. So if I get a few jerks with their you didn't value yourself line or attitude, guess what, they dont get repeat invites.  | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2009 3:51:42 PM | Too much sex kills a relationship - Are you kidding?
When i'm into someone, I like it all the time. And that is definately not the reason those relationships ended.
I do know a couple that had sex on the first date who did get married and are now expecting baby #2 !! | |
|
| |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2009 5:33:25 PM | If a gal believes a guy will think her a slut if she sleeps with him on the first date wouldn't she want to know that?
I think it's safe to assume a woman will not sleep with a guy on the first date unless she's really into him. In other words I don't believe there are women who will sleep with a guy on the first date because she's afraid he will never see her again if she doesn't. Either she isn't all that fired up or she may feel he will think negatively about her if she does.
So, logically speaking, if a guy tries to bed a gal and the gal goes along and the guy dumps her isn't she better off knowing that about the guy? Stated another way wouldn't a gal want to know if the guy she is considering entering into a relationship with is the type of guy who would lure a gal into bed and then think her a tramp? Who would want such a person as a partner?
Consider the following scenario. The guy is trying to lure the gal into bed. The gal is thinking, "He's trying to lure me into bed but he'll probably think I'm a slut so I'll hold out a while longer because I like him and don't want him to think bad of me."
Questions. Why would a gal want such a guy? If that is a concern of hers what is she doing with him? Why would she want him?
I'm afraid the logic escapes me. | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2009 5:38:42 PM |
So, logically speaking, if a guy tries to bed a gal and the gal goes along and the guy dumps her isn't she better off knowing that about the guy?
Your logic is flawed... She wants to know if the guy is like that so that she DOESN'T go to bed with him... it's too late after the fact....
Consider the following scenario. The guy is trying to lure the gal into bed. The gal is thinking, "He's trying to lure me into bed but he'll probably think I'm a slut so I'll hold out a while longer because I like him and don't want him to think bad of me."
Questions. Why would a gal want such a guy? If that is a concern of hers what is she doing with him? Why would she want him?
I'm afraid the logic escapes me.
That's because she's not trying to hold onto him, she's trying to see if he leaves... if he leaves and she hasn't had sex with him, she's ahead... If he stays and wants her for a relationship then she wins....and so does he... | |
|
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2009 6:31:40 PM | @ mchurch:
Sorry, it's your logic that is flawed. Your premise assumes that somehow the woman is doomed to be "damaged" if she sleeps with a guy and doesn't end up holding hands with him running through a meadow for the rest of their days. That somehow, a woman is degraded by having sex. You are ascribing a double standard to everyone that is increasingly not applicable (ask around if you think I'm BSing).
I think you might do well to listen a little more carefully to what dave1234 is saying: perhaps it's about time for women to examine the sexual relationship and the reaction to such, past the superficial. A guy for whom sex on the first date is an excuse to pass judgment on a girl should NOT be desired for at least 2 reasons:
1) If he accepts and then derides the girl, he is a de facto hypocrite.
2) Even if he declines, then he's probably not your type anyway. If it happens that you have the kind of drive that makes you want to follow your libido when there is strong chemistry, what good does it do you to spend 2, 3, or 18 more dates waiting for him to catch up? Better to realize an incompatibility like that that could doom a relationship long term anyway. Mismatched libidos is a leading cause of relationship failure.
Waiting around and playing games with your own feelings is a dangerous thing - you may think you are making the rules when in reality, you may and likely will be the one who gets played. You would be creating an illusion of yourself that is doomed to be exposed, eventually. And who's to say that if you wait till the 3rd date, or the 6th date, or the 48th date, that he may not pass judgment on you anyway? The funny thing about judgmental people is that they don't always play by the rules you think they should. So they often will mount their high horse unpredictably.
I suppose, if you're interested in playing the game where your self-esteem or self-worth is to be determined based on the opinions of another person, then have at it...I guess. | |
|
Home
login 
