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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:53:00 PM | | I have found you can have sex on the first date and still have a loving relationship. I think it depends a lot on the maturity of the people involved. I'm not necessarily talking about how old they are, I'm talking about how mature they are. If you know that the guy or girl is only out to have a good time, then you probably won't have much of a loving relationship whether you have sex or not. If you both are mature and know what you want, and feel you want to meet someone to have a go at it, then sex won't ruin it. There are far more issues that people separate on than sex. If sex on the first date was the only reason for divorce, then we would all take note and learn our lessons and never have sex on the first date. But it's sily to say that. I know people who have had sex on the first date, were married for like 20 years, and then divorced for other reasons that had nothing to do with having "sex on the first date". | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:02:47 PM | (370) Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. What can I say, "damned if ya do, damned if ya don't." If not sleeping with you the first time I see you makes you want to ditch me, then your not the one for me, nope.
Did I miss out on something a few times? Maybe. But more importantly did I dodge something... Absolutely! And I don't regret it, one minute!
Is it frustrating saying no to a sure thing like that, you bet... But is it worth it in the long run? I'd say so. Rarely does a one nighter progress to another meaningful interaction. That's just the way it goes... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:06:18 PM | I definitely agree double cabin. Another poster glibly tossed aside the double standard with some kind of stupid (as in not intelligent) comment about" Oh he's a man" so for some reason that means it's OK for him to have a double standard?
Bull youknowhat.
If we have sex with a man early on it doesn't mean we've done that before, or that we do it all the time. It means we really like YOU. And, so what if we have had sex with other men. ( Good grief, I was MARRIED for 17 years and I have kids- obviously I've had sex. But I still had a guy not happy with me because I am sexually experienced. What an idiot.). Men usually will sleep with anyone who has 2 legs and a vag. Most women are not nearly as promiscuous. I think we gals should start holding out for the guys who don't have a lot of experience, ya know - even things out a little.
Personally, I am looking for someone who won't stigmatize OUR (remember, it takes 2) sexual behavior. Why not be able to enjoy each other without the worry of him not wanting to see you again because you "put out too soon." Not only is that stupid, it's really childish, high school stuff. A man could pass up a wonderful partner in his righteousness.
It's also been my experience that men look for all the things in a woman they say they DON'T want. I don't nag, I'm not a control freak, I'm nice, I'm "reasonably" attractive, and I love sex, but I sure don't have guys flocking around me. They seem to prefer fat women who love drama....whatever. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:18:04 PM | | No it doesnt kill it, and yes I have, it was my first date but I had seen her a few times at a singles socal club and we knew one another after seeing one another about at three different events. There was an attraction from talking. It got intense and we dated about six months afterwards and I developed more emotionally, I dont think she was as much as I was due to her reasons for ending it. For all I know maybe I was just a good lay. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:00:07 PM | | I've had sex on the first date more than once. Each time it led to relationship. I find that if the feelings are there, and the woman I'm with is mature enough to make the decision to go forward and I feel the same way, then you do what comes naturally. I'm not and never have been out for sex on the first date. But when I've had it, it always led to relationship. Some worked out well as in we were together a long time, while others didn't. I agree with what someone earlier said, its not SEX that kills a potential relationship, its the people that kill it. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:13:54 PM |
If we have sex with a man early on it doesn't mean we've done that before, or that we do it all the time. It means we really like YOU.
True, but chances are, you didn't change your dating style just for that one guy... so, the odds are, yes you do have sex early on.... people usually follow the behaviour patterns they've had for a long time....
Men usually will sleep with anyone who has 2 legs and a vag. Most women are not nearly as promiscuous.
No...
Men usually(but not always as some of us have a bit more discernment) WANT to sleep with anyone who has 2 legs and a vaj.... but they rarely do... however, women tend to sleep with who ever they want.... so often, they are more promiscuous in the long run... I don't know many guys with high numbers... but I know a lot of women with high numbers....
Why not be able to enjoy each other without the worry of him not wanting to see you again because you "put out too soon."
Ummmm STD's? You don't know each other? He might be married? He might be a psycho?
A man could pass up a wonderful partner in his righteousness.
Really? I've never known a woman to pass up a guy because he wouldn't fcuk her early on... unless she was only after sex... or the town bike.... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:27:33 PM | The best relationship I ever had began with a one night stand. We were together six years, and even now she is my best friend in the world. But you're right: my case is rare.
I think the thing to keep in mind is that for many men, having a GF is NOT the ideal situation. Having a FWB is the ideal situation. FWB means a guy gets sex without strings--the ultimate win-win scenario. Many men will try for that rather than a regular GF if they think they can get it. The danger in sleeping with a guy too soon is you've jumped in bed before you've made clear what kind of relationship you want together. If he can maneuver you into a NSA arrnagment, he often will. Sometimes, that's okay. But it seems most women want more than that. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:11:04 PM | I do wonder why people alienate women on the subject while the idea of a man who sleeps with a woman on the first date seems to not be an issue. If a woman has intercourse on the first date she didn't do it on her own, hehe. He had to be there too. So, why is it that the issue is with the woman agreeing to the deed while the mans act seems to go less scrutinized?
If two people engage in intercourse on the first date then they obviously had some sort of attraction that put them there. Motives may differ on both sides, but the fact of the matter is that both parties are responsible. So, yeah... For a man to say he'll lose respect for a woman who sleeps with him on a first date is more than a little unfair.
Personally, if I were to get intimate with someone that early on, it would be because there was a solid attraction. I wouldn't get intimate with a jerk just because he's physically attractive. :p And I honestly doubt that there are that many woman out there that are 'sleeping around'... I would have to venture to say that most of us don't 'do the deed' unless we are honestly attracted to someone as a whole. Does that make us less respectable? Less long term material? Less likely to find a lasting relationship? I don't think it should.
But then again, we're all different and we all have different beliefs. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. ;) | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:15:52 PM | I find it interesting that after reading all the posts not one person mentioned that you are giving a part of yourself both men and women to total strangers that you don't even know yet. It takes time and more than one date to really get to know someone, to trust them and appreciate them.
I can bet that most people out there are not having safe sex and are not even talking to the person they are with on the first date about sex before it even happens.
I think that it is very rare but I won't say never that a good relationship ever happens when having sex on a first date.
If you really like the person and want something more than a one night stand then it's best to wait and get to know one another and see if you really have what it takes to have a relationship. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:47:01 PM | m church. you cannot tell me what I do or don't do. It is EXACTLY my point that your type of thinking is not only fallacious, it's adolescent, assumptive generalizing characteristic of poor thinking skills. To make a statement like yours when I have stated that my behavior is exactly the opposite is hostile, inflammatory and libelous.
My point is that women do NOT always have sex early on, or AT ALL for that matter just because we might have sex early with a particular man. There is not necessarily any "pattern" (what a jerk), particularly for an older, adult woman. Where is your authority to claim there is one? Have you been following the neighborhood "Dollies" around counting their coital moments, perv?
How dare you presume to know anything about MY dating behavior or assume that I have any sort of pattern whatsoever. I do not. I treat each man and each situation differently. Don't project what is probably your own belief system onto me. Because YOU think it to be true , doesn't mean I do it. Or, that any woman does.
Besides even if we had sex like jackrabbits in a warm den, it would be none of your self-righteous business. Thank you for helping me to identify everything I wish to avoid in a man...............
And yes, most men will sleep with anything that has 2 legs and a vag.
The only thing that stops him is when SHE (the female) won't let him. (I've had several guy friends tell me this). And it is apparent to me that you don't know very many women very well, and your male friends are less than forthcoming with the truth, or perhaps you are.
.......whatever. 
hippity hop.....
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:18:21 PM |
I do wonder why people alienate women on the subject while the idea of a man who sleeps with a woman on the first date seems to not be an issue. If a woman has intercourse on the first date she didn't do it on her own, hehe. He had to be there too. So, why is it that the issue is with the woman agreeing to the deed while the mans act seems to go less scrutinized?
Ummm because
A: I'm not interested in dating the man....
B: I'm not the man who fcuks them on the first date....
C: If the man fcuks on the first date, he's no different than she is.... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:44:38 PM |
m church. you cannot tell me what I do or don't do. It is EXACTLY my point that your type of thinking is not only fallacious, it's adolescent, assumptive generalizing characteristic of poor thinking skills. To make a statement like yours when I have stated that my behavior is exactly the opposite is hostile, inflammatory and libelous.
Ahh. But you see, I don't know you well enough to know what YOU do or don't do... Which is partly my point.. I don't know what you do or don't do.
How dare you presume to know anything about MY dating behavior or assume that I have any sort of pattern whatsoever. I do not. I treat each man and each situation differently. Don't project what is probably your own belief system onto me. Because YOU think it to be true , doesn't mean I do it. Or, that any woman does.
Again, my point is that I don't know YOU. So I have no idea what to judge your behaviour on or even whether or not that I would judge you. My argument is that, since I don't know you well enough to determine an informed opinion (judgement) so, I would normally make my decisions based on my own experiences.
But more importantly, I wouldn't care....
My point is that women do NOT always have sex early on, or AT ALL for that matter just because we might have sex early with a particular man. There is not necessarily any "pattern" (what a jerk), particularly for an older, adult woman. Where is your authority to claim there is one?
I did not say "always". My statement was " but chances are, you didn't change your dating style just for that one guy... so, the odds are, yes you do have sex early on.... people usually follow the behaviour patterns they've had for a long time...."
See, reading comprehension... "chances are" does not equal "always" (Hell, they're on different pages in the dictionary too!) Likewise "odds are".... but I digress....
And you cannot claim to know the behaviour of all women, which likewise I do not, hence I chose to use guarded terms like "chances are", "odds are" etc... to appease those "chances" that someone might through no fault of their own, call me out on it...
Now, in my experience, there is a tendency for people to repeat past behaviour... now, I'm not saying that "always" happens, more that the "chances are" that it happens... at least that's what the "odds are" in MY opinion....
Have you been following the neighborhood "Dollies" around counting their coital moments, perv?
Ahhh, so now we switch to insults???? "perv?",("what a jerk") Nice... It says a lot about you that you resort to insulting me...Is this a new thing, or do you normally insult people on the first response? People might get the impression that you make a habit of insulting people early and judge you accordingly....
See, I wouldn't presume to insult you. I don't know you well enough to form an opinion of you....
Besides even if we had sex like jackrabbits in a warm den, it would be none of your self-righteous business.
You're right, it is NONE of my business... but it's still my business to choose wisely who I will or won't fcuk.... And I choose to base that decision on my experiences, NOT yours... so far that's worked nicely for me...
And yes, most men will sleep with anything that has 2 legs and a vag. You cannot tell me what most men do or don't do. It is EXACTLY YOUR point that your type of thinking is not only fallacious, it's adolescent, assumptive generalizing characteristic of poor thinking skills. - Sorry, just couldn't resist....LOL
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:31:04 PM | Your have said nothing that makes any sense at all except that you cannot judge me, or know what I do. This is true. And. As for male sexual behavior , were you to summon your own "reading comprehension" you'd realize that I was repeating the opinions of male friends. It had nothing to do with you. From the tone of your rather confusing posts, I'd say that you know very little about sex or adult behavior, and perhaps should stick to threads that don't have adult subject matter in the topic.
Your last post was particularly difficult gibberish. And you will graduate from high school in 2011 or 2012?
As stated previously, thank you, mchurch, for demonstrating amply everything i hope to avoid in a man.
I would also appreciate it if you would stop trolling my posts. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/14/2009 11:33:13 PM | | i know a guy from hs who ha sex on the 1st date all the time and he was with his gf for like 3 yrs and engaged. their relationship didnt last after that cuz they were always fighting and he had girls lined up for him. he had one guy he was always ****in b4 they dated yet they had a long term relationship and later on broke up again fighting too much. his relationships were **** buddies then serious relationships then ended up fighting and he cant understand why his relationships dont ever last and he is almost 26! | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2009 6:45:45 AM | Mr. Church...
Is it so difficult to simply say that 'No. I will not have sex on the first date because I believe it to be a defamation of character.' ??
I do believe that at the end of my post I explained that different people have different views. For the most part, this may not be an issue of the act of having sex on the first date, but rather those who are involved in it. A man and a woman may both have similar beliefs on the subject, copulate, then stay together for the rest of there lives. What a concept!
While others, who share different beliefs will either use and abuse or avoid the situation all together. And guess what? That's understandable. (Not necessarily right to use and abuse, but men/women like that are born every day.)
So many different people in the world, so many different views on religion, politics and sex; It would be juvenile to expect everyone to think the same. I'm fairly certain we can both agree on this. :) | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:11:20 AM |
'No. I will not have sex on the first date because I believe it to be a defamation of character.' ??
No. I think it's a great way to put it... In fact I have a lady friend who uses a very similar approach....
A man and a woman may both have similar beliefs on the subject, copulate, then stay together for the rest of there lives. What a concept!
I agree also...
The problem arises when one of those people ends up with one of the people from the other school of thought.... (Which seems to happen more of ten than the ideal.... hence why we see so many posts from women wondering why the guy dumped them after sex (and a few in kind from men)).
So maybe the answer would be to make sure more women are aware of the possible repercussions of early sex. ie stigma, being used and dumped etc... so that men and women can approach it on a level playingfield instead of one gender having an inordinate advantage on the dating field...
I actually have no problem with people having sex on the first date... but they have to understand that not everyone is comfortable with the concept... and as a result they may end up with people determining they are not a good choice in a partner for them...
I personally, don't want a woman who has racked up numerous lovers before I meet her.... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2009 10:04:30 AM | If we have sex with a man early on it doesn't mean we've done that before, or that we do it all the time. It means we really like YOU.
Don't worry. Not everyone is going to jump to the conclusion that someone is promiscuous or has indiscriminant sex at every opportunity.
Not all of us have paranoid delusions.
That goes for both, men and women.
Personally, I am looking for someone who won't stigmatize OUR (remember, it takes 2) sexual behavior. Why not be able to enjoy each other without the worry of him not wanting to see you again because you "put out too soon." Not only is that stupid, it's really childish, high school stuff.
That's why I place such a high importance on a woman's general attitudes to sexuality. All woman have sex, but not all woman engage, or experience it the same. It makes a huge difference, as arousal and pleasure is all in the mind....
The mind can hamper it, or enhance and revel in it.
Hang ups do not aid in enhancing and revelling in it.
I find it interesting that after reading all the posts not one person mentioned that you are giving a part of yourself both men and women to total strangers that you don't even know yet.
I find it interesting how many women still buy into the concept of sex as giving.
Sex is quid pro quo.
People share in sexual experience.
I do wonder why people alienate women on the subject while the idea of a man who sleeps with a woman on the first date seems to not be an issue.
Brainwashing.
I actually have no problem with people having sex on the first date...
IMO, you are being completely disingenuous by making the claim that you don't have a problem with what other people do, as all you do is cast aspersions that paint anyone who has sex early on as someone who is some type of degenerate.
You constantly display your prejudice.
I personally, don't want a woman who has racked up numerous lovers before I meet her....
Case in point.... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2009 10:14:35 AM | blueceleste, I think you have made a good point. Certainly a relationship can happen, but often one of them (either the man or the woman) has some insecurities because the sex happened too soon. That can either destroy the relationship potential they had, or it can help them grow together as they talk things over. But IMO it takes a lot of maturity for the latter to happen.
As for worrying about the number of partners, I wouldn't "stigmatize " a man for his past sex life as long as he's faithful to me. I actually prefer a man with some knowledge. I really am not into being a tutor...I , of course, have to deal with the whole cougar thing, and it's boring. 
In this day and age the stigma is gone really - among educated, mature adults -actually among any adults I know...so without the stigma as a real concern, I think the concern becomes - what are your goals? If you think he/she has long term potential, you might want to wait - at least a little IMO
Also these decisions get easier as you get older. I think younger people should adopt fairly stringent practices because of the risk of pregnancy. Nothing is sadder than an unwanted infant. Also, while young adults ( say...17-24) are in their formative years, they need to practice descretion for a variety of other reasons, but that's another topic. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:39:44 PM |
(Msg 379) If we have sex with a man early on it doesn't mean we've done that before, or that we do it all the time. It means we really like YOU.
(Msg 383) True, but chances are, you didn't change your dating style just for that one guy... so, the odds are, yes you do have sex early on.... people usually follow the behaviour patterns they've had for a long time....
Yes, a woman may sleep with every guy on the first date but that's relatively rare. I think it's more likely she doesn't sleep with guys on the first date.
As for a dating style I don’t believe in that either. I definitely didn’t have a style. Every lady was different. If one was interested in sleeping with me on the first date my impression would be she found me quite interesting/attractive/ etc.
Also, it depends on ones definition of a first date. It could be anything from a bar room pickup to someone with whom one has exchanged numerous emails and phone calls over a period of time. In the latter case hopefully both people have learned enough to know whether or not they like each other.
As for determining if a relationship will follow that takes months. Or years, in some cases. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2009 9:56:39 AM | | It's an individual thing. Each case is different, depending on the people involved. Some guys just want the competition of the chase & thrill of victrory. Once they get laid, they lose all interest in the already won trophy, and go off looking for another...so sex-on the first date, or otherwise-ends the relationship with such guys. Other guys want a more long term thing, and sex-on the first date, or any other time-can make the relationship better, or worse, depending on how good the sex was. Lousy sex is reason enough for many people to end a relationship. Great sex is reason enough for some people to keep the relationship going, and growing. I had sex on the first date with one woman, and the relationship went on for 22 years. I had sex on the first date with another woman, and we never spoke again after the date ended...so even with the same person-me-there can be different outcomes. You can't make broad, sweeping, generalizations, and expect any chance of accuracy....so, anything which starts out with: "why do all men....?", or "will sex on the first date cause....?" are doomed to give misleading answers. Are you intersted in forming a lasting relationship...or in writing a thesis for your high school English class? Relationships are more a matter of who is doing the relating than what is, or isn't done by anyone. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/18/2009 5:15:15 AM | To verityone,
You are right people do share in sexual experiences whether its just sex or something more. Either way you are still giving apart of yourself to them. It's just the way it is and it has nothing to do with us women buying into the concept of sex as giving.
It is what it is...
But it seems you missed the point of what I said anyway... | |
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