Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 heyitsdoug
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 76
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?Page 4 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I don't think it's fair to blame the sex......unless it's really bad sex?

If there's no potential for a relationship with sex on a first date, there
would likely be no potential without it.
I just saw it in a thread titled "sex....a deterent" or something like that.......
.......where a guy states that if a woman has sex with them on the first
date they're "not girlfriend material".......as if it says something about the
woman that it doesn't say about them too? A guy saying that someone who
sleeps with him too soon is a "ho" is like saying that the man he sleeps with
is gay.

 Shark Nut
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 11:30:00 AM
I used to kind of think as I got older that sex on a first date would be a bad idea. Not really sure why, just a sort of gut reaction to it. No one likes to think that the person they are into is overly permiscuous. As soon as sex is offerred you tend to think well if she is offering me sex on a first date, does she do this with all of her dates? Then that leads to even more negative thinking.

However, I went on a date with a co-worker several years ago and half way through it, she came right out and said she wanted to have sex with me, that night. So immediately all the aforementioned bells start to go off. Well we ended dating for a couple of years. We lived together and were engaged to be married. And in the end the relationship ending had nothing to do with sex, or more importantly, that moment in time on our first date when she offered sex could not have been more insignificant to the relationship as a whole.

So do what feels right at the time. You never know what you may be missing...
 shinxy
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 78
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:08:14 PM
My ex-boyfriend and I have known each other for years....20 to be exact, but he and I went our separate ways when we were young due to distance and timing. Now we are finding that the cards could be playing for us rather than against us. However, I just don't want to rush into things. I know that I still love him but I don't want to ruin what we have due to sex.
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 79
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:16:45 PM
I got this advice from a man with whom I work. Men have a double-standard!
If you, as a woman, have sex on the first date, then that makes you loose and easy and how many other men have you slept with? Meanwhile, he has his own track record, but you were fun but not long distance material.
Doug told me that you should wait till "at least the third date" if the guy is a keeper, because otherwise he will judge you as not a keeper.
Sad, but true...
I told Doug that notion was hypocritical and unfair, if we were both getting physical needs met, and he replied, "It might not be fair, but it is the ways guys think, and it is reality, like it or not!"
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 80
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:20:43 PM
And the generalizing about ALL MEN continues.....

The only one who may think you are loose and easy is you. The guy is more likely to think he hit a chord with you that attracted you to him.
 TokochickUK
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 81
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:22:55 PM
Well I have had s*x on the first date but we had been flirting like crazy for a number of weeks but it was the first date, we stayed together for 3 yrs .

Yes I know it sounds bad, and you dont know the person so well but then some people you can know for ages and still not really know them.

I think it depends on what is being looked for on both sides and what they hope to pull if anything for the night/date.

A number of relationships, nothing has happened for months intimatly but it hasnt got past say 6 months total.
I think sex isnt the be all and end all in a relationship but on a bad day it can help on a good day it can just add the cherry lol x
Sus x
 Terri06
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 82
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:30:13 PM
Let me get this straight. If you sleep with a man on the first date your easy but by the third date its ok and it may lead into something if the attraction is there. But my male friend told me about this date rule that guys have. If you don't sleep with him on the first and second and third date your history but if you do have sex with him on the 3rd date your still history. So whats up guys. How does thi really work. Is this a TRUE DATING RULE that you men have??? or just a few of you have.
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 83
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:37:31 PM
From what Doug was telling me, if a woman uses restraint until the third date, then she just doesn't jump in everywhere.
Sorry. ESE for the generalization!
Just repeating what a guy told me as genuine advice from a guy to a gal about why not to sleep with a man on the first date, if you want to be respected.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 84
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:49:16 PM
Terri, sex or no sex on the third date is not really the issue. It's level of attraction.

PEOPLE, not MEN, in general, have a sense of how deep the attraction is by the end of the third date. If we finish out third date and you want to shake my hand goodnight, I have a pretty good idea that there is not much attraction there. I don't know anybody who goes out of there way to find more frustration in their life, so if a woman doesn't know after 3 dates that there is some substance there, then I bow to the crowd and make my exit.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 85
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:57:36 PM
I've read these threads over and over, well heck there's a ton of them.
In thinking about them in the aggregate, I don't really think it's so much what happens or doesn't on date number 1 or 15, but what's more important is how both people fell about it afterward. A great date is one that ends too soon, like a good performance for a performer, always leave them wanting more.
I'm sure we've all come home from being out with someone thinking, thank God that's over. And hoping they don't call and how to either avoid them or tell them the truth and hope they don't go psychotic. There are the times we think, wow that was a great evening, love to do that again. And they don't ever call again. Such is life, it happens to everyone at one time or another.
Our life is composed of many things, and how and who we spend time with is a component of that. We live, we learn, and hopefully we're the better for it.
 heyitsdoug
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 86
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 5:02:06 PM

From what Doug was telling me, if a woman uses restraint until the third date, then she just doesn't jump in everywhere


Just for clarity........Princess is not referring to
<--------this Doug

.......and I have no silly "rules" that qualify anything by what numbered
date where it happens, should, or should not happen.

 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 87
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 5:35:50 PM
Yes it definitely can. I can't speak for women but I know that as a man if i manage to achieve what is, lets face it, the goal of most single guys on a night out I then turn around and think "if she's done it with me she's likely to do it with others too"

Hypocritical I know but, hey, I'm a man!


And, I suppose you had nothing to do with the sex? Being a man is no excuse!


if I meet a girl and have sexual relations with her on the same day, I will only see her as that, because it'll be like, "what else does she want?"


See above!


what the.....

no sex on first date. i would lose all respect for a woman who would do that.


Since when can a woman have sex on a first date all by herself? Men can say NO too! Maybe she would lose respect for you too if you had sex with her!
 alpro65
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 88
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 6:00:47 PM
I have had sex on a first date, but once it really was a passionate thing..You usually don't respect someone who puts out on a first date. There is that feeling of being drawn to someone that is awesome...that only happens once in awhile...So, I think mostly it's a bad thing, but there is that exception..The exception is what you should look for!
 Greystone1
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 6:11:12 PM
I met a woman at a party. We had sex in the back seat of my car, out in the parking lot... then spent the rest of the night in her apartment. We dated for a few months... then lived together for 3 years... then were married for 22 years.

But then we got divorced, so I guess it didn't work out, huh?
 Greystone1
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 7:12:31 PM
It all depends on the type of man you are looking for.

If you are looking for a holier than thou, uptight, judgemental control freak, who doesn't respect women he has sex with, then don't have sex on the first date. In fact, make him wait until after the wedding.

Otherwise, make your decision based upon whether you want to have sex with the guy... and when... its your body and your call. If he doesn't respect that, tell him to take a hike.

Why would I disrespect a woman for liking the same things I like, or doing the same things I do? In my book its a plus. Whether it lasts or not depends upon the initial chemistry and how well our personalities mesh, not some silly archaic rule.

Reminds me of an old joke:

Opposites attract: I was hard and she was easy.
 Greeneyezz
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 91
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/10/2006 7:22:09 PM
Sex on a 1st date tells you a LOT about the person who's wanting/expecting or pushing for it - I'd seirously consider turning tail & running from that situation. Personally, I've never been that way & don't like women who are.
 LovingAngel
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 92
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 4:04:11 PM
Having sex on the first meeting ruins a relationship for both partners.You will never know if you both like each other for just the sex.It is hard to really become friends after that.It makes you wonder if the other person likes you for your personality or just for sex.Neither one of you will never know if you accept each other for other things you like to do.Will you ever try to find each others interests after that?
 MJ50273
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 93
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 5:23:53 PM
I hear you DG. I don't have problems with sex on the first date, but now that I'm a bit older and have some more life behind me, I figure if I can't envision the possibility of spending the rest of my life with someone, I don't go there. I do believe that magic on the first date can occur.
 Heath85
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 94
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 5:27:54 PM
sex on a first date really doesnt give the impression to whomever you're on the date with that you want more than that; if you do!

If you're planning on seeing the person again, and you dont want it to be about sex, i wouldn't really suggest having sex on a first date. Especially if you're the girl. NOT to say that it's always guys that do it, but in all honesty what guy is going to respect you for more than a sex object after knowing he can 'get some' by not putting much effort in.. lol
 texasyellowrose
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 95
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 7:24:12 PM
My marriage started out with sex on our first date and we were married for 20 years. There was just so much heat, couldn't resist. LOL! I totally agree with Spiderwoman, I wouldn't wanna be trashed for this and I wouldn't trash anyone else for doing the same thing. You can still get to know each other afterwards. I think it becomes an issue when both parties aren't on the same page, such as one wanting more and the other not.

C
 Greystone1
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 8:10:59 PM
I think for women, having sex on the first date gives them something to blame it on when it doesn't work out. It didn't work out because we had sex. If they don't have sex and it doesn't work out (which is just as likely to happen), then they don't know what to blame it on.
 Greystone1
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2006 8:30:59 PM
Having sex on the first meeting ruins a relationship for both partners.


I've never found that to be the case. Sex gives you something fun to do together while you are getting to know each other. Beats the hell out of bowling.

Hmmmm... maybe I should start a new thread:

Bowling on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
 mike_k13
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 98
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/14/2006 7:45:28 AM
I don’t think most people go out on the first date expecting sex. If you meet someone and the chemistry is strong enough that both decide to have sex. Well I think that would be just great. It’s not going to happen to often and is not for everyone. But with that kind of chemistry the potential for a great relationship is there.
 Hackm
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/14/2006 8:10:02 AM
I think someone willing to have sex on the first date should pose a red flag. It seems to represent uneven emotions. Psychologically desperate individuals or users.
 Bound for Camelot
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 100
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 9/14/2006 8:38:51 AM
What I would like to do is turn this question around....

Are you any further ahead NOT having sex on a first date?

Lets see...

Have only ever slept with a guy on a first date once..still talk to him!

Have been in long term relationships where I have waited...still talk to them!

I could never sleep with someone I did not have an emotional, intellectual connection with so I have always acted upon when it "felt right" not how it would effect the future.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?