| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:59:28 AM | | i think sex on the first date ..depends on the people....i mean it really doesnt matter how long it takes for u to give it up....if a person is goin to use u..then thats what it will end up anyway!! i mean if ur with someone and the chemistry is right...i say go for it..whats the big deal......SEX IS SEX HERE FOLKS..... and if a man sees me differently then hes prob not someone i wld want to date anyway..... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:05:30 AM | I'll share my story but be forwarned. It doesn't have a happy ending. If it did, I wouldn't be here!! LOL!
I’m going to spill my guts here. I may regret it later but I haven’t dated anyone from here and it’s more likely that I wont’ so here goes...
I had sex on a first date once because I was blown away with the guy. I had already been divorced about three years and had a couple of short term relationships but I wasn’t really into them and I was the one that ended those relationships. Then I met the one I slept with on the first date. Love at first sight? Maybe. I am a romantic to the core so I’d be silly enough to think so. After that first night I didn’t hear from him for several weeks. He told me in an email that he’d be back. Work was taking up a lot of his time. I felt it wasn’t the whole truth but I was unusually relieved to know I would see him again. He was separated at the time and had just started divorce procedures right at the same time we met. Yes, I knew this was a huge red flag! I couldn’t help my feelings. I will add here that he was very honest and told me he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I live my life by following what my heart says so I thought of no one else but him. We saw each other for a few months after that and then when he felt that I expected to see him more often he gave that dreaded phone call. I knew it was coming. I have been on many dates since then but that one was the last time I had sex. It’s been almost four years now. For all of you that are going to totally flame me for that last statement, go ahead. I’m simply being as honest as I possibly can and I hope it will help someone else out that might have experienced something similar. It would be sooo nice to meet someone again who could sweep me off my feet like that. I’m tired of dating! I will say this. I don’t ever see myself having sex on a first date again. In fact, he will have to have a ton of patience. But it usually doesn’t continue past the first or second date anyway.
Violine serenade goes -here-  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:18:26 AM | Sex on the first date didn't kill that. His being a lying snake did.
Sorry honey, but you were a married guy's booty call.
Seperated = married
Getting divorced = married
Going to get divorced when we work out financial issues = married
Plan to get divorced when we have time to sit down with a lawyer = married
Work taking up a lot time = wife is getting suspicious
Nobody is going to flame you for anything. You made a mistake. Denying yourself and hanging on the cross is not going to make that mistake go away. You can't unring a bell. Take the knowledge and move forward, and have some fun in your life. Having sex doesn't make you a harlot. Enjoy life already while you are still young enough to do so. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:33:06 AM | Sex on the first night to me is just lust. A one night stand. In most cases it doesn't work in the long run. If that's what your looking for then that's fine. But I wouldn't expect to much from that.
After all....the mystery is gone. I know when you date for awhile it is obvious that sex will happen but on the first date it's a disaster. I have that happen and people I know as well.
Didn't last.
There's always that guilt feeling after the 1st night if that happens. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:46:36 AM | Seperated in this case = NOT sleeping or living with spouce. Also means legally and emotionally seperated here, Hon.
cudsandkisses - Congrates to you!! :))
bluejays1965 - please don't muck this up with guilt. There was no guilt. Guilt from sex regardless of when it happens are usually hang-ups and those hang-ups usually stem from some religious beliefs. Guilt did not exist in my situations :)
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 5:50:32 PM | To serendipityone
We all have moments of weakness. I would love to be able to send you a message but I don't meet your criteria. I feel you might be doing yourself a disservice by having so many restrictions to who may contact you. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:19:13 AM | It hasn't happened to me very often. That's mainly because I'm shy, and I've learned a few lessons about moving too fast.
I've never lost respect for a woman in such situations. But I have regretted moving too quickly into a relationship.
In the future, I've decided to take it slow... get to know each other first. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:33:49 AM | I married the sex on the first date woman. It lasted 3 years..
It doesnt mean i would do it again..sorry smartass ladies.
PS I'm seperated..not living with ex for a yr now...no perceptable connection either.
but money is the issue..I'm not gonna lose six figures just to hurry it..it will come, and i will take a loss..but tolerable.. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 11:23:59 AM |
I belive to much sex kills a relationship.
Sex is like something you do once or twice a week. Not every minute, every day.
Once or twice a week, are you ****in kidding me? LOL, maybe you meant once or twice a day, yeah that must be it !
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 12:19:24 PM | A relationship built on sex wont last because,
1)No bond to get you throught the tough times.
2)Sex drive dies over the years so even if you manage to stay together for some time, the foundtion of your relationship will crumble beneith you feet.
3)When Sex is what is keeping you together there is no trust, therefor, no relationship.
is it posible sure everything is....is it smart...no. But i really dont think that if you find a guy who you dont know and is willing to sleep with you on the first date is really looking for a serious relationship that goes for girls too, you are looking for sex nothing more. And if you honostly are looking for a relationship that is the wrong way to go about it. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 12:54:22 PM | | Sex on a first date is just that, "SEX ON A FIRST DATE". Also you will learn something about him and he will learn something about you. Emotionally you both experience it in a different way. You emotionally, he physically. If ,that is, "IF" you become more phyical with the sex issue, and he becomes more emotional with the sex issue, then you have attained the HOLY GRAIL. :agenl: | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 2:58:46 PM | | I did years ago but we had known each other for 10 years already. We got married eventually, had a child, and divorced after being together 18 years. Looking back , even though we were not strangers, I still wish we had spent more time cultivating the romantic part of the relationship before we'd had sex. (But that's not what led to the divorce!) | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:08:42 PM | ok...
I believe that age and maturity has something to do with this issue...
In my twenties, well... I was not into marriage. I was getting a good education at university and just needed to have sex to basically relax and have fun... I was very athletic and I still am so ... Being physical is normal... Anyway... I was never a player and I always made sure I had protection and no I did not sleep with any man... But... I had my private life... Trouble is that because I was not looking for a man with a house and a white picket fence they were the ones persuing me.... 
Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, my attitude has not realy changed that much... I have no guilt attached to sex... Sex is sex... I have had serious relashionships where yes we deeply cared about one another, but let me tell you... Sometimes I just wanted to get laid and did not want the whole bonding religious stigma attached to matting with a man you love... and he too had his moods... It was fun and sex was never used for barter or favours... It was just an expression of our "adult" personality...
Also, the level of security or insecurity you have in yourself will influence your attitude with sex. It never occured to me to make a man wait... I mean... Why punish myself? 
If he judges me well, that is his problem... not mine... I know what I do, when I do it and for what reasons...
I need sex like I need meals every day... I may be wrong... Two consenting, grounded adults wanting to have safe fun and knowing which angle each person is putting on the table... Well, it is a recipe for hot sex...
Manipulation, dysfunction, lack of self esteem, players, and whaterver reason you use wether consciously or unconsciously will affect your attitudes when it comes to sex...
I do believe in the saying "Love is blind."... It is truly blind...
So, to me, sex is part of the equation of love but not a huge variable...
As May West once said: "Come up and see me sometime."  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:07:30 PM | | Many years ago, I've had sex on a first date with a woman and ended up dating her....the only problem with that was I was a player and had many other women that I couldn't only focus on her. I think that if I didn't have other women, she and I would of been exclusive.....I just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 8:12:02 AM | Seperated = married
Getting divorced = married
Going to get divorced when we work out financial issues = married
Plan to get divorced when we have time to sit down with a lawyer = married
Work taking up a lot time = wife is getting suspicious
I did not date until I was finally divorced. Usually when people do have sex on the first date it is just to get laid. I do however know of a few people that do not believe in sex on the first date, and have done it, and it was usually a connection on every level. One is a good friend of mine, still together going strong.
In general no it does not work. It is rare, although my mothers friend of 40 years, her friend got married 40 years ago only after knowing each other after two weeks.
Now for dating, Dating defined is an event planned between woman and man, where dinner a concert, dancing, doing an activity that does not have to include sex what so ever. Who dates any more. Date its definition of the word seems to be watered down version of what it used to be back in my younger years. Or it that dating old school. i think old school dating should come back, going out to do something that does not allow for being couch potatoes | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 8:17:28 AM | | Yes it does kill a potential relationship. And the same guy who is more than willing to have sex with as many as are willing on the first date is the one who will find someone who won't - eventually - to have a happy ever after relationship with 99.999 times out of 100. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:34:50 AM |
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
I've had sex on the first date and lasted a year, so in my experience, it doesn't kill a "potential relationship". But this woman was a colleague at work, so I wasn't a stranger to her. OP meant sex on a first date with a "total stranger", so in my case I couldn't say because I haven't had the experience.
Call me old fashioned but I want a guy to really care about me first before we sleep together and that doesn't happen on the first date
I think that not all women are willing to do this, and that's totally understandable. The heat of a moment could lead to a no escape situation, and sex could take place without notice. If a lady came across a situation like this and said NO, the man should be respectful enough to retreat, and this is the attitude a woman expects. If the guy doesn't call back the next day or two, the woman will know what he truly wanted. In this sense, yes, it could kill a potential relationship.
However, if there's magic I do believe in affection on the first date
Affection with a total stranger, OP? Can you be more specific?
Its all a matter of coming across the situation and be ready to face it when it happens, but respect should always be the top priority. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 3:54:17 PM | Unless a woman lives in a very misogynistic society, sex on the first date won't trigger something in her partner that says "Ha! Got her! I really respected her until she let me get in her pants. But now I can disrespect her by having sex with her!"
Psychology of attraction teaches us two big lessons: women tend to decide very quickly if they're willing to sleep with a man, usually based on a large fluctuation of emotions that he provokes in her from their initial meeting. Men, on the other hand, tend to develop an emotional attachment to a woman only after a longer period.
How many times has it happened that a man has suddenly developed feelings for his really great friend, only to have her reject him? If he liked her from the beginning, he wouldn't have tried to befriend her... but he didn't. He was a great guy that was able to learn about her personality before deciding he wanted to change the nature of the relationship.
And ladies, how many times have you had guy friends hang out with you, be completely available to you in every way, only for you to be "totally suprized" when they confess their feelings for you?
That's the sad truth out there about male experiences in love: the longer a man waits to have sex with a woman, the higher his chances that he won't be able to keep a level of emotional attraction from that woman (keep her emotions in flux, going up and down and thus making him the center of her thoughts for weeks), and so the higher the likelyhood that he'll end up being "just a friend".
And while there are some GREAT guys in this world that seriously have a lot of love to give, they hardly ever get their foot in the door. So, you better believe that after a while, it's better for a man to inspire a woman to sleep with him from the beginning even before he's grown emotionally attached to her, instead of risk going to the Friend's Zone, from which there is no escape and no fulfillment of his desires.
And there's the rub! Because very often, a man trully does want to continue a relationship after sex! He just doesn't want to be used again as a doorstop!
But this doesn't mean there aren't real jerks out there who want to sleep around for the hell of it. I personally don't get it, though - one night stands are never, ever as good as the 2nd, 3rd, 15th, 20th and Nth time sex with the same person occurs! | |
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