| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:23:12 PM | We're all adults and if we both see the first date progressing to the point of sex, then so be it. I don't EXPECT sex on ANY date, and if it happens, so be it....all the better. I also believe that sex is a variable throughout any relationship though, regardless of how old the relationship is. Sex is not the defining activitiy of the relationship. OTHER factors will eventually be more important.
Randy | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:24:54 PM | Hmmmm ... good question ... ‘spose it would depend on how good the sex was, huh ??
Seriously though ... although I’m not really that familiar with this sort of thing (not exactly my ‘style’), I would think it’d depend on the state of mind if it happened. I have noticed a lot of ‘sex on the first date’ stories involved alcohol or other mind-altering substances (well, d’uh!). I would tend to wonder how much each partner next morning might view the other partner as being overly ‘easy’ when this is the case. And please ... I’m not dissing alcohol or drug-related sex – I’m hardly a teetotaler myself. Just that when a first date, completely sober and clear-headed (as it were), led to intimacy great enough that sex was involved – I would think that that would be the beginning of a potential relationship. I’m not so sure about the former.
cdn guy | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:33:41 PM | another thought occurrs....what if the first date lasts a long time, say it starts as coffee in the morning, a hike in the afternoon dinner and a movie etc....now, you've only had one date, but you've had enough time to get to know her well enough to know if you're interested.
Would I jump into bed with someone I don't know, or have known for only say, fifteen minutes? NO NO NO
Randy | |
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T_D_A_
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Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 204 | |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/12/2007 2:00:30 PM | There is nothing wrong for Having sex on a First Date as long as it is NOT done with intention. By that, I mean if the whole purpose of wanting to meet someone so that you can bang them, then yeah.. it will kill any potential relationship. Unless it is a FWB one. But if two people are so into each other at first date, had a great time spending the afternoon/evening together, and the intimacy just sorta happens, then no, it won't affect the outcome of the relationship. I have been there, and done that and the relationship lasted over 6 years. As far as respect goes, it doesn't mean that you will get more respect out of a man/woman if you set out a certain time limit before the intimacy....  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/12/2007 2:49:49 PM | I had sex with my previous husband on our first date. We were together for 12 years, so I guess the first-date-sex didn't kill the potential. (That's rather unforunate, isn't it, considering the outcome?) 
That was a long time ago though. I would not have sex on a first date at this point. I would not have sex with anyone unless there was a prior mutual agreement that this will be a steady, exclusive relationship. Which is exactly how it went with my current partner.
It is a good idea to assess the other person whilst one's brain is still in operational mode, rather than clouded with the haziness of sexual involvement. It is my experience that once sex is introduced, the brain cells kind of go out of whack for a while. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:37:54 PM | IF YOU WANT A MAN TO RESPECT YOU SHOW HIM THE REAL YOU. SHOW HIM THE PART THAT MATTERS. SEX IS SOMETHING A MAN EARNS BECAUSE HE CARES FOR THE ENTIRETY OF WHO YOU ARE. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE IS A SURE WAY FOR YOUR NAME TO GO PLACES IT DOES NOT NEED TO.  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:18:20 PM | | Personally, I don't know anyone who has maintained a relationship with someone they have had sex with on the first date......and I can't figure out why my friends are upset when they don't call...I keep telling them they aren't going to call cause you already put out....just don't listen I guess.... | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:40:20 AM | ^^^cher-bear^^^
I keep telling them they aren't going to call cause you already put out
I agree totally...
I feel it would definitely kill a potential relationship because first of all...it's a time when two people are trying to get to know each other's personality, compatibility as well as reactions on certain subjects. We all have to be sexually compatible as well but how can you know that when you don't REALLY know the other person and what about respecting yourself.
If you just met and slept with someone on a first date... it's usually in the beginning stages and deep feelings have not occured at this point. It makes for a very lonely after date and don't be surprised if no phone calls for a second or third date.
Now if sex is what you are striving for and don't care about having a long, personal relationship with another..then it's just empty sex with a short span of pleasure but a long span of lonliness and can get old. I've seen too many people still alone because they 'put out' way too fast and still have no particular ONE in their lives.
In my opinion, the reason we date is to get to know each other on a more personal level for a potential relationship. It just shows what kind of a person you were right off the bat...so why pursue any longer....
This is my own personal view. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:08:21 AM | hi there,..
Lets think it through.
If you give them Sex on the first date, it was so easy,.. you have been a conquest conquered,... next challenge. People like to get things easily, and the easier, the less it is appreciated.
Now, on the other hand when you work hard for something, the sweat and effort you put into it make you appreciate what you have worked so hard for.
So if you don't give it up so easily,.. that means they have to work for it, and get to know you in the process. You show them to respect you, because they have to work at getting to know you.
The more time they spend with you, gives them more time to appreciate you, and that shows YOU that they value YOU. Anyone who doesn’t stick around long enough to want to get to know you, is not someone you'd want in your life, simply because they don't respect you for you.
Too many things in this world are disposable because people don't want to make the time, and don't want the hassle- (just look at how many house ware items are disposable, or appliances that are not made well, so that in a couple of years you have to buy a new one).
Where as something that is carefully crafted with attention to detail, like a diamond, is treasure over time and always has value and worth.
You are a diamond, don't let yourself get treated like anything less, and you will be treasured.
Q | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:15:54 AM | To put out or not to put out....that is the question.
The way I see it, if the relationship were doomed, sex wouldn't change that fact at all. It's easy to say....he didn't call me because I put out. He didn't call because he didn't want to!! You were either not very...good...or he wouldn't have called anyway. Not many men will turn down an offer of sex. I know men like the thrill of the chase, but eventually they would catch you anyway and then what? If you're a keeper, you're a keeper. Period.
I think "holding out" to see if he's going to keep coming around is a method of manipulation that women use too often under the guise of being a "good girl". If you've found a man who's only into the chase, then that can work well. He'll try extra hard to get into your pants. But don't be surprised that he loses interest after that point, no matter how long you've made him wait. He achieved his objective...he got you. Then there are some men who appreciate the lack of game. Then there are some who will think, if she put out for me, she must put out for everyone. Those men don't think very highly of themselves and yet will still do you, lol. It's entirely possible that you just couldn't, or didn't want to, help yourself, but without communication, he'll assume what he's been taught and learned from his friends and perhaps past experiences...this girl's a hoe.
Women need to take control of their own sexuality and stop putting it all on the man.
It's all about communication. Sex hastens intimacy and perhaps assumes a committment where there isn't one. If you're honest about it, I don't see what the problem is. For some people deep feelings are needed to share the body. In that case, wait...by all means wait until you feel it. But don't use it as a dating tool. The only way you can know what another is thinking is to ask. | |
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ecleo
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Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 211 | |
| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:23:57 AM | Oh this is SUCH an easy one..... NO!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Sure there's all kinds of scenarios you can paint, the crap about self respect blah blah blah, WHATEVER. I think that when a physical magnetism is present, you know it, the first moment. Like that bit from Chris Rock, where he says a woman knows whether or not she's going to have sex with a man the moment she looks at him (and then he does the act where he pretends to be a woman,meeting a man for the first time and shakes his hand, thinking to herself, "OH I'm going to f@#k you"). Chris' words, not mine, but very true nonetheless.
For me, two serious relationships and a marriage started off with instant sex. All three men are people I still admire and I am friends with today. And no, we never had sex again after the relationships ended.
Unless you're with a guy who thinks women who have sex on the first date are whores, then, my answer would be "no". Tell him to crawl back into his cave, and as for you, KEEP FISHING  | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:36:39 AM | Here is a story for you and I would like to know what people out there think.
I met someone online, but not here on a different site. We talked and IM'd for about 3 months for almost 4 to 5 hours every night. He lives about 30 minutes from me. He have a lot in common and I felt a real connection over the weeks. He ivited me to come over many many times, but I declined. Even to spend the night, but I declined. When we began talking he never talked dirty, he was a perfect gentleman.
We were both very open and honest with each other. So we finally decided to meet on New Years eve. That was going to be "our night". I went to a family gathering with him. So I was not only meeting him for the first time but his family as well.
Well, we went back to his place. The only thing I can say, is the heart was willing, but the body wasn't having any part of it. Talk about feeling bad. He understood, because it had been awhile (I was been separated from the ex and there hasn't been anything for years.)
I didn't hear anything from him for a day or so. Then a couple of days later I did. Now our communication has been hit and miss. Although we do talk every few days. He lost power and his cell died. Yeah it sounds bad, but I know it's not a lie.
So even though it was a first date, we didn't have sex, but I am now wondering, if this guy is interested in another date. We have talked since then, but not like we first used to.
What does the audience say? | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 8:20:22 AM | | people are all different. some people will consider sex on the first date as a conquest. they may think that the other person is too easy. i have had sex on the first date and had good relationships come from it. perhaps this is because i will only have sex with somebody that i hope to have a relationship with. not looking to rack up numbers on the proverbial bedpost. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:37:18 AM | ^^^big boi^^^
Right on!!! And that's a man's point of view. Respect is everything to me...first to myself!
First of all, Not all guys but 'MOST' and I said 'MOST' not 'ALL'...think with the head that is NOT above their shoulders....so if a woman "puts out" on the first date, it just tells him that she was easy and most of the time and will go on to the next one.
There has been exceptions to that rule though. Things are not always one way. For instance, an ex family member (sister in-law) met someone on a weekend trip to New York. They stayed together for that weekend and she ended up moving and living with him in Michigan and eventually marrying him...very rare but can happen. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:51:02 AM | Ya know, this question just kills me ta death, it does. We're all grown up, so let's keep it real, alrighty???
  I am absolutely disgusted by th' fact that people c'n let this individual matter kill a relationship. I saw one response that said that that pers'n did it, but th' relationship end'd 'cause o' diff'rnt matters- HIS was th' only answer I seen (at a quick peek) that made sense. If sex on th' firs' date kill'd a relationship, then there wadn't too much chance at any kinda relationship, in th' first place.
An' that's that fer that. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:00:03 PM | Everybody's different, OK. I would personally never have sex on a first date and I would never go out on a second date with a man who tried to push it to that point. But that's me. I don't believe it's appropriate.
The thing I find laughable is that every time a question like this comes up ..."can it last" NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON can ever bring up an example of a relationship that they are still in! The examples of relationships that "lasted" are all over! Doesn't that prove the opposite? | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:30:03 PM | Not at all my way for sure. But I was visiting a couple I know who met on line and they told of their first date after e-chating for a while
He came over to cook a dinner for her and stayed three days. They were married six months later and are expecting their second kid now. Not a problem for some. So I am agreeing with above post. There is no right or wrong, just preferance and circumstance. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 1:57:49 PM | I would NEVER have sex on the 1st date myself. Seems to me that is giving everything away right off the get go. also you woudn't really know if the guy wanted anything else from you now would you?
If a guy wants to date me, he'd have to have patience, and want me for more than sex because he won't be getting any of that until there is a relationship formed. I'll probably not date a lot of guys because of that but thats ok with me. I'd rather wait for the right guy and know when I'm having sex with him it means something to both of us...until then there are "toys" to satisfy my needs! LOL | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:31:36 PM | too much sex kills a relationship? i thought sex is one of the most emotional ways to connect with a person that you like or love? but maybe sex is just nothing to some people and everything to other people.
So does the quality of sex on the first date affect your relationship to be or not to be??? Probably.
Maybe if you cant put out good sex on the first date because your not comfortable with someone, then its probably best to wait until you are comfortable. If you have really bad sex on the first date neither one of you is going to want to again, unless your both really compatable emotionaly and mentally... then you would just wanna try harder. lol
*Having sex on the first date has benefits.. if you really enjoy sex. You see the worst/best in someone.
You get to see them close up and personal that you notice alot more things about them. Finding out on the first night if your compatable physically and emotionally.. instead of wasting your time getting to know this person for a year or months and suffering while waiting.
*I usually I feel closer to someone after having sex with them, depends on the person your with though. I have had some first dates with sex that turned into relationships (that wernt just about sex) and others that I didnt care to see again because I didnt feel he was right for me or could satisfy me emotionaly or physically.
I see nothing wrong with it. As long as your doing it for the right reasons.. like pleasure for each other.. and not money or trying to earn respect through it or making someone else jealous.
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:40:07 PM | | Bieng te las2 relationships ive been in we had sex on the first date well they both ended withing a month! So Yes sex on the first date is not a good thing I dont recommend anyone do it. From now on for me we wait till the time is right. You may have fun but in the end it never seems to work out. Start as freinds and work from there. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:42:03 PM | Personally I'd rather have some love in between getting naked and swapping bodily fluids........Much more erotic to know what makes your partner tick in bed anyhow    .............. .............
Just my 2 cents,
Jessii | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:27:10 AM | | Right on PatrioticPirate....we are grown ups and every situation is different....because you have sex on the first date a guy will lose respect for you...yak I don't want someone that closed minded anyway. Don't get me wrong, I usaully don't have sex on the first date but to say awe I am going to make all guys wait so they respect me...give me a break ok........many other ways of losing respect besides putting out the first time. | |
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| Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:48:12 AM | Amen Patriotic Pirate. Everyone should grow up and quit whining about how you had sex with him and he dumped you. Good grief, if the sex was good or great, and he/she felt that the possibility existed to connect on other levels, he/she would damn sure be back.
The problem comes when the woman (or man) thinks that just because you whipped the vagina (or penis) out, someone has committed to soul mate status. Geez. | |
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