| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:24:54 AM | Manx is right. Plus I don't want meaningless sex. If i wanted that I could get it from any bar. Which I don't frequent either. I put my heart and sole into love making. I just can't screw anyone. It means too much to me. TO cheapen it with a one night stand. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:26:45 AM |
Women often comment they want to wait until the 3rd date or longer to have sex. That its got to be meaningful etc... Why is that?
There's really no set time frame. Just have to be ready and comfortable. No point doing it under pressure. | |
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whatza
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Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 29 | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:59:02 AM | LOL Good one Whatza and very true...
Personally I do not think there is such a thing as meaningless sex. All sex means something, just that some has more meaning than others. Nothing wrong with having sex on the first date or waiting until the 3rd. It is how a person feels that is important. If you want to have sex then have it. All this committment crap and emotional connection and stuff has nothing to do with it. Sex is a biological urge. It is like eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom. Nothing more.
People have tried to repress sex and make it some mystical thing that should only be shared with someone you are "connected" to... Religion has taken a very wonderful thing and totally screwed it up. All these repressed, so called moral people out there who try and force their beliefs on the rest of us who are more liberated and free thinking have really messed things up. If you want to have sex, have it, and the length of time you are together, and how you "feel" about the other person, has nothing to do with it.
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:02:50 AM | | I believe that each person here has made a valid point and what it all really comes down to is personal choices and the influences and experiences they have had in their life, in connection with sex and sexuality. There is really no right or wrong but personal choices and how it affects your life, whether others will preceive your negatively or positively in that choice you made. It's how you want to conduct your life and how you can handle the outcome of your behaviour. No one can speak or feel for another and really shouldn't be judgemental. Your choices and beliefs should not be put upon others. When you choose your partner, it is then and only then that you can and should voice your opinion on how you feel about the others sexual behaviour - it will definitely be affecting you then. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:11:38 AM | | Its really too bad that you are too young to understand that a woman really has plenty more to offer of worth other than sex....ie try honesty, trust and respect for one another for starters. The way you put it makes it seem like women enjoy having control over a man with the leverage of sex. In today's world, women have become way more independant and do not require a man to stick around, we don't need all that bs. In my opinion, with women now having toys at their disposal to satisfy us should we want sex, we actually CHOOSE whether we even want a man to stick around or not. If you want a woman to just put out, then pay the price of a prostitute...if you want true euphoria, make a close friend to share it with. My dear young boy, if a woman truly wants to get a man to stick around, it is for the reason of his worth as a person and has nothing to do putting out. Boy do you ever need to grow up and loose that hostility and narrow-mindedness. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:18:07 AM | | Because a woman wants to feel that she is being respected and not used...Many people just want sex.............We want to feel we are being treated like ladies .......jude | |
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whatza
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Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:31:07 AM | To: singlesuzyg
I didn't say a woman could not have more to offer than sex, I said most don't have any more than that to offer. ie: most women do not have honesty, trust or respect. Most women also don't have other qualities like intelligence, education, interesting hobbies and activities or anything else that makes them worth being around. That is why they are single and using sex as leverage, not because they need sex, but because they want to be wanted and require validation.
And in case you assume otherwise, this isn't a sexist statement. The same thing is true of most men, as far as being interesting people, however it's less likely that they can use sex as a way of keeping a woman around who isn't interested in their other qualities.
Furthur, please don't act like that fact that I am under 30 so clearly indicates that I don't understand the intricacies of human behaviour and dating.
And before fubar comes in to bring up blow up dolls again, I have a wonderful girlfriend with a ton of attributes more compelling than her vagina. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:38:21 AM | | give me a break...i don't know how many women you have had the expierence with the lack of qualities as you describe for you to categorize "most" do not possess these...just because you obviously found one that did, does not mean there are not many many more like this....just take a look around outside your peripheral vision and you will see it | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:02:12 AM | To the best of my knowledge all women want sex - but that doesn't mean we are going to jump any guy on a first date. There are double standards when it comes to sex on a first date - if a woman does it she is seen as too easy and guys loose respect for her, in fact they will question if she does it with every guy she meets and will doubt her sincerity for anything more than a one night stand. On the other hand women expect men to want it so don't tend to judge them one way or the other.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to how soon a couple should have sex - both have to accept the consequences for their actions however so if a woman is looking for potential long term she may want to hold off on the sex at least for that first date.
That is the reality of it and I don't see this ever changing - it was true decades ago and its true today. Men have higher expectations of women especially if they are looking for long term. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:42:44 AM | | I don't find it weird at all. I love sex as much as any man. Just because you wait, doesn't make it anymore meaningful. Bottom line...it all comes down to chemistry and sex anyway. If you happen to mesh well in bed and everything else works well too, then you have the beginnings of a successful relationship. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:52:53 AM | | Here is my honest opinion on that. When someone is not looking for something meaningful or lasting....then 1st date, 2nd date sex can work. In my own personal experience, the sex was always to express love. I have to spend time with someone a while to feel comfortable enough to give him the gift of my climax. Waiting for the sex until comfortable won't guarantee that something will last forever either, but at least I wouldn't feel used. I feel ultimately that sex is a gift you give to eachother. Once however, it had been such a long time for me for any kind of intimate connection, that the sex came early, and it made me feel empty and worse then ever when the relationship did not move foward or last. I mean....if it was just the "finale" I was after, thats what toys are for. There is my honest 2 cents, for what they are worth. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 10:01:13 AM | | the original poster's topic was about gender...specifically women. so to answer the question, firstly it is not all nor most women who find sex on a first date so weird...it is only those who are simply not confident and secure in their own sexual experiences. i'm sure you will find that the women that is suggested by the question will likely be found in those who have not had enough experiences with sex on the first date..like most everything, one needs to find their own comfort level and generally does not do so on just a few experiences. in today's age, women are becoming more self-aware of their sexual needs and have also become more open-minded and liberal on this issue. i used to find it weird myself (could never get beyond the concept of equating love with sex), but now i know better and if it feels right, then just do it, if not, don't | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:07:51 AM | | i think if the guy truly likes me, he can wait til I'm ready to have sex. I can have sex whenever I want it, so why would I want it from someone who I'm trying to have a relationship with? If he cant wait to have sex, then he's not worth dating. I'm kinda sick of meeting guys that say we can date if we have sex first...we have sex, but we never go out and have fun outside the bedroom. So, if a guy truly likes me and wants to see where it's going, he can wait to have sex | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:37:59 AM |
Women shouldn't really have sex on the first date because it puts out the message you are a slut.
So what is the guy who has the sex on a first date, then??
If he's not a slut, too (following your logic), why not? | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:09:41 PM | Two reasons, I think: personal and social.
Women like and enjoy sex as well as men but, they need more emotional connection. Men can
put his dic. in almost anything that means a hole.
On the other hand, sometimes, the same men that get pist off because don't get laid after
paying for dinner call and label her as a whore, slut or easy the next morning.
Sometimes for her, even if they want or don't care about 'timing' never wins. | |
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wurl
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Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 45 | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:55:01 PM | So as not to be accused of not staying on topic ... I'll address a few things with direct quotes.
Our attitudes toward sexuality are a product of a Christian-Judeo heritage and arent shared across cultures and time. The shaming business. the sluttiness, isnt this our old pastors come back to haunt us...perhaps wiht threats of hell! I am not religious and was not brought up that way ... so this does not influence the way I think regarding my sexual behavior.
What I am saying is that we still carry vestiges of shame about our bodies, and abouit the female body. So my challenge is whether you think that our dating rituals are stuck with this baggage? Certainly ... we are all products of our environment, but not necessarily "stuck" with that. As we mature ... we also have the freedom to adjust our thought process to accommodate ourselves to the ever changing world around us as well as take our own preferences into consideration.
We may have been raised to believe that "vestiges of shame about our bodies" crap ... but nothing says we have to continue to live the myth. Each person has to decide what's right for them. Undoubtedly you will find women who share your concept about sex ... but chances are you won't ... it's a "grab bag" situation.
So the question....why do women create this myth of emotinoal intimacy as a pre requisite for good sex? I honestly don't believe they are "creating" any "myth" ... I believe they are doing what they feel is right for them on a personal basis. I see very few women today succombing to the pressure of judgmental society ... related to sexual habits.
Some women apparently have no problem with "sex" on a first date ... while others want to get to know the man better before embarking on such a personal journey. I'd say it falls more in the line of "personal preference" and not "myth" ... as you insinuate.
Personally ... I seek a relationship with a man ... companionship ... building a life together ... developing trust between us. While I do indeed enjoy sex ... for me it's the icing on the cake and not my first or only priority for spending time with a man.
Does that help? | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:03:51 PM | ^
I am not religious and was not brought up that way ... so this does not influence the way I think regarding my sexual behavior.
Cotter...valid point again. BUT, the word "presupposition" means you have these believes so deeply ingrained in you that you dont even know you have them. Like a reflex. I am not coming down on you gal....we all have presuppositions, things we accept unquestionably.
Cotter u also write; ^"we also have the freedom to adjust our thought process" .....BINGO! Couldnt have said it better myself.......agreed
Another poster writes;
"But I really really feel sad for the OP that he finds sex with an emotional connection boring"
Well, not boring, but repetitive. In a long term relationship how long do we really feel "the thrill?". Most couples just stop doing at after a couple years, well, maybe twice a week, tops. I know many married couples who dont have sex after 15-20 years of being together. Some do, power to em. But I know women who have long term affairs with men while they are married, sometimes going over 5 years or more.
Without getting sleazy, just think about youir last 10 sexual fantasies. Did ANY of them involve your current partner? Many women report that fantasies of their partner having sex with another woman is pretty hot...so report that as a sex without current partner..cause they simply arent enough. How many fantasies have you had during orgasm or pre orgasm which involve just the two of you together? Be honest! (dont share them here..just keep em to yourself for research purposes..)
So I think this myth of one love one lay doesnt work for women and this is why so many are single now and not absolutely obsessed with marriage. In the 1950s women would obtain a bachelors degree JUST to be more attractive for marrying. After marriage they would stay in the home, never using the degree.
I think this myth of "one man, one lay" came from the fundamentalist right who imposed the Hollywood "code" on film in the 1930s. The "code" forbid women to express sexuality or play the role of a sexually active woman for nearly 30 years. This is where June Cleaver came from and Ozziet and Harriet. It was only after Bridgette Bardot in the mid 50's began to express herself as a sexual being in cinema that this image of "women the subservient" was challenged. The 60s soon followed, where birth control and abortion made sex less demanding on women.
Finally Cotter hits the nail on the head again...
"While I do indeed enjoy sex ... for me it's the icing on the cake "
Well spoken. But, Cotter....if you could have tons of sex with NEW men and/or women all the time and STILL have someone in your life who loved u with all his heart, wouldnt that be better? | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:12:56 PM | | Personally I dont if the felling is right the go with it. Not saying every man I see gets it on the first date. Sex is natural course of action if you are attrated to the person so why wait or the inevitable if the the timing is right based on a number. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:19:43 PM | "So the question... why do women create this myth of emotional intimacy as ...?"
This is not a myth. It is basic psicology of woman nature.
You should change the book you are reading or read more about it."Kama Sutra for dummies"
coul help you.
You are old enough to understand what your dad/mom told you about to marry a 'good girl'.
And the so-called sexual revolution of the 60' never was intended to promote women to fk
as bunnies but, to brake up with social standards and predjudices and the derogatory terms
and stigmas asociated with the woman who openly and publicly said "I like to fk".
That does'nt means "I'm a sex addict", 'I'll fk all the times" or "I'll fk everytime you want".
The only woman who doesn't fk is the virgin. The difference bet a hooker and a waitress is the job to perform. Both serve you and both like to fk. One of them by the standard of the
society is the whore, the another one the hard working class. Both profession are as old as
mankind in the history and has nothing to do with feelings and emotion.
The hooker, as well as the waitress can give you the best bj or the ride of your life for free.
If you pay, them is not love.
And that simple word, not so dificult to understand, is the main motivation for a woman to
get in bed with you. I'm not speaking about the deeply feeling that make you kill or be killed
but, in all the spectrum: "I like you"-"I love you"-I'm in love".
I woman may want to be with a man, may think to have sex with the man, may have even
have fantasize about it, but will YOU who has to "convince" her w/your personality, actions
and display of character values to get in bed to make love, not to fk.
I don't deny the posibility for a woman to separate in her mind sex from feelings. I don't say
that a woman may not think twice to have a good time with a man and be clasified only as
one night stand but that is just pure, lust, animal instinct not different than man.
If you want to imply that who doesn't do that is hypocracy or should be the normal thing to
do because is your opinion or incomprenhensive to you because the way you think should be,
then once again, you don't know about the personal basic psicology of woman nature.
To challenge werstern sensitivities surrounding sex and love seems to me to stablish pattern
of new social behaviours intended to promote the relationship in a different aproach than the
actual one. I didn't read the book but I assume it tells me woman should fk just because they
want and not considers their own emotions and feelings, in the same way some men do and
in the same way some women do.
What next? All relationship should be open because the swingers have it? What is normal to
you, is not because the majority does or like or think, is because you see it that way. Your
are confused bet the stereotype of men's mentality toward sex and the fact some women
think alike. That cann't be a generalization even when can be a general idea. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:59:13 PM | The title of this thread is not right. Perhaps it should be Why don't women feel comfortable putting out on the first date? I do not find it weird...as has been stated here, if it feels right, why not? As an adult, I can make up my own mind. Does this make me a slut? Slut is an over used word...it makes me sexually mature and open minded enough to know my needs. If it makes me a slut, it makes him one too.
squeak | |
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