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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:07:09 PM | I will answer your question and commend you at the same time....At least you are honest because all of us ladies on here know that 90% of men are just like you....and know I do not hate you for that. The answer is pretty simple: men and women are totally different creatures. There is that major factor and also the pressure and stereotypes that society puts on us. The man is the "stud" and just "sowing his wild oats" and the woman is a "slut" and definately not marriage material. So the big question is what do I do? Not to say that I have never experienced it but I choose not to have casual sex or sex without and emotional connection...because I feel horrible about it. I am not comfortable, I don't know what that person likes and they don't know what I like either, plus I really don't think men who are just trying to get laid really care if the woman gets her's anyway. It is totally unsatisfying for me....not that I knock the women who do it...good for you, and hopefully it will not be shame that determines what a woman will decide, but her own personal choice! | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:05:14 PM | Well, women do not like to be discarded by men. Plus a lot of men are not upfront about their intentions, or just do not know what they want. If a woman has already been hurt by one of these guys, she's not likely to be excited by someone like you.
I have actually experienced the opposite phenomenon. My batting average would say that 18/20 men would seem to expect to be able to unzip their pants within the first half an hour of a date whether they are in private or public. Usually quite unexpectedly.
Personally with my past experiences with online men, I do have to admit it makes it more difficult for other men to even get to the point of meeting me, unless they want to get to know me first and vice versa...let alone a second or third date.
If you want nostrings sex, it may just be easier to call an escort service. | |
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lala69
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Joined: 10/31/2006
Msg: 104 | |
| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/3/2006 9:59:59 PM | | Not all women, me myself dont have to wait if its and attraction somewhere and i am comfortable i am ****ing, a lot of women do they just want admit it, and a lot of women want do because they feel like the guy would think shes a whore, me myself i believe if he is thinking that way he is shallow, and what that makes hims | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/3/2006 11:01:41 PM | Why do women need an emotional connection? Do men not?
True, it's easier for confident men to allow emotional sex with a stranger, because there is less risk of judgment from his friends/associates. My guess is that women take longer to trust a man with their emotional vulnerability because they have more to lose. If someone goes around saying: "Jim is such a slut, you should have seen how easily I got in his pants last night... he was screaming like a banshee"... is anyone going to care? Now, what if you said that about Susie? Sure it will make the libellious idiot look like an as$, but does that make Susie feel any better?
And even if this isn't ACTUALLY true anymore, people in North American soceity are still conditioned to believe its true.
"if the chemistry is right" IS related to being horny but it means both people are horny and responding to each other... being sensitive to each other... being harmonious// thus the emotional conneciton. And the woman who pointed out that one person can feel this when another doesn't is brilliant. I didn't think about that until I read her post, but now I realize that not only that, but a person can feel it to a much different degree than a partner and thus be satisfied with sex while the other isn't. Number one sexual problem with relationships?
Meaningless sex is empty for both men and women. The only way men can be fulfilled by it, is if they are getting their fulfillment from another source; for example, their playground buddies cheering them on and showing them love for another score, or their misguided perceptions of their own identity.
Sex on a first date is not extremely rare. Good sex is. I'd bet against you having the "I trust you" kind of emotional connection sex... but the "I recognize you as being a good f*ck, I'm really taking to you as a person, and you were very sweet when you did this or that and you have me feeling all tingly inside, and I just know we can SING together" kind of emotional connection is far more likely.
Incidentally, that's far more likely to be the kind of emotional connection that fades once a relationship gets underway. Perhaps the source of the "boring" comment?
HINT: the concept of "emotional connection" is not limited to an emotional perception that both partners are totally good for each other and might remain together forever. I don't know about you, but I have many more positive emotions than that for any given someone that I'd be intimate with. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/11/2006 1:20:31 AM | | They just don't want to feel used...and who can blame them? Then again, a couple martinis and they might decide ripping each other's clothes off is the best thing to do. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/11/2006 2:13:21 AM | OP: Ever hear of a thing called unwanted pregnancy? How about STDs? Condom use doesn't replace common sense.
I'm a guy and I'm against not only having sex on the first date, I'm against having sex until I've felt I know the person and can feel that I fully trust them. Sex is risky business in this day and age, and I'm not going to do it with some girl I just met on POF or at a bar five minutes ago.
Just because there is some "chemistry" on a first date (that really shoudl read as mutually attracted, and horny), doesn't replace common sense.
First date, thrid date, date number twenty, until I'm comfortable and she's comfortable and we are both ready, it aint gonna happen.
Neither sex has the right or privledge to assume or expect sex. I've seen just as many overly horny women pull this crap on guys they liked as I've seen men do it to the ladies.
I've seen both sides play the, "if you like me, why won't you sleep with me right now" card.
Why? Because I just met you that's why! Maybe I have a right to keep my numbers down
because odds are unless it is a good match, one of us is going to loose interest in the other before not too long. If I've known you for a while and we are good together there is a chance for something real, then yes, I'll take the plunge. Otherwise, why take on the risks I just mentioned?
I'm not dating to get laid dammit, I can "take care of myself" for my sexual needs, I'm trying to find the woman who will be my future wife, she is out there folks, unfortunatly there is only one proven method to find her, which is go out and date and meet people.
I'd rather not have to tell my future Mrs that I've slept with more girls then I can count on both hands fingers and toes. How do I avoid that you think?
By not hooking up with every girl I "feel a connection" with after a few hours of meeting them!
Also, two other things.
Sex is never meaningless to me. The act of sex is intimate for me, and very emotional. I have to have real feelings for that person. I've tried doing it without real feelings for someone, it didn't work for me. I didn't enjoy it durring, and I didn't feel very good about it afterwards.
Also sex early in a relationship just screws it up IMHO. I really think you need to be friends first, and lovers second in a relationship. That bond doesn't happen overnight, it takes time to develop and strengthen. Yes, you usually know if you are into someone in the first few minutes of meeting them, but you don't know if you really are going to get along with them in the first few minutes of meeting them. It takes time.
It isn't right to manipulate someone into having sex with you just because your horny and into them. If they want to, and you want to great, but if they don't, it isn't right to give
them sh*t about it and try to manipulate them. They aren't rejecting you.
Never expect sex. If it happens, it will happen when its ready. Using guilt to get your way just isn't cool. Men, ladies, if you really like them, they are worth waiting for.
The question is folks, are you out for a real relationship or just out for a f**k?
If the answer is the latter, maybe its best if you didn't go after the folks who aren't out just for a screw. | |
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jan244
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Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 108 | |
| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 5:55:43 AM | | ok so let's say this girl waits until the third date, you have sex, and then you never speak to her again? Wow, there was NOTHING meaningful about that? I think that's a bullshit excuse. I read someones response where he said it depends on how you were raised? That can't possibly be true either. Unless he was referring to parents who have sex with random different people in front oftheir kids? what is it exactly that their learning from their parents? I will have to agree with the poster of this thread that all the answers he is getting from this are completely stupid!!! We all know that there is no right or wrong about having sex on the first date. It's all personal preference. I think gals who think that by waiting until the "3rd date" it doesn't make them slutty. Well reality check your still having sex, duh and it adds to your sexual partners anyway so what's the difference?? maybe women don't like sleeping with random men as much as guys don't mind seeping with random girls but, the part about it being meaningful --that's a bunch LOAD OF CRAP!!! | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:47:20 AM | FIRST OFF DON'T EVER TELL A LADY SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY CAUSE YOU'D BE LIEING IF SEX WITH AND EMOTIONAL CONNECTION IS BORING. I DO THINK A BOY TOY IS NICE FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT DON'T WE ALL WANT THAT I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE FEELING, OF SOMEONE YOU KNOW ALL OVER FROM HEAD TO TOE? BUT I FEEL LIKE A PEICE OF MEAT WHEN ON THE FIRST DATE THEY WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME AND **** YOU. WOULD YOU REALLY WANT A GIRL THAT WOULD DO YOU ON THE FIRST DATE? AND I'D BE ALITTLE SCARED WHO YOU WERE WITH LAST WEEKEND. WOULDN'T YOU?  | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:53:21 AM | As I mentioned in my previous post...
Why is it so hard for *some* women to understand that there are guys out there who don't want to jump in bed right away and want to wait until the time is right for both?
Why do *some* women assume that "its not a problem" if they pressure a guy into having sex too early?
Have the a*hole men who have done this jaded you into doing to men the very thing that was done to you by a*hole men looking for just a screw? Two wrongs don't make a right ya know.
Attention, Ladies who practice this naughty behavior; please don't let the bad behavior of the men give you license to preassure the nice boy who has caught your eye but isn't looking for just sex into giving you the sex.
Turnabout isn't fair play when you apply what one person did to the next person you meet!!
Neither gender should be corecing/forcing/manipulating/guilting people into having sex any earlier then they feel comfortable having it. Be it the first date, or date number 50. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 5:57:47 PM | | For one, it would be nice to know the guy I think, lol. Some people may find this weird (which I don't understand) but you really need to ask your "friend" if they have any STDs or STIs before just having sex. We actually need to be careful. Thats just my opinion though, its the safe way, lol. | |
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Sonon
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 114 | |
| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:35:49 PM | I prefer to keep is aside on the first... to get rid of the "just want sex guy" impression...
But I've been in love with someone..we did the first night...
Out-of-thread but think its worth to share a little..
She was living just above (second floor)
Morning came, my roomate went to work and locked the door..my keys in..
I had to call boss and tell the truth
I'm in the bed of girl next door, my boots are locked home.. I can't go to work...I'm stuck here..in her bed!! | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:59:08 PM | i love sex no really really love sex so being a female has absolutely no regard to this topic, and as much as i do belong to this century no matter right nor wrong we do live in a sociey where there are double standards. I dont agree with it butit is there, even when i was in high school if a man scored on the first date , he was the man...the woman a slut . I she didnt put out a c***tease, makes me crazy but it is the truth . Right in the middle of this myself ...want to.. cant.... damn it... sometimes i wisah i didnt have the morals and values that i do have just so i can ...have it... but i do so i cant....damn it... wishing things were different isnt going to change things and most men can say what they want cause they want some. But the truth here is.. If i do what i want to do i will be labelled, the only way to change any of this is for men to realize that most women have just as high sexual drive as they do ...in some cases ( like me ) even more i know what i want when i want and i want it all the time rotfluipmfp | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:26:14 PM | Well if women are giving out the message that they are a slut by sleeping with a man on the first date...... what does that make the man that was the other part of the equation??
ohhhhhhh a double standard I see....... must be that would make the man a stud for scoring right ????
So many of you men are hypocrits.... ya want it ..... but you dont want her to give in....
Why cant people be adults and realize that sometimes there is just a great connection between 2 people that flows naturally.... and does it really make a difference if you wait or not ??? I mean is something gonna change between date 1 and date 2???? | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:03:42 PM | Okay, here's the lowdown. Why do girls like to wait? Because we want something real! There's a difference between a one night stand and a meaningful relationship. I always wait to have sex for a number of reasons.
1. I want the guy to respect me. How can he respect me if he doesn't know me, and how can he respect me if he knows I'll sleep with anyone I don't even know?
2. I want a relationship. If you want something real, you have to build trust and respect. That doesn't happen on the first date, and it doesn't happen just because you're naked.
3. STD's!!! I have a few girlfriends who enjoyed "casual sex" in the past, and now they're on medication for the rest of their lives to treat the nice little gift they were left by that guy that said "Hey, I think you're hot! What's a little fun between adults?"
4. When I finally do find "Mr. Right" I don't want to have to be embarassed to tell him that half the male population in this town could comment on how I am in bed.
5. Women feel slutty about the idea of casual sex because it isn't much different than what a street walker does, except at least they're smart enough to get paid for it!
6. Most women who have casual sex say they enjoy the sex, but really they are insecure about themselves and it makes them feel special briefly to feel wanted by a man.
7. Sex with emotional connection? Yes, sex can feel good with anyone, but it feels even better with someone who actually cares about you as a person, and has something invested in you, not just that he wants to use you to get off for a night.
Men have this ability to separate emotion from action. For women, we are emotional creatures. We don't do anything without emotional connection, whether we admit it or not. There is a big difference between casual sex and making love. The idea of sex I think was supposed to be the most intimate, close, sentual way to share yourself with someone that matters. If you can take that act and make it into some cheap, quick, meaningless, fun game, than how can you ever experience anything real? If you give yourself permission to make sex that meaningless, it doesn't suddenly change just because you love someone. You can never experience the height of what love making is supposed to be, because you gave yourself permission to beleive it can be a "meaningless" act.
I am a 28 year old women, I have had a small number of serious relationships in my life. The sexual partners I have had have been people I loved and cared for deeply. I have never, nor will every, have casual sex. I have no regrets no diseases, and no unwanted children, which is better than the stories I've heard from others who indulge in casual sex. Hope that clarifies a few things for ya! | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:22:46 PM |
Women shouldn't really have sex on the first date because it puts out the message you are a slut.
and the message is clear!
I have never had a one night stand
*gets down and prays*
Dear God in my next life can I be a .... | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:09:26 AM |
Who are these so many women... and where do you experience them? I'm confused. Who gets to a 3rd date these days? Any number of people. I had a date with a POFer tonight. If we do go there, it will likely be after more than three dates.
OTOH, I've had sex on a first date as well.
Shortest? Within 3 hours of first meeting her. Longest I've exclusively dated someone without sex? 6 months. Sometimes it's fast, sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's not at all.
IME, most of the women looking to have sex right away will not call you back ;) | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:21:42 AM | | It's true that a lot of girls do say they want to wait because it has to mean something. But truthfully every serious relationship I have been in (except one) has started with sex on the first date. If there is something there you know. You know it on the first date. You know in the first five minutes! Maybe these girls don't want to have sex with you. Maybe they are playing games because they don't want you to think they are slutty. Or maybe they don't have a high sex drive. Everyone is different. But really, between two adults, if you want to have sex, have sex. There's nothing wrong with it regardless of how many dates you have been on. | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/14/2006 7:06:06 AM | but what about not knowing someone's sexual history? What about STDs? Preganacy?
Everyone is not seeing that some men like to wait as well for the very same morals/reasons that some women like to wait.
Am I the last moral man left on this god forsaken rock ? | |
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| Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/14/2006 7:18:36 AM |
Just curious....why do so many women say they dont like a guy who "just wants sex"? Women often comment they want to wait until the 3rd date or longer to have sex. That its got to be meaningful etc... Why is that?
For me, it's because I have a brain attached to my naked self. 3rd date? Not likely. I'm not saying it could never happen for me on the 3rd date, but it hasn't happened yet.
jaber: no, there are other men out there that feel as you do. They just aren't posting in this thread.
Kat  | |
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