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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:57:54 PM | gardennut, What you described is known as "Approach-Avoidance Conflict" in psychobabble. The dudes have ummm ... "issues." Good for you in not playing that game, anymore. If you got back with either of them, it'd probably be the same song, different verse. "crazy-making sh*t" =   | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:26:10 PM | A couple of points made, some with merit, most based on prior experience.
Unfortunately it is still a man's world and he gets to make the rules of worthiness etc.
I have developed the "duck" theory. Let the stuff roll off the back until the right one comes along.
Dating is awkward at any age, but middle-agers find the rules still apply. I simply let him guide the boat, until I get indications that he is interested.Then and only then do I put any trust in him. The rest of it until then is strictly sharing of time, events and pleasantries.
Why force an issue ?you CANNOT make some one care, they either do or they don't.
My gran had a great sayin "can't look up a dead horse's ass" It's a non-issue if the other person indicates they don't care. Simply move on, cause somewhere out there in the cosmos is the man/woman that requires your time, person,brain and heart. Without that then there is nothing.
Time is a friend not an enemy; why force something that you cannot control? Enjoy him/her and wait . Rewards lie in waiting, patience and silence of the heart. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:30:53 PM | OneRealSweety, let's write a song called "The Approach-Avoidance Blues". One verse would include the key words "crazy-making sh*t".
Okay, let's work on the verse:
"Now Papa, don't call me a twit,
this is crazy-making sh*t..."
REFRAIN:
"Oh Mama, here's the latest news:
I got me a man with issues,
I got me the Approach-Avoidance bluuueeeesssssssss....."
Catchy! Could hit the Top 100!
(on POF, anyway...) | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:37:57 PM | Russbear bingo!
One person feels lucky to have the other, other feels like they are settling with the other. The one who feels lucky treats the other very well. THe one who thinks they are settling treats the other badly. The one who feels lucky realizes they arebeing treated badly, stats pulling away. The one who thought they were settling realizes they are losing the person and the roles reverse.
Too true! Unfortunately when someone starts acting like a douche-bag it's too late. Adios. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:38:10 PM | gardennut,  That was hilarious!
Let me ponder this for awhile ... Can we share in the royalties for what will surely be a number one hit? 
"Those dudes probably found out that the grass ain't so greener over there.
Now they're coming on to me like a bear ... lalalalala ...
Mama, Papa, what shall I do?
When it comes to Approach-Avoidance conflict, I have no clue! ... lalalalala ...
This crazy-making sh*t is driving me nuts
I'd like to kick their sorry butts!"
REFRAIN:
"Oh Mama, here's the latest news:
I got me a man with issues,
I got me the Approach-Avoidance bluuueeeesssssssss....."
 
gardennut -- msg below: Thank you! I needed the laugh today, too!
To hell with dudes with "Approach-Avoidance Conflict" and those blues ... | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:45:13 PM | Next verse:
They thought they could do better than me,
Chasing after blonde bimbos.
But the ladies tossed them to the side
and stepped right on their toes.
So they came crawling back to me
on their hands and on their knees,
Begging me to take them back,
Baby, please please PLEEEEAAASSSSEEEEEEEEE..................
This crazy-making sh*t is a real pain in the butt,
I'd like to lift my foot high in the air
and kick them in the NUTS!
Mama, here's the latest news,
I got me a man with issues,
I got me the Approach-Avoidance bluuuueeeessssssss......................
(Thanks, Sweety, for helping me with a belly laugh I truly needed and deserved today...Approach-Avoidance Conflict blues indeed...) | |
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JFC
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Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/29/2006 9:36:57 AM | when you're the one who loves more the relationship is perfect in your eyes but in the end you're the one burried under 10' of misery
I think we need to stop for a minute and put ourselves in the other person's place .. see things from their prespective. It's about understanding the person you're with and noticing "the signs" and I would say get out of unbalanced relationship it will bring nothing but hurt to the both of you
P.S: I would love to hear/read Natscha's psychological explainations it might offer us some insight | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/29/2006 9:45:54 AM | I hope I,m understanding you advtrakat, but it reminds me of when we were in High School. I would always want some other guy, who wanted nothing to do with me. What was up with that? Then I would always get the guys, I couldnt stand, like I was so much better then them. Now I wonder where they all are. Probaly the one I wanted is a jerk, fat, bald, even though looks dont matter, and the others are rich, successful, and if you have the other 2 who needs looks anyway. How can I remeber so long ago, and ask me about 2 days ago, forget it. Only the important things in my life I remeber, so now you all see just how much importance there is in my life Lisa And now I see it too: | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/29/2006 11:32:47 AM | I think you are hitting on a very important problem which I have thought about for a long time.
Imagine for a minute that you plot a persons interest in another on a graph. As their interest increases the line goes up and as their interest decreases the line goes down.
Now, when 2 people first meet, one persons' interest starts out very high, while the others is very low. As time goes by, the high person starts to lose interest while the low person starts to gain interest. The high line starts to go down and the low line starts to go up.
But then the 2 people pass each other on the graph and eventually trade places. The low person becomes the high and the high the low.
The only time they ever get it together is when they are passing each other on the interest scale.
A lot of people fall into this sort of rhythmic fluctuating attraction and spend a great deal of time babbling endlessly to their friends, late at night, about how come so-and-so just can't be what they want them to be. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:08:26 PM | Actually I think we are talking about two entirely different situations.
1. When in a relationship, one loves more than the other. I believe this would be unbalanced and not fulfilling in the long run.
2. When in a relationship, both equally are in love with one another, but through the course of said relationship each experience the ups and downs that are associated with the relationship. In this situation, I think it is perfectly normal and healthy. I always refer back to the interview of Bob Hope and his reply on how his marriage lasted as long as it had. His reply was that neither of them fell out of love at the same time!
I think the key here is that they both equally loved! | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 10/9/2006 12:02:32 PM | A great topic, so I'm jumping in.
How ironic it is you've come upon this idea, as I've pondered this thought many a night.
I think we're all searching for something, and we've got fairly good ideas as to what we're looking for in a person and what we dont' want, too.
Its seems we're always raising our own bar of acceptance because we see others doing so with impunity, and somehow they have arrive where it is we want to be.
So we wait, we plot, and we try and achieve the highest level attainable, be it looks, brains, money, and so forth. "We can always do better", or so they say, and for most, that probably true.
I, for one, have resigned to stay put, to enjoy some time to myself, and just take life easy for a while. She's out there for me, and it will happen when it happens. Until such time, I'm in no hurry. I don't see dating simply to keep busy until the right one comes along, because it's impossible to be in two places at once, and if you're biding time with someone you're not satisfied with, just to avoid being alone, you'll probably miss the opportunity of meeting the one you were wanting to come your way. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:11:05 PM | | Let me start by saying first of all I will never love anyone more than I love myself(except my son of course)!Secondly one shouldn't have to stroll down a two way street alone.So with that being said set it free if it comes back it was meant to be,and if it doesn't then it was never meant to be.Most of all honesty is the best policy!Life's too short. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 2/2/2007 6:15:10 AM | | I like this. This is totally what i just went thru.But you know i come to the realization that im not bending over backwards for that one anymore and not getting nothing in return. It was like as soon as i let him know my feelings things started to go haywire and he backed off started treating me badly he wasnt the guy who i was attracted to in the begining so i ended it. he called we got back to gether for a while but i ended it things changed for a week. i dont have it in me tohang in there and try to make things work and they are not eithr its there or not. | |
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| They love you, you don't love them, you love them, they don't love you?
Posted: 2/3/2007 3:48:01 AM | Ive had "I can't give you want you want'.....I never mentioned what I wanted.
and Iv'e had.....I don't feel the same way as you do about me.....I never said how I felt.
So I guess some people are just born mind readers.
Guess it is true however that the scales can be unbalanced, and I have also noticed that in a lot of cases the one who admired the other MORE had retreated only to discover that the other actually fell for them, then they realized they didn't love the other one after all.
I can't work it out, it's too hard, and I'm too young for all this lovy dovy stuff anyway.  | |
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