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 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 426
Profile Reviews offeredPage 18 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
eh i guess you can review mine.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 427
METALLIC BLUE
Posted: 9/30/2006 7:06:15 AM

I see you got yourself a new look (new name). Yes, you did post earlier, and you were next on my list. So here goes:


Ha, I thought I had, but forgot and couldn't find my original!



Wow. That's definitely different. You have given us a good look into how you think, and who you are, which is very nice.


You're reaction is familar, most people have reported the same thing. That's awesome, I'm glad it does that.



I found your first paragraph edged a little bit towards making me wonder what went wrong in your life. Not sure if that's intended, but you seemed to get very introspective around the middle of the paragraph, and maybe lead the reader to start wondering about things that you don't necessarily want to raise on your profile.


That's right, the idea is to trigger in the reader this mystery, but to also show that while there were painful events, those events created tremendous opportunities for grace and learning to take place based on how the paragraphs proceed! You'll probably agree.



It was the comments like "hard to come to grips with the tension" and "tragic aspects of life" that made me wonder what happened. You might want to lighten that up a bit.


I could perhaps change the wording, but rather the idea was to challenge the reader to consider their own pain as well, and to see there is a shared desire to want to be happy, in-spite of difficulties that we all face, and that beauty is just as readily accessible in the world, as are the hardships. We can choose and know that the sunshine exists because their are shadows. The shadows, prove there is sunshine! I intended to create slight mystery, internal introspection, as well as impressing the reader with a thoughtful question that I myself ask everyday I wake up. Every single day I say "Ok, who do I want to be now! How could things be? What can I do better, where is the beauty? -- I'm going to go in search of it! That's the intention.



Other than that, I really enjoyed your profile. Your interests list is long - but varied (often long lists are repetitive). So I'd leave it alone. You should get some better pictures of yourself, but overall, a very nice profile.


Yes, I knew exactly that when I was writing it. I used many people's profiles as templates to figure out my own interests. Interests are interesting because you do them a lot and don't always go "oh...that's an interest." -- listing them takes a little mental work, sort of like packing for a trip. You go "huh...I use my toothbrush, soap, razor -- all these things that you take for granted each day, then suddenly you have to get them together all at one time!
 garbear6472
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 428
view profile
History
garbear6472
Posted: 9/30/2006 9:31:12 AM
Thanks for your comments. I'll see if I can't figure out how to rephrase the areas you mentioned. Definitely gonna get better pics..Used what I had to work with at the time..
Gary
 joebrownsomebody
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 429
crimzonred
Posted: 10/2/2006 7:06:36 PM
thanks for the feed back....

I did a hole bunch of changes but I can't find any pics of just me

but I would love an opinion on the new stuff

thanks
 perplexheart
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 430
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 11:12:55 AM
Kris1082
I've made some changes to my profile and would like an honest review.
Angelo
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 431
jilea
Posted: 10/3/2006 12:43:54 PM
@jilea

You have some great photos. I would suggest that your main one should not be the one that includes parts of other people's faces. I'd suggest something that shows just you, without those distractions. Your 4th photo would be perfect, if you were smiling. I think the last one is probably the best main pic, of the ones you have.

I like the way you've written your profile. The only thing I would change is to get rid of this line
although I have a sneaking suspicion that Matt, my personal trainer, has been coming on to me.
You don't want to make someone reading your profile, start thinking about you with someone else. Or that they don't have a chance because "Matt" is already there.

OK, I lied. One other thing. Try doing a "user search" on yourself, and see what shows up. If you shorten your first line (for example "Caring" and "Kind-Hearted" are very similar, and one could go), then more of your second line "hook" will be visible on the search page.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 432
dhanji
Posted: 10/3/2006 1:39:38 PM
@dhanji

I said this to someone else earlier - your profile comes across as "I, I, I". I know, how do you write a profile about yourself, without saying "I". I don't know, but I do get a vibe from yours, that is just too much. See my post 249 (page 10).

There are a lot of plans in there, but not so much about what you are doing now. You plan a lot - but can you follow through? (I'm sure you can, but rather than saying " I plan to be in Mexico", could just be "I'm going to Mexico"). Also, what type of volunteering?

Your favourite foods: your mother's curry, and Grandmother's something. So how's a girl supposed to measure up? That's high bar to set - maybe you want to back off a bit, and don't tell her in your profile, how she's going to have to measure up to your family (No, you didn't actually say it, but it sure can be read that way).

Obligatory spelling nit-pick:

The word is spelled "cuisine". I also believe that the plural of cuisine is ... cuisine. Can't find any proof of that in the on-line dictionary, however.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 433
candid1
Posted: 10/3/2006 1:57:22 PM
@candid1

Your headline - ummm, if that's supposed to be some sort of smilie, it doesn't work.

I don't think you need your first paragraph. You are honest and upfront in your pics and description, so people know already that you aren't some tiny thing. Adding this first paragraph just makes you sound a bit defensive - if they got to this point, they've already seen your pics and read your body type. So don't push them away now.

It would be nice to hear a bit more about you in the main part of your profile. What you like to do, for example. What you have is good - gives us some insight into who you are, but you need to let guys visualize themselves doing "stuff" with you. So tell them about how you spend your time.

Your last 2 paragraphs come across as a bit blunt. I get what you are saying, but I'd suggest trying to say it without telling the reader to take a hike if they don't agree. Or just skip it (esp. the last paragraph). Their intentions will probably be pretty clear within the first couple of exchanges, if that's what they are looking for.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 434
nothingbutparticular
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:06:59 PM
@nothingbutparticular

Hmm. Have to say, not very enticing.


Rip me up, profile style.
Well, you asked for it.

Riiiiip...
First, your name. Huh? Particular about what? Are you saying you are picky about who you want to meet? I can't tell.

Tear....
Headline - "This is my headline". Uh, yah. So? Put a bit of effort out here, if you want some back.

Shred....
I despise ignorance in all its forms.
Oh yes, let's start out on a really good note here. (that would be sarcasm). The second line (beginning "as long as you have a good heart ...") would be a MUCH better start to your profile.

A bit more information about what you like to do with your time would be good. Your interests list is short, and you don't say much about activities in your "about me" section. Makes it hard to see where a day with you might lead.


I put great consideration into everything I say
but obviously not so much into what you write. Put a bit more effort in here, if you want to get some responses. In between the icky bits, you sound like a great guy - show that side of yourself.

Also, a bit of effort in the first date section would be good. Sure, it depends on the person. So say that, but then give an example of how creative you can be.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 435
Real Teddybear Man
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:14:59 PM
@Real Teddybear Man

I went to my profile twice and can't think of parrallels to put in.


Sorry it took me so long. Let's see if I can help here.


I'm not: a party animal, a bar fly, a big tv sports fan, a druggie, a drunk, or emotionally messed up.

I am: an animal lover, a killer of flies (and spiders - all in the name of chivalry), a sports fan (on the field), a joker, a wine connoisseur, and a pillar of strength.

You get the idea? Of course, make sure they are true :)
And in that order - "I'm not" first, then the counter-point. And feel free to adjust the "I'm not" list, if you think of a fabulous "I am" you want to list.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 436
zmdh39
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:25:48 PM
@zmdh39

Is there some hidden meaning in your name? It sometimes helps to have a memorable one - so if they see you in a search, they can think "Oh yes, I wanted to check out zmdh39" - except with a name like that, they'll get the letters all messed up, and mhdz93 will get all your contacts :)

Well, now that I've read your profile - you are on 83 favourites lists. What do you need me for?

I sense your frustration. But it doesn't keep the idiots away, to tell them to get lost in your profile (the idiotic ones aren't reading that far anyway). And you're scaring off the good ones, who actually might read it.

So, first, your headline. Every guy out there thinks he's one of the "good guys" - and they all finish last, and they never get a break, and .... This won't weed out the bad ones - just makes you look like you are getting desperate to find one. Go for something a bit more catchy, that tells them something about you.

I dislike Drugs (SO IF YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD, DON'T WRITE BACK!!!) I don't have time for your bullshit. FOR ALL THE NONDRUG USING GUYS, BURN THOSE KEYBOARDS UP AND WRITE ME BACK
Use your mail restrictions (I see you have), and drop this section. It's not going to help - if they get past your mail settings, they are lying in their profile anyway, so what makes you think this is going to keep them away. It just (again) keeps away the nice ones, 'cause it makes you sound like a frustrated b*tch (sorry). Same for your last paragraph.

So, now that you've taken out all those negative, frustrated thoughts. Let's get started on a real profile. Who are you? What do you like to do with your spare time? I hope it's more than party and have a "mother f-ing BLAST" - because that's not going to attract the type of guys you seem to want. Spiff up that interests list, and tell us a bit about what you do for fun.

Pics aren't bad - but get rid of the one with a guy in the pic (no wonder you get married guys - looks like you have one of your own at home, too). And I personally wouldn't use one of the colour-washed ones as your main. Maybe the original of that photo, without the effect, or a different one altogether.
 nothingbutparticular
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 437
zmdh39
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:10:18 PM
Thanks for the review. I had a few good laughs and there was some great insight. Thanks for taking the time.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 438
northernnishkwe
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:32:25 PM
@northernnishkwe

Your profile doesn't tell us much about you. You simply repeat your interests list, without adding much to it. You do say "weekend trips are fun" - so there's a place to start. Where do you go? what do you do on those trips? Tell us how you spend your free time (we know it's precious, but when you do get some).

Really, I don't see anything wrong in your profile, just missing information.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 439
pumper1964
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:42:49 PM
@pumper1964

Your profile raises a few questions for me (and unlike someone said earlier in this thread, raising questions in your profile is NOT always a good thing).

Who's the baby? Your daughter is 8, your pictures are (supposedly) recent - so I'm confused.
Who's the girl (and the guy) in picture #4
Why are you so focused on a woman who "takes care of herself"? You say it 3 times, in 2 paragraphs.
Why do you suggest we look elsewhere? (The last line in your profile).

Other than those questions, it looks pretty good.

And just to be clear, I'm not suggesting you answer the questions - remove the bits that make people ask them.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 440
iwarrior
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:48:13 PM
@iwarrior


eh i guess you can review mine.

eh maybe I don't want to

Oh all right. Never let it be send I sent someone away without a review. {goes off to read}


Hmm. Maybe I do have to send you away without a review. I wouldn't change a thing. I like your profile - definitely shows us who you are. I was daunted by the length at first, but once I started reading, it was great.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 441
METALLIC BLUE
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:51:55 PM
@METALLIC BLUE

Well, you didn't really want a review now, did you? You wanted affirmation.

Personally, I think if you have to explain your profile, it's a problem. You don't want to raise the type of question that scares them off. Curiosity is one thing. Dread is another - and one to be avoided in a profile.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 442
crimzonred
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:56:19 PM
@crimzonred

Better. Definitely better.

The pic you have is improved. I don't think you need the first line in your profile. That pic isn't bad, and you don't have any of you and tons of people - it looks like a hold-over from the last version.
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 443
perplexheart
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:06:40 PM
Hi Angelo,

It looks much better than before. Less impersonal, and tells us about what you like to do. The first paragraph felt a bit like a resume - but then it got better in the next couple. You might improve the beginning by using less facts (we don't need your family history in the profile) and a bit more personality.

"I visited Italy in August. Saw Rome, and spent some time with my family." It's a bit more direct than what you have there.

"I live alone" - sounded depressing for some reason. I'd prefer to read "I live on my own" - to show your independence. It's amazing what a difference one or 2 words can make in how something comes across.

I'd put your second paragraph first, and your first paragraph (with some revisions) second.

A couple little things:
"Star Bucks" = "Starbucks"
"the simply things" = "the simple things"
"are The Simpsons big fans" = ????

I'd also add mountain biking and soccer to your interests list, to spruce it up a bit.
 Lizbeth6
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 444
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 5:53:28 PM
Hi Kris,


I've been reading all the posts on this thread, and was hoping you might find time to review my profile.

Thanks

Liz
 cinemaxius
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 445
view profile
History
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:03:49 PM
Allo, Allo

Care to review mine...I think I may need some more tweaking. Thanks.


 nothingbutparticular
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 446
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:35:48 PM
Alright, I think it's fixed. Give it a quick look when you get a chance. Thanks.
 amandac120
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 447
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:07:14 PM
I think my profile is in need of some help...open to suggestions from ANYONE.
 canski
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 448
Profile Reviews offered
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:36:32 PM
Hi...could you please review my profile so i can improve it?
 kris1082
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 449
nthingbutparticular
Posted: 10/4/2006 5:33:19 AM
@nothingbutparticular

Looking better! I like your profile now - but I'd get rid of the picture with the girl in it. Are you trying to scare women off? :)
 dhanji
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 450
dhanji
Posted: 10/4/2006 8:43:33 AM
Thanks for the advice. I've changed it, so lets see how it goes.

In regards to your 'cusine' comment. The word cusine does have a plural of cusines, which is in reference to a number of cusines from different parts of the world.

World-cuisines.com
europeancusines.com
http://www.reference.com/search?db=web&q=cuisines

The above are references showing the word, 'cusines', being used correctly.

Well I'm glad I could also pass knowledge to you!
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