| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 7:07:28 AM | Lonie
Try not to put your daughters Mom down. You still have a lot of anger to work out. It is not constructive. My first husband told my boys that I was a "rotten Mother" I knew better but they believed him and my son finally ran away from home at age 14 and I didn't see him again for 20 years. He now knows better and has still not completely forgiven himself, no matter how many times I tell him that he was a child. He has given me 2 grandchildren. and is drug free although it is a constant struggle. I am proud of him. He has had a hard life.
You know I you and want the very best for you.
andance | |
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Lonie
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 27 | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/5/2006 8:05:52 PM | I couldn't have said it better than you.Your description of how she feels
from that loss is right on.When we lose the One we love,it's the most
painful & hardest loss to regain our footing in life again.It leaves us with
a void so deep,there appears to be no ending,a pain almost too much to
bear,an anger that needs a release,a devastation so profound,we feel like
our world has been turned upside down.And no amount of advice,comfort,
support,or probing will get her to open up again until she's ready & over it.
Only from living it can you put it to rest.I only hope she doesn't lose years
doing it.She'll come back when she finds a man she feels everything & more
you do about her.And,from the sound of it,I hope its you.I wish you both love,
whoever it may be with...
There's never a wrong time for the right one! | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 4:17:40 PM | To OP...
Been there, done that... Everyone HEALS at their own speed. She just needs time and if she's being honest with herself, she'll know when that time is right. If you're expecting anything in return, good luck, as the person that usually gets hit with the 'right one, wrong time' TAG... is many times truly the right one, but hardly ever the right time comes, very sad but very true... Keep fishin' if she decides for sure it's you, she'll let you know.
Best of luck to ALL who deal with this HURT... I've had to deal with the lose as well as been the right one... Damn my luck... (sigh)! | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:46:42 PM | Hmmm, interesting thread. I didnt burn anything when I got divorced. I didnt really throw anything away either. I boxed it up for the kids and put it away. Not part of my life anymore and really hard to move on when you have pics and mementos laying around.
I cried, I screamed, got mad, mourned, said what I had to say and moved on.
So I cleaned house and made goals for myself, both long term and short term and I am not losing sight of those goals. I have also noticed, I have a lot less drama in my life.
Anyway, this too shall pass, like a kidney stone. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:03:13 PM | I just found this area of Plenty of fish. I have to say that for me. I divorced my husband of 20 yrs. It was the hardest thing I ever did, But it was necessary to stay alive.
I want so badly to find the right man for you. someone i have that feeling that is so deep, If i would find him, nothing time or space would keep me from developing that relationship. Because finding someone that you could possibly thing could be the one, dont let it go. Chemistry, attraction and desire to learn and be with the one special person is very hard to find.
Im scare just like most, i am also scare to put my heart out there. i am scared to not find him, i am scare to find him. It is hard to be dating again at this age, Is that special person out there.
I have also found out internet dating, people have a perception of what they think they are meeting and dont really take the time to get to know that person in real time. It is meet and then you decide right then it is a yes or a no. You really dont no that person until you get to know them inside and out. Its a hard thing.
Is my special person on Plenty of Fish, I dont no, But i have met some nice people and being divorced at this age, men and women, most people are married or already have formed their friendships, for me, my friends were my ex's friend, i had no one but me, I am making friends now, but it is still hard out there alone.
Thanks for letting me say my piece. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:11:31 PM | Hey Sue and Devil... Two Names I know well...
You are BOTH fantastic ladies... don't lose sight of that.
We're all here for a reason, some by choice, some by destiny... but we're all here in this big pond... Let go of what was and enjoy what IS... Life's too short to hurt all the time.
We're here for a GOOD time, not a long time! | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:45:59 PM | I did the same for my daughter. I put my rings and his love notes and all our pictures into a box and sealed it so that she would know that at one time we did indeed love each other. He, on the other hand, threw out over half of my total belongings. *shrug*
I left my husband 4 years ago, divorced 2 years ago. When I saw him this past June to do the "Great Child Exchange" (he lives on the other side of the country) I didn't get that punch in the stomach for the first time. That told me that I was finally over him. But it took making myself get out and take risks and get to know people again. No one could make me, I had to do it for myself. When I realized that my behavior was going to have consequences on my daughter (I didn't want her growing up hating men) I knew I had to do something. So I go out (mostly the Dublin Pub). I have a good time regardless of whom I am with. And I move on. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/7/2006 9:04:58 PM | If she read these words of yours, so elegantly put and still hasn't swayed in her decision, then you are truly the wrong one for her. She'll come out when she's ready, if not for the words, for the chemistry. Keep  | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:06:57 PM | LOL Sinz... Wonder how many times I may have seen you there and NEVER knew who you were... Wonder how many more times I might have said HI or made a fool of myself...
Love ya Lots BABY SIS!... lol | |
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kasie
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Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/10/2006 5:19:20 AM | All I can say about this thread is that...some people can get past it and move on..right away..others..welll that could take a LONGGGGGGG time..
I learned recently that there is LIFE after HIM/HER and why let the bad memories build when you can build good ones..better ones..new ones...
It took me a long while to figure this out but it sure was worth it. My whole perspective on things is completely and totally different.
I know I will find my fish out there somewhere.. sometimes we have to catch and release before the one we really want is caught..lol | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/10/2006 8:59:30 PM | after going through 1 divorce and in the process of my 2nd divorce i had everything that i owned in a friend's basement. everything that i had was destroyed due to the stupidity of a dumb drunk. everything including clothing, collectables, pictures of my 2 sons, pics of my ex husband (whom is deceased now) and soon to be ex. the only memories i hold are the good memories locked in the back of my mind. my younger son had found some old photos that were taken from 1987 until 2002 when my 2nd husband and i 1st separated at my parent's house. i had asked my mother if i can please make copies of the pics that she had so i can give them to the boys and she had said no! she felt as if she had to hide the memories away from my sons. now my older son has nothing to remind him of his deceased father nor does my younger son have any pics of him and his stepfather.
i'm not sure if i was right by telling my sons that there was a reason for everything that happened in the past with my ex and soon to be ex but they shouldn't also think about too much of what happened in the past either. i told them to remember them as they were and to go on with their lives as i am with mine. my older son will be 19, my younger son is 12. they both understand what i've been through and don't want me going through that again.
was i wrong for telling them what i did? if not, why do i feel somewhat bad for doing so? | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:09:12 PM | Off the Subject/Thread....
ponygrl... all children have a RIGHT TO KNOW... same as we adults...
At our age we tend to think our children know nothing about the 'real world'... nothing could be further from the truth... in the 50's, 60's and 70's and even the 80's we grew up watching BEAVER and the Brady's thinking all would be just FINE in the end... We've lost track of where our children LEARN... They learn from friends, from school and many times the streets... We, as parents need to forget what we learned and remember our children are the next generation... they know more at their age than we ever did... In many ways they are smarter than we ever were...
To paint a 'pretty picture' to the world as we want it to be or as we remember it to be is not right... we need to prepare our children for tomorrow....! Yes, teach your children love, respect and trust... but do not try to make them BLIND to what reality is.
Yes, I think we all need to remember the good ol' days and HOPE things get better... But do not lose sight of the many changes over the last 20+ years... We can not shelter our children from making the same mistakes we have, but we can certainly safeguard them to understand the mistakes we made and educate them to do better! | |
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