^^^^^^^^^
Exactly. Here is something important:
(he was the LAST one I met and we were both kind of worn out by the time we had chatted!)
If you're tired, worn out, had to fight traffic to get to the date, had a hectic day, who would feel sparks? That doesn't mean there won't be a connection if you get together again when you're both relaxed. All this instant this instant that. People aren't mashed potatoes you know. You don't just add water, stir and poof you have it.
I think the reason most men run into problems is that they automatically rule out anyone who doesn't give them an instant hard on. They narrow the pool down so much that they end up selecting someone who is not an optimal match for them in all other respects.
I can't comment on how women handle things as all of my dating experience is with men. 