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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:40:52 AM |
I recently lost my son, and I had no one to turn to but you people, my friend's at POF. And I couldn't believe how many really nice, compassionate people are in the pond. They didn't know me, but they showed me that there is a lot of wonderful men & woman in the pond.
First greeneyedlady57 I want to extend my condolonces - I somehow missed this  I can't begin to imagine your pain.
So why aren't we connecting? - actually this is a great question. I did a post a while back telling my forum friends that I had just found out that my hairdresser actually met her boyfriend on here & they are now in business together & planning the rest of their future.
I personally have had the opportunity to "connect" with people out of the country but had chosen not to do that for many reasons. However, I'm re-thinking this whole process as well as many others during this very transitional time in my life.
Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
yes Trust has been a major issue with me all of my life & I've now moved past that & found that when I trust them, they will become a friend or more.
Sorry - I don't usually go on like this but this thread tugged at my heart  | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:43:54 PM | We all get comfortable in 'our own space'. After a while it becomes difficult to change our way of life. Some people call it a rut, I prefer to say routine. I'm getting way too comfortable on my own, been 5 1/2 years now. Trust, I want to trust again. It's a tough thing to get back when you've been burned. And I've been burned twice. I want to think that, yes, men and women can regain the trust. Just how one goes about that is a good question. More and more now I just keep an open mind, listen more intensely and try to pick up on the signals that are being given out. I'm trying not to be 'blinded by love', be a little more realistic in my expectations.
My condolences on your loss greeneyedlady. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 2:10:30 PM | Muskoka,
Trust is something that gained in time, and must be two ways. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Part of the beauty in relationship, is watching them grow. You get of life just what you put in. My difficlut, comes with ladies my age, are to set in there ways. Usually independant. Affraid of the truth. Munipalating, phony liers. And would rather have something to complain about, than an adventure. Harsh perhaps---- but honest and true. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 2:31:14 PM | | I disagree. It has never been my experience that women my age or any age,really,are manipulating,phony or liars. I think that description would fit far more men than women. And being feircely independant myself, I value independence in a woman,both in thought and action. True , you get of life what you put in it. Show her that you love her,are honest with her at all times,respect her and her free and independant spirit,and she will give it all back to you. I think that at this age we are all set in some of our ways. But for the right one,I'm willing to make the effort to change. I really think that we're never too old to learn or to change. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 2:32:23 PM | Three years ago - I trusted two people. My two best friends in the world - so I thought.
One of them dropped a bomb on me - it came out of no where. Seventeen years of trust - gone in 30 minutes.
The other one died last year. My mom.
Now I trust my dog.
You NEVER know what is on someone’s mind - no matter how well you ******think****** you know them.
Expect nothing - expect anything. Try not to be shocked out of you mind.
I don’t plan to even think about the word “trust” again. I am not saying I would distrust someone - I am just saying - expect nothing - expect anything. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/4/2006 2:44:26 PM | greeneyedlady .. i am sorry ... i just reread your post and apologize for not reading it through the first time .. I am sooo sorry about your son .. that is unimaginable for me .. but i'm sure there can be nothing worse than losing a child .. so sorry ...
you have a wonderful outlook.. thank you for sharing ..
wanda
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:10:20 AM | Thank you to Muskoka & Wes, you understand what I'm trying to say her! It's not about trusting male friend's that you already have, (Or oil changes) It' about reaching out to the opposite sex here in the pond. Giving someone a chance! There are so many people on here, I think It's 1 of the biggest Dating (free) service around.
But I hear a lot of people wanting to quit because there not getting and responses, We are a bunch of fish swimming around trying not to get to close to any one, for fear we my get hurt. So like Muskoka put it exceptionally well ,Do as much home work as you can ie: Posts, profiles, talk on e-mail, if that goes well, move to phone conversation's, and then if you really want to meet each other because you're already friend's, then give it a chances! What do you have to loose, if he's not (the one) at least you made a new friend.
It's better then sitting behind your computer ,with four lonely wall's, Get out there, their
some wonderful people on this site. Just be smart and then go out and have fun.
DROP THE COOKIE,
thanks again MUSKOKA for your medifore | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:43:37 AM | I am a widower but since being one I got burned by one woman. We had been living together for almost 2 years when I got a phone call at work from some stranger saying "We have packed up Suzanne and you better get home to attend to the young ones" Will I ever trust women again, I have never stopped trusting women. One or two bad apples doesn't spoil the whole basket for me.
Just make sure you look like your picture. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/5/2006 9:23:54 AM | There are always going to people that you can trust and other you cannot trust!
I have used and abused and cheated on by 3 women I dated. I still think there is someone out there that will be faithful and honest with me. I have met many women with walls up and we are great friends. It took me several months for one of them to get to trust me due to all she had been through. Tina has been through Divorce,cheated on used lied to..she had been through alot. Now she is going through kidney dialasys, heart valve replacement,pacemaker put in and thinking she has done something wrong to deserve all this. I have been there for her through it all! I am her bestfriend and she TRUST me! She lives in Kentucky and I talk to her all the time. So I think no matter what you have been through men and women can be THE BEST of friends! It pays to trust ,no money can by it...TRUST is earned! | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:05:49 AM | | I'm a firm believer in "Trust is earned, not assumed." I think everyone, young and old alike, has been burned from time to time but you still have to trust. It just doesn't come as easily after being burned a few times but if that someone proves himself/herself, then what the hey! Life is too short not to jump back in. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/5/2006 3:53:13 PM | | GreenEyedLady I have to totally agree with you on the trusting thing. I've been hurt in every single relationship I've been in, from my two marriages to abusers, to those I've dated since. While I find it hard to trust, I still manage to try, and it seems I continue to get hurt. My issue with this and many other dating sites is this (and I wish I could find these nice people you were talking about). Even the men who say they are only looking for friends, when I email them to simply say hello, either read/delete my email, delete it without reading it or barely brush me off. Now, I know that appearance is important, there has to be chemistry between two people...but why do I have to look like a barbie doll just to be someone's friend?? I'm a warm, loving person and I moved to Indiana last year from NY and still feel very much like a fish out of water here....and would love to make some friends. Sure, I'm on this site like most of the rest here......hoping maybe to find "the one". But, above all else, I'd like to make some friends. Someone I can talk to and share things with. I have a 19 year old daughter with mental/emotional problems that just absolutely drain the life out of me dealing with her....my son lives here too, now, but I can't really turn to him. He's 22, has a g/f and a life of his own. He's here for me, but I'd love to find someone closer to my own age that I could just talk to if the need arose. I find it very frustrating dealing with people who lie, play head games are just aren't who they say they are. Its all leading up to me putting up some seriously high walls that I dont know will ever come down again. I don't want to be that way....but its coming to that. Hmmmm I'm not sure I even answered the question....but perhaps ranted on a different path :) Maybe I'll make some friends in here. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:11:21 AM | Tigerchick, I tried to contact you but I'm the wrong sex, but I've got a set of ear's and I would love to have a new friend. I can't relate to some of your problem's. I cherish my friend's, and I'm loyal. So I will change my setting's so you can talk to me if you like.
But I did notice you had 2 people on your favorite list! And that's a start. I'm hear if you
want to talk.   | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/6/2006 6:26:32 AM | | Trust is a very fine thing, and it is something, that has to be earned. I do believe, that women an men will trust each other, once women realize, that not all men are after them for sex, and once men realize that all women aren't goldiggers. Each and everyone of us have our walls from the past, and for many differant reasons, but they will come down in time. I have to agree that this is an exallent site, and we all can use with some more friends, but any relationship, has to start as friends first, so i think just by joining this site some of those viscious walls have started to come down, so lets all hope that our walls weather big or small can come down,in time and allow others to come in, in time..........happy fishing, and tight lines to all...................truckmaker44 | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 8/6/2006 4:27:53 PM | Very seldom; most people are too full of attitude and judgement to be trusted friends. The 1 female friend I have I can trust not to share ANYTHING I say to her. Eventhough she may not agree with everything I do, she would never be judgemental toward me. It has taken several years for this level of trust to develop.
I do believe that we can trust each other enough to make contact with other people. Get to know someone new. I see many people who have their preferences so limited that they will never meet most of the people on this site. That provides me a statement of their trust level. I also have read some posts that tell me that person can never be trusted-they are just plain mean and vengeful!
When you live in a brick house with steel shutters and bars, you are perfectly safe; you are also missing most of life. When we at least open the shutters, smile and say hello, we may just be suprised by how sunny and full of fun life can really be. Try it in your personal life - tomorrow when you see a member of the opposite sex that you don't know but would like to, smile and say Good Morning. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/10/2006 9:09:28 AM | [quote="WesN616"]My 5 y/o son asked me one day if I had a girlfriend, about a year and a half after his mother left me... I said no, why do you ask? His older brother replied that they were worried about me being at my computer all the time and never going out, never seeing anyone, and he did not want me to become a grumpy old hermit. Evidently they had talked about this several times and decided to ask me... I was driving them to a birthday party at the moment they asked and almost found the ditch with the front of my pickup...
Oh bless their hearts! I'm coming late to this thread but kids just amaze me at how perceptive they are. It is so easy to get in a routine where you don't have to think much, but it is also easy to get depressed and it starts deteriorating unless you do something about it. BTW, I'm using "you" as a generic term, not you, Wes, specifically. Just yesterday, I was cleaning house and picked up a case of cassette tapes I hadn't opened in at least 4 years. I got some of the tapes out and started playing them while cleaning house and realized how much I enjoyed the music! I used to listen to them all the time. There's other things I used to do for pleasure, like driving to the beach for the day, sitting outside and watching the sun set etc. that I either do very rarely or not at all anymore. I've decided to make a list of what I used to do for fun and start those activities again. Also, start something new, whether its learning to dance or a digital photography workshop or basket weaving...just something to enlarge my boundaries. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/22/2006 2:46:36 PM | I think it depends on the individual man and woman whether they can ever trust each other enough. And your individual definition of friendship.
Me? I trust waaaay too easily. I believe the best of everyone until they prove me wrong. I have had my faith tested (different faiths, different tests)time and again, but I still believe that everyone I meet has the potential to be a good friend. I have had a couple of relationships since my marriage (of over 2 decades) ended. Not only is my husband still my best friend, but I've retained the friendships with the other men I cared about since. Real friendship doesn't die because the romance apect dies. The best part of the perfect long-term romance is knowing that he truly is your best friend. If that doesn't come first, along with respect and trust, the relationship is doomed anyway.
I'll NEVER understand how someone can cheat on another. I spent a lot of years 'trapped' somewhere I didn't want to be. And I had opportunities to 'escape' for a while. But, I made a vow, and until it was mutually broken, there WAS no other option. Cheating to me is like suicide. It's taking the easy, selfish way out with no regard at all to the feelings and emotions of the people left behind.
Sapph | |
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bobby7
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Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/22/2006 4:12:09 PM | I must say that I have been very lucky, as far as trust goes..I have never understood
cheating, myself..I can't imagine what causes it, though, I know that it happens quite
regularly, if I am to believe some of the threads here..
When we commit: We commit!! No other way..I am not speaking of the physical dangers
of cheating, like STDs, but of the moral danger..Our partner must expect to be able to
trust us completely..As we have the right to trust them..
Otherwise, the relationship is doomed, before it has a chance to flourish..
Ladies that I call my friends, are ladies that I trust, and value.. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/22/2006 5:11:24 PM | Yes. Not only do I think it's possible, I have proof. I'm not sure I can trust anyone with everything, as you do need to figure out, not only their limits but your own. I've been married twice and still have contact with both of my exs. I consider them my friends and know it's mutual. They would do anything for me, as long as it was in their power. They have limits, as do I.
I am blessed.
I do have a problem with men who have contacted me here. Generally (not always), they seem to want to go much faster and in directions I'm not comfortable with, which is not the best way to earn my trust.
I agree..............trust must be earned, both ways. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/22/2006 6:30:37 PM | .
At first I wanted to say that I have no “walls” built around me. But, that’s not exactly true. To those on the outside looking in, it must seem as I do. There’s a real reason for that, though. Simply put, I would not get along well as close friends with most women. That being said, I’ll be friendly and polite, but will not lead them on by letting them get any closer to me than that. I don’t "distrust" people unless they show me they deserve it.
A big part of my façade seems like almost exactly what Cotter said: “The most prominent thing I have been running into are men so set in their ways that they lack the flexibility to incorporate a woman into their lives.” That is exactly what I WANT most women to think about me. Because, then they are not all that interested in me and they’re not wondering why I am not paying attention to them.
Those who spend a few days with me know better. I’m like the Great Dane laying in the corner in that I can sit here quietly writing for hours at a time, then suddenly get up and display quite a lot of energy. But of course I am in that “rut” Cotter talks about. There’s the gym in the morning, often followed by breakfast with friends. Then I’m back here working for a few hours, but sometimes go out for lunch. Two or three days a week I have to put in an appearance at school. Also, two or three days a week I spend a few hours at a hospice. And always at night, there’s a long walk. Oh, and there’s a large meeting I attend one night a week.
Only three or four good friends know about these things (and others) and I’m not too sure that any more then two know about all of the things I do. That’s simply because I don’t talk about them much as part of my social life.
That “rut” developed because it best serves the proper use of my time. If and when I have a visitor, they become the focal point and then I pare down other activities to include only what is most necessary to meet my commitments. Then, when the visitor leaves, I revert back to normal.
There is plenty of room in my life for someone nice. Well . . . there is as long as she will allow me the time to write daily and has something she can do. There’ll be plenty of running around and “together” time in the mix, too.
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:15:21 PM | I think the majority of us have been "burned" by someone in the past. The lesson to be learned is "that individual burned us". Don't generalize to everyone. If the same thing happens more than once, then examine yourself (hate to put it back that way, but maybe its important to see what you are contributing into the mix, are you dating the same type of person - they may look different, but they have similar core characteristics).
Trust is something earned. If you do not have friendship first, which requires trust, what do you have (hormones).
Besides, I can't see how it is possible to have truly amazing intimacy (and sex is an expression of that intimacy) without trust. Performance is no longer an issue because the person is now comfortable with their partner (besides intercourse isn't the only way to enjoy pleasuring your partner).
So I agree with you. The cup is half full, trust is earned not given and always remember the cup is half full, not half empty. | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/23/2006 10:06:46 AM | Well to start things off..I'm sorry to hear about your loss greeneyedlady57, I know only to well ,the feelings that you must be feeling!..Hope you're dealing with it ok!
Been through that myself, with my daughter.....so if you want someone to talk to...feel free!
As far as men and women being able to trust each other, enough to have a good solid friendship, through out the relationship goes....(LMAO)...no, ...just kidding.
Well to begin with... I personally, think it depends on the two people involved. Some people are capable of creating good friendships, and some people aren't.
But reguardless of that, I think too many people are in too much of a hurry to become "a couple". They miss that wonderful feeling of being ..inlove... I mean we all do, ...both sexes, but, I know too many people who jump right in to the "sex" stage of the relationship..therefore, you miss out on the "becomming friends first" part of it.
myself, I like to take things a little slower, and I make that clear right from the start..I find it gets their mind into the friendship mode a little more. Also, it allows a little time to get to know them ... and to make sure that he is the type of man that I would want for my partner..and best friend, and they can get to know you to. I've been told..by a few men, that, that alone allows them to trust me..just knowing that I'm not the type of woman who jumps into bed with someone she doesn't really know..
Most of us have been hurt and have had our trust broken a few...or more times, so how can we not have walls? Who wants to get hurt again?
It's just our way of protecting ourselves, ...but I think the key in allowing yourself to trust is, knowing when to put your walls up.
Myself I go into a relationship trusting...80% I feel the rest has to be earned...with time.
But even though I've been hurt before I still give them all of me and trust until I have a reason not to.
Just my two cents worth | |
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| Do you think Men & Women will ever Trust each other,enough to be friends?
Posted: 9/24/2006 6:10:12 PM | #1 - sex has nothing to do with love and is way down the list of important things needed in a relationship, some people still think sex means an obligation. I miss out I suppose but it avoids problems and prevents an unwanted reputation.
#2 - trust, honesty and best friend top my list so I have to trust and hopefully not get burned a fourth time. The odds are hopefully getting better and I make my decisions above the shoulders.
I don't think you have a choice but to give your trust if you want a sucessful relationship, there is no way around it even though you set yourself up once more to be disappointed if the other is undeserving of it.
My philosophy anyway and I'm not changing it. I'm still  until asked to be  and that's usually  | |
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