| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/14/2006 10:34:02 PM | | Well,it looks like a very sad day in court for the both of you...I do believe your still angry with your ex about the fact that he has another girlfriend or something,but what does that matter..this is your daughter and you are still bringing up nitpicky things to keep him away from her,and that is sad...YOU can't put "child support "and "visitation" together,any court system in America will tell you that...also,unless he is $500 dollars or more behind,the state can't touch him,and then if he claims disability or fills out a claim that he has a good reason for not paying child support,the state still can't touch him! You will have to learn the hard way how to deal with your anger and you will not be able to win in court as long as you keep on with the personal attacks of heresay....any judge doesn't have time to hear you go on with your crying and pouting about what he does. I'm telling ya,listen or lose your poor little daughter to the state's foster care. I almost see it being better than to be stuck in between the two of you,because she is going to get hurt in someway,emotionally or physically...don't know how you got involved with a crack head anyway...so sad...maybe in about 10 years,I can say,"I told you so." As I heard a judge once say to a woman..."Get on with your life Mrs.so and so,get over him,unless you do,you will be a very miserable person..." | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/14/2006 11:05:09 PM | The most fit parent will get the kid. It doesnt matter what his dating/ marriage history was. Truth is court is in favour of the most fit parent. If you are a good mother & you take care of your kids, then you are in favour.
Truth is you will ALWAYS have a relation with him... because he's the father of the kid.
So keeping that in mind, he's in your life for the rest of your life.
Therefore if you two can work something out without court, you will save a lot of time & money & stress & headache & heart ache. My bf & his ex-wife HATEEE each other. But when it comes to kids, infront of kids they "ACT" like such normal ppl. So that's a good start I think... specially when the kids are young. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/15/2006 7:46:10 PM | | I agree with you,billib,there isn't a judge in the united states that wants fighting to go on in the courtroom,that is why whenever you go to court for anything,civil,divorce,and personal injury,you must first go through mediation...I tried to tell my ex that and could have saved her $2,500.00....Judges want two people to mediate,not fight,and that is the bottom line. If you plan on fighting in the courtroom then plan on walking out by yourself. Same with lawyers,they drink and party together...do you really think they want to fight in a courtroom over kids that they don't even know or for parents that got anger problems? It's all about the bucks...who is going to get the big bucks...don't forget,it is a business and the only lawyers that might give a damn about anyone in court is Legal Services cause they are doing it for the right reasons. You can't take any kids away from anybody, your only taking the Father away from the kids... | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/15/2006 9:06:44 PM | | Okay, I am over him just so you know, he is close to 1,000 dollars plus behind right now. I am only looking out for her safety and just that, the only thing about his personal life that conserns me is that he makes his own meth any time he wants it and has a drinking problem and was very abusive to me in the past, I mean come on he kicked me when i was three weeks pregnant, and knew i was pregnant. Now i do how ever have alot of hurt tords him just because of the simple fact that he abused me. Now since this lil one of ours is a girl and I dont want her to be around drug and drinking and abuse. I do not want him involved unless he can be cival. Thats all i ask. But if not and he still wants to keep lying to every one about his problems then i dont need our lil girl to ever be left alone unwatched with him. SCARY!!! I just want her to be safe. THat is all. I will tell the judge what concerns me and it has nothing to do with his personal life in the fact of where he lives or who he has a relationship with. It's just things dont need to be hostile and they need to be very calm and not harrassing all the time by them. I just want peace. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/16/2006 7:11:43 AM | Okay, well I feel like I need to add my little 2 cents here. I am 29 now, divorced twice. Shy, I have been through what you are going through. I have now realized that my life IS in my control. I choose who is in my life and who is not. If you put energy into something or someone you WILL get something out of it. However, you need to make wise choices in what you are focusing on. It is just my opinion, but you seem entangled in what he is doing, or who he is with. Let go of all of that. Just let it go. Focus on you, and things you can do in your life to make you and your childs life to make it pleasant. Of course you do need a lawyer, someone to represent your case. But if you eat breathe and sh-- all this drama 24/7 you are going to make yourself sick. If you take care of yourself and keep your head screwed on, you and your childs life will get better. Things are going to be tough right now, but you need to find people in your life who are healthy and will support you. Do not let negative people around you. Take a deep breath and just know that things are going to get better and things will be fine. Sometimes it takes a while for the dust to settle. I know this sounds cliche but it does work. When you show mercy, you will get mercy. Take care girl, and take care of your baby. Good luck to you.
One more thing, there are resources out there. If you need help finding them in your area, email me and I will help you. There is so much help out there for families.  | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:49:29 AM | | bring all your evidence in court & tell them your side of the story.... Children are protected & have rights too... esp from parents that dont give a rats ass about them.... you deserve to keep your child & make sure the courts know all that he has put u through & your child....I am sure they will give u custody of her for sure.....And there are places that would give u support either check with Social Services & Family Maintenance that would have information for sure.. You have to think what is best for u and your Child.... | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/17/2006 5:44:18 PM | If you're really concerned about your child, call child services and get them involved. If you have nothing to hide, it shouldn't worry you that they will check into all the care providers for your child. And it might actually bring to light some things that will ensure that your daughter can stay with you.
Good luck!! | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/18/2006 10:11:00 AM | | I am fighting 50/50 right now. Well that is what he wants. Your ex has no pray with his charges currently. No need to worry honey. Hang in there and be strong. He has nothing. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/18/2006 10:16:10 AM | | Other thing you need evidence to prove him unfit as a father, without it is hear say. I dont think you are over him. I will tell you why.. I left my ex in 2002 when he was having an affair with someone and got her preg., But I did not stop loving him. I could never try to work it out he wanted to but my heart did not. The problem is I still loved him deeply for about 2 years after our divorce. I hate him still to this and and get sick when I look at him , but deep inside there is still some love. But not love. Hard to explain it is different love. and with you being recently divorced you are not over him and should not keep telling yourself you are. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:44:51 PM | | yeah i know, I will always have a love for him in my heart because he was the father of my child. But yeah same here, he wantted to work things out even a week before he got married, I dont know if you felt this way about the othere woman but they just dont seem in love and its just so crazy how she allows him to still call me baby and tell me he loves me... why do some woman do that, I mean come on dont play second best to a man's ex. I also dont know if thats just me because i miss him who he was, the man i married not the man he became, which was him all along rght. But any who, JUST ALL PRAY FOR MY 8- 24-2006 at 1:30pm True, LISA | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:46:38 PM | Its like i still hold onto those very few good moments between him and I ... i guess i just like to see the good in people. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/19/2006 9:58:43 AM | | I know what you are talking about, I still have times that flash where I get sad, but it is hard, you need a friend to talk to and help you along. For me it has been hard. As far as the wife, My kids have step mother I dont like her at all, but she is good to my kids and for that I get along with her, Yes we have problems. I dont talk to her about kids I take everything up with their dad. For years my ex and I talked about everything, which still kept me attached and made it hard to let go. When you talk to him keep it short and about issues of the kids only. It makes it alot easier.I can dive alot advice from where I have traveled in my life. Feel free to ask if you want. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/19/2006 8:12:01 PM | | The position you have to take in all matters relating to your child is to do what is in your childs best interests, which may or may not be in yours.... What is in your interests is of little matter to the courts. If you approach every thing you do between the courts and your child, from that stand point, you can not fail... Go to findlaw and check your states statues on child custody acts, see what it is the courts will look at, you can also access your states rules on evidence, and admissability... Like many have stated, HIRE A LAWYER.. get a good one. Ask around, call a laywer who doesnt handled child custody cases in your local town and ask them who they think is the best in your area.. Keep a diary of every encounter you have with him, or abscense of encounters as well, and why, such as you forbid visit due to him showing up smelling, appearing to be intoxicated etc... or if he failed to show for a visit etc I am sure you catch the drift. Also get a poloroid camera take pics of your child before they go to visit and when they return. If you can get one with a date/time stamp that is better yet, like the saying goes, a picture tells a thousand words. Contact your local CPS and make a friend... ask their advice, guidence in how to deal with the situation in order to protect your child from potential harm. Let him hang himself if he is going to do that where your children are concerned. Remember also that the cogs of the court system move very slowly, so be prepared for a lengthy battle. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/19/2006 8:48:14 PM | | I get so tired of hearing about people wanting to call DCF or CPS,whichever applies to your area...gosh,they need to save their resources for the critical stuff...Girl,you are still hooked on your ex and YES,you do need a lawyer for that very reason! You need someone that is not emotionally attached to your ex to represent you....PLEASE don't go in that courtroom with these present feelings....it will topple you,and he will come out smiling like a "chesser cat". I just hate to see someone lose a battle in court only because they could not hold their feelings inside...I read you last long post and all I saw was "He" did this and "He" is doing that....you have got to get over him,as sad as it is, if you don't you will be all alone and he will have his new girfriend/wife AND your kid! The judge sees this stuff everyday and he will know that you are just mad cause he has someone and you don't...that is why you definitely need representation....I would have recommended you NOT wasting your money on a lawyer,but after seeing the last few posts...you WILL LOSE if you DON'T get one. I am not trying to be mean,but I keep posting this stuff,not for my benefit,but for your benefit...I am not the one fighting for my kids...I hate to see this kind of court battle cause the kid(s) always are the losers.... | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/20/2006 3:46:38 PM | | I am not emotional about him... I have been over him for a while now. As i spoke about it to, I only said what was true. i only think about the good momments in life with an ex. But the big picture is my daughters saftey and well being. Its not because he's her father, its because he is the othere co-parent and he has alot of problems... i dont mind if he visits with his child, i think it will be good for her in the long run if he just straighten his act up but it also concerns me about his meth charge and how he could face 2 years or more in jail... thats so sad on a child. i am just tring to prevent the preventable. Please stop telling me i am going to loose I am not going into the court room to talk about he sad she said kinda thing but just look i want whats best for catherine. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/20/2006 7:31:41 PM | | I would not want you to lose...just advising you on the bitter quarreling...his meth case is a whole other story,which you STILL won't be able to bring up...I know,I have been there...if you want advice I am giving it,if you don't,then change your thread "heading" to "Only Give Advice If I Agree With It!" I am looking out for Catherine's best and the more and more you post...looks like neither are "fit"... | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/20/2006 8:37:36 PM | 1) Get a child custody lawyer Immediately
2) start a journal.....no feelings, or attitudes, just the facts.......if it's all emotion It won't carry weight. Calls, visits, court dates & newpaper notices of his drug cases, erratic behavior.ect....
3) What ever you do ...DO NOT VIOLATE THE CURRENT AGREEMENT ...then he will be right and you will be wrong no matter what!!!! The reason I have my son today is I stayed within the law and she didn't
4) If you fear for your child, a custody lawyer can file for and immediate hearing.
(my ex hauls me in 3-4 times a year for the most frivolous of things) and i'm the one with custody. Try for supervised visits until your ex can prove he is not in the drug culture anymore
5) Videotape the visitations
6) Be the bigger person ....the grama thing sounds like bootstrapping, Don't deprive your child of his grandparentsto spite your ex unless you have CLEAR PROOF that they are endangering a child. My mom must have a roll of full frontal shots of me playing the trumpet in the tub at three or four, which she has shown all of my long term relationships. I know she had no sexual motive. These are the things that come back to haunt you later when your child thinks back on their life. If they are old enough to comprehend let them read the court papers, this allows your child to know what is going on without feeling like they have to take sides. Don't talk about you spouse in a negitive light in front of your child. And if you slip, apologize to your child for your slip. TRUST ME YOUR CHILD WILL NOTICE THE EFFORT
(My Ex was a physical abuser too and it is worse for men because the police and the courts look down on you for not retaliating, will not prosecute the woman unless you are hospitalized, and tell you straight up if she even gets a bruise from you getting away you will do time.) Unless he has hit your child it carries no weight to visitation and custody.
Been going through it, my ex ran and I chased them across two continents for three years.
Good Luck and feel free to ask any time. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/21/2006 7:47:12 PM | Just tell all the truth to the judge, bring witnesses any who will help,
If that is an option hire a good lawyer , and you will get all you want , the most important is that you cant give up , just be strong ;) good luck | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/22/2006 5:21:13 PM | | Thank you so much. I had some good news today,, very good news i hope it will carry threw. I SO HOPE!!! PLEASE ALL PRAY FOR ME!!! I NEED ALL GODS WARRIORS TO PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:16:03 PM | okay okay oaky, Now I came out the winner in this whole thing, he is subject ot take drug test 60 days, and a hair one at that. He also has to come pick her up and drop her back off at my home. He must also pay my 20precent of what ever he makes in a week. But a minimum of 83.80. My tpo was added in the final decree and he can not be in 200 foot range of me or his child on non visitation days. And they tryed to get 50/50 they also tryed to get me in contempt. They also tired to get all visitation days made up that they missed. It was all denined. I was so calm and he was so not, he laughed and snarled. What a dumby. WELL ANY WHO i won!!!! | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:44:25 PM |
Finally some one who is being understanding to me.
I think you mean someone who tells you what you want to hear.
Ive heard some great pro's and con's on the situation you have brought here to a public forum. But the con's dont mean no one understands you...
Either way, being a drug addict is going to look bad for him in the courts eyes. There is a charge on paper of his posession. | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/31/2006 1:59:58 PM | Sounds good shyeyes...now you know what it takes to win...you are a winner and I am very happy for you!  | |
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| Custody Advice please!!!
Posted: 8/31/2006 4:04:19 PM | | I told you I would, I know how to be respectful in a court room. But yeah when it came to talking to all of ya'll i just wantted to talk to yall as if you were my, brothers/sister/mother/aunt/ friends.Thats just the way i do things. Any who thank all of you guys for your support and advice!!!!! | |
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