|
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
Dug01
|
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 353 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:19:06 AM |
SexySoulEyes said:
Personally, I was classified as gifted at a young age, everything came pretty easy for me in school and after spending most of my teenage years trying to do everything in my power to not be seen as a 'brain' or nerd I simply accepted the fact that for some reason - I intuitively 'get' it - and 'it' could be almost anything. BUT....what I have realized only recently (and only be doing a great amount of personal work - mostly letting go of things I THOUGHT I KNEW) was this
Intellectualism can be used as a way to avoid feelings sometimes...the rationalization process is used to separate out the knower from the known causing a split in the psyche and providing distance from certain feelings/experiences. People who are smart are usually hyper sensitive, which gives them the ability to 'sense' things and understand things quicker. When things get to emotional, or their hypersensitivity gets triggered, many people intellectualize it as a nervous system response to the shock/trauma. The distance provided by removing yourself from the feelings involved allow for you to split yourself off from actually feeling the emotions and thus, you imagine that you have the 'space' to make an 'educated' decision and of course..can rationalize almost anything.
This can interfere with your relationship to yourself or in primary relationships with others because in order to do this you must SEPARATE yourself from not only yourself (your emotions) but from others as well.
It is this idea of separation, which breeds the ideas of "No one gets me", "I am too smart for my own good", and "Why the hell can't you understand me!" that creates and perpetuates the illusion of loneliness and 'being different'. The truth is that at the core...we are all the same and can all be as smart, brilliant etc as we choose to be - it is only our personal beliefs that limit our capacity for knowledge, wisdom and understanding.
True intelligence comes from the heart not the head - when the two can work in tandem knowing that they are always connected to everyone and everything, true wisdom abounds.
And really it is wisdom...that I consider to be the sexiest thing in a prospective partner.
I couldn’t have summed it up better as your story could have been authored by me. I’m amazed to read someone else’s words of my experience in life. You’re obviously an intuitive as me, INFJ is my personality type. I know a lot don’t think highly of personality tests, but having had the same experiences and realizations in life as the above quote one certainly sees why they sometimes feel like a square peg in a round peg world.
I think a lot of you are mistaking educated for intelligence. Though one can be educated and intelligent it’s also just as possible to meet one highly intelligent that lives in a straw hut.
I think one’s personality type would have more to do with them feeling cursed than intelligence alone. And I read all fifteen pages... and a lot of it wasn't an easy read... :(
Dug | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:49:58 AM | >>True intelligence comes from the heart not the head
>>I couldn’t have summed it up better
>>You’re obviously an intuitive as me, INFJ is my personality type.
Funny, I'm a highly intelligent INFP, and I think it's a lot of hooey (referring to the first quote above)
>>they sometimes feel like a square peg in a round peg world.
Now that I can relate to. | |
|
| |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:31:02 AM | | You people are thinking about this stuff way too much. Get out and meet some people! People from here. People in your neighborhodd. People anywhere! Cut the email banter and meet! See what happens. Be smart and safe, but meet. As long as you're on email, you don't even get the real person because they can spell-check, grammar-check and call their mom or Dr. Laura to make sure they doing it right. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:31:02 AM | "Emotional Intelligence" is a concept adored by recruiters and HR (Human Resources) people! But is EI "intelligence" or some other type of "skill"?
I guess players are "emotionally intelligent"?
And then why do some many women write tha they seek "(very) kind hearted" rather than "emotionally intelligent" men?
In other words, is this EI the real "curse" as far as relationships go?
Note: It is true, many of "us people" like to think (and feel and touch), rather than "just do it". It is called ... pluralism!! Laissez-faire (et laissez mois penser = let me think, in FR)!!! | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:55:08 AM | "Emotional intelligence" is pop psychology nonsense. I'm not surprised that HR people are enamored of it. Theirs is a made up job anyway.
Is that really what Laissez-faire means? I don't speak any French; I only knew it from the phrase Laissez-faire politics, which I was taught in grade school meant hands off, leave alone.
Edit: Proponents of "emotional intelligence" can't even agree on what the definition of it is.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence | |
|
Dug01
|
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 359 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:00:18 AM |
smith2267 said:>>True intelligence comes from the heart not the head
>>I couldn’t have summed it up better
>>You’re obviously an intuitive as me, INFJ is my personality type. Funny, I'm a highly intelligent INFP, and I think it's a lot of hooey (referring to the first quote above).
I took this as referring to: If one thinks they're stupid… One is perceived as stupid…
While in the military I have instructed people that were considered stupid (a typical “Beetle Bailey” type) after all others had give up on them. Using my insight finding their depth (thoughts reflecting intelligence) I was able to subtly convince them of their abilities when thinking positively. All I trained, with the exception of those with bad attitudes, went on to excel at the advanced tasks I taught them. I think you haven’t properly considered this if you believe positive thinking isn’t effective in bringing people to improve and excel. I think most that are thought “stupid” are actually the unfortunate that through whatever circumstances grew to believe it themselves.
marshw said:
You people are thinking about this stuff way too much. Get out and meet some people! People from here. People in your neighborhodd. People anywhere! Cut the email banter and meet! See what happens. Be smart and safe, but meet. As long as you're on email, you don't even get the real person because they can spell-check, grammar-check and call their mom or Dr. Laura to make sure they doing it right.
Some people naturally explore every crack and crevice from every conceivable direction of all that interests them. This is just one difference in people, not all are the same.
I agree with your last comment. However intelligence in not exclusive to formal education and if one uses others ideas it’s just a matter of time before they’re exposed, as in time they won’t stay consistent.
Dug | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:11:31 AM | | I'm with you on this one Dime - my exes would settle an argument or a disagreement by saying something barbed such as : "Jeeze, living with you is like living with a frigging encyclopaedia or a dictionary!"; or: "So what are you saying? I'm an idiot with a big d**k? So what does that make you?" - of course this had absolutely no bearing on the topic under discussion, but it served to impale the barb in the softest spot. Back then, I would retort in kind with something like "Excuse me, were your Mum and Dad Joseph and Mary?". Suffice it to say, it is, in my opinion, terribly important to be on a similar level of education and intelligence with your SO. In the long run, he didn't end up more intelligent or kinder; I ended up hurt and disgusted with myself for scraping the bottom of the barrel with unkind return-barbs! | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:22:46 AM | >>I think you haven’t properly considered this if you believe positive thinking isn’t effective in bringing people to improve and excel.
Oh sure, to a point. But there are innate differences in mental abilities, and encouragement doesn't always change that.
CrazyDiamond97
I hate those kind of arguments, and I'll go out on a limb and bet that most intelligent people don't consider insults and name calling to be productive activities.
The "winner" is such arguments is always the person who can yell the loudest or be the most insulting--such behavior belongs on the Springer show. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:50:54 AM | | Laissez-faire - a doctine opposing governmental control of economic affairs beyond that necessary to maintain peace and property rights. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:03:16 PM | "When you are intellegent you tend to analyze things..... Its slows your reaction."
Completely untrue, that is the point of intelligence, being able to recognize and understand more quickly than others. Mental reaction is far faster than the less intellectually imbued. Now confidence, that is another matter. The people who kack self confidence will have a slowed reaction to situations in a social setting because they fear being rejected and feeling the sting of outgroup bias.
J | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:10:55 PM | >>that is the point of intelligence, being able to recognize and understand more quickly than others
I agree with that--I see shortcuts to solutions all the time that usually get me to the answer faster than others.
I'll analyze things for awhile if they warrant it, and the situation doesn't call for speed. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:34:37 PM | | I beg to differ on intelligent thinking: It is not "fast food" speed thinking! Critical thinking is slow thinking. Not speed chess!!! Being an MIT alum, it always disappoints me when people try to give me speedy tests to solve and expect me to do that. I do not. I refuse. They miss the whole picture. I am not smart, I have been educated how to analyse "problems" and that is not done in speed chess like manner, unless one's IQ is skyhigh! Intelligent people are not "smart Alecs". That applies even more to intellectual people. One does not need a high IQ to be intellectual. One needs analysis and decision making tools. Quick fix solutions is not the cup of tea of intellectuals or analytical minds. But then these days everything tends to be demanded on a fast food mentality basis. That is my view. I do not wear whatever intellect I have on my sleeve, it is not a pack of cigs! lol | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:37:34 PM | ^^Reread my post. When the situation calls for speed, an intelligent person will take advantage of his/her ability to quickly see solutions.
When a problem is complex, and there is time for a leisurely analysis, then that is what an intelligent person will do.
IMHO. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:46:33 PM | | Stand-up is cool but not the solution to problems today. One has to have the guts and intelligence and honesty to tell people who seek rapid solutions to complex problems that this is not possible or good. It's a misuse of intelligence and of intellect. Calling analysis "leisurely" misguides the idea of what analysis is and what its value is. That is my quick view. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:16:10 PM | | I find intelligence very sexy. I would prefer to be with someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with, rather than someone super hot but dumb. | |
|
| Intelligence where?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:56:36 PM | I'm sorry, but where exactly were you when you thought you experienced or witnessed some large amount of "smart cookies" in a "proportionate number" - especially based on the brilliance demonstrated in these forums? Are those forums not listed under "ALL forums?" From what I've seen, the vast majority of the people are simply average in their writing and thought processes (heck, let's be honest, way too many can barely spell or put a single sentence together).
If there are "true" intellectual types, they're not the ones on here who say they're smart. They're the ones who actually do some analysis, discussion, and debate on these topics (instead of just immediately typing some emotional or baseless response on an opinion regarding something) - and who do it without being rude, mean, etc. There is a lot of immaturity and bullying on these forums. Why would intelligent people want to spend a lot of time on here if that's what's simmering all the time?
No offense intended. If you take offense to this - pause, and ask why. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:43:12 PM | One thing is true.....there are people who are lucky enough to be really stupid but for some reason they alway's seem to be having the time of their lives. This I think everyone would agree is alot better than being a genius and miserable.  | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:00:29 PM | Intelligence is never a curse. It is only a problem in a relationship when an intelligent man or woman is attracted to a non-intelligent (I wrote "stupid" then changed it) person.
Non-intelligent people try to manipulate every bit as much as a smart person--that is not a trait of intelligence, but a human trait. Savvy smart people, however, do it so much better than their less intelligent brothers and sisters--just as they do so many more things better.
Why should an intellectual be frustrated, isolated, and alone? Being smart does not mean lacking attractiveness or lacking in social skills. Less intelligent people should stop whining about "smart" people, and smart people who ARE lacking in social skills should stop whining that people aren't attracted to them because of their brains. Both sets should work on their personalities. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 7:46:07 AM | It seems to me that most of the threads and the title of it miss the main point. Booksmarts does not = intelligence I have met and worked with people who are booksmart but by no means were they intelligent and I have also known people who were not booksmart but extremely intelligent. the 2 are not the same at all I find that a nice blend of both is just what I want.
Just my 2 cents worth | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:04:45 AM | Let's put things into perspective. Hitler was brilliant. His intelligence was the worlds curse (we can assume they think that, but it's not necessarily a fact), but the cause of his unusual behavior was abuse, illness, as well as a host of other environmental factors.
When you are brilliant, but aren't programmed with socially, culturally or otherwise important skills which serve you and others in a constructive way, the consequence is that intelligence is directed in ways which can injure, or minimally, remain apathetic in the lives of those connected to that person.
So, like guns. Intelligence doesn't injure people, the values, virtues, and environmental factors when combined, and destructive in the life(s) of those which the individual comes in contact with, become a curse.
It's all meaningless really, because even that is a judgment. There is no absolute label one can apply which will be universally accepted by every human being. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:07:18 AM |
One thing is true.....there are people who are lucky enough to be really stupid but for some reason they alway's seem to be having the time of their lives.
This is so true!
Many of us get caught up in over-thinking, analyzing and miss out on the little things.
If you're really smart, you'll learn the best things in life sometimes can't be figured out -- they just are. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:19:15 AM | >>Calling analysis "leisurely" misguides the idea of what analysis is and what its value is. That is my quick view.
Am I the only one who sees the irony in that statement?
I think mostly it isn't a curse in relationships; it just doesn't help any.
I think the more important question is, is intelligence a curse in life? I think the highly intelligent are often maladjusted. Children abuse any other child who is different in any way, and that includes brighter children. So you're off to a bad start in life right there.
Most, but not all, highly intelligent people become educated beyond the norm--either by going to colleges or universities, or they do it on their own, by reading.
And that brings prejudice from some people in adulthood.
Some people who are highly intelligent are snobs about it; but even those who are not snobbish about it--those who feel that being gifted constitutes a responsibility to help others less fortunate--are often labelled as elitist snobs.
So the highly intelligent person finds interpersonal relationships harder from day one.
And that may contribute to problems in romantic relationships.
I also would like to reiterate that the people on this site who say they value intelligence in a partner, are probably not referring to genius level IQ's. (which some sources arbitrarily designate as 140 or above). | |
|
|
| Page 15 of 43
|
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43 |
|
Home
login 
