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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:28:15 AM | I think although some women might be attracted to a man with intelligence,
they maybe don't realize the extent to which he is going to apply his intellect and
analytical thinking to their relationship! I think it's just what intellectuals do,
and it can make for a pretty screwed up relationship. IMHO | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:33:49 AM | I have seen street smart women with very little book smarts outwit and manipulate the best of the men who THINK they are the analytical thinking types...oh and I smiled 
Baby your so smart...hehehe | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:47:03 AM | Exactly, indi ^^^^.
The thread has gotten away a bit from the original post, which linked intelligence to relationship success, or the lack thereof.
There's also a side issue between natural discriminating "intelligence" and that of "intellectualism". Yes, the latter often values learning and cerebral passion over that of emotional connection with another. But a truly intelligent person is in a better position to use his or her smarts to be more loving/sexy/emotionally giving than one who doesn't see how to do so. High intelligence, intrinsically, has nothing to do with compromising an emotional nature, or lacking skill in social interaction. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:57:14 AM | I totally agree, i rather have an average looking man who i can have and hold a conversation then a drop dead gorgeous dumba$$
I enjoy being able to sit down, relax and having a good conversation with my partner without having to explain everything im talking about, my ex-fiance was like that and it drove me bonkers made me feel more like his mother then his partner.......MAJOR turn off for me.
I like my men with some smarts but not a know it all, this way we can learn and grow from each other.  | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 12:02:10 PM | Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
I really hope so, cause I'm dumb as a stump. Which sucks cause I had sex with this pregenant girl who was like 5 months pregenant so I didn't use a condom. Now she hasn't even had the first kid yet, but she's pregenant with mine too.
I'm too dumb to have kids, but gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe cause she's having a kid with me she'll fall in love with me too, then we'll live happy together forever. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 12:11:27 PM | Dru, I so do envy you! That's the sort of life, I want!
Thanks so much for the input. It is interesting to see an attraction to intellect.
In hind sight though, I might have couched my question a little different, like;
Can Intellect Kill Romance?
For instance. If I were head over heals for a woman, I could never just suggest marriage.
My intellect would most certainly get in the way, and a thousand questions would have
to be asked, and answered?
That's the sort of thing, I am trying to determine. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 12:31:26 PM | originally posted by metaphysicalman
I think although some women might be attracted to a man with intelligence,
they maybe don't realize the extent to which he is going to apply his intellect and
analytical thinking to their relationship! I think it's just what intellectuals do,
and it can make for a pretty screwed up relationship. IMHO
It only shows this men lack the emotional intelligence, but it's not only the problem of intelectuals.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 12:43:50 PM | The only thing I don't like about many intelligent men is that I tend to play down my own intelligence at first (not that I'm a genius, but I'm no doormat either). When they start thinking that they are superior, I start wanting to 
Intelligence is wonderful if it comes without arrogance. Or, if we're hanging out with some of my friends and they don't understand half the words you use, tone it down a lil.. I've learned to assimilate into a given group of people, whether it's playing myself up or down.. so should he.
Surprisingly, many of the intelligent men I've met are also close minded. Not all, but many. I guess you could call it pseudo-intelligence, but it is something that utterly frustrates me.
On the other hand, I had this wonderfully enlightened, brilliant professor in college. He was so simple, but truly genius. If only he wasn't my professor.. that's the kind of man I'd love to have by my side. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 1:03:16 PM | | I love intelligent men. They seem to be few and far between around these parts unfortunately. I do think anyone who constantly touts their intellectuality (a know-it-all) is fairly unattractive. And it's also kinda sad that intelligence seems to viewed as some sort of "geek syndrome." | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:11:27 PM | Nothing turns me on more then intelligence. And not just in the physical sense. I want a guy who I can learn from as well as someone who can learn from me. Nothing turns me off more then when I use a "big word" and the guy looks at me with his "duh" face.
Intelligence, book smarts, street smarts and a kickin' sense of humor will get me everytime! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:27:54 PM | Once again, it's time for a personal anecdote.
The family notary knew me as the guy who hung around with, shall I say, not the intellectual elite of society. He had a definate dislike towards me.
Anyway, when I decided to purchase a home I gave him a call.  When he asked what my girlfriend did for a living I told him what position she held in a certain city. Doubting I would cross paths with such a person, let alone be dating and purchasing a home with said individual, he stated in a voice dripping with arrogance, "You mean she works in that department of the city".
"I mean she's the head of that department", I replied.
Later that week we met at the Real Estate office and while he was filling in the papers my girlfriend informed him he was making a mistake.
"Perhaps you'd be better at doing this", he retorted as he slid the papers across the table.
As my girlfried proceeded to slide them back she replied in a somewhat patronizing tone, "No, do continue. The rest looks fine."
I flashed him a smile which was the best I could do to contain a belly laugh.
That was 10 years ago and always brings a smile to my face when I recall. 
I like intelligence in a female. I also like.......well, perhaps that's best left for another thread. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:34:22 PM | In conversations with many women, I find that men are intimidated by intelligent women. Most women dumb down themselves to suit a man.
I love intelligence in a woman. As long as she can handle me being the dummy in the relationship, all is good.
I am bright, but no genius. I gravitate to women who are geniuses. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:36:23 PM | You know how you mentioned "the disenfranchised and perpetually bitter"? You sound like you fit that category. Is that what I am doomed to become once I've worked for ten years?
If you have spent more time in school than in actual full time work in life, then sorry to say man, but odds are you know jackshit about real life. Don't get me wrong, there are alot of 40-50 year olds out there who have no clue about life either. But I assure you when people are looking for guidance in life, their first stop is rarely asking the sage wisdom of college students.
This is an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down Our Kids" by Charles Sykes. It 's meant for high school and college graduates who think they have life all figured out. The book talks about how this new generation of entitlement and politically correct thinking is setting up young people for a life of economic and social failure.
RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with
car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
they called it Opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as
they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about
how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.
RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.
Intelligence is nice sometimes, but often it means jackshit in the real world. But most people don't figure that out until they get out of school. Common sense is the one universal commodity that will help you get through life. And common sense and intelligence are often mutually exclusive. But maybe, like most young people, you'll have to learn this all the hard way.
Well maybe I was wrong, maybe youth is not wasted on all the young in every case, but definitely it's wasted on you. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:39:20 PM | | Again, generalizing all intellectuals into a few typical but unindividualistic characteristics that common people believes to fit, will only give you a biased view. From personal experience, I find that some of my friends who call themselves intellectuals have harder time finding someone at their intellectual capacity to share their ideas with. It will be frustrating for an intellectual, as oftentimes their primary goal in life is the pursue of knowledge, the seeking of answers to the burning questions irked in their brains. However, for intellectuals to make the mistake of excluding non-intellectuals solely on the grounds that non-intellectuals "doesn't belong", is not uncommon - unfortunately, and in a way you're right - it does breeds intolerance, it breeds self importance, and in some cases, arrogance and dogma. However, the traits I've mentioned - intolerance, pompousity, etc - are prevailent not only in intellectuals, but in people of various intelligence bracket. So again, it's always good to ask questions, but I'd refrain from drawing uninformed conclusions myself. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:40:27 PM | Wish I was just half as bright as some folks around here think they are. LOL
LoL! Good one
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
My last sort-of, half-way boyfriend is. I pity him so, but he truly is too self absorbed, pompous, and he have a tendency to exclude people whose opinions he deems as "inferior"...and NOT because few can express so eloquently as he can, as he's only as eloquent as quoting from the numerous books he has read. That goes to show you that not all intellectuals can think for themselves. He's the perfect example that being intelligent doesn't equate with having maturity.
Again, this is a particular case of intellectuals I've mentioned above. You see my point now? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:44:45 PM | I often wonder the same thing. Is intelligence a curse? but for different reasons than you said. I didn't read all three pages - sorry everyone if this is a repeat!
I am considered to be intelligent. However, i analyze everything and tend to overdo it. I think that that tendancy of mine (again analyzing!) creates the problems i am scared of. For example: I might feel like my S.O. would rather be with someone more fun. Then I get sad, making myself even less fun and making him want to be with people who don't bring him down... You guys understand?
Also, a lot of guys are intimidated by my intelligence. I don't flash it or anything like that, but I do like philosophy and reading and figuring out how to do things. LWhen guys find out I am an engineer, they tend to back away. I guess they want someone they can feel smarter than. But the guys that want that aren't the guys I want anyways, so in a way it could be a benefit.. Let them weed themselves out.
I know that i could maniputlate people very easily if i wanted to (I don't) and so I can see how other intelligent people could do it.
I like intelligent guys - but intelligence comes in many different forms. They need common sense and people skills too.
They say ignorance is bliss. I wish for it sometimes, but most of the time I am glad that I have a good brain. | |
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mjr150
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Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:47:12 PM | metaphysicalman, you don't need to be intelligent to be manipulative and controlling. You just need to be able to stomach it, something I can't do.
But other than that, I had no idea that many women were not attracted to intelligent men. I learn allot about women in these forums. On that subject, I wonder how men generally view intelligent women? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:55:16 PM | ^^^^
On that subject, I wonder how men generally view intelligent women?
Received plenty of responses from men who condemns my intelligence (or was it for a lack thereof? *grins sheepishly*) and a handful of men who praised it.
Finally, there are the selected few who saw past whatever intelligence I have displayed, and saw and appreciated the person that I've tried to express in my profile...they became my real friends.
Have I made my point? Or did I get off topic :P
Anyway, back on topic. Back from me to you, physics lover. Manipulation have little to do with intelligence. Manipulation is a behavior, a tendency, as much as it is an ability for empathy. Intelligence is merely the ability to absorb information, to form links between acquired information, process and inteprete information in a way that it becomes knowledge. Intelligence gives us the speed and ability to learn, and the flexibility to adapt (through the acquiring of information).
But other than that, I had no idea that many women were not attracted to intelligent men.
Wait a minute there, you know what they say about statistics, doncha? DONCHA??
"There are liars, damned liars, and statisticians."
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:05:10 PM | Maybe the word manipulation conjures up negative thoughts. But I think people that utilize intellect to generally shape their destiny in their day to day lives, carry this methodology into relationships, where in my experience, it doesn't always work out very well.
It's hard to just let go, and let things happen, when your so conditioned to constantly be attempting to effect the outcome, of any given situation. | |
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mjr150
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Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:22:56 PM | You are the only person that I've ever met in my life that admits to these ways and actually wants to change. Maybe using the word stomach is a bit harsh.
You have yourself a paradox my friend. Being an intelligent man, you likely want an intelligent women. But intelligent women catch on to what your doing and results in a backfire (mind you, it can take a very long time for her to catch on if your very crafty.)
Just try to love the one your with more than the love of your desire to shape them. Maybe that will work. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:29:45 PM | Oh man, I almost forgot to point out. Yes, so-called intelligent people tends to be very pugnacious. They're quick to challange your subjective opinions for the sake of arguing, and for proving their own superiority.
But true intellectuals knows that he does not know.
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