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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:41:48 PM | | I am reasonably smart and have been out with men who are slightly less smart tham me and have been bored, because they haven't understood something I have said! I have also been out with very intelligent men, who I found patronising, they also seem to find it hard to concentrate on just me, they were alert to everything that was happening around us instead, I think the only solution for brain drains is for the intimidated dates etc to speak up about the situation they are in, otherwise how would a brainer know what they are doing, and how much it can hurt?. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:49:03 PM | | If your an intellectual person , that is all fine and dandy but try to remember what qualities enable women and men to grow in love in relationships and that is the amount of kindness, warmth, empathy, unselfishness that they can give to their spouse or signifigant other. these qualities are what truely enable us to love each other more and the funny part is: YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO PRACTICE THEM!!!! These are the intellectual characteristics of the human heart. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:52:29 PM | | Couple years ago, I learned to become child-like to compensate for my arrogance. I say stupid things and play with stupid toys. I think that turned off some intelligent women. They see me as immature and therefore below their par. However, when I'm talking to average women, they can't continue the conversation about things I really want to talk about without simplifying everything. So, I guess I'm cursed. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:54:17 PM | I would say that yes, most people are not attracted to others with above average intelligence. They want somebody they can relate to. 
Above average intelligence is a curse because it makes one see the world differently than the average person. That, in turn, generates friction between you and everybody else because your reaction to stimuli, and everyone and everything that interacts with you is stimuli, will be different from your partner's reaction. That is a main cause of tension. Whether it be your spouse, or just your date.
It is important for two people to be on the same wavelength mentally to be compatible. To make an analogy, I would say that intelligence is the frequency at which your mind operates. And as anybody with a transmitting radio will know, you can not communicate with someone unless you are on the same frequency. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:57:33 PM | | We are our minds, after all. So what you've said about mental compatibility makes a lot of sense, because people wants to be able to relate. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:01:01 PM |
Q166: Hey... I just thought of a new process method that will allow them to shrink semiconductor junctions by 25%!!
IQ76: Do you have to do this while having sex?
IQ166: You never appreciate my brilliant mind.
IQ76: Quit whining and get on with it. I don't have all night!
You're talking about a geek.
A TRULY intelligent man would have been thinking of ways to increase her ograsms by 25% | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:03:27 PM | This was one of the issues that lead to my failed marriage. Here is an example that often occurs: When two people meet and get to know each other, at first the lesser intelligent of the two will find the other interesting because of their intellect. They will look up to them, brag to friends and family about them, and may even go so far as to try to emulate them. As time goes on the lesser intelligent of the two will start to feel that the majority of the decisions are not being made by them, though they are consulted and asked their opinion. They start to feel that their opinion does not matter regardless of how illogical or stupid it may be. From those feelings become a sense that the more intelligent of the two is being controlling. Now at this stage, the lesser intelligent of the two may feel that they are not allowed to contribute to the relationship and that nothing that they want or says matter. From this, resentment is now in place and so goes the story. What is the moral of this story?
-Not all opposites should attract
-Birds of a feather should flock together
-You get what you pay for
OK, the real moral of this story is if you are going to commit, get with someone on the same level of intelligence as you. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:11:11 PM | I'm afraid I have to admit that you have raised some valid points there. The intelligent-dump mix cannot bake properly even at 500 F. The one will be blissfully happy being provided for everything (maybe with an underlying suspicion of irony floating in the air) and the other will be in a living hell struggling to cope with that intellectual quagmire called relationship...
... that's why usually you don't see very often that mix happening unless there is some desperation in either of the parts to participate in a failing relationship to begin with...
...nobody can blame the moth for incinerating in the flame though... | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:25:43 PM | Honestly, this question has been answered from the second post.
The second post shows intelligence, and it's not over-bearing. You're not having to beat his big words back just to see what he is saying.
The posts from the OP and melodic euphoria are intelligent, but over-bearing. Unless these two were to find mates that were close to either their intelligence level or the size of their ego's, it's not going to work out.
So intelligence can be a curse, it can also be a huge turn on. If someone is already smart, as my two examples above, why do you need your persona to be made up mostly of your intelligence? Show off your other qualities, there great too. You are more than just intelligence.
Be perceptive, look at who you are around and listen to what and how they talk. The high end of intelligent people are able to explain their idea's to anyone, not just those of equal or greater intelligence. They also know what not to try to explain to people. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:45:05 PM | Right.
I've been throwing the pearls to the dogs again. So I kind of saw it coming...
Still, how did you interprete the sharing of opinions into the measures of egos? Curious Melodic wants to know
(Not that I'm denying that I have an ego. But still, I curiously want to know where it showed...y'know...so I can better hide it from public view, so I can appear as the humble, respectful gentle lady that I'm not...=)
You've good points in the last two, though. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:46:40 PM | | What is intelligence? Is it knowing a great deal? Or knowing how to apply what you know? Yes maybe you know you are a bit above average on the intelligence side, but the real question is HOW do you act with that knowledge? I find that more intelligent people are athiest, or just don't believe in religion. Is it because they don't believe that there is a possibility of a God? Maybe religion is a higher awareness that those lose when intelligence gets in the way. Just a thought, of course I've probably offended about 90% of those who are reading this forum. It's funny how curse words are more widely accepted than the word of God these days. Maybe intelligence and wisdom doesn't go hand in hand. I'm ranting, but this topic has been completely rediculous, not being able to even express your faith, when you see strip clubs advertise, and pornography advertised in the early hours on TV. Well I'm done, that's my load off my chest...if you agree, great, if you don't, great...I won't judge you either way...but obviously agreement helps with compatibility. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 63 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:53:55 PM | To Melodic Euphoria
It wasn't your opinions, it was the way you expressed them. Your choice of words and the way you write a sentance. It looks to be written to show off your intelligence. That and asking, and answering your own questions in the same post, in excess.
(Not that I'm denying that I have an ego. But still, I curiously want to know where it showed...y'know...so I can better hide it from public view, so I can appear as the humble, respectful gentle lady that I'm not...=)
lol, that quote is probably as close as you have gotten to the "attractive intelligent" I was talking about in this thread.
I'm not nearly as smart as you so I'm having a hard time saying exactly what it is. That quote just seems more real, like you're a real person and not a professor at Harvard or someone who won a nobel prize. | |
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*KD*
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 64 | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:14:48 PM | | Don't know if you're looking for the female perspective, but I'm with lilli. Intelligence is a must, but arrogance is not. Truly intelligent people don't feel the need to showcase it. Perhaps the ones that are full of themselves only think they're intelligent. Gotta be the whole package don't you know. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:28:01 PM | Perhaps intellectuals need to lighten up a little more in their conversation. Be even more subtle, yet so subtle it's obvious...lol. Like right now! Just kidding. I never joke. Great conversations can sometimes become burned out with a constant barrage of comprehensive dialogue, unwind and have a light, jolly chat with someone and just have fun with them. Inject little bits of opinion about various things as you encounter them in your activities but not enough to bring them out of the moment into focus on the idea you had in mind. Eventually they will piece it all together without even realizing what just happened. Maybe then they'll bring it up with you, which then you can delve further into it with their full interest..
As far as one's method of expression...why should any one of us change how we are to suit what others are more familiar with? In fact, I would rather consider this the Olympics of Comprehension. Either keep up, or be left behind.
I'll stay behind :) pick up all the mess after us. We're such messy people..us litterbugs. I never litter by the way. Not even a gum wrapper. If you litter you'll go to hell.
I don't believe in hell either. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:50:00 PM | ^^^Behind, huh...?
"Wow, I'm all alone in here. Where did everybody go??"
- Duffy
As far as one's method of expression...why should any one of us change how we are to suit what others are more familiar with?
Nailed it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:59:45 PM | Ah Tom..... my metaphysical friend.
For me intelligence is a non-negotiable must, not to mention a total turn on. There is nothing like a man who can carry on a conversation and knows exactly what he is talking about. You must stimulate my mind as well as my libido and I'm like putty in your hands.
Although some intelligent people are manipulative it has been my good fortune to not run into that challenge. Give me brains all the way!!!
:))
Witchy | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:12:49 PM |
But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.
Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
I don't think it is there is some one for everybody I believe like minds attract.
Sadly some People use their energy in relationships to manipulate others so in that way yes it would be a curse...Some one who uses their intelligence to hurt others is just plain evil....
just my take on it...as I'm far from intelligent. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:12:54 PM | “Between a fellow who is stupid and honest and one who is smart and crooked, I will take the first. I won't get much out of him, but with that other guy I can't keep what I've got.”
Lewis B. Hershey | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 72 | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:46:52 PM | ya know?...
i was thinking about this today and thank a nonexistansupremebeing I actually found a topic on it in one of the many forums I post.
Im really beliving now that its important to find your intellectual equal if you happen to be one of those MENSA/MIT types.
Sucks tho cuz WHEN you find the actual article those women are usually smarter and heavy handed. So its a lose lose thing.
Thats why I started paying attention to the whole astrological edge of dating and such.
As for text... and learning institutions... Each text is only as good as the date it was printed.
Somebody probably finds a new excuse by the next term for the latest perplexing question.
Correctness and wrongness.
Takes a grand person to admit when theyre wrong.... Vanity runs amuck in every aspect of human life. professionally and domestic.
I tend to challenge myself instead. that way ive gotten every angle to so many problems figured out for myself.
Like Mcguyver.
Some that vain wouldnt have any inclination towards admitting to being wrong.
If either cant learn from their mistakes, theyre all that much better a person. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:47:45 PM | | I guess it depends on what kind of intelligence we are talking about, honestly. I mean, the genius-type guy that is so amazingly intelligent that he can't cross the street by himself and is completely communication inept...well, that I can do without. Maybe if I was a genius I would find those traits alluring; I don't know. Intelligence in the form of being articulate, thoughtful as well as thought provoking, analytical, etc...that is a hardcore non-negotiable for me. I find attempting a relationship with a guy who does not or can not exhibit those traits to be utterly frustrating. For me anyway, I need to have a partner that thrives in deep conversations and is highly successful in the art of communication. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:51:32 PM | Meta,
What you're not recognizing here is that gifted people, in addition to having high intellect, also are very intense emotionally. Without going to neurological, the limbic system is activated more frequently in the brains of the gifted, and the limbic system regulates emotion. It has to do with the way the brains of gifted people, versus bright people, are wired.
Manipulativeness, as you call it, is often a response to intense emotional need, and the inability of the nongifted world (may be very smart, but not gifted, thus don't have a hyperactive limbic system) to respond with enough intensity. I went through a manipulative phase in adolescence. Once I understood what was happening, I began seeking others with more emotional depth and sensitivity, and didn't need to be manipulative any longer. Now, in truth, I seek other gifted people...not because I'm a snob, but because I want to share my life with someone who experiences the world with similar intensity and sensitivity, so that I can be understood, understand, and share. It is that combination of IQ and EQ that is often misunderstood - and that I seek, in friends as well as partners. | |
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