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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:10:25 PM | | Intelligence isn't a curse in relationships. But just being intelligent -- and nothing else --- isn't enough. You have to have something more to offer than just raw intellect. If there's a person with zero conversational skills who is extremely intelligent, that person is not going to have the opportunities in dating that they would have had with amazing conversation skills. Perhaps that's not fair, but it is what it is. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:12:51 PM |
It's been for me.
People usually don't like being told things like:
Overdosing on Freudian psychology doesn't necessarily equate with being intelligent  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:37:55 PM | Without fail, most of my Philosophy & English profs, I had ridiculous  on them. None were physically anything to double-glance at, but, their ideas, the way they expressed them. WOWZA! I can still recall my "Gender & Sexuality" professor. *swoon*.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:02:14 AM | 1. Re post 727
I agree.
2. Re the Opost
Actually, Relationships are a curse to Intelligence. That is why intelligent people nowadays do not get married and they have rels of reasonable/meaningful duration (ie not clingy). | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:46:28 AM | I confess I haven't read the 30 pages comprising this thread--just the last couple, so if this idea has already been discussed, and you're sick to death of it, ignore me! If--like me--you're new to the thread, well....you can, of course, still feel free to ignore me!
No one character trait can necessarily spell disaster in any and all relationships, now can it--the deal breakers are always going to depend on the individuals involved. For myself, I can't imagine a relationship with a man who's not intelligent (well, yeah I CAN imagine them, I've had them, haha--notice the past tense!).
Intelligence is important to me, but equally important are generosity of spirit and sense of humour. Intelligence without those qualities can be painfulllllll to relate to/with!
Here's a statement I love by Alistair Cooke--it speaks specifically to curiosity, but addresses the balance I'm talking about.
"Curiosity endows the people who have it with a generosity in argument and a serenity in their own mode of life which springs from their cheerful willingness to let life take the form it will."
Now THAT'S intelligent! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:03:07 AM | Oh, I'd say intelligence is extraordinarily important. Taking more importance over things like money, looks etc
You really need to be within a few IQ points of each other for the ultimate relationship.
Sex, Humor, 'feelings', so many rely on the most subtle of hints.
hey, and your mileage may vary, I'm just padding my post count!  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:17:25 AM | | What about the woman who is intelligent enough to play the stupid broad when she needs to and smart enough to know how well it works? Men are intriqued by a woman who has a brain, sex appeal , looks and a sense of humor, but can't handle it once they find out how smart she really is. Yet those same so called intelligent men will keep coming back no matter how they are manipulated by that smart cookie. Talk about being idiots, LOL! When it comes to attracting the opposite sex it is all a matter of who plays the game the best, your college degree and IQ has nothing to do with it. This intellectual woman has the experience to prove it. Now on to writing that thesis about it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:30:34 AM | Gini, you are a very smart cookie indeed. I thoroughly enjoyed your post and totally agree with you. One more thing though, and maybe it's just where I live and not all over, but a lot of men prefer dumb women to smart ones.
You can also be book smart but not street smart. That is also a curse.
Kudo's to you on your post. I couldn't have said it better myself. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:33:41 AM | Intelligence without heart? You may as well read some good books. I have known those with IQ's above mensa level that found intimacy difficult. If both parties share common interests the relationship can probably still 'work'. I think most of us want intimacy tho.
If you are asking if a relationship can work between two where one is extremely more intelligent than another, I think the REAL KEY here is RESPECT. If the more intelligent person can RESPECT the other person, yes..if not I just don't see how it could really work happily.
But, what does 'work' mean here really? Some partner for only practical reasons with no expectation of true intimacy.
To the person who asked does education mean intelligence. NO *smile. I often tell my mensa level friends about a girl from my small home town who never finished high school, came from a very poor environment, uneducated environment. I have known her 50 years now and she is hands down one of the most innately intelligent people I have ever known. A little known statistic I read decades ago showed that the average IQ of a TAXICAB driver was HIGHER than most medical doctors.
I make a distinction between 'educated' and intelligent. You know Einstein was thought to be retarded at one time...
There is 'genius' in certain areas, such as savants and asperger's syndrome individuals have, but when I think of true intelligence I think more along the lines of characters like the guy Jarod on The Pretender series....Some people who have photographic memories appear on the surface to be extremely intelligent, yet if they have not read it in a book they can not come up with any new or novel ideas and couldn't reason their way out of a paper bag *smile. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:00:23 AM |
While dating, I've noticed that some women are intimidated by an intelligent guy. At first they'll flatter you with it by saying things like "I think it's sexy that you can converse on so many different topics in depth". Then, the first argument you have, they're saying things like "I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you".
If someone is intimidated by someone smarter than them, then they are not realizing that as humans we are in a constant state of growth.....
Personally, I like a guy who knows something I don't - that way he can show me something new! Maybe it's not that they are intimidated, rather they think they appear dumb if they don't know something. Which is silly - nobody knows everything!! People need to step the hell down from their ego.
I like intellect, but I need conversational skills too (big time!). Rarely online do I attract that type of man. In person, another story.
I do think though that there are some men who like a woman to be dumber than them. It's biology. Take a really good looking woman who doesn't act too intelligent - I'm guessing there are not too many of those women who are single......or at least they don't lack for male attention. In all that attention, there is bound to be a few honorable guys. Now, this woman may be really intelligent but she doesn't ACT like it and that's part of her draw. I've seen this in action many times.
And I don't think this makes men idiots either - it makes them men and that's what they are attracted to. Simple really. I don't insult men for this type of behaviour anymore because men ARE different than women and for most men it's about the visual and THEN the other. All of those have to come into play for a relationship though. It's unfair to paint men into a corner saying they are ONLY interested in looks. Yes, it's what draws them in, but it doesn't keep them - well at least it doesn't for the intelligent ones ;) hehe. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:26:21 AM | Somebody not too far back in these posting commented on the "unconditional love" issue, pointing out that really there is no such thing. Using an example: "being abused physically and mentally are you still going to love that person 'unconditionally'?"............
"unconditional love".......is VERY much alive and real with many people for many different reasons, in many different types of relationships!!!
The love that developed and grew throughout one's relationship...can and should be strong, real AND unconditional......you didn't fall 'in love' with that person and that love didn't develop and grow all the while that person was "physically and verbally abusing you".....THAT isn't LOVE!!.......but, when all you felt for a person is for what ever reason put on the line for some sudden negative actions towards you, seeing perhaps another side to them, becoming abusive, or they've betrayed you in some manner, for whatever reason...mental illness, alcohol, drugs....whatever...... the relationship takes an ugly turn...and the LOVE you once felt is now masked over and clouded now with fear and doubt and you decide "forgiving isn't going work' and it's time to put the relationship behind you...............the love you once felt was based on the time before the 'uglies' came....and is perfectly normal in my mind to grieve for that LOVE.....because it has been forsaken and forced into remission...but in your heart very much still alive....because "it" was there well and strong before the "uglies" were.....that to me is why it hurts so very much to have to 'let it go'.....
"unconditional love"......rather it be for a child, parent...pet......equates to "I love you, and probably always will...even if at some point I can no longer be in your life"...........
Conditionally loving anyone...seems to me not really LOVE at all....How do you value LOVE, if is only there until for whattever reason you decide not to anymore? You certainly can stop liking someone and still have love in your heart for them......to say I "unconditionally LIKE you"..........that's never gnna happen!! No such thing!!! I've many rooms in my heart and hold love there for people who are now far far removed from my life....Once love is 'born' I don't believe it ever dies...it simply becomes an addition to the "Love Savings Bank" better known as the 'heart'................Love is not Logical....intelligent...reasonable...or CONDITIONAL | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:44:32 AM | | I am not sure of how intelligent I am....but I prefer intelligent men.....Or ones that keep up on current events.....read a newspaper, read a book every now and then, interesting intelligent men are a must for me...I like someone that can push my rheum of thinking to a different area and into different way....this doesn't mean someone that is higher educated it means someone with the desire to learn and explore new ideas and areas of life. For myself I am not that educated I work a blue collar job.....but I love to read to learn new things to push myself into different area's and I love being around someone that can think and are able to give and opinion and be interesting..............Blue | |
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jtm216
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Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 738 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:50:35 AM | Blue eyes,
Good luck! If you want someone that is an intellectual I found they require an education beyond high school. Many of the people I meet I have to explain every topic that is discussed and is frustrating. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:14:13 AM | Oh this is such an interesting topic. I always feel more comfortable with highly educated men; at least that's what I thought since I gravitate around people with academic goals. Came to POF and met a man online who met my desires for intellectual and stimulating conversation, with a PhD to boot, who turned out to be the most boorish and lacked any social graces.
Here comes another guy who never even brought any yawn from me. Found out later he was just a HS graduate and holding a blue collar job. Really surprised me that he topped the list of my favourites. He had the knack to carry a conversation. But after a couple of months, it was gone! There was nothing left. Because though he was bright, his arsenal of topics or intellectual conversation had been depleted. He was no longer conversant, as far a normal conversation goes. He had a natural intelligence though that kept me focused on him for a while.
Like anything, it is the whole package. I remember reading what Madonna said. She did not mind a not too well educated guy. But he must have an innate intelligence. Because one who doesn't, where do you go from there. It is tough having a conversation when the other person has a difficulty grasping the concept and the flow must stop because you have to explain constantly. And you are not even discussing rocket science.
So, intelligence may not be a curse but in relationships, there must be a certain balance or equality. No, sex is not the solution to cover the lack of it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:38:20 PM |
"why scientists are wrong more times than they are right. Consequently science textbooks have to be constantly updated and rewritten."
"True, scientists are wrong most of the time than right."
I must say both those statements are based on pure conjecture and overgeneralization. In fact, they border on bizarre. Sounds like 1800's pre-industrial era trail and error thinking. Actually it reads like a fallacy.
Textbooks are updated because they add new research results and findings, not because they correct "wrong" research results. Wrong or failed results are not published.
Scientists are trained to review past research results, form hypotheses and run high probability of success studies. In the MAJORITY of the time they are correct.
You think a drug company is going to pay a scientist to run ("wrong most of the time") failed clinical trials? Use some common sense. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:45:08 PM | | Intelligence is a total turn on for me. Unfortunately intelligence sometimes makes relationships more difficult. Thinking too much is dangerous. That's why ignorance is bliss, and why a pet's love lasts its lifetime far more often than a person's does. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:32:51 PM | In my experience guys ask for intelligence in thier profile but are not capable of respecting it....I have often run into men who try to conquer the "smart girl" just to prove he can...then he is satisfied and leaves...
" | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:45:37 PM | "Scientists are trained to review past research results, form hypotheses and run high probability of success studies. In the MAJORITY of the time they are correct"
Science is a self-correcting process. Too often the laymen out there fall into the dumb urban legend stuff that scientists do not know anything. They are dead wrong. Everything we have, including these computers, is the result of applied scientific knowledge that was painstakingly worked out by dedicated men and women who spend eight yrs or more in college. Scientists make mistakes like other people, but when these mistakes are identified, they are corrected. You won't find many political dogmas or religions that are self-correcting. The preachers and their followers are convinced that everything in the bible is correct no matter how much physical evidence says otherwise. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:48:52 PM | "but I prefer intelligent men.....Or ones that keep up on current events.....read a newspaper, read a book "
I am the same way Blueyes. It drives me crazy when I date some gal who does not know a thing about what is going on in the world and does not care. It makes for pretty weak conversation. I love talking about literature, arts and science, but I could give a crap less who Britney Spears is dating this week. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:49:22 PM | I work in electronics and software and that is a huge conversation killer.
But, that doesnt mean i want to talk about that when away from work.
The last thing I want at home is to talk about work..... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/16/2008 12:32:23 AM |
apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.
I am totally turned on by intelligent men. In fact, I think a man's brain is the sexiest organ! And I don't think I am alone. However, some intelligent people use their intellect, as you suggest, in subtley(sp) manipulative ways.
I want a smart, educated and worldly man. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:10:29 AM | I think women are turned on by what 'looks' intelligent. Because most of the time, real intelligent people are not even understood and they have to face being considered a jerk before having their intelligence acknowledged. Real intelligence is always a real turn off. Except if you can keep up and see that intelligence is indeed there.
What I'm saying is being a lawyer in no way means you're intelligent. Knowing the whole Che Guevara story doesn't make you intelligent either. Being able to remember the Pi's digits isn't a proof of intelligence. But things like that are what gets people thinking you are smart. And this is a turn on for women.
But 'intelligence' is not a turn on for one simple reason. You have to be a really intelligent person to be able to find the really intelligent person intelligent. And it takes some time. So if it ever is a turn on, it's a turn on that takes some time to work. It certainly won't work on the first date.
Curse. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:20:10 AM |
But 'intelligence' is not a turn on for one simple reason. You have to be a really intelligent person to be able to find the really intelligent person intelligent.
So, maybe, I'm a really intelligent person????
Anything you post can not be deleted. | |
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