| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:20:07 PM | Well,apparently there are around 7 forms of intelligence
I would say Im more emotionally/socially intelligent than many others but as for factual intelligence you can rule me out.
I like a guy who can coverse with me in general terms, life, day to day things but not in politics etc. I don't read books and I'm not up to date with world affairs. If thats all a guy can bring to the table i'm afraid he will be cursed. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:18:33 PM | "Has anyone ever noticed, how many smart cookies are on this site? Men and Women. I for one don't think it's just a proportionate number. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, they just naturally gravitate to the forums."
The more educated / smarter a woman is, the more likely she is to end up divorced and single. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:28:51 PM | schadenfreudian:
wears a patented "adjustable standard deviation" IQ actuator. I have suspected you're a deviant
Dug01 - Great, thanks. Bet you were going to nail me on perceptions, lol
Which actually is where most communication problems happen in relationships... differing perceptions create misunderstandings.
This may be part of the supposed curse of relationships between people where there are differing intelligence levels.
If Dug can climb on his soap box regarding qualifiers (which I agree with BTW), I'd like to drag out mine re manipulation.
The OP has cast manipulation in a negative, almost machiavelian way. I don't think manipulation is necessarily a bad thing.
There is a level of manipulation in every communication we have... it's called persuasion. Another way of putting it would be to "speak into someone's listening"
If you know the world occurs to a person in a particular way, you'll serve up the point to them in a way that they can understand. If you don't know them that well, as you actively listen to them, you hear their bits of acceptance and resistance and you modify what you say and how you say it so they reach understanding. And, hopefully, come around to agree with you (lol)
The ability to read people well, and discipline in listening for their bits of resistance and agreement would make you more successful as a communicator and persuader. What is effective communication is actually a form of manipulation. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:46:51 PM | I also don't think it's because women are less turned on by intelligent men (or men are less turned on by intelligent women....but i can see it more flipped that way...).
In my experience i tend to intimidate somehow..... not that I think I'm intimidating, it's just that I'll hear over and over again how they're not going to be able to satisfy that intellectual side of me........which *sigh* is often quite true.
perhaps dating for the educated is a little more difficult because (at least for me) we prefer someone who is on that same level...and unfortunately not many people are.
I tend to live in a world where I think people are generally as educated/intelligent but in reality (which is always slapping me in the face) this is far from true...although I prefer to give most people a chance......
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:36:38 PM |
There is a level of manipulation in every communication we have... it's called persuasion. Another way of putting it would be to "speak into someone's listening"
Very good point. However, IMO, being persuasive in communication I see as being a bit different than manipulation. There certainly are similarities in concept but by definition, the intent is much different. To clarify what I see as the difference:
Persuasion: The act of persuading (or attempting to persuade); communication intended to induce belief or action
Manipulation: Exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:46:26 PM | Manipulation is also...
3. skillful or artful management.
Or turning a doorknob to open the door of course.
The point being we have come to regard it in only a devious manner; which isn't always accurate. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:02:31 PM |
The point being we have come to regard it in only a devious manner; which isn't always accurate.
In that context, you are absolutely correct.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:16:54 PM | Actually, intelligence plays a huge factor, for me, at any rate, and is a quality that is very high on my list of what attracts me to someone.
Without exception, my serious relationships, have been with highly intelligent guys. I have found, however, that intelligence does not equate to emotional maturity on a proportional level. To my frustration, I have found that the guys have been egocentric, with a rather laissez faire, take me as I am attitude.
Whilst I am a very easy going person, I do expect the old fashioned values of chivalry, care, respect and good manners from a man, and would in turn reciprocate in kind.
I do not believe, intellectuals are doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone as you suggested. I do, however believe that, some intellectual men, need to become more socially adept.
If you mate the above two attributes, then I for one would be jumping for joy 
The most charismatic men/women, who were successful in their relationships, had intelligence in spades, a cool sense of humour and knew how to treat their mates.....
I guess both men and women could draw something from the above attributes.... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:23:39 PM | In my opinion , its easier to be socially adept if you are balanced in your being.
If you spend enough time exercising and expressing your physical self, and if you have remembered to include your soul/spirit in your adventures then your appearance ,attitudes and overall intensity will not back others away before you even speak. starting off behind the eight ball of being imbalanced and showing it means you have to scramble just to establish an even one on one.. that only increases your lean..
We all ride our strengths but without working to reduce our weaknesses , the differences between us are magnified and way too obvous to overcome.
So the natural athletes open and exercise your minds while the intellectuals remember to spend some time expressing yourself in a physical way that honors your body's capabilities .. this expands the common ground for us all
Is it possible that the competitive spirit ,perhaps born of our built in drive to succeed as individual members of our species, can ever be expressed beyond just creating larger groups ,organized to compete against each other? Is there a hope of ever being a human group without having another species as competitors?
How much of our morals are born of what we learn from "fair play"?
Can we bring those learnings down to a one on one level and forge a stronger bond? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:08:01 PM |
Well,apparently there are around 7 forms of intelligence
More than that, even. Gardiner continued working on it. There are some that are still trying to be nailed down. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:32:20 PM | This is a great thread...my ex husband is a attorney and has Iq's off the charts. Yet, he is the dumbest man I have ever met. No common sense and had issues with showing emotions.
Hence....his IQ was so high that emotions were a concept he couldn't conceive.
I am a very intelligent women who also has life skills based on my life jobs. I have been a manager for 17 yrs and I find some people or sig others to be predictable in behaviors.
I love a great intelligent talk about all topics and I love it even more when someone introduces a topic that I know nothing about. Soo..yes..intelligence is great in a relationship!!!! As long as you aren't my ex husband...haha
Oh..and I read that someone on here said the more intelligent a women is the more likely she may remain single...
If being intelligent and having a opinion on what matters to me keeps me single and alone then so be it. I keep wondering if there is anyone else out there who actually believes in their own integrity enough ( I mean men who we date ladies) that they stand up for it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:58:09 PM | IQ and real "smarts" are linked, but they aren't the same thing.
Remember-- even geniuses had weird things about their intelligence.
Kant was reported to have shown up to an interview in a vest with no shirt and shoes with no socks.
Students used to play "dress Einstein."
People can be wonderfully smart in one area and still fail to function in another. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:22:14 PM | | I find it a complete brain drain looking for long winded conversations. I don't want to have explain everything over and over to someone either. For me pleasantries are just that pleasantries they are devoid of political rancor and filibustering of opinions. Honestly I just wanna laugh about my day and relax. Don't you think just leaving home sometimes is enough? That the world has had its way with you and now you just need to be? Intelligence is important however not the end all be all. There are several components to peoples' personalities, not being able to identify with others perceptions and behaviors to me lacks a sense of who you are. If you must find someone as intelligent as yourself, go for it. I feel the person you will find will be very much like you. I like a little variety myself, keeps things spicy. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:24:59 PM | Re the Opost
1. Banter or smart-alec-ing is not evidence of true intelligence, IMO, it is evidence a person wants to appear intelligent or smart (portray that "image").
2. On "What is effective communication is actually a form of manipulation" (post 904):
I do not agree. Logic and its products, sylllogisms, are not manipulative in nature. On the other hand using congnitive associations to sell a product or idea or promote one's interests is. Straight thinking and straight talking are not manipulative. Eg promising commitment to "get" sex is manipulation. Demanding commitment or marriage to "offer" sex, is as well. Why it is not a mere "trade"? Because of the nature of sexuality (invoked by passion rather than ration). Whining in a rel is but one emotional manipulation techniques.
3, That is indeed why people who possess both intelligence and EQ (emotional intelligence) can use a combo of logic and emotions to "manipulate" their SOs. But does not mean they will use them.
My father used to say that a clever enemy is better than a stupid friend. What this implies is that REAL intelligence can be used properly in order to create win-win situations, eg in a relationship, instead of I win you lose ones.
4. Inteligent people are better equipped to detect manipulation attempts by their SOs. That is why manipulative people do not like intelligent SOs,
5. Thus the effect of intelligence on a relationship depends on the "character" and the intelligence levels of both participants in a rel.
a. Both intelligent, both "straight": They can find win-wins
b. Both not that intelligent, both manipulative: Oh my!
c. One intelligent and straight, the other manipulative and not that intelligent: How long can it last?
d. One intelligent and manipulative, the other none of the two: Use and abuse!
e. etc etc etc (there are many possible combos)
6. IMO, intelligent people do not tend to manipulate. They do not "need" to or see a need to. They seek win-win types of rels. And they seek like minded (on both accounts, ie intelligent AND non-manipulative) SOs. IME, mildly intelligent, mildly EQed people tend to resort to manipulation in their rels. Or highly "immoral" people of all IQs and EQs try to manipulate their SOs.
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:06:53 PM | If one considers that a genius is someone out of the ordinary, and if they are mentally healthy that they will accept themselves as such, then why would people expect them to conform to "normal" behavior concerning such things that depend on mindless mimic like fashion?
Remember-- even geniuses had weird things about their intelligence.
Kant was reported to have shown up to an interview in a vest with no shirt and shoes with no socks.
Students used to play "dress Einstein."
People can be wonderfully smart in one area and still fail to function in another.
I don't see the failure in function unless it is merely the failure to conform to being average.
But this does lend a clue as to why some people may not be able to maintain a relationship where the person's priorities are not the norm. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:57:13 PM | one area of conflict might be the speed of coming to an actionable decision.
one partner still deciding while the other is already commited by action to their decision. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:38:25 PM | This has got to be one of the longest running threads that I've ever found here. I know I answered it some time months or close to a year ago. And what is amazing to me is how many responses there are to it. Is it because so many people feel they are highly intelligent and want to massage their egos? Makes you wonder.
Everyone is intelligent, just not in the same things everyone else is. I like Dr. Wayne Dyer's take on this. IQ is just a number; it's just a way of tagging us in some way. It doesn't really mean anything because all human beings are intelligent.
I have never met a dumb woman. I've just met some women who don't know the same things I do. But it has never kept us from having a wonderful time together. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:59:17 AM | i always wonder when someone responds ,then suggests that simply to respond is ego massage .. is that an admission,confession or just a "message to self" hidden in that?
Speaking for myself, I have greatly enjoyed participating and reading most of what has appeared in this thread.. its a huge subject and fun to kick around.. there is no last word on intelligence.. the next is only a thought away... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:49:12 PM | Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
God gave us a mind - Well I want the man that I'm with to know how to
use it for love is powerful but a mind controls all we say and do as well as
sexually too ,
I love a man that shows fun but also intelligence to me is everything.
No I think not and the reason why is that the mind is a very beautiful thing , it is
one of God's most powerful tools that he gave us.
I find a man that is sharp and shows some intelligence very exciting and makes me want to find out more and I want to be able to pick his mind and match him see if his mind and him can capture all of me.
It may be a curse to some but not too me,
Ilook for someone that can talk and carry a intelligence conservation and not someone that is quite or a stick in the mudd so to speak but someone with warm heart and knows what he wants and is intelligent enough to go out and get it and sit on his butt and wait for it to come to him but one that has this sharp personality that is capable of making all his dreams come true.
It's not about the body or looks with me it's a man that has some good common sense and is educated to a point that he can talk to me ~
For a mind just turns me on makes me want to investigate him all the more .....Brenny | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:32:30 PM | "For boys, there is a 35% increase in the likelihood of marriage for each 16-point rise in IQ. For girls, there is a 40% drop for each 16-point increase."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article407729.ece
Sighhhhhhhhhhh. | |
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