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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:39:04 PM | Get a life lol, Intelligence is what gives a spark in a relationship. Be it in the form of debating your views being sarcastic and generally having THINGS IN COMMON. But I can see you view on the manipulation side it can bring to a relationship, but that in my opinion is an ass**** being an ass****, so over all my view is rock on einstein : sorry nspelling is not my strong point lol | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:53:04 PM | The article cited most recently was about marriage, which isn't the same thing as a relationship. And it implies that women who want to stay home and take care of the kids are DUMBER than those who wish to rise to the tops of their professions, which is at best a leap of logic and at worst a ludicrous leap of illogic.
Back to the OT, I don't think intelligence is a "curse", but I think intelligent people get bored more easily and need near-constant mental stimulation. Not to say that dummies can't be stimulating, but how many times you gonna smack that head into a brick wall before you say bu-bye? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:14:31 PM | I love an intelligent man. My fantasy has always been to run off with a professor (especially if he looked like Dr. Jones from the Indiana Jones movies ;) I have above average intelligence and a love for knowledge and I want to be appreciated for it as well.
I married a man who was average. He didn't appreciate me one bit. In fact, he kept telling me to be more like his ex girlfriend the airhead stripper who giggled and smiled all day.
What an idiot! He never knew how lucky he was. From now on, I am pickier! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:30:15 PM | | Pixeleen, you may want to rethink that plan to bag a prof. Think of all the young lovelies in all the classes looking for ways to improve marks. I knew several, including one who broke up a prof's marriage. This is not to say all profs are horndogs but year after year of temptation has got to wear some of 'em down! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:49:41 PM | Interesting ... I have always dated intelligent men-- a professor for 6 years and an army colonel for 2 years ... I just find myself very drawn to men with intellect because it fulfills my emotional and intellectual needs for someone to talk to-- and that makes all the difference for me-- that each conversation can be a journey and exploration and not just another hum drum how are you chat ....
However, I must admit that pursuing men with intelligence not equal to your own however has its drawbacks in that they are better at hiding agendas or dishonesty -- better at manipulating ... so from this end, I think its better to find someone whom you share an equal intelligence with at least on some levels... so that you're not feeling incompatible.
Overall though-- yes, I love "egg-heads" lol The mind is a very sensitive stimulant ...
Interesting topic-- thanks for sharing, OP. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:25:19 PM | Intelligence and imagination are the greatest turn-ons. I don't feel that being intelligent is the actual turn-off, but that the know-it-all attitude is. I am an intelligent woman, turned on by intelligence, but it's broader than book smart, or deemed so by a piece of paper. Actually my preference is for those who have an intelligence naturally, through life. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:14:24 PM | | Hey, I hear ya, sister. I like only intelligent woman, in fact, IF a woman IF stupid, it's a MEGA HUGE TURNOFF OF MONOLITHIC PROPORTIONS that is uncircumnavigable even for my exceptional cerebral abilities- ESPECIALLY when they live in GLASS HOUSES. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:03:38 AM | we all have some sense of intelligence....if someone is geniune and kind, that's what i find attractive...
narrow minded, mean spirited, rude people with big egos are a huge turn off for me...
to each their own, i think. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:28:53 AM |
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article407729.ece
"IT REALLY is brains not brawn that women look for in a man. An exhaustive study of people from primary school to middle age has proved that clever men are much more likely to marry than those with lesser intelligence."
They make it sound like marriage is men's primary fantasy.
I would think a really clever man would not settle for the unequal compromise that marriage is these days. Maybe things are different over there. Or they're trying a strategy of flattering them, calling them "smart" for fulfilling what is many/most women's primary fantasy.
"They found 88% of 40-year-old men in the top socioeconomic class were married, compared with 80% in the lowest class. Among women aged 40 the trend is reversed. The researchers found that 82% of the top class were wed, compared with 86% in the lowest class."
This is not a huge difference, +/- several percent or 10% -- hardly enough to draw sweeping conclusions.
Besides, maybe those "40-year-old men in the top socioeconomic class" are merely trapped there, seeing as how expensive a divorce might be for them, thus making staying married look like the better of two lousy options.
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:43:44 AM | | The curse is in knowing what is going on in a way that makes sense but no matter what, you're screwed because if you play at their level things don't work and if you explain things they resent you and it's over. The main message put across when one partner knows the answer is that the other partner is incompetent by comparison. We all know the person who only thinks they know everything and is always right, but doesn't and isn't. OK, now imagine if they really did and were, and you didn't and weren't. Day in and day out, whatever problem you had, they could see the solution. The thing you had to work hard to learn, they found to be obvious. The things that upset you were not upsetting to them, and the things that upset them, you couldn't even see to be upset by. I'm not saying that higher intelligence allows a person to know everything and be always right, but within the scope of a relationship and about your typical relationship problems, it does. Relationships are easy to figure. Nearly all relationship problems can be solved easily with reason, except the irrational ones. Reason is a skill dumb people fail at. They flounder if their particular known method doesn't work. They can't see the problem in the abstract and adapt their thinking to solve it. Instead they deal emotionally as do children. This makes for an unhappy, dumb and irrational partner who resents your ability to know what is going on and what might be done about it. Nothing solves that resentment except ending the relationship. Unequal intelligence is a problem, as is insufficient intelligence. The good match is when both people have enough and if one has less they call themselves lucky and defer to the one who knows better. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:15:22 AM | Some other thread got me to thinking. It was a thread about confidence in a man. I realized that I knew quite a number of men who seemed to exemplify the Alpha Male Quality. They are all well off business owners, maybe only SLIGHTLY above average intelligence, and all have women that adore them.
But what I realized is that, they were not the sharpest knives in the drawer, so to speak. They would not be the type to ask for directions, or admit that they didn't know something! But all are purpose driven and decisive, and even though their women roll their eyes and are often driven to frustration, there is absolutely no doubt that there is a strong attraction to this type of man.
So once again, I say, as I did when I started this Thread, that Intelligence is not always a good thing in a relationship! I could not, by any stretch of the imagination dumb myself down, to act like these men. If I don't know something, and the smarter you are, the more you realize how little you know, I say it! The world is not black and white. It's many shades of gray. That's the way I see it, and express it. And that's just not as attractive it seems! There seems to be this ever present difference, between what women say and what they actually do! Or is it just the women in these forums that are different from their sisters out in the real world?
EDIT: One more very interesting twist on the whole thing that I should mention. I detect some very pronounced inferiority complexes within some of these men. Maybe this is the cause of their behavior, but I find it remarkable that the women choose to overlook that, and simply delight in this acting out of confidence! lol | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:09:15 AM | intelligence can definitely be a curse in a relationship...especially with an arrogant, insolent, uppity, self centerd, passive agressive damn dumb dope... | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 841 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:23:45 AM | I am 100% sure that if someone has a problem with creating and maintaining a relationship, its not because they are too intelligent.
OP you are suggesting that an intelligent person is
too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
What about manipulative and controlling? I think intellectuals have a great capability of manipulating and engineering a relationship, often in extremely subtle ways. And usually, I might add, resulting in failure!
Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
What can they do to change? A frontal lobotomy, is probably not an acceptable option!
A person like that does not have these qualities due to their intelligence.
What they can do is to notice what it is that they do in their relationships and change accordingly. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:49:01 AM | First of all, education, earned degrees, and accumulation of knowledge are not measures of intelligence.
It is great to find someone truly intelligent; however, it is difficult to determine how intelligent someone is outside of school setting where you would analize the individual while solving very challenging problems in highly logical subjects, such as calculus or diffential equations.
However, of course, it would, also, depend on where the subject individual is with his or her intelligence level and how that person defines intelligence. You opinion on what old is changes as be become older, and, the same, one's idea of intelligence depends on how intelligent the one is, as the person will not fully understand anyone who is not close to his or her intelligence level.
I was reading that it not a good to be with someone whose intelligence level would differ from yours by more than 10%; however, there is still much more to compatibility than intelligence.
Well, now, if you would think logically, you will possibly come to the conclusion that if subject's intelligence is not far away from the average, that person would not be isolated when looking for someone intellectually compatible; however, if the intelligence is not close to the average in either direction, then, the person might be more isolated than others, and how much the person would be isolated would possibly depend on how far the subjects intelligence is from the average.
Yes, it is a big turn on for me when one is truly intelligent, as I defined it above, and not artificially intelligent from accumulation of knowledge, degrees, and education that nowdays almost anyone can obtain in this country who is lucky enough to have enough money for the education expenses and enough time for completing mostly boring school assignments. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:49:05 AM | I can think of some relationships between rather intelligent partners,
and they are not what I would call good relationships! There is stress,
quite easily visible, and it is my guess, that intelligence can open up
whole new areas to disagree about! The other types of relationships
that I spoke of (with the Alpha Male) never venture into any territory
beyond very mundane, matter of fact subject matter. Tomorrow is
garbage day, are you taking the car in for service? That sort of thing.
And these people appear much happier!
I just had a year and some relationship, and it was not what I would call
of an intellectual nature. It was in fact somewhat easier! With other
women I know on a more intellectual basis, conversations on deeper
subject matter almost immediately lead to disagreement and some
degree of tension! And it's not the good type of sexual tension! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:33:29 PM | | I actually prefer my men to be intelligent as I find it a very attractive asset. Unfortunately some intelligent people, I say this from personal experience, have a tendency to talk over you automatically assuming you are going to be wrong in your way of thinking. That I find a major turn OFF. So I think I prefer quiet intelligence, someone who may not say much but when they do it's amazing and really makes you think. Intelligent people should be smart enough to listen to another person without shooting them down before they are finished. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:40:10 AM | | No, intelligent people isnt doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone however I believe that a person that is very intelligent can have limited understanding of the emotional intelligence. They just want to follow common sense and not follow their heart and for that reason alone I think they might be in the riskzone for breaking other peoples hearts and their own! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:03:50 PM | I think it's related to the amount of time someone spends on the various parts of life. I've known many intelligent people lacking perspective - they spend tremendous amounts of time on minutae - things that really don't amount to much in the big picture. Just like your example of discussing semiconductor junctions while having sex.
Personally, I think I'm a bit of a nerd, but I do keep perspective. Intelligence and experience are important factors for me in a relationship. I once dated an attractive 21 year old and I felt like she was a well-engineered sex robot. She seemed human on the surface - but you dig a little deeper - try to have an involved conversation and, well, you hit that barrier. Remember the movie "BladeRunner"?
-J | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:24:54 PM | The mind is the sexist organ of the body, thusly an intelligent man is a huge turn-on for me... A man who can stimulate my mind and libido is unequivocally a "keeper ".. Not talking a MENSA member, but I find a sharp mind very sexy and intrguing ..
A man who can hold a conversation , debate, and engage me in thoughts and ideas is a pleasure.. .Nothing worse than being with an attractive person whom you have to constantly " dumb it down to" ughh.. No amt of good looks will compensate if the guy is as dumb as a box of rocks.. I'd rather have the sexy geek any day.. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:41:48 PM | Intelligence is only a curse when you're surrounded by those approaching the brainpower of a Troglodyte.
j/k
Intelligence manifests itself in so many ways as long as your mate has an acceptable mix of subjects that they can
speak on with intelligence I don't think it's much of a problem.
Frankly I don't think we humans understand intelligence as much as we would like to. There's far too much pseudo science floating
around to prop up insecurity in some. Someone who is intelligent on multiple levels should be able to communicate effectively
with people of all sorts. If that cannot be done then it begs the question "is this person really intelligent?" | |
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