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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:40:22 PM | Last year I had a long term relationship end, rather sadly. Both of us are quite intelligent, we shared most of our interests and never really fought. We didn't bicker over the pointless stuff, knowing it to be meaningless, and tried to rationalize away the bigger issues. By the end of it sexual interest waned and we began to turn debates into arguments, trying to debase the others opinion rather than accepting it or challenging it.
I've had a few brief relationships since, with girls I've found quite attractive, but ended them because I did not find them engaging save for physically, and that fades too if I lose interest.
Some times I think it'd be nice to be able to carry on a purely physical relationship and be satisfied with it. However I think true happiness lies deep within the mind and intellectual bond is so much stronger than mere physical attraction. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:18:43 PM | myself, i have an enormous iq of about 180....only 1 person in millions has an iq that high...and i think that many people feel insecure when being aroud someone that knows so much, even when the person is like me (doesn't brag, doesn't intimidate at all). Actually, many people feel comfortable around me, but if i don't tone down my knowledge level i think it turns people off.
The fact that many women aren't into the intelligence thing is partly because, by definition, intelligent people are rarer than average people, so it's naturally ahrder to find someone on the same level. With me though, although intelligence is nice, whats most important to me is a kind dispoistion. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:00:20 PM | It has already been said, but it's worth repeating: intelligence is not a source of conflict unless two people are obviously different in that respect.
Those of us who care about today's most pressing issues, see the importance of proper English, and yearn to understand the world beyond that of our back yard would find little in common with people who neither agree with nor understand our world view.
In a circle of friends, this never comes up. Our circle of friends has been created by us over the years, so any large discrepancies are nonexistent.
I don't consider myself pretentious and I don't usually come off that way. I can keep up an absolutely normal conversation about plans for the weekend or what's on sale at the store. However, when building a relationship with someone, this discrepancy, if it exists, will become obvious and difficult to avoid. It is a discrepancy that speaks to life goals and priorities, and I doubt one can build a relationship ignoring such an important difference in the way one leads one's life.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:53:27 AM | | Im young and im certainly not classified as an itellectual by anyones standards but like everyone else i have an to put forward to you. I may repeat what has already been covered because i only read the first few pages but i personally think that you should be working on "how" to help yourself find the right person for you, then turning that into a relationship and maintaining it, maybe by researching women, relationships and such so u can aquire knowledge and apply it. Since that was pretty much how u defined being an intellectual, it seems right up ur alley. In my opinion, which i know is probably worthless to you seeing as i dont possess this high IQ, there are different types of intelligence and one of them is emotional intelligence which people of high IQ's seem to be lacking in.It's more about learning how to treat people and act in situations so that people are more accepting and less intimidated. In a way it is manipulationg but not exaclty its just learning how to respect and react nicely to people so that they are more inclined to treat you the same way not so you can curb things to go the way you want them to. Its harder then it sounds im still feeling my way around but its worth a try to go for a different appraoch like what someone said about scientist...a few books that i found interesting where emotional intelligence by daniel goleman, how to commuicate with anyone by leil lowndes, the secret by rhonda byrne and just for shits and giggles the game by neil strauss, maybe even men are from mars and women are from venus...being the intellectual u are u will more then likely reject my opinion and these books...ull reject my opinion because of my inexperience and ignorance and reject the books because they reknown therefore only for the ignorant and people who cant make their own opinions so they steal someone elses and not research a broader range...maybe im wrong i dont know u well enough to be able to make that judgement and im just generalising based on my experience haha well i hope u find contentment...i hope i havent offended anyone and if i have im sorry...all the best in finding someone who enjoys your intellectual side but doesnt clash with it...equality and balance are essential in a relationship but there still needs to be differentiality...yin and yang...male and female...im not saying settle for a dumbass i simply saying find someone who compliments u and vice versa...im not religious but if u book them they will come haha...good luck | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:01:40 AM | | Intellectuals are good at facts, and understanding how the business of the world goes round and round. Relationships are different. Intellectuals should have the intelligence to communicate. This gives them an advantage to explain what feels good and what doesn't feel good. Unless smart people have studied relationships, they are not better than the common uneducated person. Many smarter people are accostumed to supervising large amounts of people, so they become okay at people skills. They have a greater opportunity to get trained in postive thinking, motivation and trouble-shooting problems with employees, so I imagine this could be a benefit to the relationship. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:09:01 PM | Lizee. I have read much of the Venus and Mars Books! Nobody in my opinion should even be allowed in a relationship without having read these! And Leil Lowndes is great with all her research into relationships!
But people mostly miss what I am trying to say. I think smart people can tend to be hypercritical. And nothing is ever black or white, everything can be examined. Get a bunch of smart people together to accomplish something, and often they will argue about terminology never mind the project at hand. You see it in the forums all the time! Some smart ass pointing out grammatical errors, never mind using their brains to try and figure out the message, the other person was trying to say!
This type of mindset and behavior isn't particularly well suited to a good relationship!
In my opinion! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:02:29 AM | | This could actually be called abuse especially when they can abuse you with their money by making you feel guilty in a very suttle way about you spending their money even if it's only for survival.They don't want your intelligence to show when you get a job.It makes them feel that you are trying to cover it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:33:51 AM |
I have read much of the Venus and Mars Books! Nobody in my opinion should even be allowed in a relationship without having read these!
1. Colorado State University 2001. Researchers report that of the top 10 books detrimental to relationships and inconsistent with accepted best practices were "Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", "Mars and Venus on a Date" and "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" all by Gray.
2. New York Post reports Gray's education credentials are from "Mars"
3. Guide to Quackery, Health Fraud, Intelligent Decisions. Stephen Barrett, M.D. Lists Gray as a quack with mail house degrees.
www.quackwatch.org/04ConsumerEducation/News/cpu.html
4. Science and Pseudoscience in Clinical Psychology 2008.
The most comprehensive and detailed source on quackery in psychology currently
available, describes how New Age and crazy therapies are purveyed by the unqualified. Nona Wilson in her chapter on commercializing mental-health issues describes how John Gray, Steven Covey, Tony Robbins use advertising rather than science.
5. Same Difference. Barnett and Rivers. 2006.
Gray’s books claim vast gender differences but the authors say this is junk science, peddling myth and misinformation. Women who take his prescriptions seriously could wind up feeling powerless , angry and depressed. They pick Grays assertions apart, one by one based on research findings.
Gray Myth. Men are genetically driven to seek out beautiful women. Maybe in the stone age but today a significant number of men report that an attractive portfolio is more alluring than a pretty face.
Gray Myth. Women want to marry wealthy men who can protect them and their children. In fact, a surprising majority of today's women put a higher price tag on empathy and nurturance.
Gray Myth. Girls face an inevitable plunge in self-esteem at adolescence. Research finds no evidence of this.
Gray Myth. Boys and girls learn differently. Teaching styles that emphasize different tactics for boys and girls are more often rooted in stereotypes than research.
Gray Myth. Men and women speak "different languages" they "Just Don't Understand" each other. Wrong. Women talk "male" in the boardroom, and men easily master "motherese."
Gray Myth. Female leadership is kinder and gentler. Not so. Position is the key to behavior: female managers are no more democratic than males, though many of us might like to think so.
While reminiscent of the "Emperor with No Clothes" it appears more closely with snake oil reasoning similar to the PT Barnum Effect (i.e., "a little something for everybody" and "there's a sucker born every minute").
Bullshyt walks ....while intelligence talks ....in life and in a relationship. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:49:10 AM | To the less intelligent, talking about something beyond them equates to whining...
For example:
IQ166: Hey... I just thought of a new process method that will allow them to shrink semiconductor junctions by 25%!!
IQ76: Do you have to do this while having sex?
IQ166: You never appreciate my brilliant mind.
IQ76: Quit whining and get on with it. I don't have all night!
----------------------------
that made me horny!!!! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:26:21 AM | bkcrosson wrote: " This writ sucks but, some good points are contained hope nobodys is offended I proofed it 10 times and still can't get the words to come out right!"
Sometimes being able to write well is simply an issue of finding a great place to relax. For me, I focus on the reality that there are few things more powerful than the imagination. Possess it's power. Sometimes you might find yourself having to fight or wrestle with it, but the truth is that your imagination is already yours. Own it, use it to make it work for you. When I write, I think about the reader. I imagine my words as an amusement ride and the reader is the rider. I want the ride to be fun, smooth and flowing for the reader. The only way I can do that is to make my words paint imagery for the reader that moves him/her along quickly and as smoothly as I'm able. I don't believe that intelligence is a curse, only that communication isn't as simple as just talking, writing or reading.
On this point: " If you were a woman in our society taught that a man is supposed to chase you... you give him the opportunity to kiss you and he doesn't move on it.... you (as the woman) immediately think he doesn't like you.... Suddenly as that woman you are permently turned off by smart guys."
I totally agree with you. I believe that a woman can sucessfully seduce men when she doesn't force an immediate response from him. I think women would experience far fewer turn-downs if they would understand that when they come on to men, alot of men might be shocked and may need a few days to snap out of it. Don't demand that the guy answer you right then and there. In fact, tell him not to answer you now, but to think about it, slip him your phone number ladies and tell him that you hope to hear from him soon and if you don't hear from him, you'll take it that he's not interested. This puts more powerful subtle pressure on him to call you. Demanding an answer right away, may get you none. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:53:14 AM | | I have no problem with being an assertive woman in a relationship, although every time I have attempted it, the man assumed that I was seeking sex only when I was seeking a relationship, or it scared him to death and he told me that men were supposed to persue women. Just have not met many other kinds of men I guess. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:12:52 AM | | The frontal lobotomy that you dismissed is exactly what I would have needed to match the guy that I thought I found. however, it's over. I think that intellectual males are generally viewed as more attractive than intellectual females. Intellectuallity in females seems to intimidate some males, especially those who tend to strongly overrate their own intellectual abillities. Given traditional gender role socialisation and the ascribed status expectations that derive from it, intellectuality in females may induce existential fears in some less intellectual males, - challenging the superiority some still think to claim. It appears to create powerstruggle in some mushrooms. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:18:24 AM | Nosey Neighbour, Re Gray
Very Interesting! I take everything I read with a grain of salt! Sometimes
I read an entire book and only one sentence therein is taken to be used in
my own puzzle of life! So yes, it is possible that basing ones relationships
totally on his work could be a mistake! It was just my experience that his
work contained some invaluable material in understanding women, and I
might add, material I haven't seen anywhere else!
With a fifty percent divorce rate, I don't get the impression that the old
and established medical/therapy community is all that effective either!
Maybe it's time to try some New Agey Stuff! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:36:30 AM | It doesn't have to be.... but I can certainly see how a decent intellect in our. "I wanna watch reality tv!" society could be problematic in relationships.
I've always looked at this sort of thing as a "Garfield" strip. Odie is a below average dog. He's dumber than a box of rocks... but he loves everyone and everything. Garfield, an average cat, shows disdain for most things. It's easier for Odie to be happy when his needs are met than it is for Garfield to be happy when his needs are met. (Yes, I know this is a flawed analogy... mostly because Garfield is hardly a role model for anyone... and he's a selfish git...)
I've known a lot of people with "Odie" mentalities. Sometimes it looks fun, but I also have to take that with a shaker of salt, as life is never easy... no matter who you are.
In fact.... this examination makes me conclude that sure, it's hard for intellectuals in relationships. But beyond that--- it's hard for human beings in relationships. How smart/simple. fit/fat, short/tall, good at monopoly/sucky at monopoly you are is just the frosting. The human condition is one that involves a degree of problems when relating to others. Sure, there are exceptions, and sure, there are varying degrees... but in the end we see the world through our own eyes. Regardless of who we are, where we are in the spread makes no difference; we're all looking to be understood on some basic level. (Or maybe even some complex level.)
The only angle from which I can see intellect making this worse is if we consider the drop in people who partake in intellectual pursuits, and I'm not sure I buy that entirely. | |
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TRYKER
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Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 871 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:20:00 AM | Smart girls won't get boring on you. Yup, I like a trashy looking woman who has a brain and knows how to use it.
Personally, I'm hung like Einstein and smart as a horse. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:07:29 PM | I am pretty much only attracted to intelligent men. Not to say that I discriminate based on level of education, but I do gravitate towards highly educated men. It is funny that people are saying that women are against highly educated men when I have seemed to find it to be the opposite a little bit.
Any thoughts? | |
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 873 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:15:03 PM | | This is why you should get to know each other a little and be honest about yourself and what you want. I prefer and educated intellectual man myslef. I like men that can carry on a conversation and have ambition. All people can actually have the capability of manipulating things. Keep looking and find your equal. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:27:11 PM | | I think intelligence can come in many ways. Some people know random trivia and facts that nobody ever thinks much about, some people are good at math and science, others are big readers and are literary/word sharks, some people are very political, Some people are very creative or great artists/dancers/ whatever. IQ is actually based on many different areas. I mean even the basic mall rat could probably tell you the price of a few items. In fact everyone has an intelligence level. In my experience some very smart people use that intelligence to prove they are better than you and that is never right but like every other kind of social bigotry it happens. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:28:49 PM | It's amazing that several of the posters above who claim to be highly intelligent can't spell worth beans. Now there's intelligence about a lot of things, but nobody knows it all, and even if they did? We wouldn't want to be around them. I've noticed that some people who have had university training tend to think quite highly of themselves, but if they only knew what others thought of them? They might tone it down just a bit because they may come across as being condescending at times, and nobody needs that!
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