|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:37:46 PM | OMG.... a smart man can get me t0 do almost anything... almost. LOL. NoseyNeighbor, you make some good points, I however, disagree. I haven't met too many men who can actually keep up with me intellectually. For me intelligence is the most critical part of the relationship. I also know that John Gray is right about the man needing to pursue the woman. I have dated many a near genius only to find that they really need to be in control of the relationship. If I suggest a date or anything... eh... they are too busy.. blah blah blah. Even the geniuses are controlled by their you know whats. The human brain is still only human and the male brain, is still "male", genius or no, they all have the same need.
I only know that I hate dating men that I have to explain what that word was I just used. Ewww... major turn off. I realize I just used the word ewww... but smart or not smart they are all just men. And they are usually (this is "my" experience talking here, so don't take it personally if it isn't you) just after one thing. It's integrity that matters most, then intelligence. Although if you are a man with both... where the hell have you been all my life baby? | |
|
| |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:47:07 PM | I also know that John Gray is right about the man needing to pursue the woman. I have dated many a near genius only to find that they really need to be in control of the relationship.
The world is filled with those who have no desire for knowledge. They are satisfied with ignorance, pseudo knowledge and partial truths. They are so convinced of the truthfulness of their false beliefs they ignore facts or willfully ignore the truth. They let sociopaths and charlatans do their thinking for them because it sounds good and fits their delusions.
Maybe you are but I'm not into duck-tape thinking, wild guessing, anecdotes or folklore. Maybe your samples size of < 10 (which is generous) generalized to 100's of thousands of intelligent men sounds logical, but to me it's not very smart.
The irony of this thread and the responses is that nearly everyone says they prefer an intelligent partner (the socially desirable thing to say), yet put conditions on it. Referring to intelligent men as control freaks, arrogant, have poor social skills they expect them to dummy it down.
Well, your wrong. I'm not distorting the truth or my intelligence to please anyone especially the cognitive impaired who think knowledge, awareness, interest, curiosity, intellectance are bad words. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:59:17 PM | alert: I haven't read the whole thread....
The irony of this thread and the responses is that nearly everyone says they prefer an intelligent partner (the socially desirable thing to say) , yet put conditions on it. Referring to intelligent men as control freaks, arrogant, have poor social skills they expect them to dummy it down.
Irony? I don't think so. It's possible to be very intelligent and fun to be around at the same time. But it's not putting "conditions" on a man's (or a woman's) intelligence to want to be with someone who is pleasant to be around. If a person is SO "smart" that they expect to be given special privileges in the area of behavior, then they are smart in one way....but not so smart in others. Being highly intelligent does not compensate for lacking social skills... If you are a pain in the ass, it doesn't really matter how bright you are.... you are still a pain in the ass. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:10:55 PM | I agree with many of the women on this thread such as RainMaiden & Chicyuna. I also want a man who is intelligent enough to keep up with me in a conversation on whatever! Snobbery or not, I just can't help but feel terrible boredom with someone who has a limited vocabulary & short list of topics they're capable of discussing. My life is a rainbow of different interests & I want someone who has some colors to add. I also want someone with a high EQ as well as a tolerably high IQ. I guess I just want the whole darned Moonpie!
I'm going to set myself up for a good bashing here,...but here goes:
"Ignorance is curable. Stupidity is not." (from a bumper sticker I used to have on my road box)
OK..That was my intellectual snobbery leaking out; but it is totally true.
Added PS: It generally takes a more intelligent person to get my humor & it really sucks to see my jokes creating a breeze as they fly right over someone's head. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:18:27 PM | | It definately is a crutch to a relationship , Talk about politics ? no not acceptable, talk about world affairs ? nope nadda , talk about current events more than what britney is wearing this week no not acceptable! People want stupid conversation it's almost an art form to come across as dumb and it makes you seem sexier ? why ? I have no idea but it's the way it is. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:19:57 PM |
If a person is SO "smart" that they expect to be given special privileges in the area of behavior
Who is asking for special privileges?
And how would you know if smart people ask for special privileges in relationships? Did you conduct a study? Or did you read that in the National Enquirer.
Your reasoning is pure fantasy. Maybe this is based on your personal experience but your personal experience does not apply to everyone.
Being highly intelligent does not compensate for lacking social skills
Nobody said it did, just you. Average and below average intelligent people lack social skills as well. What's your point? Or maybe you have none and your venting. | |
|
| |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:45:18 PM | I don't think intelligence is a curse--it's important to me that my partner is able to understand and contribute to an intelligent conversation and be knowledgeable in a variety of subjects.
Having said that, intelligence can't be the only trait you have going for you. I'm a smart girl, but I have a lot of other great traits as well: I'm fun and compassionate, I am willing to try to do things myself (like change my own toilet and the taillights in my car), I like to read and garden and meet new people. I can cook and do laundry and paint my house and prioritize what's most important in my life from day to day and even minute to minute.
I feel a man that I date should be equally well rounded.
Nutt | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:52:33 PM |
Average and below average intelligent people lack social skills as well. What's your point? Or maybe you have none and your venting.
mmm. Well....I was interpreting your post as suggesting that those who "put conditions" on the desirability of high "intelligence" (when it comes to forming relationships) were somehow wrongheaded...and then your statement, following, that you would not "distort" your "intelligence" to please anyone (then mentioning the "cognitive impaired") suggested (to me) that you thought it would be necessary to do that in order to meet the conditions of NOT being arrogant, lacking in social skills, etc.....that previous posters were talking about.
If I misunderstood you, my apologies. It's my experience that the VERY intelligent can sometimes also be VERY insufferable (in a way that the less intelligent lack the ability, in a certain way, to achieve)...and that SOME tend to think that this should be overlooked due to their BRAINS. Since I also know many very intelligent people who are NOT insufferable, I don't consider this to be a universal law....however, like I said, I obviously (given your response) misinterpreted you.
pax. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:30:26 PM |
I'm not distorting the truth or my intelligence to please anyone especially the cognitive impaired who think knowledge, awareness, interest, curiosity, intellectance are bad words.
I guess some people might consider 'intellectance' a bad word - if it was found in common parlance rather than in HR jargon  | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:51:07 PM | oh gosh, OP, what an unhappy prognosis for us smarty pants types! 
i don't think the forecast is anywhere near that grim, altho i was just saying to a friend today that i think my need for interesting, deep conversation has made me less than interested in a number of people i've met or talked to, and vice verse.
but i don't at all think that intellectuals are full of themselves or otherwise undesirable as partners. people of any level of intelligence or education can be any of the negative qualities you point out (controlling manipulative egocentric, etc., i honestly don't feel that i am any of those things and certainly do not desire to be with a guy who is! sheesh!  )
i think it's the same as any other personality characteristic: there aren't that many people like this or like that or like this other thing, and finding someone suitable takes time...
and patience.
ciao!  | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:54:13 PM |
I think intelligence is only a curse when there's a great difference between the intellect of the two involved. I spent the majority of my marriage trying not to make my ex-wife feel stupid. She wasn't just uneducated. She couldn't grasp simple concepts like time management or simple math. I didn't realize it at the time, but it drove me nuts to have to take care of so much of what is supposed to be shared responsibility.
While dating, I've noticed that some women are intimidated by an intelligent guy. At first they'll flatter you with it by saying things like "I think it's sexy that you can converse on so many different topics in depth". Then, the first argument you have, they're saying things like "I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you".
I knew after my ex and I separated that I couldn't be with the profoundly stupid again, but I didn't think I'd have to be so choosy about the level of intellect in a potential partner. Now, I'm thinking I need to find someone that's equal or more intelligent than myself.
I just realized how egotistical this sounds. LOL.
Maybe the true curse is being smart and knowing it.
First, this question rocks.
Next, the above comment could pretty much be written by me, so, being the brilliant person I am, I saved myself some time by ursurping it. :D
We are living in an anti-intelligentsia age. Intellect and academics, or, wisdom even, simply are not revered. Even social networking sites place a higher premium on popularity than content. It's all a reflection of our collective priorities. However, I cannot be any less analytical or passionate about philosophy and religion and sociology and genetics as someone else can't begin to give a damn. Being intelligent makes dating more challenging simply because, statistically, there are fewer intelligent people. No judgement calls here, but would there be an US Weekly or Enquirer if this were not true? Would there be an E! TV? Or peanut butter and jelly sold in the same jar? Exactly.
And I think we're hard-wired to want to mate with an equal. Thus, it can be a little harder to find a compatible mate when your interests are outside the mainstream culture.
We are who we are. If being more relationship-worthy demands one be less authentic then some serious decisions must be made. I determined a while I ago that the pain of compromising my natural enthusiasm and curiousity was not an option. Period.
Plus, nerd boys can be very hawt. Just imagine all that intellectual passion being turned in your direction. lol | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:07:37 PM | I guess some people might consider 'intellectance' a bad word - if it was found in common parlance rather than in HR jargon
Fine. The relationship is off. I want my ring back. You can have the coffee maker.
This is a prime example of my point. Your profile claims an interest in psychology. Maybe it's there for show or auto-arousal. Because you would surely know that the word is not HR language. It's a personality trait. (Big Five Personality. Costa & McCray, 1994).
Rather than do a search and inform yourself, you choose to backhand. Grovel in your misplaced succorance. I'm not going to dummy it down. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:39:00 PM |
This is a prime example of my point. Your profile claims an interest in psychology. Maybe it's there for show or auto-arousal. Because you would surely know that the word is not HR language. It's a personality trait. (Big Five Personality. Costa & McCray, 1994).
It may shock you to hear that 'an interest in psychology' does not translate to 'having read every single book on psychology ever written'. I'm familiar with the Five-Factor theory in its original state. That later analysts (apparently many but not actually Costa & McCray) decided to add different semantic nuances to the basic theory and rename some of the factors doesn't help your argument at all since my point was that you were using the jargon of a particular field of study rather than a word used in normal discourse.
Your superbia is charming but you mistake my intent; I neither seek nor require the esteem of others | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:51:54 PM | Spot on thewritechick. It seems that way to me too. Ironic that we are presented with more access to information and more mediums to broadcast ourselves but we seem to get dumber as a result. Not everyone, but look around - listen to some of the snippets of mindless chatter that cross our paths everyday. Question it and you can feel ostracised (sp?). Seems like many have lost thier voice to question and analyze the information we have presented to this, we are content being spoon-fed. I guess reading some of these posts and actually have met some of the people on here I am refreshed to know there are still some who question and dig deeper.
thewritechick - why do you live so far away - I'd love to share these thoughts over PB&J outta the same jar (that I haven't seen yet). | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:54:38 PM | Well I think metaphysicalman pretty much hit the nail on the head, the only things that I might add to that are: Some intellectuals lack a sense of humor, or have different taste in humor compared to the overall population. They are too (uptight analyzing (mis spelled I think) every word of of jokes or situations, so in essence stripping away from its original intent. Some also lack common sense.... But you guys can all spell and use grammar puctuations, and articulate your words better than me :)
If it upset up reading these not so well put together statements and or sentence fragments. more then the constructive criticism that was mentioned then the sense of humor thing applies to you not you personally META I just mean in general. Yes I did put these stamements together somewhat poorly just for that reason. while reading this did you even crack a smile or were you kinda getting pissed at me. If you were pissed then you take yourself and others too seriously. seriously, no pun intended.
Did you think I was just some idiot when you read " of of jokes" because it made you upset that I didn't proofread before I posted. just wandering I hope you don't take any of what I said to heart cause I promise I was only trying to help you understand most people's point of veiw. and trying to add a little humor as well. Best of luck too all of us.... | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:20:51 PM |
I'm going to set myself up for a good bashing here,...but here goes:
"Ignorance is curable. Stupidity is not." (from a bumper sticker I used to have on my road box)
OK..That was my intellectual snobbery leaking out; but it is totally true.
AuroraA I just loved this!
Ignorance's cure= pick up a book or a news paper, heck just turn on the t.v.
Stupidity, sorry but your just SOL...
Brat | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:28:41 PM | Misery is proportionate to the expectation of equal prowess, and a perceived lack in the other person can create boredom.
To the one seeming less gifted, the 'smarter' partner can seem arrogant and patronizing.
~~~~~~
For myself it would be frustrating because I live in my mind and I need to banter with my awful puns, etc .. so I won't want to date someone who doesn't 'get' me, and vice-versa.
While I'm not saying a guy is necessarily less intelligent just because his sense of humour is incompatible with mine, I'd be totally unable to find him attractive. | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:25:21 AM |
It definately is a crutch to a relationship , Talk about politics ? no not acceptable, talk about world affairs ? nope nadda , talk about current events more than what britney is wearing this week no not acceptable! People want stupid conversation it's almost an art form to come across as dumb and it makes you seem sexier ? why ? I have no idea but it's the way it is.
Very true. i consier myself to be a highly intelligent person. However, i dont have much fun having "intellectual" conversations, especially if I'm on a date or in a social setting. I enjoy more casual laid back conversation (in most cases that is, not all). as silly as it may sound, intellectual conversations bore me..and I avoid them as much as possible, unless I have to get all logical and discuss something meaninful with someone etc. :). But you get what i'm saying i'm sure..and I can definitely see where teh Op is coming from. However, being intelligent is NOT a bad thing..its the complete opposite..it's just that a lot os intelligent/smart people dont know when to turn it on..from when you keep their "intellectual" trap shut..or should I say keep from spewing their "intellectual" skills. You just have to know when you use your intelligence..because as I said, being all smart and intelligent etc. all the time can be tiresome, and boring..it gets jaded....I cant imagine being with an intelligent woman who constantly feels the need to use "big words"..and say intelligent/smart things and engage in those types of conversations all the time/frequently. That won't do it for me.
 | |
|
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:09:01 PM | Merf,
I certainly hope not! I will confess to having a wide-vocabulary, and knowing how to use it. Having a wide vocabulary and using it is no different than appreciating good food or good art. I admit that I cannot imagine a relationship where my partner is not ok and appreciative with the way I can express myself.
- Bob | |
|
| |
| |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:09:38 PM | | Not all women are turn off with intelligent man, intelligent man are fun to be with conversation wise,Specialy if you mention that you read Kama Sutra, you got their individed attention LOL. | |
|
|
| Page 36 of 43
|
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43 |
|
Home
login 
