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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 3:51:31 PM | HarDayKnight,
tarika's comment would be an example of "appropriate affect". It is normal to get excited and happy about the opposite sex. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:12:59 PM | hardayknight, sure ... EI would be defined as the ability to monitor one's own and other's feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one's thinking and action. Have you ever met anyone who was highly academically intelligent in a technical sense but when faced with a personal situation, they were unable to work through it? I think we all know someone who fits this descript. Yes, I am referring to intelligence as it pertains to relationships as the forum question presents, but am presenting more than one form of intelligence. 
Common sense was just one more variable that I threw in to my post as an example of a knowledge that is also not deciphered as a form of academic intelligence, but possibly as a foundational belief. Therefore, I don't believe it would be directly correlated or intertwined with IQ or EI; it does not fit in with either, but it still remains a constant that is not prevalent in many individuals when it comes to relationships and the issues within. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:27:16 PM | I'm so fortunate to have not only a healthy IQ but a well balanced life. I come from a family of hard working people who didn't have the advantage of university. I have always been attracted to understanding the "why" of things. So I went to university later in life. It was here that I learned that this new knowledge about theories when combined with the practical knowledge that I had gained in my other life produced a result that was very rewarding.
As a global thinker I like men who can converse on a variety of topics but at the same time someone who can adjust their presentation to suit the moment is so appealing to me. Social skills, respect and compassion for others is so attractive in a man.
Having said that, my experience is that a lot of men don't like women who are their intellectual equal. I am not sure if this is an insecurity thing or what but it's awful. I want an equal partner in life in all areas. Time spent stroking egos is less time for lovin'.... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:37:31 PM | Liana K ***
Thanks for clearing that up. Just making sure we were on the same page.
hannah422 ***
I have to admit one thing. I love a woman who is my equal, or even more intelligent than I am. The only problem is, Every woman I know, THINKS she's smarter than I am. The ones that actually are, are a relief.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:50:56 PM | If you wish to instantly 'turn on' the lady - Simply pretend you are devoid of almost every vestige of intellect and she will be simply humming with adoration, lust and delight - Now this doe not at first make any sense at all - yet may I remind you we are
being logical about illogical women .
Women love to treat you like a baby - simply remember the "Mummy "Syndrome" - and then you cannot go wrong - it you have any doubts - try this infallible test - Should she appear tired, listless, and dispirited - simply interject some suitably convincing "Baby noises" and simply sit back and watch the biological process - the uncontrolled primitive urges begin to wage battle upon the outer civilised trappings of normality.
Put aside your Phd - Commence now - firstly compose yoursel -then - a deep breath before the mirror - show your teeth and dribble amicably - next - most importantly - attempt a gutteral - Garr!... Garr! ... Gorr - and bless me - that's all it takes to get the biological Forces rolling. Last tip - Do not try this out if you bruise easily. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:32:21 PM |
If you wish to instantly 'turn on' the lady - Simply pretend you are devoid of almost every vestige of intellect and she will be simply humming with adoration, lust and delight
I'm studying animal and human behavior. Do you purr? (LOL) | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:57:06 PM |
Having good quality conversation, being with a mental equal is a turn on
What if the guy is not a mental equal, but much more intelligent than you?
Methinks thou art looking for someone on the same plane as you, not higher, and certainly not lower as you've made abundantly clear. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:43:44 PM | That is a very interesting perspective...
I once had a male friend tell me that smart women are not nearly as "attractive" because they are more independent, they are less likely to need a man, and intelligent men don't usually want to come home and engage on an intellectual level- if they do so professioanly. Just one man's opinion, but I found it interesting. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:54:45 PM |
and intelligent men don't usually want to come home and engage on an intellectual level
The people who say that aren't terribly intelligent, I'm guessing. They're the sorts that say thinking 'hurts their brain'  It's not like you have to turn a switch on or off - either you think or you don't - it's as natural as breathing. I can't imagine coming home at night to nothing but conversations about the ads on TV or the weather. It would be more of an effort to have to shut my brain off than to let do its thing. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/21/2008 2:55:44 AM | From the OP:
I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men
The question is wrongly posed, IMO. People tend to attract others of similar smarts, otherwise the one with the higher wit, intelligence, quickness, curiosity, knowledgeable versatility will grow weary of the other, sooner or later.
It really shouldn't be too hard to corroborate in "real life". Just casually observe many couples day to day. Respect is often accorded to those who can "keep up" their end of the conversational play.
What about manipulative and controlling? I think intellectuals have a great capability of manipulating and engineering a relationship, often in extremely subtle ways. And usually, I might add, resulting in failure!
And your antidote to this allegation is ..... what? To be blissfully stupid? Manipulators, unlike the played-up psychopathic charmers prevalent in the movies (and occasionally in real life) are often emotionally and intellectually transparent, telegraphing their schemes in overt repetitive theatricality.
Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?
EVERYone has unrealistic projections and expectations. It's called being human, and it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need to overshoot reality in order to be motivated to act.
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
Many intellectuals are naturally "in their heads", and don't enjoy emotional closeness.
Many people of so-called "normal" intelligence have their own idiosyncratic problems which impairs them from having success at relationships in which other, smarter people in the same situation may have worked out.
Any many mouth breathers have atrocious social skills, economic resources, and emotional understanding to make for a good relationship with themselves, never mind the harder and more selfless relationship with another or others.
It depends on the individual, and intelligence, in and of itself, means nothing. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:30:36 AM | Possibly the best quote I ever heard regarding intelligence came from an old baseball coach named Earl Weaver.
The quote:
"It's what you learn after you know it all, that counts."
To me that means everyone has some form of intelligence, but the most intelligent people are those who listen well. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:06:00 AM | I wouldn't say intelligence is a turn-off or women are not attracted to intelligent men. I would say that the intelligence itself is a curse for both sides due to over-analyzing the simple chemistry of a relationship. I consider myself fairly intelligent (but I like to live in the moment – to live) but recently got myself out of a relationship where the woman was very intelligent. She had goals and aspirations and was in school to achieve them. I have them as well but at the moment do not have the luxury of parents to provide the stability of a life as a full-time student.
Our relationship was amazing for the most part. We got along great, we both had smiles on our faces every time we were near each other. We both counted down the seconds to see each other every time we were apart. We had meaningful and lengthy conversations and we both were able to express deeply how we felt about something without feeling embarrassed or weird. All in all everything was as good as one could want. All this was the case until she started 'thinking'.
She would ask what we had in common, she would ask what we would talk about when we got married. She asked what would happen if we got married and we had nothing in common or we fell out of love.
There would be no hiccup in the relationship whatsoever until these questions were poised and it upset her that I did not have the answer to these questions. We got along perfect, we had this amazing attraction to each other, we loved each other deeply and everything was fine. But because we could not determine the future of these two 'if's' our relationship ground to a halt.
This baffling question would come up at times when the emotions and great events or times we had that day would be at the highest. It was like she had a dread of what we had ending and in thinking of it she brought about that very result.
I believe that intelligence is a curse simply because some over-think and like someone else has stated, they fail to live in the moment and see that something is because it is. I think that because chemistry is not something substantial like an equation in a formula that many intelligent people have an issue with not knowing the unknown. I believe it is simply just fear.
Just my thoughts. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/21/2008 6:14:03 AM | | ^^^Her problem wasn't her intelligence. I know a woman like that; she's very uncomfortable unless she can plan out her entire future. She needs to know what's ahead and gets distressed when faced with uncertainty. That's a character trait, not a corollary of intelligence. I think it is related to the Meyers-Briggs profile, specifically the 'J' type. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:32:50 AM | She would ask what we had in common, she would ask what we would talk about when we got married. She asked what would happen if we got married and we had nothing in common or we fell out of love.
For some reason (which I do not know but perhaps you do), the irritation of doubt arose in her mind and heart, and the struggle to attain belief had begun.
The relationship ended because she could not resolve her struggle to attain belief. You had no doubts, but for some reason she had doubts. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:31:08 AM | "But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men."
well I was going to put in my 2 cents, but it was invested in oil so now its worth $5. So what is true intelligence? An education? Robin Williams is considered a genius. His mind works faster than most. Or Mozart for that matter. Both have made an indelible mark. Both men and women can be afraid of academic intelligence if the other person has NO emotional intelligence. To be truly intelligent, It helps to have both. Plus wit and a sense of humor. oh! and to talk gooder, speel you word correctly, AND DON'T FORGAT TO LEAF YOUR CAPS OFFF WEN TYPING. LOL | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:35:21 AM | | Not turned on by intelligent men? Are you kidding? Intelligence is a "must-have" as far as I'm concerned. If all he can talk about is Hooters and football, he'll bore me to tears. I need a man who is able to converse with me, on a wide variety of topics. I crave intellectual stimulation! Of course, if he's a gorgeous hunk with sparkling blue eyes that doesn't hurt either. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:31:35 AM | No. Intelligence/genius can be measured differently. Standard tests tend to be biased. (picasso, einstein, savant)
However, arrogance/control/ manipulation will curse many a relationship They are not codependent on intelligence.
Totters back to laboratory to splice chocolate muffin dna with a tree. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:24:43 AM | | I like someone who is witty and has an enquiring mind. What I can't stand is the sort of people who, because they have a degree, think they are a cut above and use their so called intelligence to try and make others feel inferior. It all depends on the individual - one of my best friends is a doctor and one of his nicest qualities is he is never arrogant about the fact he is clever....in fact he never even mentions it. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:52:15 AM | > I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men
Ever noticed all the groupies at the Nobel Prize ceremonies? And how the science and/or chess clubs in high school have all the hot cheerleaders?
If gals were attracted to smart guys, there wouldn't be one tenth the number of threads around here about the dumba$$ guys they're all involved with. Just a thought... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:44:46 AM | | Intelligence is not a curse but it's when the intelligence turns into****ness and they guy thinks he can do no wrong and that he is above everyone. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:58:49 AM | | Absolutely not! I find intelligence sexy, intelligence without arrogance even sexier. I think all your assumptions are wrong: that intelligent people are manipulative, self-absorbed, and doomed to failure in relationship. What can intelligent people do to have successful relationships? Same as anyone: learn about what works. Learn about creating attraction. Learn about what works in relationship. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:32:42 PM | Women being attracted to intelligent men is a natural course. Imagine if they were attracted to real dumb guys. Mankind would be doomed LOL.
I know, I have a degree. It's 97.7 fahrenheit.
Wait is that why I'm single!!! | |
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