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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 4:16:52 AM | | To clarify, I meant the GUYS have issues if women must be dumbed down for them. Unless she is overbearing, a man should be delighted by an intelligent woman, not threatened. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 102 | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 5:55:59 AM |
But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.
These articles must've been written by complete idiots, I am thinking.
Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
I've known many people who aren't the brightest bulbs who are like that anyway.
What about manipulative and controlling?
See my comment above. If intelligence is power (and it is, in my opinion), then luckily, I know a LOT of people who use their powers for good.
Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
I highly doubt it.
What can they do to change?
I can see why a not too bright person might like to remedy not being too bright... but the fact that they want to remedy this issue tells me that they likely aren't as dumb as they (or other people) think they are.
But a reason why an intelligent person would want to dumb themselves down just totally escapes me. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 6:11:52 AM | I have read many of the posts and find them enlightening.
The ability of a female to carry on a conversation is a real winner with me.
Everyone is an individual. One size does not fit all... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 6:53:34 AM | Wow sexysouleyes! You really covered it all there! abounds.
True intelligence comes from the heart not the head
Well at least intelligence can include the heart, intellectualism on the other hand can often be totally void of heart and spirit.
OP: Emotional intelligence maybe somewhat lacking...
Seriously, it would be worth reading sexysoul's post again... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:05:51 AM | ^^^ agreed, you need a good match. Otherwise one person is tedious and the other bored. But intelligence itself is fairly hard to define. We have a set of questions that we use, which are language and sense specific (the standard IQ test results aren't valid for hearing impaired, or the mentally ill, or if English is your second language, for eg).
So being intelligent means you can answer those questions well. You have to be able to read and write well to do the test. You can be a highly intelligent person with a learning disorder such as dyslexia and therefore fail the IQ standards.
Some highly intelligent people have trouble coordinating so they can hardly tie their shoes. Geeks, nerds, those words developed because the high focus of extreme intelligence can obscure your abilities with the social norms.
I think you need a fairly good match in types of intelligence. If you can disassemble a car motor and put it back together with your eyes closed, name all the stats of your favorite sports team, but work as a janitor and don't have a wide language set, don't hang out with a Piled Higher and Deeper in Biochemistry and expect to relate. Not gonna happen. Not that you're not intelligent, you just don't have intelligence in the same area. IMHO | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:08:02 AM | Great Points. I didn't expect such a wealth of ideas on the subject.
Thanks Richter Belmont MSG 128. You mentioned some points very well, to those that may scoff at the idea that intellect could possibly have it's undesirable sides.
It's always nice when others can express what I cannot say as well.
Meeeviently MSG 128. Still trying to get my mind around that "Emotional Intelligence"
Gee, am I just too stupid? ( Puts on baseball cap BACKWARDS!)
Are you talking Intuition and so forth?
And yes, agree wholeheartedly with Negativity Never Being Attractive! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:29:21 AM | | Intelligence is a very subjective term, some people consider you intelligent because you can do math, others because you run your own business. On that same token, intelligent conversation is also a VERY subjective topic. I'd love to find a woman that had half a clue about the current problems with patent rights, copyright law, physics, medicine, stem cells, politics, or any other topic beyond "thats a pretty new dress honey." Unfortuneately i think society makes women this way, like us guys want some brain dead retard that looks good in makeup, maybe for a one nighter or a FWB, other than that, its a horrible relationship. I'm on a perpetual mission to find myself that cute nerdy sarcastic woman that i can call my own. until then, happy fishing. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:41:00 AM | Bimbos Need Love Too!
Post Below
If only there was an easy way to take the Stupidity out of relationships,
I Guess
"Stupid Is As Stupid Does" | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:50:05 AM |
Intelligence is a very subjective term, some people consider you intelligent because you can do math, others because you run your own business. On that same token, intelligent conversation is also a VERY subjective topic.
Good point. A pseudo-relative of mine worked up way up North. My son asked her if the people there were intelligent.
I liked her reply. "What do you mean by intelligent? On a written test, they might not do so well. But on an iceflow, even young children there are very intelligent. You wouldn't do so well on an iceflow." | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:54:45 AM | Again, for the sake of argument, I'm discussing intuitive types here. In particular, intuitive thinkers. Those who tend to put their feelings aside and deal with the world in a very logical and/or theoretical sense.
This point about intelligence and manipulation. Its kind of bugging me. I've done some studying of personalities through both Jung, MBTI, and Socionics. In these theories, there are a group of personalities that fall into the "NT" category...intuitive thinkers.
I think we are the most misunderstood group of people on the planet quite frankly. Because we can put our feelings aside and deal with things on a purely logical sense, some interpret this as we completely ignore feelings. I still take feelings into consideration. I also take consequences into consideration probably more in depth than most people realize (I just do it quick and don't spend a lot of time waffling over the unnecessary).
I think we might scare people who can't do this. They feel those feelings are the moral compass that prevents things like manipulation. I feel though, that it is the sense of responsibility that many of us feel that prevent us from using our awareness as a tool for manipulation.
You find these NT types in leadership roles quite often. Even if they aren't actually the leader, they do tend to orchastrate a lot and companies become reliant on them very quickly.
We need space and freedom to move though that others might not. Some of us are forced to manipulate these situations to get that freedom. But in the end, its for the greater good so you deem it acceptable.
I find some of my biggest problems have come from co-workers who do not accomplish even remotely what I do in a day getting jealous over little freedoms I have that they don't. It severely hampers my productivity having certain rules placed on me though....like strict work hours. I may not show up at 9am on the dot but I'm also one of the last ones to leave usually too.
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:01:24 AM |
I think stupidity is a curse in relationships. Stupid decisions, stupid perceptions, stupid arguements. Stupid misunderstandings.
I agree. I don't care how pretty or nice a lady is, if she is not smart, I am so gone.
I don't mind if a woman is less intelligent than me, if she can hold a conversation. What I hate is continually digging people out of stupid situations. Repeatedly.
The only disadvantage some very intelligent people have is they try to make me feel stupid. That is a personality issue, not an intelligence issue.
My in-laws in BC are all genius level as is my son. I am the dummy in the room.
I don't mind that at all. What I mind is when some try to tell me I am stupid. They don't like the conversations I hold with people, nor my choice of words. Very weird.
I find that some intelligent people want me to be overly precise. I used to be overly precise, and am not now on purpose.
For example my pseudo-MIL has an IQ in the top 1%. Needless to say, we drive eachother nuts.
Yesterday I said, "Every divorced person would love that ability." She got on my case because she knows at least one divorced person who wouldn't.
Think about it. If a person cannot tell if the word "Every" was meant literally or as a generalization....how intelligent are they?? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 12:57:50 PM | For me intelligence is over rated as most wars are started by them. A sweet and caring heart is harder to find and is a gem in this day and age . Anyone can talk politics and finances and world events but not everyone can love purely and unselfishly. I guess most people dont care much about this anymore since we have a 65% divorce rate and if we are unhappy with a spouse we can just settle moneywise then divorce them lol. Sounds like a very caring society we live in | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:34:07 PM | | Hey Dave 1234-Liked that one did you? I thought it was pretty good myself. Don't want to bog myself down with political correctness and all. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:15:17 PM |
I think stupidity is a curse in relationships. Stupid decisions, stupid perceptions, stupid arguements. Stupid misunderstandings.
Ahh...let's see. Work today at Tim Hortons was very eventful. I spilled milk. Twice. Instead of shuffling the boxes of timbits to the corner, which would have made my life a lot easier, I tried to wiggle in the new boxes of timbits into the corner instead. I grabbed coffee pot without looking and it accidentally spilled some on my coworker below, scalding her painfully. Among other dumb things, I was talking to my coworker about composing music and ignoring the customers, while my manager was standing practically beside me. Needless to say, he tapped me on the shoulders, pointed at the customers in line and gave me the stern, I-want-to-strangle-you look. STUPID is my middle name today.
Oh, and my manager also caught me drinking on the job. Coffee, not alcohol, that is. Just when I thought he wouldn't catch me this time...(dun. dun. dunnnnmb!). But I guess I shouldn't be surprised since he now supervises me more closely than he does my coworkers.
I feel so much better now, knowing that I'm destined to be a curse in the relationship...hey eternallysingle, can we switch usernames :P | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:15:32 PM | In conclusion, a successful relationship consists of partners recognizing each other as persons who is far more than his/her intelligence, just as Tori Amos is far more than just a musician, to give you another example. In a successful relationship, neither partner overanalyzes the traits of the other partner and takes his/her loved ones entirely, flaws and virtues & intelligence and all. I once fell in love with a guy who wasn't too bright academically, but he was such a soulful & charismatic person that I grew to care about him a great deal. I mean, really...what's the big deal about intelligence, as long as two people speaks the same language and are loving and loyal and devoted to each other?
I'm not going to change my mind now; that's my final verdict on this matter. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:27:42 PM | " frontal lobotomy" and it hasn't been for a while hunnny.....
Don't over think things... be simplistic for once.... and if that's not who you are then don't think negatively about the world and the fate of intellectuals.... you will find a match, if not you will learn to love someone who makes you realize that not everything has to be analyzed to the core.... A flower is all but a flower | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:18:54 PM | Hmm I did that test...came out a Lavender Indigo. I guess that makes me very aware in a rose-colored glasses flaky kind of way.
I am DEFINATELY not detail oriented. People like that boggle my mind...or well annoy me. I did not do well in school. In fact, I rarely attended and came up with very creative ways to get around actually attending school. I think I found that more challenging than actually going there. I actually had the worst attendance of any student in the school.
Level of education is absolutely no sign of intelligence. Its a sign of how much knowledge you've been exposed to in a certain area. If you can attack problems in a global way, detailed knowledge of subject is useful...but not necessary. You can figure out what you need to know and only search for applicable information. I don't know if this is something that can be taught. It feels too instinctive.
As to intellects who bully with their intelligence, I guess I would question if they are really intellects or just people who are book smart. I am personally pretty secure about my own intelligence and don't feel the need to undermine anyone elses.
There are those people out there who are very smart and I'm sure they have soaring IQs but they completely lack awareness. Without awareness, they will be limited as to how they can apply their intelligence.
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/10/2006 2:26:39 AM | Okay, here’s my opinion based not only on your words but the whole *feel* of what’s coming across in your posts.
First off, this:
I'm certainly pleased that some women do find intelligent men attractive.
Am I to believe that this is a revelation to a man of such high intelligence??
If I were head over heals for a woman, I could never just suggest marriage.
My intellect would most certainly get in the way, and a thousand questions would have
to be asked, and answered?
Not related to intellectualism - average common-sense approach to marriage!
I don’t believe intellectualism is the problem but merely the tool you use to cope with your underlying problem. Intellectuals may possess the power to be manipulative and maintain control, but not all intellectuals have that need. The need to be in control in relationships, comes from fear; fear of making yourself vulnerable and especially fear of rejection. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is quite a theme but the most important aspect of it is self esteem. Lack of self esteem is evident, when fear is a controlling factor in one's life.
In my opinion, high IQ + low EQ = unattractive!
Intellectualism in itself will not kill romance but fear will and does... all the time! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/10/2006 3:41:14 AM | | Personally, I am extremely attracted to intelligent men! I find that a lot of men think that intelligence in a woman is a bad thing - and heaven forbid a woman make more money, for some reason that affects a man's self esteem, which in my opinion is ridiculous. | |
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