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 Author Thread: Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
 BeccaBeth741

Joined: 11/1/2008
Msg: 1301
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 1:51:58 PM
I would like to know which smart cookies you have seen on this website.

Like, where are they? And why are they invisible to me?
 staysummer

Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 1302
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Posted: 8/2/2009 2:01:25 PM
i'm coming late to this party (which is not unusual).....

i love intelligent men.....but that doesn't mean your IQ has to be off the charts or that you can name more chemical abbreviations than i can.......what it means is that you can offer that verbal give and take, "BANTER", and that you know how to at least spell worth a damn (whether you can type it or not).....

ok now i'm getting off track....but i really wonder if men realize how much spelling plays a part in their profiles? it's a HUGE personality indicator, and one you shouldn't take lightly....

ok i'm off my soapbox now
 IsabelK

Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 1303
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Posted: 8/2/2009 4:48:23 PM
Speaking of spelling ... as separate from grammar, syntax, vocabulary, and so forth ... is it true that it has nothing to do with intelligence? That it is just a random gift?

In other words, does poor spelling in a profile reflect on that person's intelligence, or does it merely remind us all to use the spell-check?

For example, I'm a good speller, but I don't remember spending time studying it as a kid; on the other hand, I do remember vocabulary exercises and grammar lessons. I would tend to agree with a theory stating that spelling ability just falls randomly from the sky.
 Bluesman2008

Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 1304
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Posted: 8/2/2009 4:55:34 PM
""We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality." - Albert Einstein.
 CassaGo

Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 1305
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Posted: 8/2/2009 5:11:59 PM
is it true that it [spelling] has nothing to do with intelligence?

It is odd to me that "savants" rarely have the gift of linguistic ability--it's more likely to be mathematical (including music). I doubt very many people with IQ lower than 70 spell well. So, while not a perfect correlation, there is enough evidence for me to declare causality. (***here come all the smart people who can't spell...you're just not concnetrating hard enough, in my opinion<==SEE???? FRIG)
 Khyrene

Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 1306
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Posted: 8/2/2009 6:42:46 PM
Between two people who seem to be unable to interact in any thread without making it "all about them", the people who are playing Coliseum, and the people doing 'drive by' homily dispensation, the reality that this has gone 50+ pages and still winds up being little more than a caricature of life in the process is quite amusing.
 outdoorsgirl2

Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 1307
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:38:47 PM

Can anyone here define what Intelligence is?


What an interesting question. I found this quote on Wikipedia.

Wechsler defined intelligence as "The global capacity of a person to act purposefully, to think rationally, and to deal effectively with his/her environment."[1]

[1Wechsler, David (1939). The measurement of adult intelligence. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins. p. 229.

While I'm at it, I'll include the definition for EQ from the same website.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes the ability, capacity, skill, . . . to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups[1]

[1]^ a b Bradberry, Travis and Greaves, Jean. (2005). The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book. New York: Simon and Schuster. (ISBN 0743273265)
 misshelby

Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 1308
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:22:56 PM
It is possible that the intelligent ones do gravitate to the forums. I have found that most of the ones who message me are not all that stunning, intellectually speaking.
I do not generally post here (this may be my third time, I think) but this subject just called out for a reply...
I am completely *turned on* by intelligence, if you are not highly intelligent, I am not interested...at all. I don't care how attractive, wealthy, well educated you are, (I am always dubious about formal education being an indicator of intelligence) if you aren't able to challenge my intellect, I am not interested.
I find intelligent men to be the best lovers...they have a better grasp of anatomy, they can hold my attention in conversation.
Intellectuals may be doomed because they are rare, but that shouldn't be a reason to sacrifice your standards. Just consider that your search may be more difficult, but the rewards are so much greater when you do find someone who stimulates you on many different levels.
 Brownlady1953

Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 1309
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:44:57 PM
Apparently it is if the female has the higher intellect!

But give me an intelligent man any day, any time!
 Fifi47

Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 1310
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:49:40 PM
I love intelligent men, as long as they are not pompous know it alls.
 Bluesman2008

Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 1311
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:45:53 PM
Wow. I guess I'm guilty of wanting the whole enchilada in a woman (or as close as I can get)- intellect, knowledge, awareness and the wit and wisdom to use it. Doesn't water seek it's own level? Doesn't a part of us seek ourselves in other people? I suspect that if there is a vast disparity in these elements, then eventually, there's gonna be trouble in river city (if it even got to that point). I don't think it's a bad thing or a shallow thing at any level. It is what it is. Do I commit suicide because I'm not as good as Pete Sampras on the courts? Do I devalue him and/or his ability simply because I'm not even close to that level of play?

So the question becomes, what to do in the meantime


<div class='quote'>I am completely *turned on* by intelligence, if you are not highly intelligent, I am not interested...at all. I don't care how attractive, wealthy, well educated you are, (I am always dubious about formal education being an indicator of intelligence) if you aren't able to challenge my intellect, I am not interested.
I find intelligent men to be the best lovers...they have a better grasp of anatomy, they can hold my attention in conversation.

Intellectuals may be doomed because they are rare, but that shouldn't be a reason to sacrifice your standards. Just consider that your search may be more difficult, but the rewards are so much greater when you do find someone who stimulates you on many different levels.

My kinda woman :)
 Wyatt Earp1

Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 1312
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:57:46 PM
Yes is the answer to the OP's question.
 Fifi47

Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 1313
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 2:47:58 AM
Finding someone who stimulates my mind is rare, especially if he is the whole enchilada to me and I to him.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald

Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 1314
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:47:35 AM
An intelligent person usually doesn't believe in curses.
 Merrylass

Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1315
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:09:56 AM

With that said, I can get frustrated if someone doesn't understand something that seems obvious to me. And I don't always know if it's obvious because I'm 'up there' or if it's obvious to someone with a 150 iq or for someone for 120 or 100. I don't see it in grading, but just know that it either is obvious or isn't obvious to others.

So, I tend to over explain, get into more details, so that people can follow my train of thought, instead of just being presented with the final result of what I"m thinking.

I'm right there with ya, Varinia. I wish somebody would've told me when I was very young that I was brighter than most. It would have saved me a lot of time wondering why other people didn't understand things which were perfectly clear to me.

Mind, after I've explained it four different ways, I have to realize that I can't put myself in the mental space of the person on the other end so I'm unable to explain to them the path between where their thoughts and mine differ. It's by turns frustrating and disappointing.

If you're 'average' then you're the norm. We're the 'freak of nature' and we have to somehow deal with it in relationships and that's not always easy, because others easily get defensive
Amen, brother. And hostile. Sigh.

As a writer, I have learned to tailor a voice that is kinda normal and 'homespun,' when working on something for publication. Like chucking in words like 'chucking, or 'kinda.' Humanize things, for easy consumption.

I do that in speaking to people. Then my brighter friend castigated me for 'dumbing down' my vocab. Ya just can't win.

Whoops again - you feel comfortable, and the you starts leaking out the corners.

LOL. Cute - and so true! And SO tiring having to keep an eye out for the leaks and hastening to plug them lest 'they' find out what you *really* are (insert JAWS music).

What to do about it ? If you have a massive brain, how do you stop thinking all the time ?
Why would you want to stop thinking? I'd rather not be a vegetable, thanks.

50 nauseating pages of people trying to sound intelligent, talking about joining or rejecting mensa, blah blah blah who cares.

Well, clearly, you, since you've been back and posted several times

There's an assumption that EVERYONE with a high IQ scores is intelligent in everything else they do in life

Oh really? Who has this impression? I don't believe a single 'smarty' on this forum has ever stated anything of the sort. Therefore, if people hold erroneous impressions, that is their issue and not the issue of the people about whom the impressions are held. In short, if your inferiority causes you to tear down bright people because you think they think they are superior to you in every way, you are incorrect on all counts and wasting your time. You're fighting a battle with ghosts.

I am stating an opinion, impression, or other deductive fragment

That's nice. However, it's pointless to state opinions about issues which involve fact. You may have an 'opinion' that the moon is made of cheese. I suppose it might be interesting to some bored folks that somebody out there thinks the moon is made of cheese, however the 'opinion' is irrelevant. Your 'opinion' that there is an inverse correlation between IQ and EQ has been disproven by fact. In short, think what you want but you're wrong. I don't know that I'd be all that proud of making statements which are wrong just because they happen to be 'opinions' of mine. I'd feel kinda sheepish, actually.


does poor spelling in a profile reflect on that person's intelligence

Not necessarily. Look at the thoughts expressed. If they are logical, coherent, entertaining, etc. then it's possible the bad speller suffers from dyslexia. OTOH, if you can spell like a dream but spout nonsense, then you ought not be considered bight.

@bosoxfaninwa:
If I were to post claiming to be Marilyn vos Savant or Chris Lanagan, and then failed to display clear abilities in comprehension, logic, grammar, or pretty much any other indicator of intellect in my posts, one would hope you'd not waste your time on trying to prove to me that I am not, in fact, either Marilyn or Chris. One would hope that you'd realize that I was some poor soul in need of attention or having some other issue who chose this forum to attempt to fulfil whatever psychological need I may have and that I would likely be better off left to my own devices.
 forumologist

Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1316
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:31:06 AM
Nerdy puhleeeeeeeeeeeez stop and take a deep breath.

It's NOBEL
Lets spell that phonetically shall we to make it easier for you

en
oh
bee
ee
el

Also, there is no such word as DIGGED. It's dig in the past sense as in DUG.

How are you going to claim to be so gifted and DIG you way out of this mess. I suggest you be quiet, go back and read your posts and ponder where you went wrong.

Or you could carry on and provide us more entertainment although I am cringing at the fool you are making of yourself.

I figure if you are so bright you can handle the truth eh and learning from your mistakes should be easy.

BTW - You are way out of your league with bosox.
 outdoorsgirl2

Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 1317
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:36:14 AM


I am stating an opinion, impression, or other deductive fragment

That's nice. However, it's pointless to state opinions about issues which involve fact. You may have an 'opinion' that the moon is made of cheese. I suppose it might be interesting to some bored folks that somebody out there thinks the moon is made of cheese, however the 'opinion' is irrelevant. Your 'opinion' that there is an inverse correlation between IQ and EQ has been disproven by fact. In short, think what you want but you're wrong. I don't know that I'd be all that proud of making statements which are wrong just because they happen to be 'opinions' of mine. I'd feel kinda sheepish, actually.


I stand by my entitlement to state my opinion. My opinion is relevant and can be posted here. I also believe the OP was not looking for scientific fact, rather our opinions based on our experiences and maybe, pertinent information we've come across.

I did not state there is an inverse correlation between IQ and EQ. I also did not say it is so in a finite manner. I was quoting what I perceive to have been his meaning in my response to his post (msg 1230) and that post of mine was only in response to another person's post.
 Merrylass

Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1318
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:22:37 AM

I stand by my entitlement to state my opinion

State away, my friend. Go buy a soapbox, stand on it, and state until you drop, if you wish. Still doesn't make it relevant because it conflicts with fact.
 javalover535

Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 1319
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:32:06 AM
Just look at what all the intellectuals did to our universities!!!! Run away...quick...find an entrepreneur!
 _King_Of_Kingston

Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 1320
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:40:25 AM
I can hardly wait until a really intelligent species comes along from elsewhere in the universe and shows us how it's really done.
 *Aris*

Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 1321
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 12:17:05 PM
Okay the phenomenon is called one-up-manship, and aside from that there is a great exercise of free thought and exchange within the market place of ideas, and of course, intellect seems to be a rather hot commidity. As for the topic of debate, I'm no authority, so don't appeal to me but I think intelligence is, ultimately, a blessing in a relationship. The answer is so obvious, that I could hardly be convinced otherwise, when considering the number of times I've felt liberated by the proper use of reason within a relationship, and thereby lifting the curse of my stupidity, instead of being left alone asking why.
 heterotic

Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1322
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:16:06 PM

If I were to post claiming to be Marilyn vos Savant or Chris Lanagan, and then failed to display clear abilities in comprehension, logic, grammar, or pretty much any other indicator of intellect in my posts, one would hope you'd not waste your time on trying to prove to me that I am not, in fact, either Marilyn or Chris. One would hope that you'd realize that I was some poor soul in need of attention or having some other issue who chose this forum to attempt to fulfil whatever psychological need I may have and that I would likely be better off left to my own devices.


I do realize that, but that's why I said that I need to work on my internet compassion.

Plus, I don't like being called names. I'm kinda humanish, I guess.

Also, my mom is a pathological liar, and I have a hard time being compassionate towards someone who does this because of how it has affected me. I'm working on it, and thank you for pointing it out. It's one thing to know it for yourself, it's another to be called on it. I respect that.
 Merrylass

Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1323
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:10:26 PM

Also, my mom is a pathological liar, and I have a hard time being compassionate towards someone who does this because of how it has affected me. I'm working on it, and thank you for pointing it out. It's one thing to know it for yourself, it's another to be called on it. I respect that.

Not so much calling you on it as hoping you can let it pass for what it is; not worth bothering about. Baggage is a beyotch, though; I know.
 zangie

Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 1324
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:18:27 PM

Have compassion for those who deserve it,not those who seek it for no reason or wish to benefit from it".


I don't know bandito...personally, I think compassion is a choice and isn't predicated on whether the other person appears to be actively seeking it...in fact, I could say that the fact that they are seeking it is sad in itself and worthy of compassion...but then, I am a little too soft hearted for most, and especially logical thinkers....
 t-bono

Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 1325
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:46:03 PM
got to agree with the previousa post here, as i am also very soft hearted but am Cursed with intelligence, i say cursed because i see some of my freinds who could be barely said to think breeeze through life not thinking while i over annalize everything, this is probebly more of my problem than it is theirs but i thought i would share anyway.
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