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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/12/2009 6:24:14 AM | Nice post exogenist...that idea resonates with me..I don't remember ( evidently intelligence doesn't stop old age..lol) if I mentioned this before on this thread..but, my mother insists my first word was "why"...lol..
I know that I have met some really nice guys who not only didn't understand why I needed or wanted to know "why", but, saw it as some kind of flaw...like I couldn't just "be"? ( which may be true to some extent) They thought conversations probing the whys were boring and counter productive...and not a good use of time.
My own non scientific and totally unproven theory about why some really brilliant people lack in other areas of behavior has always been: When God , or nature/biology gives someone extrordinary talents in one area, there is bound to be some shortcomings in others...because no one can have it all. I have also wondered if one part of their brain is so overdeveloped that it dwarfs another?
Not being in the "brilliant" category, I can not make a personal observation about it..lol..but, I'd venture to guess that any emotional/mental shortcomings I may have probably have some correlation to my brain and the way it functions..which includes my mental thought processes. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/12/2009 8:20:17 AM |
Mental illness, has very little to do with intelligence. It is usally an imblanace of nero-chemicals. A subject which I have learned quite a bit about since my brain injury. Case in point there was a fellow in the 1800's that had a rail-road spike go through is head into his brain. Before the accident a charming well liked fellow, after which he became a jerk. He had to same level of cognition as before the incident. So really these issues are mutual exclusive. You can also look at socio-paths that are brilliant, but have no regaurd for humanity. Then you have Narrisic Personality disorder which person tries to sound accomplished and brilliant to cover their low self image and esteem. I could go on but I must depart for work. Have a good one all. I will try to return this evening.
Gagdetdoc.
I know. My point was that doctors misdiagnose people all of the time, usually because they cannot find a "fit" for the symptoms, so they take whichever one fits, instead of admitting that they do not understand the person. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 1:21:21 AM |
You know, I don't honestly believe that all of these people were definitely mentally ill, sometimes the things that doctors cannot understand get categorized into mental illnesses, all of which fall into the categories of social disorders, panic disorders, anxiety disorders, mood disorders and psychotic disorders.
Intelligence is often the gift that comes with a mental illness. The most creative time of year for me is winter months, when the stress of cold triggers euphoric hypomania (Stress + I love winter), and usually, something good comes out of it in terms of inventions. There's nothing wrong with thinking different and often people get caught associating a stigma with mental illness, obscuring the gifts.. It has its uses and when applied constructively, is a source of creativity. That old cliche, "there is a fine line between genius and insanity", is almost right. There is no line and if there is, the line doesn't matter. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 2:20:51 AM | Man these last post got me thinking and doing some research... I guess it's not normal to be "intelligent"?
If I did my calculations right I have "NPO". Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well as "DPD" or Dissocial Personality Disorder.
Now I'm not a person who likes to talk about himself to seem smart or successful. I just like knowing things... I know a bunch of facts that people may think are useless, but what's "bad" about being open to facts and ideas?
I know for a fact I'm not perfect, nor am I trying to be. I'm not "sick in the mind" because I choose to listen to my MP3 player while everyone watches MTV. I prefer listening to music because it relaxes my mind and lets me think about whatever I want.. it helps me think.
I've had this be a problem in a relationship. One of my exes always told me that "I ask too many questions" and that I "think too much". I told her to go to hell and she got mad. How am I "wrong" for being curious? How am I wrong for wanting to know things if it might come in handy someday?
Intelligence isn't necessarily a curse in relationships, but it might even be a curse in society. I sometimes get ridiculed by my family and close friends because of some things I think of... and things I wonder about and say. It sucks having your own family think you're "weird" because you think about things at a different level or just plain different.
Back to the topic of my post, because I don't choose to associate myself with society in a "normal" and "constructive" manner I'm sick. Wtf? Just as people can say "no" to something you're offering them... I choose to say "no" to people's company at times.
*sigh*  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 2:38:51 AM | In respone to bosoxfaninwa, I have to completely agree: I have been in a psychiatric unit several times and I have come to realise that many people with mental illness aren't that intelligent. Actually I'd go so far as to say they're quite stupid. For example, this one woman who has been suffering schizophrenia all her life, still believes that cannabis doesn't do her any harm. What a moron. Someone in there called me a 'geek', which I thought was quite a compliment. They were implying that I'm intelligent because I read loads of textbooks. Well I don't :P [I made a lot of enemies in there because I didn't give them the sympathy they supposedly deserved when they wouldn't shut up about past events ... over and over and over and over ...] Really, I'm one of the best people to comment on intelligence = mental illness, because I met a load of loons and I myself am one. lol :P | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 5:19:15 AM | Mensa is a world wide group for intelligent people. The reason I belong to it is that you can talk to the other members of the group. If you want to talk about the shape of fins on dolphins or any other topic , several people will have read extensively on that topic and be very happy to talk about it. I find that I can just relax and chatter. I don't have to stop, think and chose topics and a delivery rate that suits my audience.
Mensa also has regional and national gatherings, social clubs, invention clubs, travel clubs etc and provides many avenues to meet other intelligent people like you. I think they also have a singles club.
After I went to my first mensa meeting, my mom asked me how I liked it and I said "they are different like I am different." | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 5:30:40 AM | I have found from experience that dating someone less intelligent is not a good idea.
Someone on this forum said her brother treated his less intelligent wife like a pet made a very good analogy.
I want a partner not a pet. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 8:42:40 AM | Intelligence is often the gift that comes with a mental illness. The most creative time of year for me is winter months, when the stress of cold triggers euphoric hypomania (Stress + I love winter), and usually, something good comes out of it in terms of inventions. There's nothing wrong with thinking different and often people get caught associating a stigma with mental illness, obscuring the gifts.. It has its uses and when applied constructively, is a source of creativity. That old cliche, "there is a fine line between genius and insanity", is almost right. There is no line and if there is, the line doesn't matter.
Go spend some time in a mental hospital. You'll redraw that line quite quickly.
There is a fine line between what others" do not understand," and what "cannot be explained, other than by a mental illness."
Mensa also has regional and national gatherings, social clubs, invention clubs, travel clubs etc and provides many avenues to meet other intelligent people like you. I think they also have a singles club.
After I went to my first mensa meeting, my mom asked me how I liked it and I said "they are different like I am different."
I hate it when people say their intelligence level at Mensa status makes them "different." 1 in 50 people can get into Mensa, because it's for the top 2% of IQ scorers or the top 2% of SAT/ACT scorers. People who can get a bachelor's degree level of education typically have a high enough IQ to get into Mensa. I thought Mensa meetings were boring. The only thing Mensa has to offer that I enjoy are the discounts on insurance and WorldConnect. However, the ISHI has an online community and tournaments in chess, poker and backgammon. I'm trying to get them to offer a tournament in math, and that will only make it more interesting. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 9:00:43 AM | I actually stole that word from one of the profiles on POF Sapiosexual. "I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with. "
Intelligence ROCKS! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 10:01:31 AM | No...I haven't noticed that...but now that you mentioned it YOUR HERE...lol...so what's your flaw? Are you suggesting just because someone is on this dating site they have a flaw? Do you realize how hypocritical that is...lol.... Maybe you've never met an intelligient person that has a heart or you would have a different opinion...also sometimes a truly smart person that has the type of personality that can get along with everyone will not flaunt their intelligience.... I've been fortunate enough to meet people with intelligience that are attractive and did have a quality that made you want to be around them...The type of person that has their whole life wrapped up in their knowledge may be flawed indeed if they are not trying to seek some kinda companionship, so if they are here looking for a date that is a good thing...lol
You know there are other malfunctions that some may posses on this site....being too smart isn't the only malfunction or dysfunction here...lol
That's just another view point..
And by the way I agree so very much with post # 1441...so many people want to date others with low intelligience so they can dominate them....that's not healthy and is definitely not supposed to be normal...your supposed to seek a mate and an equal...we have current society full of nympho maniacs and they love people of low intelligience because they will throw caution to the wind and jump in the sack...Will adventures in the bedroom get you completely thru life? I THINK NOT... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 10:11:48 AM | women ARE turned on by intelligent men. but are turned off by the one who keeps pushing the subject. listen to them. if they tell you somthing that doenst even seem half the way right, smile and comment on the subject. get it? they love listeners. women go through soo much these days. when the day is done they just want the feet to be off of the groung and an ear to talk to. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 10:14:43 AM | I am working on my disertation a couple years ahead of time and decided to do it on relationships. I have had many experiences with dating and dispite me being on this site I have found that the only way to actually prove my thesis besides research is to talk to people and learn more about them and why they date and what they look for in a person., and all that different sort of things. I also give advice on relationships ranging from sex to the intitial first meeting because as years go by people tend to forget the value of an actual date and believe its synonymous with the word SEX...which is NOT the case. If you have questions or answers to some of the topics that I have written please feel free to comment! Dating is a specific form or communicaton that enables people to sort for compatable partners...I want to help people find out what they might be doing wrong or valuable tips that some people may believe that is not a big deal but could end up making or breaking your date...so read and ask away at my blog :) http://a2zwithlahainajoy.blogspot.com/ | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 10:20:34 AM | (Tropicalislandgirl did you know selling or promoting stuff may be against the rules? You may want to go check into that...)
No...I haven't noticed that...but now that you mentioned it YOUR HERE...lol...so what's your flaw? Are you suggesting just because someone is on this dating site they have a flaw? Do you realize how hypocritical that is...lol.... Maybe you've never met an intelligient person that has a heart or you would have a different opinion...also sometimes a truly smart person that has the type of personality that can get along with everyone will not flaunt their intelligience.... I've been fortunate enough to meet people with intelligience that are attractive and did have a quality that made you want to be around them...The type of person that has their whole life wrapped up in their knowledge may be flawed indeed if they are not trying to seek some kinda companionship, so if they are here looking for a date that is a good thing...lol
You know there are other malfunctions that some may posses on this site....being too smart isn't the only malfunction or dysfunction here...lol
That's just another view point..
And by the way I agree so very much with post # 1441...so many people want to date others with low intelligience so they can dominate them....that's not healthy and is definitely not supposed to be normal...your supposed to seek a mate and an equal...we have current society full of nympho maniacs and they love people of low intelligience because they will throw caution to the wind and jump in the sack...Will adventures in the bedroom get you completely thru life? I THINK NOT... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 10:40:46 AM |
"I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle
Can I steal.er, um..borrow this?..lol..because it describes perfectly what appeals to me... | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 11:09:43 AM | "I am working on my disertation a couple years ahead of time" Not being able to spell does not stop you from bragging, eh? Why do you even mention that you are ahead of time, if it is not to spread the notion that you must be very intelligent? I'd rather read "make way for the ultimate genius" than such disgusting patting-yourself-on-the-back phrase. I prefer Bandito's statement about his IQ. At least that is straightforward.
If you replace such useless phrases with "all hail to me because I am so intelligent", my point becomes clearer. "I am working on my dissertation (all hail to me because I am so intelligent) ahead of time (all hail to me because I am so intelligent) by a few years (all hail to me because I am so intelligent)..."
And thanks for sharing the absolute dating truths with us. I hope you are 100 to back up your findings with life experience. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 11:22:00 AM | | It has little to do with your IQ in a relationship. It can be off the charts. It has everything to do with how you relate to someone else in a relationship. What good is professing to have or actually having high intelligence if you don't know how to relate to people on a personal level? If you took two people with the same IQ score, it wouldn't mean they have the ability to relate to each. In fact, some of their relationship problems could conceivably arise from the ego attached to the intelligence. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 5:49:04 PM |
An IQ from 100-140 is pretty common (in my circle of friends anyway). But its interesting that individuals with IQ's above that usually come with some form of dementia or conflicting social quirks. ~ exogenist
Do you have proof of what you claim? ~nn
William Sidis - The guy had serious personality disorders. Nicola Tesla - Obsessive Compulsive disorder as well as a host of others. Michael Faraday - Dyslexia Thelonius monk -Asperger's syndrome Daniel Tammet - Autistic Savant Winston Churchill - Bipolar disorder Abraham Lincoln - Depression Isaac Newton - Believed to have Bi polar disorder / Asperger's syndrome and a host of others. Albert Einstein - A study by Cambridge and oxford shows that he may have had Asperger's Syndrome John Nash (a beautiful mind) - Schizophrenia ....ect. And that's just to name a few. ~ exogenist
You said that people with IQs over 140 USUALLY have one of those aforementioned complaints. All you have done is give examples of people who were identified as having these problems. In some cases, there is no formal identification, just someone's "best guess" based on anecdotal evidence. You implied there was a higher incidence of these problems among people with high IQ's. I don't see any proof of that in what you wrote.
Also, the problems you have listed are by no means forms of dementia, nor are they "conflicting social quirks". Dyslexia, for example, is a learning disability, specifically having to do with decoding and encoding words....not a form of dementia and certainly not a "social quirk", although learners who suffer from dyslexia could definitely suffer from self esteem issues, which could lead to social difficulties.
I know. My point was that doctors misdiagnose people all of the time, usually because they cannot find a "fit" for the symptoms, so they take whichever one fits, instead of admitting that they do not understand the person. ~ bosox
Yep. Sometimes they even send the patient to a specialist so that the specialist can make the patient "fit" better. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 8:25:58 PM |
Go spend some time in a mental hospital. You'll redraw that line quite quickly.
There is a fine line between what others" do not understand," and what "cannot be explained, other than by a mental illness."
I was actually committed to one back in early 2007, because of a medication that should have prevented a full manic episode along with stress of a marriage failing. At the time of my breakdown, I had nearly completed building a 4 axis cnc from raw materials completely of my own design. As it turned out, once I recognize I was in an acute manic state, I was that much closer to solving the problem, by refusing the one medication that caused my deteriorating mental state, and was released 4 days later.
Your latter sentence has no relevance, at least to me. Actual accomplishments that benefit others, in my opinion, has a considerably higher value than a title and potential for such accomplishments. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 8:57:50 PM | It's my experience with women who self-describe as intelligent usually define intelligence along the lines of "agrees with me". I guess that's understandable if one's mating differentiation strategy is intelligence, but I've found intelligence is not so easily defined, and seems to be several quite different things that make the notion of intelligence not very useful.
Personally I've found that a similar sensibility, or worldview is far more attractive and enduring that most other attributes. One needs sufficient IQ to get over a threshold energy hump, but beyond that it all seems a mystery. People often talk about chemistry as that thing they seek, but I think a more accurate and attractive attribute is the sensibility or worldview. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 9:01:11 PM | I was actually committed to one back in early 2007, because of a medication that should have prevented a full manic episode along with stress of a marriage failing. At the time of my breakdown, I had nearly completed building a 4 axis cnc from raw materials completely of my own design. As it turned out, once I recognize I was in an acute manic state, I was that much closer to solving the problem, by refusing the one medication that caused my deteriorating mental state, and was released 4 days later.
Your latter sentence has no relevance, at least to me. Actual accomplishments that benefit others, in my opinion, has a considerably higher value than a title and potential for such accomplishments.
Interesting. I was committed in 2005 after trying commit suicide because of the medication prescribed to me over a misdiagnosis of Bipolar Axis I with mild Schizophrenic symptoms, Panic Disorder and Social Phobia. Interestingly enough, I've never exhibited any of the actual symptoms for these (I am a volunteer public speaker, for example), until they put me on medication to "fix" me. None of the people I encountered in the hospital were on any level of reality, and didn't even know anything about the diseases they were diagnosed with. They were, however, clearly mentally ill.
I have no idea why you interpreted my sentence as being directed at you. I specifically said, "others", to include doctors who misdiagnose people with high IQs because they do not understand them, and others who claim that having an IQ above 150 usually means you have a mental illness. Until there is a study done to confirm this, where the tests given by a psychiatric hospital confirms the illness and a Wechsler IQ test is given at the time they are mentally ill to confirm their IQ is above 150, I will say that it is wrong.
I agreed that empathy and compassion are not inherent in people with high IQs, but I see that across the board, and I doubt everyone here is a genius. I think that both of those traits are learned qualities, and having a high IQ makes it significantly easier to learn those traits and understand others.
It's my experience with women who self-describe as intelligent usually define intelligence along the lines of "agrees with me". I guess that's understandable if one's mating differentiation strategy is intelligence, but I've found intelligence is not so easily defined, and seems to be several quite different things that make the notion of intelligence not very useful.
It's my experience that all humans with brain function are intelligent, including women who self-describe as such.
Making up definitions of intelligence doesn't make intelligence lacking in usefulness. It is substantially easier to learn, understand, think logically and abstractly if you are more capable of doing so. Yes, I realize that was a "duh" statement. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 9:13:29 PM |
Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
In my experience with having them as friends I'd say, "heck yeah, man!" But I can't say that for all my intellectual buddies. (And by intellectuals I mean took honors/AP classes in high school and pretty much sailed through or were bored)
Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?
This one guy I knew in high school's brother was like this. Whenever I was around his brother he would pop up like an annoying pop up! UGH!! He had all these unrealistic projections and expectations of women in general. He was a book smart kid but every time he opened his mouth about women I just wanted to turn to my friend and say, "Dude...PPPLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE get your brother! *facepalm*"
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
No. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/13/2009 11:13:45 PM | | Yes lawyers have feelings ,but they are negotiable. I apologize, I really can't hate anyone on principal till after they graduate law school. How ever no bartender ever poured me a drink,scarfed 1/3 of it down, burped, handed me my glass and billed me for the rest. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships? Posted: 8/14/2009 2:07:21 AM |
Interesting. I was committed in 2005 after trying commit suicide because of the medication prescribed to me over a misdiagnosis of Bipolar Axis I with mild Schizophrenic symptoms, Panic Disorder and Social Phobia. Interestingly enough, I've never exhibited any of the actual symptoms for these (I am a volunteer public speaker, for example), until they put me on medication to "fix" me. None of the people I encountered in the hospital were on any level of reality, and didn't even know anything about the diseases they were diagnosed with. They were, however, clearly mentally ill.
It was my only hospitalization in adulthood, but there were 3 others when my illness manifested. Much of those 'symptoms' are relative to what's going on in a person's life. I've always had bipolar II disorder (depression to hypomania) but when I take a substance that manipulates dopamine, well that all changes. Getting to the awareness of how acute my condition was took a short black girl telling me, "You talked too much". At the time, I was asked if I had any form of gainful employment, which was sorta silly to me, as I've had my own business since 2000. So I told them every job I had since 1985, in detail. TMI. Of course, when I had recognized it for myself, all I had to do was note the difference between meds and stop the one that was causing it. I cleared up within a day.
I have no idea why you interpreted my sentence as being directed at you. I specifically said, "others", to include doctors who misdiagnose people with high IQs because they do not understand them, and others who claim that having an IQ above 150 usually means you have a mental illness. Until there is a study done to confirm this, where the tests given by a psychiatric hospital confirms the illness and a Wechsler IQ test is given at the time they are mentally ill to confirm their IQ is above 150, I will say that it is wrong.
I really didn't take that comment personal, and in fact other than mention how irrelevant it was,. When I train my employees, sometimes I give them little instructions other than, "assemble this", to make them think. Of course it frustrates them, and in the end, it does what I want. It makes them think. There are really only 2 things I have to do to make something. First I have to decide to do it. Then, I do it. IQ has absolutely nothing to do with that. I've met several very talented individuals who chose a course of action that effectively castrated their abilities. They had plenty of 'potential' and yet became very unemployable. Potential is good, naturally, but it's the end result or bottom dollar that matters.
I agreed that empathy and compassion are not inherent in people with high IQs, but I see that across the board, and I doubt everyone here is a genius. I think that both of those traits are learned qualities, and having a high IQ makes it significantly easier to learn those traits and understand others.
Considering the feelings and opinions of others isn't rocket science. It's more like actually caring enough to be considerate, and possibly, on occasion placing oneself the the shoes of the other person, especially on occasion when someone's mad at me helps. Caring enough to do that is important, but I've yet to see anything to suggest that it's related to IQ. | |
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