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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2      Home login  
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 Moon Babe
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 26
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2Page 2 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Thanks NoMoreRegrets for the review and suggestions.....I appreciate your time.
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 27
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/13/2006 7:20:43 AM
_LittleWriter_,

The profile paints you as someone who's fairly intelligent, mature, down-to-earth, and not shallow. While it might not appeal to a huge demographic, it will definitely appeal to someone with similar interests.

Considering your career as a writer, I would've liked to see something that you spent a little more time on rather than a point-form list. I know these things aren't easy to write (mine's pretty due for an update too), and chances are that it did take you a while to write those things. Me, I prefer to see a little more prose, personal anecdotes, and the like. But that is a matter of personal preference and it's completely subjective.

I would strongly suggest more photo variety - it appears that all of those photos were taken at the same time, just with slightly different angles. Considering that you list photography as one of your interests, it's especially worth noting.

Good luck,
NoMoreRegrets
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 28
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/21/2006 9:09:34 AM
Wow, looks like my work is done!

(boy am I a glutton for punishment, or what?)
 cdarroch
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 29
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/21/2006 9:56:08 AM
Hi!
Well, here we go - this could go either way, I think, in that it might be a nice confidence booster, or put my ego on a sad train to nowhere, haha! I think I've done an alright job on my profile, however there are two glaring issues that I think need to be addressed by someone other than myself...
I'm aware that it's A)Hostile B)Antisocial C)Seemingly Egotistical to "exclude" a whole group of people like I do in my last paragraph, but, before I elaborated on the type of -mind- I am seeking, I got a few million "hey what's up wanna chat?"s from exactly the folks I'd rather not. Is this a terrible thing to do? I don't want to offend anybody, but I want to make my criteria clear and leave no room for misunderdtandings.
The second issue is that despite my request, BARBIE will not leave me alone... Head-boppin, club-hoppin', loves-shoppin'... wow I can't believe the simplicity of character! It's all the same, over and over - how do I get these (admittedly very cute, but decidedly very... insubstantial) primadonna-holier-than-thou-due-to-my-arian-genes, lack-of-individual-tastes-preferences-or-original-thoughts people to stop messaging me beyond specifically requesting them not to do so???
Haha, I suppose it's not all bad having an inbox full of mails from pretty girls. However, none of them seem to realize that "personality" involves slightly more than smiling pretty for the camera... so I was hoping you could help me by reviewing my profile! Perhaps you'll have some ideas that I wouldn't have considered - sometimes all one needs is a fresh set of eyes!
Pull no punches!
Chad
(thanks!)
 |:.Kick.:|
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/21/2006 3:22:04 PM
i just put the finising touches on my most recent update to my profile.

I think it's pretty original and interesting. It might be a bit over the top though, can you take a look? I trust your opinion, you've given the people in this thread some great advice.

I look forward to your reply.

Adam
 Leiam Conway
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 31
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/21/2006 3:37:16 PM
Alwase Could use a double check, what do you guys think of mine?
 CanuckleChica
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 32
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/21/2006 6:12:34 PM
Ooooh, DO ME ! DO ME!!
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 33
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 7:22:58 AM
cdaroach,

Looking for a lady-of-substance? Aren't we all. Let's just see what we can do to tweak that a touch, shall we?

Certainly, the text both shows and tells us that you're looking for someone of substance, which we all are (well, most of us anyway). Outside of a few minor typos, it is fairly well written and quite humourous to boot, but while I never was a teenage girl at ANY point in my life, I can kinda guess what's attracting the wrong people.

-Shirtless photo (smoking what appears to be a joint, no less), which is quite counter-intuitive to what is written on a lot of women's profiles.
-The fact that you're making a fair amount of money (just based on your profession, I'm guessing that you do okay for yourself), and you can afford to buy the best weed. Which you probably do.

There are probably a couple other things that I missed, but those are the two most obvious ones. There's also a very strong possibility that the women who wanna hook up with you intend on using you for your weed. Sure, other scenarios are possible, but it never hurts to be cynical once in a while.

My main suggestion would be to, well, put some clothes on for one. A little photo variety probably wouldn't hurt too much, especially with photos of you in your element. You probably clean up okay, so maybe a photo of you dressed casually, probably in a restaurant or even in nature would probably go a long way.

Also, there are many women's profiles that filter out anyone that has anything other than "no" under the "do you use drugs" header. I'm not saying lie about it, but be aware of the effect that it has.

Other than that, I would suggest chunking the text into paragraphs to make it a little easier to read, and then you're good to go.

Good job,
NoMoreRegrets
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 34
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 7:39:28 AM
poppinfresh,

This profile is genuinely hilarious and your photos are funny and goofy. It paints you as someone who's fairly intelligent and a fun guy to party with. Admittedly, towards the end, it does come across as a bitter rant, although you do address that. I loved your line about "I open door ug".

That being said, considering that you're on one favourites list, indicates that women around here are a lot pickier, or that you haven't been here long, which in turn tells me that you're looking for something "wrong" with your profile.

I would guess that it's the last paragraph, which even with the disclaimer, does come across as the classic "I'm a decent guy why does no girl want me" whine. You can try to downplay this, or reword it so it's not a hypothetical question, but rather a statement. Perhaps words to the effect of, "While we all have primal instinct towards breeding, the brain is the most powerful sex organ" or something (that might be a little too geeky for some people, but you know what I'm getting at).

Other than that, just clean up the typos and you're good to go.

-NoMoreRegrets
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 35
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 7:48:51 AM
leiam Conway,

You pack a lot of detail in your text and it paints you as someone with hopes, dreams, and goals. It's fairly easy to read, but...

You have a ton of typos all throughout the text. Among them, you spell "a lot" as one word, you miss a whole bunch of apostrophes, and you fail to capitalize the self-referential "I", and that's just a few of them (copy and paste this into MS Word, seriously). This makes you come across as much less intelligent, although at least the grammar is mostly intact.

Structurally, it needs some work. In each paragraph, you express three distinctly different ideas with no unity at all. For example, paragraph 2 lists your relationship history, where you've lived as a child, and your favourite colours.

Your profile is a little bit scattershot and there are certain things I'm not sure are absolutely necessary, especially your detail on your favourite cartoon characters. We wanna know about you and we already know that Marvin keeps trying to destroy the earth. As popular as cartoons are with the adult set, if it's not in prime time (Simpsons, Family Guy, King of the Hill, Futurama), then it'll compromise your maturity rating.

Me, I say focus on the most important details, structure them so that they flow logically, and then go from there.

(I'm not expecting miracles here...some people never get to be good at writing, while those who are good at it have been honing their skills for years).

-NoMoreRegrets
 arthurLair
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:01:52 AM
Might as well kave a gander at mine while you're into it. I always like what others have to say.
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 37
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:17:09 AM
canucklechica,

Okay, I'll "do" you. When? Your place or mine? Oh, you meant the profile.

First off, in most instances, a woman's profile (especially for someone in your age bracket) can have just a photo and very little written in the text, and she'll get guys messaging her. The quality of those messages can vary significantly, though. This site is not very good at filtering out perverts, I must say.

Still, I found your profile to be genuinely hilarious. If you're looking for someone very specific who appreciates your sense of humour, this is a good way to go. A person looking at the photos will know right away that you're just joking around (although I wouldn't have guessed "a few extra pounds" just based on the photo...I probably woulda put "average" myself).

However, since you have "Crisco" listed under your interests and with full knowledge of its applications OUTSIDE of pastry cooking, you can expect to attract a lot more perverts.

Normally, I would suggest tweaking the profile to reflect the kinda guy you're looking for, rather than telling us right off the bat, but given the profile's unique nature, I'm a little reluctant to suggest changes, although I would strongly suggest removing Crisco from your interests and have some more "serious" interests.

Good luck,
NoMoreRegrets
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 38
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:37:52 AM
arthurlair,

Another Marvin the Martian fan? On this thread?

The word "Good Ole Boy" comes to mind when reading your profile, which appears to be what you're going after. It's a little more generic when compared to some of the other profiles on this site, in that it could likely get lost in the crowd of other POFers. I understand what you're trying to do with the Marvin the Martian bit, and while women love a guy with a sense of humour, I'm not sure if they necessarily dig on a guy who watches cartoons (refer to my previous reviews for more details).

To set it apart, I would perhaps suggest adding a few jokes or even an anecdote or two to supplement a lot of the more telling rather than showing moments on the profile.

For easier readability, I would suggest chunking the text into paragraphs. Large blocks of text are harder to read and will sometimes be skipped over by people who lack the patience to read. You could put a paragraph break in the middle of the first paragraph at around "I'm such a big kid...".

Good luck,
NoMoreRegrets
 tarnish
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 39
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 10:22:49 AM
Could you have a look at mine? I'm still working on getting some more photos in there, but I'm wondering about the write up.
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 40
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 4:18:15 PM
tarnish,

Thank you for using proper spelling and grammar.

Overall, it's a fairly solid and well written profile and it's written for a very specific type of individual. You're probably not looking to hang with drunken fratboys or the like, but I really did like your comment about clouding judgment. Anytime you can pepper a little humour into a straightforward profile is a good thing.

The write-up could use a little bit punching up, by inserting a little more humour or even a little anecdote. This may be a personal preference thing, though...most of the profiles *I* tend to respond to are the ones that have a really off-the-wall sense of humour. Your mileage may vary.

Photo variety, I know you're working on, although I gotta say you do look kinda pissed off in your photo.

Good work,
NoMoreRegrets
 tarnish
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 41
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/22/2006 4:47:00 PM
Thanks, NoMoreRegrets! I'll see what I can do about injecting a bit more "funny" into the thing.

I suppose that maybe I *do* look kinda pissed off in that photo. I normally loathe having my picture taken. Argh. Things to work on...

Cheers!
 Leiam Conway
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 42
Ok, Spell check Complete
Posted: 8/23/2006 4:41:45 PM
ok, I think i fixed most of the typos, and tryed to redo some of the text. Does it still need more work?
 DK 36
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 43
review it
Posted: 8/23/2006 5:41:37 PM
be has harsh as you want
 That Guy Him
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 44
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/23/2006 6:07:54 PM
Ah what the heck... give 'er a go! I'm curious to know if mine counts as a 4A.
 mab22
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 45
view profile
History
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:28:43 PM
Here I am! Please review me!
 liltruckerboy
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 46
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:33:27 PM
sure, I'll bite. im terrible at writing profiles
 multifarious
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 47
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/24/2006 5:47:17 PM
Hi NoMoreRegrets

Would you do me the honours please

or

I've been back on pof for about 3 weeks and haven't gotten any IM's. Before, I was getting a lot.

Basically the same profile as before, with a few tune-ups but it always can be made better.

Smiles!
 e is for erica
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 48
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/25/2006 8:28:08 AM
Hey NoMoreRegrets....

Please, please review me!

Thanks!

E
 Leiam Conway
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 49
Once Again Plz Review
Posted: 8/25/2006 12:54:35 PM
I updated my profile to what people have suggested, so does anyone still think it needs work?
 qdaadzc
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 8/25/2006 1:44:16 PM
DO ME DO ME DO ME... Not in that way... sheesh, get your minds out of the gutter.
Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2