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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 8:27:49 AM | billbutler8,
Hey, I remember you. You still doing reviews? I haven't been checking out the other review threads. As always, you only have to ask!
Just trying to go off from memory about what you had from last time, but here are the good points. Still long and detailed, just like last time, and you got a new batch of photos, which are pretty good. Coffee connoisseur (of which there are many) will get a kick out of your comment. No negativity - good...well, almost.
I'm not sure about your "weeding out the masses" comment, because it may come across as elitist. But, I do understand the rationale. I had an 18-year old single mom with a minimal profile (ie: 2 sentences) message me with, "Wanna chat"? Okay, extreme case and probably nothing to do with you, but I thought it was funny to bring up.
I don't know about your new on-line handle, "BlackBalled", which suggests ostracism or banishment. If someone picks up a sexual connotation, it's even worse (at least you didn't put down "BlueBalled"). But on the plus side, it doesn't incorporate the words "Shy", "Lonely", or anything else that conveys a lack of confidence.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 8:49:06 AM | renie,
Okay, I'll do it. Just STOP SINGING! Just kidding.
You've listed a fair number of interests, which is good, and you do mention the thing about not having to share all interests, which is also good. But, most of your intererests are fairly common, outside of whitewater rafting. Just keep that in mind.
Like I said before, no one older than their 20s should use "LOL" (or any other sort of Instant messaging shorthand) in their profile. It downgrades the maturity and intelligence level, and you SHOULD be able to convey that it's a joke with your tone and choice of words. It's like the audience laugh track for a sitcom, but those guys are actually TRAINED to write comedy.
And...apologies in advance, and feel free to skip this part. And, if it happens to upset you, feel free to recommend an irregularly-shaped large object to insert into whatever personal bodily orifice you feel is appropriate. But, there is no nice way to say it, so I'm just going to state the facts. You list "few extra pounds" under body type and then say that you're "attracted to men with short dark hair, med to muscular build". I won't go into details into the type of feelings this dichotomy evokes, but I will say that something like this will run you into opposition. Yes, we don't have a choice as to whom we're attracted to, but people reading this may not necessarily care.
On that same note, body types and physical appearances are important, but attitude is even more so. Like I told the girl who didn't want to date a lawyer who owned a motorcycle, but what if the other qualities were in place (eg: those that weren't necessarily indicated on the profile)? Hey, guess what...the handsome, muscular lawyer biker boy with money, good personal hygiene, self-confidence, a sweet disposition, a sense of humour, and is an absolute bad boy in the sack went off and married somebody else.
Still with me?
Okay, good.
Spelling and grammar, as always...and please, no buzzwords. "Sentimental" and "Witty", I don't get from this profile. "Honest", I got (although a little brutal honesty, with the "sorry slim or skinny do nothing for me", may be a bit much).
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:01:11 AM | Kathy1979,
Your profile isn't that bad, depicts open-mindedness, honesty, and a sense of humour. The 15 lbs. fish joke is a little lame, but you sort of acknowledge that. Depending on who you're trying to nab, you may wish to eliminate the LOL and emoticon (see previous posts on IM shorthands and emoticons), because sufficiently witty text, if written with the proper tone, won't require IM shorthands and emoticons like "LOL" to indicate that it's supposed to be funny.
Mind you, there are POFers who lack a sense of humour or the intelligence requried to get a joke. So, your call on this one.
More interests please!
Your third paragraph, where you explain your thoughts on ethnicities and colour is a good one, but then you toss in the clichéd, "I am wondering if there are any gentlemen/nice guys left?" Trust me, the single ones are out there, but you're not noticing them because the other things that are fundamental for attraction - self-confidence, attitude, inner strength - aren't there. Which is why the guys who do have those three things, but aren't necessarily "nice guys" or "gentlemen", are getting your notice.
Photos: fairly generic, and is the main photo taken from a passport? ID photos are always the least flattering, and if you do love amusement parks, there has to be at least one photo of you spilling your popcorn on a rollercoaster. Something fun, flirty, goofy...doesn't even have to be sexy (and would hold off a lot of perverts that way too).
-NoMoreRegrets | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:13:00 AM | jrobert747,
First of all, thanks for actually READING my previous profile reviews to get an idea of what I tend to recommend and addressing it.
This isn't actually that bad...you definitely have GQ style (as you mentioned) and quite a few varied interests. Just keep in mind, SEARCHABLE interests. "Hiking" and "Camping" are searchable, "Hiking/Camping" is not. I do like your Cinderella reference in your last paragraph.
Regarding the shirtless (but now removed) photo: I wouldn't say insecure, but I feel it's better to leave more to the imagination. Tight-fitting shirts do more than shirtless. You can also have a lot of fun with that, considering your tone in your request (more so than your profile) suggests a lot more potential for wit and humour. Maybe a photo of you wearing glasses with a freeweight in one hand and a copy of Forbes in the other?
About humour...yes, punch it up! Just avoid IM shorthands and emoticons. Don't go overboard otherwise it may indicate that you can't be taken seriously.
What you have written here for first date is funny and sufficient, and I'm thinking that readers would know (hopefully) that you're only joking.
-Good work,
NMR. | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:39:45 AM | FeaturedProfile / Upncumming,
First of all, thanks for changing your username. "upncumming" sounds too porno-ish, which will run you into a few problems. And then I took a look at the city that you live in. Hah!
Not bad...the rugged outdoorsy type, has lots of friends, knows how to cook? Not bad. It's a little hard to tell who's you in the second photo (I'm assuming the one on the far right is you) and the photo of you opening the bottle of wine is a little goofy (the funny glasses, I think), but otherwise not bad.
"My friends say..." Given that we don't know your friends, this is completely subjective. "Real romantic", also subjective. I'm guessing from the fancier kitchen and the chef's hat that you actually do know how to cook, although a photo of you hunched over a hot stove might do a little more for me (the chef photo is horizontally skewed, just so you know).
First date section and interests can use some beefing up. More specifics under first date, of course, and more searchable interests are important to increase your hit count.
To answer your question...I haven't really been keeping track, because that'll mean I'm consciously focusing on my failures. Rough estimate? At first, kinda slack (very few responses), but as long as I give some level of indicator that I actually READ their profile, have some things in common, and don't come across as a total perv, I can probably get a response about 60% of the time (inflated estimate, it may be lower). Honestly, I haven't been contacting a lot of women as of late because there's a person in the "real" world that I'm workin' on (If I'm successful, I'll change my profile to reflect that) .
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:09:49 AM |
I'm not sure about your "weeding out the masses" comment, because it may come across as elitist.
It is elitist.
MUHHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!!
I don't know about your new on-line handle, "BlackBalled", which suggests ostracism or banishment. If someone picks up a sexual connotation, it's even worse (at least you didn't put down "BlueBalled"). But on the plus side, it doesn't incorporate the words "Shy", "Lonely", or anything else that conveys a lack of confidence.
I was hoping you would comment on my request itself and was I was so unnecessarily verbose ...you did mention my new screen name, and that ties into the whole insane mess if it all.
Oh course, due to my very effusive nature…it may have just been passed over as typical billbutler8 er BlackBalled *behaviour.
Oh, the madness of it all! I have not literally been blackballed...but I just as well may have been.
It seems through some glitch in the system, I cannot post less than 250 words on any one post, it won't allow me to. If I attempt to post 248 words, it gives me an error message: "Messages this short may not be posted." I imagine you have too much dignity to have brought up the issue, and let it go to your good.
*I have had the great pleasure of meeting some wonderful people from the land of the Northern Peso…in somuch as I have; become fond of the “flavour” of particular spelling of certain words. Yes, and have peppered my speech with “eh”as well. I am proud to be an Americanadian. Go Raps! Go Dawgs!
~+~ 264~+~
Perfect. | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/8/2007 2:13:25 PM | | Ok Well I took some time and redid my profile. I took out all the childish crap and put something serious and inventive. I did put quite a bit of though in it so can you take a look and let me know if this is better than my last one. I would love some opinion. | |
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| For BlackBalled
Posted: 1/8/2007 2:31:59 PM | It seems through some glitch in the system, I cannot post less than 250 words on any one post, it won't allow me to.
BB: This happened to me, too, but only for a short time. I don't know why...
meteors? ghosts? Who ya gonna call?
Don't take it personally, dude!
Can't they fix it???????
Still think you should change your screen name, though.
~Boots~
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:31:57 PM | adnimeck,
Given the number of pages that I'm at already, it's gonna be kinda tough to expect me to remember what I read, three MONTHS ago?
For sure, it's better than the last one in a lot of respects. Much more mature and down to earth, and your photos show that you clean up well.
In terms of the new content, it's a bit of telling rather than showing. "I'm not like most guys..." is one of the biggest clichés ever. And of course, you don't consider yourself a "computer geek".
In your attempt to get rid of the fratboy, you also got rid of a lot of the humour. It's all about balance. And, putting down others will NOT score you any points. So, instead of using the words "muscle bound meathead", you can make a crack about enjoying the feeling you get from being able to cross your arms and not tear your shirts when putting them on or something like that.
And please, fix spelling. (plural nouns do NOT have posessive apostrophes) And DITCH THE E-MAIL ADDY. You're not supposed to have it in your profile.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:47:09 PM | doglover706,
(please excuse the harshness...one should really be in a good mood when they do this...if you don't like the review, please feel free to recommend an over-sized, irregularly shaped object to forcibly insert into the personal orifice of your choice)
The obvious step to avoiding older guys is to tighten up the restrictions on who can contact you, which you've already done. But, apart from that...
Just TELLING us that you're "young at heart" does not SHOW that you're young at heart. For example, funny anecdotes of your wacky antics and the like...because the immediate impression is that you're someone who's attempting to recapture their younger days, especially with the body-piercing (your comments of the "wife and mother thing" indicate that you got married and had chidlren at a young age and missed out on a lot of things).
I really don't like speculating on this, but if *I* get this impression, you will possibly get the same impression from others.
As to how to avoid this...we already know that you have children and aren't looking to produce more, and that you're not married anymore. You can avoid things that end up "dating" yourself. You don't have to refer to your adult daughter as "grown" (or even indicate her age), but "independent" would probably suffice (and yes, I know that's not in your profile).
Maybe if we had a better idea of what you were looking for, perhaps you might be at more liberty to pick and choose?
But I really like your line about glass is half-full.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:53:21 PM | heatherbear1579
Eeeny...meeeny...miney...oh, is someone raising her hand?
It's not bad, and you do photograph well, although I could seriously do with more photo variety (that photo looks professional...try to mix it up a bit with candid stuff, stuff of you just having fun, etc.).
It's a bit more telling than showing, though. If you could cite an instance in which you were definitely NOT a charm school graduate, but word it in an amusing or funny way, could go a long way.
Just go through your profile and look for anything that could be viewed as subjective. AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYBODY! If it is subjective, think of a way that you can indicate that you are something without saying it outright.
It's a little bit sparse, but my first impression is that I'd like to know more for sure. But, I'm kinda in a different country, so that makes it kinda tough.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:14:32 AM | anoble87,
Like I say to anyone who's under 20: you're fairly young and you got lots of time to figure this out on your own. With the right person, you could definitely go a long way with this.
But, note that I said "right person." The profile is a headache to read, which makes it a challenge to review. It READS like something that a 16-year-old wrote, especially with the spelling and grammar and excessive use of IM shorthands like LOL and the like. You can probably get away with a lot of this stuff if you're looking within your own age bracket, but the tone, writing style, and just the general lack of attention to detail tell me that you won't.
However, I am reading this from eyes that are about 10 years older than yours. It doesn't necessarily make me correct, and you are already on 2 favorites lists. But, given that maturity is always a strong selling point, you may wish to consider this. That, and challenging the whole notion of "girls maturing at a faster rate than boys" would probably help with that as well.
Because honestly, compared to some of the other profiles I've read from people at the lower end of the age spectrum, this could really use a lot of work. And please, no excuses about "I suck at writing."
And please, LOSE the shirtless pic, and more interests than "anything".
-NoMoreRegrets | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:10:31 AM | | okay, thanks i really appreciatte it, yea, probably would help, *laughing out loud* haha, yea i see people who always posed without theyre shirts on so i was like ok, ill give it a shot haha. yea, but once again thanks for your time. ttyl adam | |
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Tigi
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Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 492 | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:39:26 PM | Tigi,
You have a clear idea of what you want, but we don't have a clear idea of you. Much of this just lists off facts and doesn't display vast amounts of personality, espescially since most of what you've done is expand on your list of interests. In order to make your profile stand out, the writing style should have some level of personality to it. A little bit of punch, a little bit of humour. Even a funny anecdote.
Considering that you're "in education" (it can be interpreted as you teach, or you work at a school), you may wish to fix your grammar and spelling, which isn't bad, but you missed a whole buncha apostrophes.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:45:48 PM | SingleMomE,
Just point form for now because my contacts are drying out and I'm getting tired.
-You photograph fairly well, so more photo variety is in order. It may be the soft focus, but you certainly don't look 37.
-Again, telling, telling, telling. Saying "good sense of humour" is no substitute for punchy prose, jokes, or anecdotes.
-Considering the upwards climb that single moms have on the dating scene, you may wish to play that down a tad, especially with your screenname. Screennames are often viewed as a reflection of their personality and interests, or specifically who you're looking to attract.
-Ah, you've quoted "The Princess Bride." This one of the few romantic comedies that almost all guys will sit through and enjoy (mostly because it's one of the most quotable films of all time..."Inconcievable!"), so you can play this one up a little more, if you're looking for material to beef up your profile.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:51:08 PM | Donnchadh,
Apart from the photos, it's actually not bad and quite well written. The whole pre-emptive strike presents a strong-willed attitude without too much attention on what potential daters might think (always important). And despite the fact that you think that you have bad spelling, the spelling isn't that bad.
The main things I would recommend are a lot more interests to make your profile searchable ("books" is way too generic and common). You may wish to downplay the whole "broke" thing, because that presents itself as a red flag, although there is probably a better way to say that (negativity is BAD BAD BAD!).
Otherwise, good work.
-NMR | |
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| I'll review your profile...you won't regret it, part 2
Posted: 1/12/2007 11:01:47 PM | briannajoy,
Keep in mind, with profile reviews, this is entirely subjective. For reviews for guys, I base it on how I would try to write it if I was in their situation. For women, I try to base it on the kind of stuff I go for. These are just recommendations, nothing more.
Besides, if I had all the answers, what the hell am I doing on a dating site? I'd be happily married. No, screw that. I'd have my own HAREM. Mondays, it'd be blondes...Tuesdays it'd be Asians...Wednesdays it'd be brunettes...Thursdays it'd be Asians again...Fridays it'd be Latinas...Saturday, it'd be redheads. And on the seventh day, he rested. It's good to be the king.
Okay, that has nothing to do with you. I just wanted to say that because I thought it was funny. On with the review.
The profile is okay...you photograph well (more photo variety please!) and you have a clear idea of what you want, but it's all a little generic. Your interests list is fairly short and most of it has been seen elsewhere...who doesn't like music and movies?
Much of it is buzzwords. Please refer to previous reviews about the whole show-not-tell thing. Subjective buzzwords are okay provided that you back it up. "Intelligent", I got from the fact that you're a lab assistant. "Creative"...I didn't really get that.
You can put up poetry to indicate the "creative", but be aware of the effect that has...9 times outta 10, poetry is personal and only speaks to you. If it's ridden with clichés, has words that rhyme but no sense of rhythm, has completely unmotivated alterations to visual structure, or is written in all lower case like e.e. cummings, people may see through that.
Get your profile beefed up and you should be on your way.
-NMR | |
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