| | unemployedPage 12 of 13 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13) | Funnily enough, when I date, I like my partner to become part of my social circle and I would like to be part of his. More often than not, I go out with couples and would prefer my date to be with me. Not just keep him around for the nights I want to stay in. Since I regularly go out for meals or the cinema or god forbid, both at weekends because it's a great way to unwind and I don't go out during the week if I am working, would a partner be happy only getting to see me during the week or on the weekends when I didn't feel like going out. I don't think that would be acceptable for long.
I can date and still enjoy separate nights out but don't believe I should shut a partner out of an important part of my life, and friends are important to me.
I don't want to go on holiday with friends, I'd want to do that with a partner. I tend to decide to go and visit family at short notice, he wouldn't be able to afford to come with me. I don't fly when the seats are cheapest, I fly when the times suit me (and 6am flights don't). | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/23/2012 5:15:45 PM | Of my five previous partners, only three had jobs, again as i mentioned on another subject earlier, its all a matter of preference, what is acceptable to one, one always be acceptable to another, but its certainly never (nor will it ever ) be an obstacle to me,
And also, someone above mentioned she was out of work due to a disability, i certainly hope that DOES`NT pose an obstacle to her, my last ex, five years ago, had crohns disease, and had suffered this for some 20+ years prior to us getting together, but illness/disability, makes a person no less a person.
Most people would simply love the chance to prove themselves, rather than be condemned out of hand simply due to their personal circumstances :) | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 1:33:36 AM | Most people would simply love the chance to prove themselves, rather than be condemned out of hand simply due to their personal circumstances :)
Yessssssssssssssssssss!
As I mentioned earlier in this thread my autistic son (hes 23) was made redundant yesterday without any warning as such he has rung the Job Centre this morning they have taken all his detail and he has an interview tomorrow with them and he is out looking for work now................he isnt letting his disability hold him back as he wants money to contribute to the house as well as for himself! | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 1:43:19 AM | This is all getting a little personal now. People are entitled to have preferences. What is the point in a forum if a direct response to the question posed subjects the writer to insinuations about their values?
All my friends are married / live with partner and most of them are not interested in nights out. Geographically my closest friend is 40 miles away. I'm a sociable person who rarely gets a chance to go out unless I am in a relationship. When I am in a relationship I want to go out and I will not apologise for that. I've spent the last 13 years bringing my kids up with no childcare at all and with little extra cash for socialising and now I have the opportunity to get out and about I want to take it!
I am not a bad person because I want to meet someone who is in a similar situation to my own. That's not to say I don't enjoy walks out or nights in front of the TV, I just don't want to do that 7 nights a week! I want weekends away and holidays and nights out and after having worked hard all my life and devoted myself to the kids thus far I don't see how or why anyone has the right to criticise that choice! | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:07:54 AM |
I am not a bad person because I want to meet someone who is in a similar situation to my own. That's not to say I don't enjoy walks out or nights in front of the TV, I just don't want to do that 7 nights a week! I want weekends away and holidays and nights out and after having worked hard all my life and devoted myself to the kids thus far I don't see how or why anyone has the right to criticise that choice!
I can understand what you are saying , but in fairness i dont think you should class all people who are unemployed the same , i know a man who hasnt worked for 3 yrs hes classed as unemployed but he doesnt claim anything as he can financially support himself .I do hope you are never in the same postion as someone unemployed in todays day and age because with how some think then you will never get a date or a night out because you are unemployed .Try and put yourself in the persons shoes they are already getting rejected with employers people in society are also rejecting them and classing them as scroungers , and now some are rejecting them because they cant afford to go out 3 or 4 times a week , they are some hard working unemployed people out there who will do anything they can to get a job , i know its your choice at the end of the day and you are entitled to that but to put everyone who is unemployed in the same bracket is wrong , people could put you in the bracket of being a gold digger but they would be wrong just like you are wrong to class them all the same .
Post below me
I'm not putting anyone in any categories and I am far from a gold digger
I said they Could class you as a gold digger i didnt say you was a gold digger .
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:12:06 AM | | I'm not putting anyone in any categories and I am far from a gold digger. As I said earlier I don't let men pay for me! I am not making judgements about anyone and I am not looking down on anyone, and I resent that implication. I also wouldn't meet anyone who lives abroad. That doesn't make me racist! | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:18:43 AM | | I can easily do minimum five hundred quid a month on my social life, i love eating out and weekends away, i don't expect a new partner to have the funds to keep up with that so i'm always happy to foot the bill for most of it and i know a lot of blokes feel exactly the same way. Not many women would though if the shoe was on the other foot according to what i read on these forums. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:25:01 AM | No I certainly wouldn't. From experience I know how suddenly you can be dropped after a year without even a text, or how a man can trash your house in a temper after you have set him up in business and kept him for 8 months (which of course I was not insured for as he was a guest in my house and therefore it cost me thousands). Call me a bitter old hag; I used to be much softer but I'm afraid with wisdom comes cyncism!
Almost - No I am being careful because I am an intelligent, independent woman who learns from her mistakes. I'm also getting slightly bored of having to defend myself to you. How many times do I have to say that I am not judging anyone, I have a preference when looking at potential dates which I have explained several times now? I'm not going to sit here and patronise the long term unemployed (who are after all what this forum is about) by saying I am sure they are all very nice people. I just don't wish to date one!
You yourself have defended people's right to have preferences on other threads. Is this so different? It really is down to the individual.
Thanks Wah, you're a very nice chap, employed or not (I haven't checked) ;-) | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:26:48 AM | i'm always happy to foot the bill for most of it and i know a lot of blokes feel exactly the same way.
From what I read in the forums a lot of men wouldn't. On the main forums there are bitter arguments as to who pays when you go out, down to insisting a woman pays for her own coffee on the first meet. I know the forums aren't "real life" and I imagine you're talking about men you know in reality? Also, as the majority of people on the main forums are in the USA, maybe it's a cultural thing.
Not many women would though if the shoe was on the other foot according to what i read on these forums.
I did, for most of my relationship with my ex (15 years) as I earned more. Given how he ran up thousands in debt through gambling, not sure what I would feel in that situation now. I tend to stick to paying my own way, but I'd always help out if I could. But again on the main forums there are a lot of women who want the "traditional" way of dating, as they call it. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:27:47 AM | So basically message 283 you are classing all unemployed men the same .
Just because you had a bad experience with 1 man does not mean that every man unemployed is like that .
You can get men who are employed who will use women as a meal ticket because they dont want to spend their own cash .Its not just some of the unemployed who can do that .A man being in work is not a guarantee he will pay his way . | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:37:41 AM | When I made the decision to go self-employed, after one too many absurd demands made on me (You're in Edinburgh? You need to drive down to Penzance ASAP to cover someone who phoned in sick) my very pragmatic girlfriend didn't protest.
She just issued the following conditions , as the major breadwinner.
1. You will sign on
2. You are now the housebloke, you will cook, clean and furnish me with a large glass of Red when I get home.
3. You will show me everyday, what you've done to progress your self-employed dream.
4. In return I will look after us both till you get there.
She did, and never once complained. When I finally did get there, and with a bang , I wanted to take us both to Vegas, to say thanks , she said no, a weekend at your Aunt's in Teignmouth will do.
She was kind of old-fashioned that way. She believed a woman's place was behind her man, with a bullwhip. I've no doubt if I'd just lived off her, I'd have been binned. But, as long as I was making the effort to realise my dream, she was happy.
Mind you , she was an ambitious girlie, and is now a multi-millionaire.
Being unemployed doesn't matter so much, as having a partner who is four-square behind you, who inspires you to do your best for them. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 2:51:18 AM | MSG 283
I make you right on this. We shouldn't judge people on their personal circumstances in an ideal world. Your ideal match may well be right under your nose, they just might not be in the ideal circumstances at present. They may be unemployed for the moment but doesn't necessarily reflect on their personality or dateability.
However, we all have personal preferences, and wanting somebody who is employed is just as valid to that individual as wanting someone tall or fit or genuine or good looking or whatever else it may be.
You yourself have defended people's right to have preferences on other threads. Is this so different? It really is down to the individual. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 3:17:18 AM | Difference is HappyChappie is that you were already in a relationship so had a strong bond together. Neither Kags nor myself would drop someone because they were on a low income, we are just stating that we would not entertain starting a relationship with someone in that position.
And like Kags, I always pay my way, either by paying part of the bill or if one pays the bill one week, the other pays the next. If I was with someone who was on a lower income, then I would pay more often. I don't have a problem with that but I am not going to pay for virtually everything right from day one.
I don't have anything against someone being unemployed - in my line of work, contractors are often out of work for periods of time BUT that doesn't mean we can't afford to keep up a reasonable social life. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 8:04:48 AM | | I was talking about this with my sister last night and we both came to the conclusion that neither of us would mind being with someone who is unemployed as long as they let us treat them. Couldn't be with someone who couldn't afford the things I like and wouldn't let me pay for them. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 8:05:32 AM | maybe i should put "unemployed" on my profile it filters the shallow types and save,s me trawling through timewasters and greedies.
"judge not or be judged" | |
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mazeyh
| | Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 291 | |
| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:45:37 AM | I'd have my doubts.Depends how well they seemed to cope with it. If they were resourceful , creative and spent their time in useful or interesting ways I'd say yes.It's not about the money all that much for me. It's more about the emotions and more about their attitude to life .And I know it's hard ....and I'd support an existing partner to the nth degree but not someone new.
There is a guy I know who is on contract work and in teh couple of years since I have known him he has been in and out of work a lot.He gets offered permanent work but doesn't want it cos he wants to be a free agent and is very dismissive of the 'robots' at some of the places he works . That's fine , if you have a personality that can cope with the inevitable ups and downs , ins and outs , the crap jobs as well as the good, put money by for the out of work spells, have something to do when there's no work and remain bouyant. But if you are inherently unsuited, become downcast when the job inevitably ends( when the signs have been there for weeks) , bemoan every new job for some reason or other , everything is always someone elses fault ,mope around when the work dries up and subject your partner to a litany of woe about everyone and everything job related it's not fine at all.
So , for me ...it's not dosh , it's behaviour and personality. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 8:51:29 AM | EssexBob - it's only human to judge, people will always be judged, whether it is looks, height, finances, age, weight, use of language, smoking, drinking, haircut, clothes style.
Actually, I think I might put unemployed on my profile as well - or should people only put that if they are on benefits. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 9:04:31 AM | Actually, I think I might put unemployed on my profile as well - or should people only put that if they are on benefits.
Question for you , if someone has unemployed on their profile you wouldnt really know if they were on benefits or not , so do you message them if you are interested in them and question them of what income they have coming in , and if they have a paultry £70 or similiar do you then stop chatting with them ..
Because if you question them on here about their income that says more about you than it does them . | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 9:07:42 AM | OH FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say that the only judgements being made on this forum are by the ones who are commenting on anyone who dares to say something they don't like!
Walk in my shoes for 12 years and then have your say. | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:08:49 AM |
So , for me ...it's not dosh , it's behaviour and personality
I agree,.
personality plays a big part, and being sensible also. If you're the type of person who wants something for nothing, it is not going to work with me. I work full time, there is never much left at the end of each month, but I live within my means. I do not earn enough to support someone else, or pay for their social life. why should I?
If I was in a relationship already, and my partner lost his job, that is totally different, to starting out a new relationship where you are already supporting someone who is out of work.
If I was unemployed myself I don't think I would be spending time searching for a partner, I would be putting ALL my time and effort into finding a job, any job, to make ends meet. | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:11:09 AM | | Careful square.. that's a dangerous opinion to have! | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:12:54 AM | If I was unemployed myself I don't think I would be spending time searching for a partner, I would be putting ALL my time and effort into finding a job, any job, to make ends meet.
EXACTLY! | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:17:24 AM |
Careful square.. that's a dangerous opinion to have!
bring it on :) | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:17:42 AM | AlmostNormal - No, I wouldn't message them. If however, they messaged me then I am happy to chat to them, I don't believe I have to see everyone I chat to as dating potential and do say that in my profile. If however, during the conversation it became apparent they were not working and living on low income AND if they asked me for a meet then I would either refuse or say ok, as friends only.
I am happy to chat to anyone irrespective of income, height, weight, looks, or any other preferences if they can actually have a conversation. | |
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| unemployed
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:18:31 AM | Two things:
1. Everyone seems to be forgetting that this forum is about people who are LONG TERM UNEMPLOYED.
2. I would be as uncomfortable dating someone who was rich as I would someone who was living on benefits. My argument is about similar circmstances NOT about class, snobbery or superiority.
Sorry THREE things
3. Some people could start an argument in an empty room
Four...
4. I think everyone can see that whatever I say ( or anyone with a smilar opinion) you will find an argument... the official description is irrelevent. The OP clearly states to whom she is referring. | |
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