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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:49:01 PM | "I made the right choice (for me) to stop believing many years ago."
Of course, that's why God gave us free will. The ability to make our own choices.  | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 3:21:32 PM | Bottom line sweety...no relationship is perfect, you can't help who you meet, when, where, and how that person makes you feel. If you want to pursue a relationship with this person and you trust them then you should follow your instincts. If you just want to go out and have fun with this person, then how is that any different from going out with a friend who isn't divorced.
As someone else said, 'Divorce, like marriage, is more than a piece of paper". You run the same risks of losing a person in a relationship where they aren't attached to someone. Its all about how much time you invest, how you feel about each other, and, frown if you like, but fate. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 3:24:47 PM | If the seperated person has themselves together by all means yes. I think that a divorce should be in the works, if it's too expensive at the time thats undestandable, but it should definitely be a goal for the short term. You should in no way be expected to help the seperated person who you are dating to pay for it, and even if you offered I would expect the seperated one to refuse.
As someone mentioned a divorce in Canada takes at least a year to solidify, so why should you wait until the Canadian government considers that person divorced. If you see something good (who is very much done with their ex) go for it! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 4:38:03 PM | i am seeing some better replys on seperated.This is good.i feel as a seperated person that I and others like me are targeted by single peoples fear.For those who know me on the forums my story is not new.For those who dont ,well,even tho my divorce is in the works,I have been seperated for years.I will never go back.She is getting remarried.Hey guys not all seperated men and women are a risk.Judge us on our merits and not our labels. I still get no mail because of the label.I will be glad when is is final then I can get a new steriotype just for divorced people. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 5:56:00 PM | If one wants to get technical, the only safe way around this issue is to find someone who has never has any kind of relationship.....then there is no chance of reconciling...
We all have pasts...
A separated person is no more likely to reconcile as one who has had a long term thing with someone.
At the very least, you will have a relationship with someone...now...
Squeak | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 6:21:53 PM | Protocol sometimes demands that you watch who you are seen with (small towns talk too much).
When we marry in public / church we are doing so to honor our relationship before our family and friends.
When we seperate and everyone knows it, and talks about it - what's the big deal? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 7:58:11 PM | @ Vandelai,
Lets not make this thread turn into a drawn out religious debate, its off topic anyway. But keep in mind that YOUR religious beliefs are only yours and do not apply to anyone else. S, YOUR god did not give ME anything. As far as I'm concerned there isn't such thing as gods.
OK that's enough of that. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming..... | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:13:29 PM | I am separated, because I didn't shoot her. I didn't want to go to jail.
My g/f, who I met AFTER I was separated, is also separated, from her hubby who DID try to kill her, and IS in jail.
I wasted enough time being unhappy. I wanted happiness to return as soon as my wife packed up her crap and got the f- out. I tried my d*mndest. I did far more than most any man would've, to save that sinking ship. And no, I don't owe anyone an explanation, especially and specifically anyone who has never been in such a situation.
And my g/f, who is incredible. -Who I wished for from the day I was ten, but never knew such a great woman actually ever existed.... came into my life sudden, like a five dollar bill blowing by on your poorest day. And who already shows me that what I believe a partner should be, is. And, even as I still watch her in awe, no matter how simple the thing, even as I honestly admire her, she can look me in the eye and say that I am the greatest guy that she's ever met....
Now tell me how wrong it is to be together. Tell me please.
And then, pray to your god for me, to save my soul.
Oh wait, he didn't save six million Jews, -his most devout followers, from being gassed, raped,starved, hung, used as lab experiments, brain removal (while alive), children killed in front of parents, etc etc etc.
Six million people pretty much praying their most urgent of pleas, in unison.
And no god saved them.
The Allied (mainly US f*ckin A) Army did.
And now, again, tell me how wrong I am. Tell me please. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:36:40 PM | oh my god, yeah god in small letters!!!! if you want to date a separated person go ahead and do it. but be aware of his/her situation. not all of us are hoping to get back together and lots of us have mutually agreed to separate. each of you has the right to ask questions of the person you are considering dating. so go ahead and do it. then make your decision. unless you are going into something with the plan of marriage then does it matter, in some cultures all it takes to divorce is simply to say it to each other. i'm separated 2 1/2 yrs and we will never get back together and we are amicable. all the baggage is packed and stored away. if someone wants your money for a divorce then run for the hills.  | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:06:31 PM | Vandelai, why do you continuously start threads and ask questions that have nothing to do with your own experience?
I would think this would only become a passionate issue, or even a curiousity, when you're going through a separation, or when you've discovered a month after some gal has already had you dancing on air, that she's going through a separation. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:21:22 PM | Mistake I made: it was too late to save most of the six million. The Allies managed to free but a fraction of the total onslaught.
But, my point is just as valid even with one person asking to be saved from such a death.
One more question, for the two bible thumpers:
Why bother with the whole Adam, Eve, snake, apple, ordeal?
If there was an Adam, and an Eve, who were the parental guidances to teach them right from wrong? They were basically immature adults then, having no set guidance from any human source. Their "parent" was also their "god".
A good parent would have killed that g*dd*mn snake before he let his kids play there.
A good parent removes all dangerous elements, and environents from his children's lives.
He doesn't play morality games with them. He doesn't set the perfect tree with the perfect apples in front of them and say "no touchie" and then ignore the threat of harm (snake) and turn his back upon it, as it leers at his children and steers them into succumbing to his drugs, er, i mean apple.
thus, humankind failed the test because god failed as a parent.
And, lastly, it was just a frickin apple! isn't the punishment far excessive of the percieved crime? banishment? disease? mortality?
All my dad did was whup my butt, and I stole more than an apple!
I had a good dad.
He was a better man than your god.
And he was real. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:31:55 PM | I would date a separated guy - if he knew in his heart it was over between him and his soon-to-be-ex
Soulbane.......
I am so happy for you dude
Squeak | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 11:09:19 PM |
VANDELAI: Would any of you date soemoen who is seperated with a divorce pending? I know of some peole that have, actually carried on full relationships...while seperated, usually do to the fact they are not affording the legal fees or some other stuff
It is easy to find faults in others while we are searching for a special someone. We are all looking for the perfect person, but all human's have faults. Being separated is one of those human faults. But on the positive side, being separated shows you have a track record of committing to marriage.
It really doesn't matter if someone will or will not date you while you are separated. For those of you who do not know what separation is, separation is when married people live apart. The separation can be voluntarily, involuntary or during a divorce lawsuit. The longest divorce case I heard of took eight years, so the people were separated for at least eight years.
Many separated people I know are high quality, available singles (people who were pre-screen by someone who wanted to marry them) who got out of a bad marriage. People who exclude separated people from consideration, exclude a portion of the population that is composed of high quality people.
Many separated people will find their future spouses while separated if they wish to remarry. Some people choose to wait until the "ink dries" on the divorce papers and this is their choice; there is nothing wrong about it. But those high quality, separated people may not be available after the ink dries because they found their next love while separated. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 1:28:19 AM | for those of you who wouldn't date a separated person, i have one cliche for you....
one man's trash is another man's treasure.
and, soulbane...you're a good egg. your new girlfriend is very lucky to have you, for many reasons. you are the treasure to her. good luck to you. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:19:44 PM | my point of view is as follows: if someone is a single parent, or a divorcee... they screwed up. No excuse or situation is going to take the blame completely off of a person. They made a bad decision. It is forgivable, but still something to think about. examples:
woman, "that jerk cheated on me" -ok, not really your fault... but he probably wouldnt have cheated on you if you treated him better. you probably used the ol headache excuse a lil too often
man/woman, "we just werent compatible with each other" shouldnt you have figured that out before you got married? ...idiot
man, "she got fat" love transcends beauty. and why didnt you help/encourage her to shed the pounds?(meanwhile the guy is probably 250 lbs. himself)
man/woman "we got pregnant... not much i can do about it" birth control is over 99% effective(im convinced the 1% of the time it fails is because of improper use ie: oh i forgot to take my pil monday tuesday and wednesday. i guess ill just take 4 on friday). absinance is 100% effective | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:51:08 PM | drinkempretty
I think the assumptions you make about such a situation are appalling.
"woman, "that jerk cheated on me" -ok, not really your fault... but he probably wouldnt have cheated on you if you treated him better. you probably used the ol headache excuse a lil too often"
many women are great to their fellas (and vice versa) this doesn't constitute that their spouse will be guaranteed to behave in a responsible manner towards their marriage. There are a lot of people out there who don't seem to understand responsibilities towards a marriage, and many spouse have been hurt due to this...in instances that aren't their faults.
"if someone is a single parent, or a divorcee... they screwed up"
Does someone who's been physically abused, and have finally gotten out deserve to be told they screwed up because they are divorced? It's not fair in the least to make the assumption that it's their fault when you don't know the background details
"man/woman, "we just werent compatible with each other" shouldnt you have figured that out before you got married? ...idiot"
all people are given to change, it's a part of life. Some may change for the worse or the better. This can result in big changes in the relationship that aren't always for the better, and those left to pick up the pieces should bear no fault if the other person makes hurtful life choices....idiot.
"man, "she got fat" love transcends beauty. and why didnt you help/encourage her to shed the pounds?(meanwhile the guy is probably 250 lbs. himself)"
While this is no excuse to drop your wife, encouragement isn't such an easy fix as you seem to believe it to be. Low self esteem (generally hand in hand with weighing 250 lbs) is a killer, and this sort of situation is nowhere near as cut n dry as you seem to think it is.
All the best of luck to you on the site, I have a feeling you may need it. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:54:21 PM | OMG...i can't believe i just read drinkempretty's obnoxious point of view!!!
first of all, there's no reason to cheat...NONE!!! he'd be history with me too!
secondly, you never really know someone until you live with them. i'm convinced of that. and, if couples can't get along, they usually don't find out until after they're married because they usually don't live together until then. and even if they did, couples are usually on their best behaviour until AFTER the vows are exchanged, and they often don't even realize it!
thirdly, if people say they break up because of drastic weight changes, they're lying. there are other reasons.
and lastly, i give couples who got married because they got pregnant a lot of effort for trying...because they tried to do the right thing. but, once married, you find you shouldn't be together...and staying together for the sake of a child is actually worse for them. kids are intuitive. they'll sense that something's up. so, getting out would be the best thing for all parties involved.
if you need to consider these incidences as screw ups, sobeit. but we're only human, and to err is human!!!
mr. perfect/drink... you must not be human then, huh? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:54:37 PM | | oh, im sorry. did i hurt your feelings? so which one of the examples were you? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 8:59:49 PM | Perhaps he should have been a bit more polished in his presentation- but it does come down to bad decisions. Either a bad one from the get-go by choosing the wrong mate or a bad one down the road by staying too long.
But, but, but how could I tell he was wrong from the get-go? Not the point here- it's still a bad decision. That's why all this "if it feels right run with it" crap is exactly that- crap...
Take your time, operate from a position of knowledge and not emotional motivation. Go with what you KNOW not what you believe.................. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:02:34 PM | thank you, you said it much better than i could have. the thing that pisses me off the most is hearing people say "we just weren't compatible"
jesus, and you got married to someone you werent compatible with? great...
at the very least, if youre divorced youre a liar. "til death do us part" | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:02:43 PM | | actually, drink...if you're talking to me...read what my profile says...SINGLE. (i haven't made any of those "mistakes) | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:05:26 PM | #1, i wasnt talking to watsgot
#2 if youre trying to imply that im divorced youre doin a great job at cracking me up
#3 i love the wimp comment. let it all out | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:19:34 PM | Drink-
I'll be the first to admit that I got pregnant while on the pill, and I can assure you that it was not from mis-use. It was because a doctor forgot to tell me (even though I did ask him) that if I took that antibiotic, that my pill became less effective and to use a backup method. I then decided to make an attempt to do the right thing and I married him. Why? I tried my hardest for the beautiful little four year old that I have now. NOWHERE in my vows did it state "till death do us part" - so I am not a liar of any sort.
I am now seperated, I decided to leave his a$$ one night after he beat the living $hit out of me in front of a crying three year old...there had been NO previous warning signs of any sort and there was no way that any of that was MY fault.
So tell me, in your fabulous opinion, what did I do wrong since you claim that I (as a seperated person) did something wrong? Was it the fact that I wasn't able to look into my crystal ball and see that he was going to beat me up? Or should I have simply walked away from him when I found out I was pregnant?
I think that you should not pretend to know what you are talking about when all your profile talks about is how much you love alcohol...Get a grip buddy.
BACK TO THE TOPIC --- if someone is not going back to their ex, go for it! We "seperated" people still believe and hope in love! | |
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