| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:29:44 PM | hey, i respect that jen. you are the very very rare exception to the case. im very sorry to hear that you were subjected to abuse. i congradulate you for getting out of the relationship. i have no doubt that you are an outstanding human being.
i have been speaking for myself here. despite the fact that you have overcome much adversity, i stand by my point. i would have a hard time dating someone with a 4 year old kid and that much baggage. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:34:39 PM | I can understand that you might think that there is baggage, and there is some, but it is tucked neatly away in the back of my closet for noone but me. I do not consider my daughter baggage by any means, she shows me everyday that good things can come out of bad situations. There is no baggage for anyone to deal with when it comes to entering a relationship with me, unless of course, he considers my daughter baggage - then I do not want him in our lives anyways...
To each their own though, and I respect your opinion. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 3:38:29 AM | I am separated, and it is permanent. I am not looking to get married, or any of that, just looking for new friends, and some laughs... that isn't cheating or adultery.
I met the psycopath here at POF..long story short..
he was a sick man, an abuser, and a cheat.
Won't whine, I was blind-sided by what I thought was love.
for me it could have been forever,
until that first hit, and a threat of my own life.
As far as the religious stuff goes.. God never intended His children to be abused!
And for those that believe the oposite, haven't a clue about God, or marriage.
If you haven't been in my shoes.. you can't walk my road.
People need to stop judging others, and get on with life. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:22:55 AM | | Actually I think the intent of the thread was for people to post their opinions on dating a separated person. Anyone's whose doesn't match yours is being judgemental seems well- judgemental. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:27:25 AM | Been there done that, won't ever do it again.
Waste of time, loss of investment. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 12:38:50 PM | | I don't think anyone is rejecting ones choice to not date a separated person, rather the negative assumptions made about a seperated person based on their life circumstance. If one has no knowledge of what led to the separation it's not fair to view the participants in such an aggressively negative light. | |
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wayne
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Joined: 5/9/2003
Msg: 58 | |
| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 1:11:03 PM | | my personal feeling is no. Tidy up the loose ends then I'll date you. I had a freind date a lady going through a divorce. I went to his funeral when her soon to be ex put two bullets in him. I have also dated seperated and married women. Though I didn't know they were married at that time. Your right hotbush. Not worth the time or the investment. Clean up the loose ends. Its to much baggage for the relationship. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 1:30:14 PM | | I would not date a seperated man. Because I have had a bad experience in my life. How much would you trust that person? may be she/he can use you until, maybe wored out. And when every thing is good, and he/she walk away from you. It is hard to take it,don't you think? Not everybody is the same some of them are honest,really. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 3:13:30 PM | I once dated a blond, she wasn't very intelligent. I'll never date a blond again because all blond women are dumb. You know I also dated a girl that was Irish, she wash a prude. I'll never do that again. All Irish women are prudes. I got mugged in Puerto Rico once. All Peurto Ricans must be crooks.
Sounds pretty narrow minded and stupid, huh? There's no difference between that and saying you had a bad experience with someone that was separated, so therefore all separated people must be bad news, will go back to their wife or husband, etc., etc.
Also, what's the difference between someone that has ended a long, committed relationship, but never got married, and someone that did get married? NOTHING. Do single people have some kind of magic field around them that prevents ex-girlfriends/ex-boyfriends from coming back? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 4:24:39 PM | MD
You are 100% completely right. I understand those who do not wish to date someone seriously like me who is seperated for I am legally still married. (HOPEFULLY THE DIVORCE PAPERS WILL BE SIGNED THIS MONTH  ). They just want me to be legally single, again.
Just don't give the excuse that I could run back to my wife. I mean would you date someone who just ended a long relatiionship? They still have the same chance to run back to that person as I have to go back with my wife during the seperation and afterwards. NO I AM NOT GOING BACK TO HER>>>MY MIND, STOMACH, AND HAPPINESS IS 100% BETTER)
I have met some women who were caustious about me being seperated but we still went out. One of the women I met was my g/f, but it didn't last because I did not love her, but we are still good friends and talk once in awhile and making sure each one is doing great. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:15:33 PM | | Actually, personally, I don't think seperated people are bad news, it's just I prefer the divorce be FINAL, because that is a chapter in their life that is finally closed, and time to move forward. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:38:57 PM | | Im seperated. I make no pretense, I dont intend to get married any time soon. My favorite friend is quite aware of this and has been very cool about it. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:45:22 PM | Making the distinction between casual dating and becoming involved in more indepth relationship-
Baggage- blah, returning to the spouse- blah, signing papers- blah, blah and oh yeah- blah.
The above are considerations, the real issue is-
A separataion, breakup of a long term relationship, divorce etc. is an incredibly turmoiltuous time in a persons life. It takes time to put it behind them and they might swear they are over it and have "moved on" but these people often suffer from the forrest/ trees syndrone being too caught up in their pain, rejection, guilt (insert applicable psychobabble term here) to realize what's right in front of them. Or even worse yet, for you anyway, they are looking for a new love interest to stroke those damaged egos and as soon as it's been adequately soothed and they have worked through all the emmotional, mental issues, they move on to another relationship which has much better odds of success. (rebounding applies here too)
Yeah, yeah, deny it if you must, but you will more likely than not face what I just described by getting involved with a person going through this. There's a principle in life known as Delayed Gratification. In a nutshell it's the ability to overcome these "knee jerk", "if it feels good do it" reactions that we all have everyday in order to wait until the elements of the situation are right. This would be a prime opportunity to employ a healthy dose of delayed gratification.
Casual dating would of course be a different situation, but knowing how our minds tend to work (or not work at times) any involvement with the opposite sex usually takes on more long term subconscious overtones- just our nature in general.............. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 4:21:58 AM | | You are right passinthru,the thread was if you would date a seperated person,but I think that the input from the seperated is needed here in order to round out the tread.Those of you who have never been seperated need to know that we are not all bad neither are we going to run back to the ex.Some of us are out of the relationship for good.A single person can run back to a boyfreind or girfreind just as fast.i have had this happen but it does not mean i am going to stop dating singles | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 5:48:18 AM | [Actually I think the intent of the thread was for people to post their opinions on dating a separated person. Anyone's whose doesn't match yours is being judgemental seems well- judgemental.]
Passinthru
please, don't put words in my mouth, .... I really dislike that in a person...
you're still young, I'll let it slide.. no judging here on my part, I replied just like the rest of you.
(I forgot to add the words),
to make myself perfectly clear on this matter...
Yes! I would date a separated person if they were looking for the same thing I am, a little compassion and friendship..it never hurts to go out and have some fun..
helps to know you don't have leprosy!
to each his/her own | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 6:54:46 AM | I was merely commenting on your comments regarding previous comments and will add the comment-
People are way too touchy when others mention a less than ideal life condition which appiles to their situation and most take on a defensive posture. Thanks for being an example in support of my point. In most of the threads supporting "dating while separated" situations the response neatly fits the description of my immediately preceding post regarding the lack of delayed gratification in life. Again I'll make the distinction between merely dating for fun and dating seeking a deeper relationship. Merely for fun- I see no problem as long as both are aware it's merely an entertainment situation.
Furthermore, merely because my post immediately followed yours does not mean it was directed at you but merely a different view which incorporated similar verbage. No offense was intented toward you just as I intend no offense toward anyone else in these forums. I'm merely here stating my opinion and learning more about this situation known as the human condition. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 2:07:26 PM | I'm seperated ......annuling tha marriage.....whats that have to do with aNYthing? I have no children and we both consider ourselves single....if she doesn't send me tha paperwork in a time frame that I consider too long......I'll go do it myself!!
So whateva.........a woman has a problem with that LMFAO...... beat it! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 4:17:24 PM | | What can I say.........I'm impulsive.....and spontaneous........and don't take life seriously......its about having FUN while yer here..........and tha odds are gonna catch up to me sooner er later....................... | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 9:53:21 PM | okay passinthru..
maybe I was just a wee bit touchy..I can admit that..
we still friends?
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/12/2005 11:09:00 PM | | Well sure we are darlin'. I'll even admit I'm a bit "point blank" in many of my posts and I'm sure some folks get a little put off. That's never been my intention at all. I come here to learn, interact and hopefully, at least from time to time, pass on a little useful info. We ARE all in this thing together afterall. | |
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