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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 1:38:30 AM | ok... lets throw some more fuel on the fire with a bit of a different spin.
I was seperated... now I am divorced... 13 years +
When my ex and I seperated, I would have dearly loved to start a relationship with someone else... but I needed to heal. If you actually love someone enough to marry them (and religious view points aside for now, it does not matter whether it is a formal marriage, or the "common law" variety), you may be to the point that you are "finished" with that relationship, but it does not mean you are emotionally and psyvchologically ready to start another one.
Having said that, the next issue becomes "well, I have been seperated x number of years, I just can not afford to get divorced. With due respect, in Canada, at least, (I suspect there is a an equivelant in the US, but I can not say I know) there are ways to get things done if you want them badly enough. There is legal aid... Hell, if you and the ex are on "amicable" terms, the pair of you can go before a judge yourselves... no fuss, no muss. If you have been seperated for years, as in several, without an motion towards the divorce, then I would respectfully submit that you are not quite as "finished" as perhaps was believed.
Now... if you are actually moving through the divorce proceedings, that can take some time...
and, just for the record, if you divorce on the grounds of adultery, the one year waiting period is waived. But there is still typically alot of upset, and "baggage" to work through. Is this a good time to start a relationship with someone else... doubtful... but not necessarily impossible.
And... two closing comments... repeated from friends of mine who have had a family counseling practice for 35 years, specializing in marrriages in trouble. Both members of the couple are counselors.
1- It takes two to get married, it takes one to get a divorce.
2- And this one is going to piss a lot of people off.... There is no such thing as an innocent party in a divorce. This does not mean that you deserved to be beaten, abused, cheated on, or any of the rediculously long list of things that can happen. It does not even necessarily mean that you "provoked" whatever it iwas the other person did. What it does mean is that you were a part of the relationship.... and the relationship went south. The sooner people take responsibility for thier part... however big or small that part may be... the sooner they will be able to stop being a "victim"... pursue the healing for themselves... and then be ready for a much better relationship the second time. Typically however, (not always, I know) the victim says "he did it", or "she did that", I am not responsible for it. I dont have to change anything. Those are the people that you see chasing Liz Taylor for the number of times married.
Should a person date a "seperated" person... It is a hard question to answer... even before the religious factors enter. I don't know. I think you have to take it on a case by case basis... but I think, for the reasons outlined above, it would be fair to say that dating a seperated person has a higher risk of not working out, than dating someone who already has all that behind them. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 2:48:54 AM | Are you a preacher or something??
what do you mean by no innocent parties?
You have no idea what anyone besides you and your ex went thru..
like I said before, and will repeat it again
you haven't walked in my shoes...
and you haven't the foggiest notion about me or my life.
be well, ya' all have fun...I think you have all made your point
quite nicely..
seperated peoples make your world a little too messy.
Sorry we aren't as perfect as the rest of you's....
forgive the sarcasm.
cocoPuff be gone.........................................*poof* | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:14:06 AM | | This goes RIGHT back to tha post about Dating a disabled person.......I'd have NO problems dating Seperated Syamese twins................but ya gotta keep'em seperATEd!!! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:20:48 AM | There is too much generalization going on here: single people are this, separated people are that, yada, yada, yada. There are an infinite number of reasons why relationships end. We're talking about people here, not machines.
There's one thing I agree with in what tin_man wrote; people that drag out separation for years lead me to believe that there must be some baggage. In Maryland, and I suspect many other states, there are five reasons that can allow someone to petition for a divorce without waiting for the one year period. Adultery, physical abuse, desertion for 12 months, incurable insanity, and conviction of a felony or misdemeanor with a prison terms of 3 years. They're all pretty severe situations. Of course the sixth reason is being separated for 12 months. So given that, I really don't see any reason why someone can't go their local courthouse and file the required paperwork. You don't need a lawyer to do it. And if things are amicable (like in my case), you simply wait the required time period and you both file the papers, no lawyer, no big fees, no fuss.
There is also annulment. I have a cousin who had her marriage annuled. Her ex went to the church and wrote them a check for $500. He got an instant annulment. OH, BTW, they had two children during their marriage. Isn't the church great? They're soooo accomodating. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:35:45 AM | MD,
We are pretty much forced to make comments in using generalities here. I do agree that in some instances (possibly yours included) that the general concensus doesn't apply. I don't consider a separated person as "damaged goods" or having baggage issues, we all have those whether married, divorced, separated, or whatever. I do (and this is just my opinion and my opinion only) believe that generally speaking, most separated individuals simply have not had time to "heal and deal" with the ended or ending relationship.
As for the church, yeah it's great. Gotta love any centuries old, morally condescending establishment that will alter their views for a few bucks. But expressing my contempt for organized religion would consume too much bandwidth here. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:42:33 AM | I'm with ya on tha organized religion thing..........I have my spirituality and I KNOW when I'm wrong...............plus,I enjoy hot over cold anyday......................... | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 10:34:30 AM | Hey everybody!
Mant people on here are anti-moral and anti-Christian, so I'll approach this subject in a more direct, logical manner, ok?
If everybody on this planet wanted a marriage to work out, they would all have the same premise, but they don't, and since many don't beileve in anything religiously or specifically any more, they tolerate everything socially. It leaves us with a quandry; that as in marriage and divorce, we are allowed to roam about hopping from one person to the other, and sometimes as often as most of us change our socks. Since society now dislike rules and morals (derived from Judaism, incidentally) and religion, prefering individualism instead, we now have the "right" to make choices as we see them, and to not have to answer to our God, or to anything else except for the government (if we can get away with it). This allows us to not ever have a need or compulsion or direction to follow a creed, so, if there is ever a chance for a weakened marriage to work out, we can be sure that it's a lot easier to run away from it than to repair it, consequently, it WON'T.
No wonder that we have the highest divorce rate, one-parent rate, and immoral rate, of any other society on this planet. Immorality and/or lack of religion have give marriage a bad name, and we now just find a way to crap out on our vows, instead of working to keep them intact. Now we know why "Johnny" and "Susie" have such a crappy, unhappy, fatherless (or motherless) life to start out in; because most people are cowards running to the next, the next, and the next "lifetime mate". What a mess. What a bunch of cowards. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 12:11:26 PM |
f everybody on this planet wanted a marriage to work out, they would all have the same premise, but they don't, and since many don't beileve in anything religiously or specifically any more, they tolerate everything socially. It leaves us with a quandry; that as in marriage and divorce
U.S. stats, .......kinda' make your whole screed moot, ........ Hmmmm?
11% of the adult population is currently divorced.
25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime.
Divorce rates among conservative Christians were much higher than for other faith groups, and for Atheists and Agnostics.
You paint with a broad brush to further a "God" agenda, .....what you have to say has nothing, .......absolutely nothing to do with anybody's real world situation.
Plus you base it on, what?
.......Certainly not real world stats.
What a bunch of cowards.
...pathetic | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 1:59:05 PM | Orphus1
I feel you have made some valid points, but at the same time some very unfair generalizations.
I separated form my wife this past fall. It began when she fooled around on me with another fella, and stopped coming home while she started working as a stripper. So whats a guy to do?
I am a strong believer in the foundation of marriage, and I know it will hit it's bumps so here's what I did. I welcomed her home no problems, no hassle, and said we could work through it. I even put balloons & banners up so she knew she could have a home to come back to and feel welcome in. I didn't get sarcastic with her at any point, I just let it be and tried to talk it out.
Let me assure you that there is nothing more terrifying than the uncertainty of your partners loyalty, and making the choice to willingly re-enter that sort of situation with that person. The thought of continuing with her was absolutely horrifying to me. But a marriage is an important promise, and I made the choice to push those fears aside, and go for it.
So let me also assure you that I am no coward
What happened...well she's young, and it's party time I guess, I don't know, her growing erratic behaviour since then has given me enough stress to sink a ship. Long story short, this marriage is done, and it's not going to work. She's made a choice despite some hard efforts on my part. She's going in a different direction now, and I hope she can do it safely, but it's not going to be with me.
In a lot if not most situations I agree that both parties share some degree of blame for the end in a marriage, but what bugs me here is the generalization that this is the case in all marriage breakups.
You're probably wondering what went on b4 to make her want to go, and what I did to prompt that....I have no idea really.
I got her flowers every paycheck, made her advent calendars for christmas, never used sarcasm with her, or anything hurtful like that. I supoorted her in whateverl ife/job etc directions she went in. At one point she weighed 230 lbs, and she was still beautiful to me, and I made sure she knew that every day, and supported her through that, and all the low self esteem it came with. If she was sick or hitting the time of the month, I have made many a trip out to 7-11 at 3 in the morning for Pepto Bismal or what have you. Plainly stated she was treated like gold, and very much respected. So what have I done that was so wrong & cowardly.
Sometimes people just need to go their own way for any number of reasons, some good, some bad. Sometimes others get left in the dust wondering what happened.
And I dont think any of those people are cowards. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 2:07:24 PM | "mant(y) people on here are anti-moral and anti-Christian, so I'll approach this subject in a more direct, logical manner" -orphes1
You see the humor in your sentence there? Many of us are anti-christian, so you're going to use a more logical manner? Verses, with christians, you would be forced to use a more illogical approach? Well, of course. Thank you for admitting to such.
Now, as far as the anti-moral manner....
I would put my core values up against your bigoted ones, any day.
Because I do not rely on false gods, not idols, I am free to use my own wisdom and faith in mankind to set a path to independent spiritual wealth.
Because I do not put all of my faith within a false structure of salvation, I am free to choose the exact type of people and relationships that will reward me with a foundation of inner strength and fortitude.
Free Will is a wonderful thing, when handed to those with the insight and the humility to know they need their fellow humankind's nurturing to get us by.
No man is an island, just as no entity is a god.
Religion is a wonderful creation of intelligent persons. To follow it brings a certain degree of good intentions surrounded by human frailty.
But, the arrow to the chest is to always be "am I good enough". That alone is its fatal flaw.
And, what's more, it is taking too much away from the ambition of mankind, and setting into the "belief" that salvation is not for us to achieve, but to hope for.
To pray is to wait. I prefer a more "direct" result. It is not a matter of faith, for I believe in humanity over any other "condition". Our minds and our hearts and our spiritual belief for more is what continues our existences. It is not dictated by the belief in a spiritual outside force. For that takes away our power within ourselves, uniquely.
Nor, obviously, is there a great satanic being to thwart our best intentions. Our morals are not swayed by anythng more than our own personal levels of curiousity and decadence.
We as a people will always outnumber the weird, the cruel, the harmful. Yet it's those same "demons"that flash the brightest lightning, and blinds the good in the majority of us.
Good is not gone. Good is still and always to be the majority. But, to weigh the value of what is "wholesome" enough for their ticket to heaven, would make the good people overly stressed and therefore not able to counter the bad ones out there.
You need no god to be a morally good person. You only need your own wisdom, and the courage to follow it. If that isn't good enough for your god, then you need a new god.
But, each person that has had a chance to understand right from wrong, and to understand that their conscience is their best guide, yet decides to follow a path of less-than-ideal morals, is not doomed to a hell that certainly can not decide if that person knew enough beforehand to be deemed unsalvagable. Hell would be over run, and "heaven" would be so exclusive that every separate religion would be bartering over the same handful of tickets.
You sound so despondent towards your fellow man, as a whole. Have you no faith?
To insult those who do not agree with you does you no just service. It only illuminates your flaws, not theirs. Additionally, it insults those in my life who have given me the best chances at having a wonderfully rewarding life, free of those carrying negative, dooming banners, or books.
The bible is and always was meant to be a guide, not a religion. Humans altered its meaning, to suit the situational times. That's why there are 217 "religions"; humans have different translations. I would guess you would swear that yours is the correct one. Out of 216 others, you better hope so. That's a lot of wrong sets of pearly gates.
The end of the world will be as the beginning, all about science.
Until then, getting through life, is all about mankind, not a kind of god.
can you cook BBQ chicken in heaven? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 2:46:26 PM | "Now we know why "Johnny" and "Susie" have such a crappy, unhappy, fatherless (or motherless) life to start out in; because most people are cowards running to the next, the next, and the next "lifetime mate". What a mess. What a bunch of coward"
FYI "johnny" and "susie" may now be seen as "Trinity" and "Ella" and after Trinity got to watch her daddy beat the $hit out of her mommy, we got the hell out. No more mess and no cowardice here and how dare you pass judgement on people without knowing the whole story.
I have yet to bring "yet another lifetime" mate into the picture and do not intend on doing so until months into a relationship and I am going to be darn sure that he is the "one" first.
Trinity and Ella now have a fantastic life, they see their dad twice a month and finally have a postive father figure on their lives, my father. Trinity now speaks more clear and has more self confidence then ever before. The way this child has grown since I left is unreal.
Please do not judge. Please do not put labels on lives that you are in no position to judge. For some reason you took the question of "would you date a seperated person" and used it to run off at the mouth. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 2:48:51 PM | | Oh and one more thing Orphes...what does your god think of YOU being divorced???????? | |
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Joined: 3/9/2005
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 2:55:57 PM | | I was involved once with a separated woman, she was a very caring and wonderful person. I didn't see anything wrong with it, but it didn't work out because I was much, much younger than her, and she also had two children with the Father very much active in their lives. It was just a lot of complication that I wasn't ready to commit too. We're still friends. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 4:22:54 PM | ok, i posted in here before...and i'm retracting my original post...
no, i won't date a separated person. too much heartache involved...and it's usually mine. going through it as we type! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 5:50:11 PM | Of course I'd date someone that is separated! I'm separated myself, but doesn't mean there's a chance for reconciliation between me and my ex. I'd have to agree with MDBiker ... being separated doesn't make a person any less desirable or a bad choice for a relationship. It just means that a marriage came to an end for 2 people for whatever reason(s).
I don't believe being separated (or even divorced) to be classified as a 'human fault' as Puppy_Love stated. Although it is human faults that cause marriages to end. SingleMaltGirl stated that "someone who is separated still has the ability to go back to their ex" ... everyone has the ability to go back to their exes, whether you're separated, divorced or not.
And as for drinkempretty ... You're something else! I just have to state that you're too quick to judge and form your opionions of people and their situations you know nothing about. Being a single parent DOES NOT MEAN that I screwed up! The fact that he cheated on me was not caused by mistreatment on my part, but by his insecurities. You're comment ... at the very least, if youre divorced youre a liar..."til death do us part"... this does not group ALL divorcees or ones that are separated ... yes, I did break this vow the day I left my abusive marriage ... but he broke all vows the day he walked away from the marriage to have an affair shortly after taking vows.
Just keep in mind everyone ... whether separated, divorced or single ... a person is a person no matter how small. We all shed the same colour blood and feel the same wave of emotions. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 6:11:07 PM | mspicky said:
ok, i posted in here before...and i'm retracting my original post...
I always admire someone who's prepared to change their mind....respect to you.
Sorry, though, that you're having a hard time. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 6:15:18 PM | Sorry to hear about your bad luck Mspicky. Please try to keep in mind that we're not all the same. Its what us separated folks here have all been saying.
I'll say it again, we're dealing with people, not machines. There's no factory that processes married couples on an assembly line and spits us out (separately) like widgets.
Can you imagine if there was such a thing? Maybe we could spark more interest from the ultra reliable, baggage free, single people by coming with some kind of return policy or warranty. Emotional satisfaction guaranteed! Wouldn't that be great?
Oh, wait a minute....do single people come with warranties too? 
Sorry, no guarantees when it comes to relationships.
Having your heart broken is a risk we all take when getting into a relationship, regardless if it's with a married (but separated) person, a single person that just came out of relationship, or someone that just can't or won't commit. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 6:54:28 PM | thanks, grove...
and, MD...i know you're not all the same...and by no means am i saying he's "the same" (whatever that same is)
but, when things are still unsettled, it's harder for the person on the outside (me, in this example) to make sense of it all...to make sense of how they fit into the picture.
this guy i'm talking about did nothing wrong, well, kind of. it's a long story, and he's on this site...if anyone is going to air out his dirty laundry, it will have to be him. not my place.
and, you're right...we can all have our hearts broken in any circumstance. all i'm saying, is that if all other paths are clear, the chance of getting hurt are fewer, or managable. there's nothing worse than the feeling of heartache caused by a third party (the soon to be ex, in this case) and the second party (the separated person you're dating) adding salt to the wound by not dealing with it the way you'd hoped. that's all | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/14/2005 9:07:09 PM | MsPicky, thank you for the prior nod my way, on my earlier post a few days ago.
Squeak, you as well. Thanks.
And MsPicky, I am sorry to hear that things didn't work out with that guy from POF. It sucks
regardless of where he's from, or the situation that turned it bad. I hope for you the best, with the next.
And lastly, the following is a personal mail that I wrote to a really cool woman from POF, about my thoughts on being separated, yet "still human". it is edited only at the bottom, where personal stuff was written. Take it for what it's worth, or not.
Here goes....
Well, I would agree about dating separated people. It is a no win situation. But, when two people are both separated, and both caught in some sort of limbo across the board, are they exempt from living some degree of life? Is everything about them put on hold until they can "shower" off their emotional grime and such?
In the meantime, between the burning down of the marriage and the restructuring of a "proper" relationship, are separated people so completely and thoroughly frustrated and confused that they are tainted? They are left in the tank with the other unpicked lobsters? Just waiting for the day they get picked for boiling again! wha?
Sorry. But d*mn. Sometimes when our marriages are collapsing, and we know it way ahead of time, we begin to "rebound" long before even the walking away is done. Your friend is right, about the emotional trauma that a separated person may be carrying for awhile. Yet, within all people, regardless of "partner" status, is emotional baggage. Or self-inflicted, self-conscience, low aspiring dilemas. whatever.
Sure, we can weed out the undesirable traits about people in general. But, if and when we find someone that we like, then we decide is it worth it. Is the patience going to pay off. Or, simply even, do I need them(someone) now, so as I do not become some anti-social malcontent.
Are separated people supposed to move off the mainland? Can't we mingle, as long as we wear that big purple "S" on our foreheads, at least? Purple for bruised, ya know.
People are always going to be imperfect creatures. My flaws alone count against about three men already. (okay, so that makes two perfect men out there, thanks to me?)
Seriously. What someone brings with them is never going to be an open checklist. We don't always have the luxury of running into the perfect-for-us people. We let fate bring whoever they find for us. Flaws, conditions, all. We either accept them, or disregard them.
I DO agree about dating separated people. But, I differ in that dating is just dating. It isn't a spousal pre-class meeting to polish up one's marrital worth. it's just dating! it isn't supposed to be shopping for a spouse. Because then it is burdened, unbeknown to the dated, that they are being overly analyzed, for potential longterm gain. And "gain" it is seen as. A date is supposed to be weightless. No pressure. It isn't a nazi-labor camp "let me live cause I can cook and sew" interview!
If I like someone, what if they limp? What if they have ten kids? What if they have to be back at the jailyard by seven p.m.? Whatever. My point is if I like them, and want to see them again, I will take in all of their "flaws" and adjust my ideals for such, because it's just a date and I like them!
many problems are not forever. If they are a great person caught in a bad situation, be it separation, parole, whatever, I have the patience perhaps to wait and see how it may go.
it is my choice, it is my decision.
What if they are perfectly able to accept me and my flaws? All one thousand of them? But, I can not accept some temperary, and singular, flaw within them? Am I fair then?
Someday, I won't be married to this woman. I know that. And even though I am worth about four bucks in the dating pool right now, I am still a good guy, wanting and needing good friends and a few good dates once in awhile, to let me know I am still a viable human being! My life isn't stopped. I have no choice except to move ahead, regardless of the weight and the obstacles involved in doing such. I want to live, and laugh now.
And, if no woman can accept my conditions, then I understand. I am not worth marrying right now. Never claimed to be on the market.
But, if a woman wants a nice date, with a nice guy who won't get drunk and hump her leg, and wants intelligent conversation and an occasional rub on the back, then that guy is me.
I don't bring my "ex"wife on my dates. I don't want to talk about her on a date. I don;t care to hear about the woman's nightmare men either. I want to spend time with her and me exclusively.
I don't bring my cell phone, I don't stare at the waitresses asses.
Ya know what? I am a great guy, with a very imperfect life... at the time. I'm not good at being a jerk. Not at all. I can't close my doors to friends, and certainly not a future ex wife.
I've had such good people in my life, only a few bad. Only one horrible. But the good so outnumber the bad, and my outlook is result of that.
When a dog gets hit by a car, and no one will stop, that will be me stopping.
When a neighbor's tree needs watering, and they forget too long to do it. I will water it.
When some loser needs a smoke, I'll give him one.
If ya need a buck, for a beer or a burger, here's a dollar.
And if someone wants to go have a drink or a "real" date, but they are separated or just "stuck", I'll take them.
It ain't rocket science. It's basic human function to seek out "want and need". I want to live, and thrive. Now. Not next year.
To each their own.
And, sorry. I just had it out with someone about this subject.
Dating "tainted" people, which included separated ones.
And at the same time, he sat there all alone, discounting person after person. And when it was time to leave, me and my "pretty, smart, funny" friend left him sitting there.
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/15/2005 2:29:54 AM | a comment for the christian/morals thing....
They call their followers a flock of sheep for a reason...I intend to be a goat in the stable 
As for me, I choose who I hang with....and ifn the dude is separated.....I will date him....long as he has had enough time to heal....
Squeak
Soul - you are welcome dude....
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/15/2005 2:37:24 AM | Soul, I think that you wrote with great feeling and I have much sympathy with everything you said.
I also agree with your statement "to each his own"
Furthermore, I'd never say to anyone, "Don't date a separated person".
Now, you did ask:
Is everything about them put on hold until they can "shower" off their emotional grime and such?
I'd have to say, "At least think about it."
Now I wouldn't want to make my own divorce experience either normative or prescriptive. However, I did have about as easy a divorce as is possible: we had no children and no wrangle about property. I simply left with a carload of essentials and a month's rent in my bank account.
Even with such a straightforward exit I was emotionally bankrupt. I rented a tiny but cute studio apartment in Wimbledon and when I wasn't working I either read, listened to music or watched the squirrels playing in the trees outside the window. I didn't get involved with anyone for over 6 months and didn't get into anything serious for well over a year. Why? Because I didn't have anything to give.
For me, having a break to, 'shower of my emotional grime', as you so eloquently phrased it was wonderfully cathartic and while I wouldn't mandate it for all, I'd suggest people at least consider it. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/15/2005 4:02:34 AM | Well... two things...
I am sorry CoCoPuff.... my purpose was not to offend....
Although, unfortunately occasionally some find the truth... or even just honest perspective... offensive.
Second...
There are still a few who would suggest that you can end a marriage and jump into another relationship... just like that.
I would submit the following.... (And yes, some of you will not like it, I will apologize for that in advance:)
1. If the two people in the marriage loved each other (An old fashioned idea, but still mostly true) then the severence of that relationship necessarily means emotional damage... not irreparable, but damage just the same. There is also a very high likelyhood of spiritual/and or psychological damage... again, repairable. NOTE:SPIRITUAL IS NOT THE SAME AS RELIGIOUS IN THIS CONTEXT, apologies to those who would suggest we are not spiritual beings. These repairs take time, and regardless of how long the "union" (since again, I don't much care whether traditional marriage or common law), was over, there is still some repair to be done when the union is initially severed. AND there is some repair required when that union is FINALLY severed. That finality, comes in the form of the divorce... or in the case of common law, the final consent judgment.
So if you are going to date someone who is in that process, there is no guarantee that they are going to be the same person at the end of these repairs as they were when you met them.
I never once said, or even implied that they were any less of a person, or had any less worth as a human being. I simply said... That there is an added risk to a relationship while a person is in this phase of thier life. I also said... that does not mean you should or should not date them... just be aware of the risks.
2. I happen to hold certain religious beliefs... what they are do not matter for the purpose of this thread. My point would be that while some people may choose not to date a seperated person because of thier religous beliefs, no person has the right to attempt to "impose" those beliefs on anyone... and besides, such an attempt would never work anyway. For those in the above posts, I would point out that Christ told those who would be Christians to "lead".. not impose. Leading does not include berating or belittling someone because they believe something other than you do.
At the same time, I would respectfully submit that as a result of the title of this thread if a person were to say "No, I would not date a seperated person because of this or that religious belief", it would be an answer to the title question of the thread, and some should have a look at why thy had to respond so vehemently to a simple stated opinion. It was not an attack on anyone.
3. For the record... this is something I did do a lot of research into... so my comments come not only from my position as a seperated person, as I was for a time, but from actually taking the time to research the effects of the end of this kind of a relationship on a person. It is similiar, although certainly not identical, to someone who is widowed. (There, now I opened another can of worms). A widow needs the time to grieve the loss of his/her spouse.
Situations are different, sometimes some of that grieving can be done as the spouse slips away due to illness, sometimes it does not start untill the spouse is gone. But the point would be that regardless of when it started, it is not finished the day the departed spouse passes. In a quasi, sense, you could say the widow is seperated.... because the grieving prcess is not finished.
4. Last.. but not least... I care far too much about people... all people... to ever suggest that anyone has more or less worth as a person just because of thier so-called marital status.
Personal worth has nothing to do with it. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/15/2005 6:26:36 AM | . . . NO... i tried , and got burned big-time...nope....never again.... and i would not want to be the "first" relationship after a newly - final divorce either... Nope, dont want to be a "taste-test of freedom"... i am the main course... Later, hugs to all,    | |
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