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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 6:07:06 AM |
keepingit:
She would have to really be something before I'd marry her. There are a lot of factors involved.
I say to all the guys married get married but separate.... separate bank accounts,split the bills,and a stronger prenup agreement that says if you get money from me now for alamony/child support that we men can then sue you later for financial and emotion stress.
I bet most guys would then get married again.
Hey keepingit. I feel and think the way you do! | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 6:08:17 AM | The thing is... why are things so biased against men?
They are biased but not as much as is generally reckoned. A big hunk of it is bluff.
Divorced guys listen to people like you griping that the courts are anti man, and don't bother ging to court to make a fight of it. A fight that they can win.
And increasing numbers of men are now fighting, and winning.
And thats causing an interesting change in the mindsets of the women. The wife is far less likely to go running to the divorce courts over a toilet seat left up if there is a real rish that HE will keep the house and kids and SHE will have to pay maintinance. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:36:36 AM | In my youth I was the biggest proponent of marriage there was. I didn't marry until 29 because I was only doing it once and forever. I stayed in a bad marriage for 5 extra years trying someway to repair my marriage and get my ex to get some help.
I had to realize in the end that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it alone. Both people have to want to work together. I'm not perfect by any means but I was willing to move 75% if she would come 25% and she wouldn't. And that hasn't changed even now as I have custody and she doesn't want to meet me in the middle for visitation. She wants me to give her back our son and disappear.
Would I marry again, yes if it what was what would make the woman I loved happy. I know now for sure that I am capable of the sacrifices and compromise of a monogamous relationship. But I also know that piece of paper won't ensure a lifetime of happiness. I do know if I say that I will make a life commitment with a lady I would move the earth to try and make that lifetime of happiness happen. (even if it meant marring again) | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:55:15 AM | A good friend of mine is studying to be a lawyer. He has an airtight prenuptial contract in a folder in his office. Whenever a girlfriend starts talking about marriage, he gets it out, puts it down on the table, and says - if he really likes her - that he is willing to get married any time. But she has to understand that the prenup happens before anything else. If they get married, and then get divorced, she takes whatever she came in with. Nothing more, nothing less.
"You don't have to sign it, now," he says. "Have a lawyer review it. Make sure you understand everything."
"But honey," one girlfriend told him. "If you really loved me, the money wouldn't matter."
He told her, "No, if you loved ME, the money wouldn't matter."
I'm not saying all women are gold diggers, but after one divorce where I got taken to the cleaners, let's just say I'm not getting married again, and if in some alternate reality I ever considered it, there would be a prenup on the table. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:59:14 AM | The marriage license should be renewable every 3 years like a drivers license. Every three years you have the chance to sit down and review where you are at. If you are both happy, you sign again. If you are not, you have the option to get help and become happy again or walk away.
How many of us would have benefitted from that? | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:15:44 AM | If they get married, and then get divorced, she takes whatever she came in with. Nothing more, nothing less.
A woman would be an idiot to sign something like that. Let's say two people got married, the woman got a really good job afterward, her paycheck allowed them to get a really nice house and nice cars, then the guy decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Then she'd be left with nothing and he'd get all the stuff that her hard work and dedication helped pay for? Pfffft...
Actually, now that I think about it that would be a pretty good idea if there was a clause regarding "if SHE leaves" or "if SHE cheats" and that ends the marriage. That would definitely weed out the losers. ;) | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:24:42 AM |
A good friend of mine is studying to be a lawyer. He has an airtight prenuptial contract in a folder in his office. Whenever a girlfriend starts talking about marriage, he gets it out, puts it down on the table, and says - if he really likes her - that he is willing to get married any time. But she has to understand that the prenup happens before anything else. If they get married, and then get divorced, she takes whatever she came in with. Nothing more, nothing less.
I love that! It definitely clears out all the suckers...love and money DON'T mix. The best way to go into something like that is with your eyes open.
Why do women bring up marriage if it's not a mutual discussion? Do they think talking about it reminds a guy that it's possible? He knows that. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:33:33 AM | Angela, I think what he meant is that NEITHER keeps the house in your scenario. That is a joint asset they bought together.
My example would be the classic Gibson guitar I have. I have had it since I was 17 years old, 38 years. If a wife were to divorce me and claim that she is entitled to half the value of that guitar, 9 guys in robes would decide that one. That was mine LONG before I met her and she has no title to it.
Houses, cars, anythign they buy together is included in the in dissolution of the marriage. Either could buy the other out of the house if they want to keep it.
In looking at your post, I see this:
the woman got a really good job afterward, her paycheck allowed them to get a really nice house and nice cars, then the guy decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Then she'd be left with nothing and he'd get all the stuff that her hard work and dedication helped pay for?
Where did the house and cars go in that equation? They just vanished. His not wanting to be married anymore doesn't give him the cars. Neither should that give HER the cars. Your statement assumes that he keeps everything. Hardly the case unless you get a really ignorant family court magistrate.
Now if she had the house BEFORE they married, he could make a case for having contributed to the equity while they were married, but he could never make a case for keeping the house she already owned.
Two people with zero between them have no need for a pre-nup. When one is a "have" and the other a "have not" it is good to have one so nobody loses. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:35:48 AM | Eastsideeddie, I gotcha. The whole idea just sort of struck me as strange, but now I get it. I've never been married or divorced so I'm not quite edumacated as to how that stuff works.  | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 9:28:15 AM | OK let me first say that I have not read each and every post on this thread( I tried but after 2 pages I thought my head was gonna explode!)
Here's what I see; a foregone conclusion that marriages end in divorce.
If that is the mindset of the average male today, I not only support men being on a marriage strike, hell, I'll walk the picket line with them! Where do I sign up??
Cindy O | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 10:23:14 AM |
A woman would be an idiot to sign something like that. Let's say two people got married, the woman got a really good job afterward, her paycheck allowed them to get a really nice house and nice cars, then the guy decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Then she'd be left with nothing and he'd get all the stuff that her hard work and dedication helped pay for? Pfffft... - angelab
Actually, what you've just described is exactly what's happened to a lot of guys I know.
It's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?
It's entirely possible that I didn't explain this very clearly, but the woman is not signing over her future assets. Nor is the man.
Basically, it's a "What's yours is yours, and what's mine is mine" clause.
The woman made the money, and bought the house all by herself? Great! She earned it, she bought it, she keeps it.
She won the lottery? Great! She bought the ticket, she earned it, she keeps it. Every penny.
I would sign a prenup like that without hesitation. I've never wanted anyone else's money.
I have, however, had a lot of my own, and a lot of years of work, taken from me by someone I thought cared about me.
Actually, now that I think about it that would be a pretty good idea if there was a clause regarding "if SHE leaves" or "if SHE cheats" and that ends the marriage. That would definitely weed out the losers. ;) - angelab
That requires proving that she left, or proving in a court of law that she cheated. No, in a civil tort, easily established facts are the best way to go.
I love that! It definitely clears out all the suckers...love and money DON'T mix. The best way to go into something like that is with your eyes open. Why do women bring up marriage if it's not a mutual discussion? Do they think talking about it reminds a guy that it's possible? He knows that. - oldschoolqueen
Yeah, that's pretty much my attitude.
But hey, I believe that marriage should be an equal relationship. Go figure. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:28:06 PM |
That requires proving that she left, or proving in a court of law that she cheated. No, in a civil tort, easily established facts are the best way to go.
Actually in my state unless something's changed recently, we are classified as "no fault", which means that the courts flat out don't care if you were cheating. Whatever the reason for the divorce has no bearing on the settlement unless it pertains to the children involved and their welfare. Our state only cares what happens once the divorce is filed and they only get involved with prior assets, current ownership, alimony, and child support/custody. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:38:09 PM | In Ohio you CAN file for a no-fault divorce, but you can also file contested, and in that case adultery/infidelty is HUGE in court. When it comes to custody, etc, the court is likely to take into heavy consideration the moral fabric of the parties involved, and if one is a drunker, a drug user, an adultere.... it is likely to weigh heavily against them if they look for custody.
No-fault, uncontested divorce, is an entirely different set of protocols here, but every divorce is a no-fault uncontested divorce. If one side files with grounds, prepare for a good 10 round bout. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:06:37 PM |
Here's what I see; a foregone conclusion that marriages end in divorce.
Not always, only 60+% of time. And 80% of these times, it's the woman who files for it. Doing the math, when you marry, there is a 50% chance of you getting divorced.
So this mindset is fully justified. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/9/2006 5:44:26 AM | That's so funny on it's face
But I grew up in the land of shotgun weddings and know more that one guy That asked a girl out, who asked him to go down a country road or out to the barn, pulled a flat bottle out of her purse.........And he woke up naked with the brother standing over him with a double barrell | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:18:41 AM | But I also know that piece of paper won't ensure a lifetime of happiness. I do know if I say that I will make a life commitment with a lady I would move the earth to try and make that lifetime of happiness happen. (even if it meant marring again)
=========================================
Thanks for that Willus. Mind if I add to it??
The piece of paper isn't a garantee of a lifetimes happpiness. It's a celebration of a happy , commmitted, relationship that already exists. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:27:14 AM | A woman would be an idiot to sign something like that. Let's say two people got married, the woman got a really good job afterward, her paycheck allowed them to get a really nice house and nice cars, then the guy decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Then she'd be left with nothing and he'd get all the stuff that her hard work and dedication helped pay for? Pfffft...
=================================
Interesting Angel!!!
I note that you have convenienly ignored the second point. IE If SHE loved him that money wouldn't matter.
Women are just as notorius in expecting total love without GIVING any as they are in expecting money.
Now lets just get back to your paticular point bcause I do know ONE and only one woman that this happened to. She worked, to keep the both of them, while he studied to become a doctor. Once he was established in practice she quit work to have the family. The kids were in their late teens by the divorce. And, wiht no pre nup she got half.
BUT
He married a short time later on the rebound. Nine months later his new wife, who had bought nither money nor effort to the marriage, divorced him and she also got half of what he had left.
Angel!!!!
If you are serious about ending the marriage strike then you have to quit taking sides with these gold diggers. You probably genuinely believe that you're not, but trust me, you are. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:32:40 AM | ^
sparticuss, if you'd read a little bit further down on that page you'll see where I didn't understand quite what he was talking about and that I later agreed that a prenup like that could be a good idea.
And yes, money IS important. If someone even has an inkling of an idea that the person they're planning on marrying is a gold digger they should run away as fast as they can. The right person won't care about the money their beloved already has, but they'll be smart enough to realize that if things go wrong down the road it's good to protect themselves.
I've said it a million times... I'd sign a prenup in a heartbeat that said that if a marriage I was in broke up I'd have no problem leaving with whatever I had in the first place and half of what we built together. Nothing more than that... Anyways, the only way I'd leave a man I married would be if he did something like become a total drunk and start hitting me. Under normal circumstances, if a marriage I was in broke up it would be because he left. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:33:54 AM | But I grew up in the land of shotgun weddings and know more that one guy That asked a girl out, who asked him to go down a country road or out to the barn, pulled a flat bottle out of her purse.........And he woke up naked with the brother standing over him with a double barrell
=================
Willus
My grandmother used to cheerfully relate numerous tales of young couples who would deliberiately set up shotgun weddings.
The boyfriend would drop in to visit the girl and the father would drive him off at gunpoint.
So the girl would slip away to some pre arranged meeting with the guy, but would leave some sort of clue at home.
By the time the father caught up with them the deed (sex) was done.
And the father would drive them both into the church, also at gunpoint. Which is what the young couple had in mind in th first place. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:37:24 AM | Simple fact is still this.
The following HAVE to change before the marriage strike will stop.
1/ The girl who is more in love with the wedding than the husband.
2/ The culture of hatred towards men in female society.
3/ The money grubbing in general
4/ The court policies in divorce cases.
I'm not even contemplating anything but the most casual of relationships these days. It's simply not worth it. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:40:11 AM | Sweetheart, I can count the women I know who honestly hate men on one hand. I love men and so do most of my friends.
The women I know who hate men actually just hate their jerk exes who cheated on them and things like that. They're bitter and jaded and think all men cheat and hit women just like the "marriage strike" guys who think that all women are out to get their money and want a wedding more than they want a husband. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 6:00:21 AM | Angel
HOw many times have you heard the following comments without jumping down someboys throat.
1/ Ni66ers are a sub human species. Treat s like you treat dogs. (Still common roudn KKK meetings)
2/ Fagotts are a sub human species. Treat fags like you treat dogs
3/ Men are a sub human species. Treat your man like you treat your dog.
Never!!!!
Think again girl. Go have a read through the womens trash rags where men are routinely listed as "sub human" And thats just the point. Unless this has offended you sufficently to write in to the trash rags, and complain about it then YOU are a man hater.
Did you honestly think that it required a soapbox and a prreacher to be a man hater. Just as racism is mostly subtle so too is man hating.
Even with your shoes off you couldn't count the number of man haters you know. Believe me. | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 6:09:54 AM | Sigh. I give up.
I really hope you find a way to get over your rage and anger and realize people aren't so bad. Most of my best friends throughout my life have been men, and they're the ones who always had my back, listened to me, and trusted me enough to call me a friend. I know plenty of horrible men (many of who hate women, by the way), but most of them are pretty swell.
There are plenty of horrible women out there who hate men, but they're a minority. It seems like you have it in your head that you desperately want to continue being so angry and enraged and you're ignoring the people out there who are decent and don't dislike anyone unless they are given a reason to. It's too bad.
You actually just got a role in my novel I'm writing, by the way.  | |
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| Men on a Marriage Strike
Posted: 9/11/2006 6:15:31 AM | I think the spaticuss-like rage would be lessened if there were not so many WHY DO ALL MEN... posts. There are an inordinate number of male bashing posts here if compared to the amount of WHY DO ALL WOMEN posts.
Some woman gets dumped by her jackass boyfriend and then we get a WHY DO ALL MEN.... post immediately based one what that ONE man did to that ONE woman.
Why do men:
Ask for a photo and not contact you again
Want Barbie dolls
Just want sex
Want to date 4-5 women at a time
And those are just from what's running right now.
You can not defend the message in posts that generalize against an entire gender. Those posts are man-hating posts no matter how you try to explain it. The women that post them should be suspended for a month. | |
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