| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:08:17 AM | Update:
Two weeks after I had met that woman, she moved in and we were incredibly happy with none of the 'red flags' I expected to feel.
Six weeks after that, we actually got married and were insanely happy for the first year. Then the infatuation faded for her, and there was actually nothing else, so it drifted along until she became infatuated with another man and left me.
It ended as fast as it began, she was in my bed one day, and his a few days later.
So as some of you said, if it's an instant start, it could have an instant finish.
I have learned a valuable and expensive lesson not to be flattered by someone's infatuation for me, to go deeper and see if anything real and solid lies beneath the outer shallow emotion.
Still, I have no regrets, it was the best marriage/relationship I have ever known, I was very happy and am better off for having enjoyed life with her while I could. But I really have moved on, now that I see how shallow her feelings actually were.
Thanks again to all for your great advice and comments! :)
John | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:32:16 AM | | Sometimes the timing is perfect for a couple, however, too often when it does fade, one or the other will look for a new "thrill". Sometimes it is best to jump in and get what you can while you can. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:54:45 AM | You know, im happy for you man,
but.....
just be careful, something that perfect always has sharp and pointy thing in it somewhere where you least expect it, and you always get snagged somehow... | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:05:34 AM | Funny looking at this thread I thought it was recent, but realized the date .. the day I left my last serious relationship, one that was exactly like yours.. Its been two years and I cant get past the what ifs.. It only lasted 4 months but I left when things were great, based on fears, some valid some maybe not. (I have proof that some of my fears were valid, but I still cant past him, dont know why)
I had a few red flags though, even the fact that everything was perfect and moving forward so fast was a red flag to me. My red flags were he moved this fast in every relationship, and every relationship he has, that person is the "only one he has felt that intense with" I was compared to exs, he would say he NEVER felt this way with anyone before, he thought he did but was wrong .. and his exs were always letting him down, everything was their fault, etc and I was perfect
If someone is always moving that fast with EVERY relationship they enter and absolutly certain that this is "the one" within the first month or two then something is wrong. If they are willing to take it slow, and wait to ride out the first months of infatuation, I trust that much more when they finally say I love you and want to plan our future. Listen to their stories about their exs and how they entered those relationships as well as left them, was it sudden, or did they work it out? My last was very inconsistant which is why direct questions dont always work. One day the story was he tried to work it out for years, and she didnt want to, another day he said he woke up one morning and left her to never speak to her again because she ruined his birthday, also he counterdicted how long they were together, once it was 6 years, then it was 1 1/2 years with the rest just being a booty call. I noticed when I shared things instead of questioning, the story would change
Also, I found if someone is always agreeing on everything, religion, etc (I had this too) asking direct questions can give you a false idea of what they really are like. people want to be accepted and they may just agree with you to be liked.. Instead share stories about your interests, and the truth seems to come out more naturally, also you can then see just how much they really know about the topic you are discussing, or they may let their real feelings slip out (Something else I noticed with my last , and could see the inconsistancies)
My ending was different than yours but the feelings and intensity were the same. I was afraid it would end up like yours did , or even worse because he had other issues as well. Its good that you can look back and be grateful for the experience, I wish he could. I certianly am grateful for the 4 months we had. Just wish at times I rode it out like you did | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:26:58 AM | It made me smile when i read your post and i know there is someone out there for us all.
such a beautifull story...and i hope it lasts for you , and i too hope to find it for myself.
good luck
carol | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:28:45 AM | ooops i should have read all the posts...well it was good while it lasted ...heck id be happy with a few brilliant months, years , weeks...oh heck anything really!!
carol | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:18:42 AM | Sorry to hear it didn't last John. It does sound like you have the right attitude towards the whole experience though, they you lived and loved and were happy for a time. No one ever promised every single day of our lives would be filled with sunshine and rainbows, and when happiness does comes along you grab on with both hands and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. The truly lucky ones get to hold on for life, but I think thats where it really gets rare.
I've had that instant magic thing happen to me more than once, but I've always found those moments to be fleeting. I've learned to be wary of my feelings and to tread lightly when it comes to that type of ephemeral relationship, since they tend to burn out quickly, like a meteor shooting across the sky. But they can be a helluva lot of fun while they last!  | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:40:44 AM | That instant magic is like a big bubble that will pop out and it is gone. I don't believe on magic.On my first date I always check what kind of a person this man is ,his background, his social ethics , our compatability, are we looking to the same direction of life? What people wrote on their profile is not enough to know what kind of person they are, some are even lies. I believe on awareness and reality.  | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:54:29 AM | It's happened to me twice. The first time was with someone I met in real life without the internet being involved at all. The second time, it was someone I met from a dating site.
The first time it happened, it turned into a long term love affair, the likes of which I'll probably never experience again. The second time it happened, I probably had hidden expectations that it would continue to grow as naturally as it had the first time, but it didn't.
OP: I'm sorry it ended the way it did for you. But, as they say, "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"
Hugs | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:00:07 AM | | that is so cool, & congratulations. it happens! i have been lucky enough to experience that kind of chemistry 2x in one lifetime. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:58:54 AM | I have experienced that instant feeling once. It was on a blind date and lasted 3 and a half years. The closest I came to that Instant magic feeling you're talking about again was in my last most recent relationship. It lasted almost a year. It was with a guy who I'd met over the internet. It was also a Long Distance thing. He was living in Melbourne at the time and I in Sydney. We spoke for 5 months over the phone every day before we finaly met. I can say that first night and the days following were some of the most special and memorable moments Ive ever spent with someone.
When the moment came for him to leave, we made the sweetest love. Sad to say it was also the most heart wrenching knowing it would be a while before we got to see each other again. When we kissed to say goodbye I took out one of his t- shirts from his overnight bag and wiped his face with it with his tear stained face and kept it for myself. I slept with that t-shirt every night after that till he came back to see me again, sick as that may sound. But yeh that probably goes down as one of the most magic moments for me. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:13:31 AM | I have! I have! I have!
For me it's also very disturbing to experience it. Acknowledge it and then rationally "cope" with the feelings.
I'm a very level headed, well-educated, responsible individual but feeling it...is disturbing and yet at the same time, pretty rough to keep from shouting about it.
We're trying to be rational, logical, well-behaved, grown-ups. Take things slow. Very slow. And be conscience about doing everything "right" while at the same time...acting like giddy, twitter-pated fools too.
"So this was like instant magic, like we were both open to a 'master plan' and the timing was just right, we were both ready, so poof - it happened to us. As we talk, we find out that we are exactly everything we had hoped to find in a mate one day, but never found and started to doubt would exist in any one person. Here we both are sharing the exact feeling. "
We have even discovered that we have been sharing the same professional dreams, the same desires for our futures...we've basically been planning the same last half of life only totally apart and not aware of each other. The similarities to our goals and aspirations for life is sometimes really spooky they are so alike. We both have drawing and home plans for the home we each wanted to build...when we compared them - mine was drawn by my own hands, his a purchased home plan - they were almost identical - square footage and everything!
It's beyond cool and wonderful
and terrifying!
I love it!
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:14:54 AM | Yes, It happened to me....Thought I met Mr. Wonderful. He was handsome, educated, successful and romantic. However, after a couple weeks I realized he had a wife and a couple kids he forgot to tell me about. Seems all his business trips were just nights home with the family.
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:24:00 PM | Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Yes, I have. It was both terrifying and incredibly exhilarating! Turned out to be a complete disaster but I still consider myself fortunate to have had the experience  | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:33:09 PM | | If both of you really feel that way, then congratulations! You found the dream come true. Don't listen to any nay-sayers. True love is what the two of you make it. Maybe down the road you'll find out that each of you really aren't as perfect as you both may have thought. But that's life. Nobody's perfect. If you found happiness for now, go enjoy it . It's a gift to be cherished. Best of luck. Don't doubt your own instincts. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:45:34 PM | Another Update:
I have found an amazing woman and am SLOWLY getting to know her. We have a lot of potential for greatness, she is everything I wanted on the INSIDE, and also very beautiful too.
I made the mistake before of jumping in fast when all of the OUTER things seemed to be what I was looking for, but I missed the heart of it all - her heart! She was infatuated but did not feel real love.
So this time I am with a very functional loving and sweet woman who has the capacity to not only recognize what I may be feeling for her as we get closer, but to also return it to me as well.
Slowly this time, but it looks very good, feels like forever. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:31:23 PM | Dude, strap yourself in and enjoy the ride.I'm sure we have all thought that the person we were with was the one i am going to grow old with at some point of our lives.
Hope you can make the distance. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:34:46 PM | In 2005, I met a man from another online dating site. We emailed for a few days, then had a face-to-face on June 4. He had no pic on his profile, but his emails were so engaging, it didn't matter.
When we had our first meeting, it felt...right.
Four months later, we were married.
Still are.
Still engaging, still smitten.
Yup; it can happen. | |
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| Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:43:17 PM |
So has anyone else had a similar experience? I think it's likely rare, other than the physical attraction at first sight, or other situations where someone is needy and get's together fast for the wrong reasons. I'd like to hear of any similar stories.
The last time I felt "instant magic" was in high school..have never felt it since.. I think for some of us as we get older we don't let ourselves fall.. we might stumble now and then but a fall can be painful so we avoid it.. maybe I'm speaking for myself here. | |
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