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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/9/2005 5:32:25 PM | | I don't think giving his name in a thread is allowed, besides I'm not stooping to his level. My point is I know I'm not alone going through something like this. They get deleted and show up again to harrass and bug you to death with sideways comments and emails... all i do is ignore those in threads adn block him. | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:14:25 PM | | It takes all kinds to make a world. Fortunately for me I am one of those people who see through cons rather rapidly and then take steps to protect myself from harm. Healthy boundaries never hurt anyone. | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 4:41:25 AM | Hey Georgie,Be careful as I was repremanded about talking on the forums about problems with a member.The mod told me not to be a tattletale and report the person to admin.Thought you should know.
[That was not directed at you, but a General Informational Post by another Moderator/Ticket] | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 5:22:23 AM | Georgie... I wonder if this is a "nice guy"that latched on to me
when I first joined..this man hacked into my Yahoo account
I was going to quit POF it weirded me out so bad..he had
mentioned you several times...we should chat ! | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 5:49:12 AM | hi georgie, have you directly said anything to this person? if so, what was their response, if any. there really isn't too much that you can do other than ignore them. if this person keeps coming up with new names and following you around, there isn't much you can do. i'd hate to see you leave, but if it really bothers you that much, maybe you need to find a site that he doesn't know about. there are many and pretty much the same no matter where you go. it's kinda rough trying to deal with people like this, especially if the direct approach didn't work. maybe if you just ignore this person, maybe they will get bored and stop. i hope you can come to peace with this issue. good luck.
bugsybear | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 7:58:02 AM | indigorose33, please email me privately.
AS for all the other multiple private request for his name, unless you work for POF I'm not about to say it. I am putting no one else at risk. | |
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mudbug
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Joined: 2/15/2005
Msg: 39 | |
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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:06:02 AM | I hate to admit it, but I think I did...too bad, he was kinda nice too. sigh....
this comment was directed at the title...POF PLAYERS...having never stalked or been stalked I can't respond to that, however, I've been played - oh have I been played. Lessons learned....I'd say never again, but I know myself too well LOL
Good luck Georgie...I guess you could always embarrass him in forums eh? It could be done without necessarily spelling his nic out right LOL maybe that would work?
~Missy~ | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:12:13 AM | I'd like to turn this thread into what to watch for, because it is happening to more than me, and I've gotten over 4 dozen letters to that effect on POF in two days.
Stalking behaviour
including Internet stalking, cyberstalking, intimate partner stalker, vengeful stalker, delusional stalker, erotomania and the erotomaniac, harasser stalker, cyberstalker, cyber, love rat, troll.
The stalker exhibits a familiar pattern of behaviour. Stalking often starts as a result of rejection; rejection rage and abandonment rage motivate the stalker to seek revenge through a predictable pattern of stalking behavior. The stalker, usually a loner and socially inept, becomes obsessed with their target and bombards them with messages, emails, gifts, or abuse. The stalking behaviour can last for years and the intensity of abuse increases over time. The abuse, initially consisting of psychological violence, often escalates and culminates in physical violence. It's a chilling statistic which reveals that 90% of women who are murdered were stalked by their ex-partner.
The serial bully in the workplace often exhibits many of the characteristics of stalking, especially in the later phase of the bullying cycle. The target is bombarded with memos, emails, yellow stickies, and if off sick with stress caused by the bullying, may receive harassing phone calls at home. Family members often receive harassing phone calls also.
Internet stalker profile (and any stalker, especially a male)
If you've been wooed by a cyberstalker, this profile will bring you back to reality:
lives in a 1-room apartment which hasn't been cleaned for months - if ever
has stacks of pornographic magazines in his bedroom area
has poor personal hygiene
has poor table manners
has poor social etiquette
hasn't changed the sheets on his bed for months, which are now best described as crusty
has a bathroom, the state of which doesn't bear thinking about
lives on pizza and beer/coke, the remnants of which litter his apartment
may have an unusual pet (eg ferret) which has free run of the apartment
is either significantly over- or under-weight
has a small moustache or other facial hair
has not held down any job for more than a couple of years, probably less
has no friends
has no life outside the Internet
The Internet stalker probably has other unpleasant characteristics that sexual harassers possess, and the usual sexual inadequacy including lack of intimacy, controlling behaviour, no concept of the partner's needs, premature ejaculation, and an abnormal belief bordering on obsession in his smallness. | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:15:31 AM | The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will.
The second rule is to keep all abusive emails. Create a new folder, perhaps called "Abuse", and move hate mail and flame mail into this folder. You don't have to read it. When the time comes to take action, this folder of hate mail and flame mail is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies, are obsessive people and if their account is closed down you may start receiving mail from another address. This can later be compared to the abusive emails you've already received to identify the perpetrator. You'll find the same words, phrases and strategies occurring.
The third rule is to understand bullying. Read through Bully OnLine carefully, understand the profile of the serial bully. Recognise that you are not dealing with a person who has the same mindset as yourself. Bullying, and especially cyberbullying, has links with stalking - see www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm for links to stalking sites.
Rule four is get help. If you're a young person, this is essential. Even mature experienced adults often cannot handle bullying and harassment by themselves. Sometimes you are dealing with a severely disordered and dangerous individual. | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 9:21:54 AM | | The thing that amazed me was in most of these emails I got, these guys are usually IT Techs or have similar skills! They can hack accounts too.. Yahoo is one of the worst for it! | |
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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 49 | |
| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 10:19:17 AM | make up a yahoo id stictly for new 'friends' that way if he/she gets into it there won't be anything there but that person anyway. If it doesn't work out, delete him/her. If it does it won't matter
~Missy~ | |
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| POF PLAYERS/STALKERS How do you cope with them?
Posted: 3/10/2005 10:32:42 AM | Georgie,,
Thanks for the signs to look for,,they were very helpful and I think I got rid of a potential recently. He met most of the criteria. And your right,,whats up with the IT guys?!?!? | |
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