| | He has bad health - do I stay or leave???Page 4 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | caring for someone doesnt mean ur gullable. its wasnt fair to you or your daughter that he brought you into this situation without being up front in the beginning. guess he was afraid you wouldnt stick round but then again with his actions...doesnt seem to be in his favour either right now...an he has only himself to blame. i personally feel its best you take care of your needs an your family an let him be to tend to his own health issues...i personally dont feel it was right to dump it on you an expect you to take care of his issues....he never gave you the option to decide and if you were ready to take on a big commitment... but thats my 2 cents. lying to keep someone round for their own benifit...isnt someone i would want in my life. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 8/23/2006 12:18:02 AM |
I can't help but wonder if her daughter is being neglected in some way?
My daughter is the most important thing to me... how can anyone say this when they don't even know how much time & effort I put into my daughter's life? How much effort does it take to convince a person to go to the doctor? Alot in this case - but that doesn't mean that I am neglecting my daughter! She lives with me & I take care of her. I put her to bed & listen to her cry when she hurts herself. My daughter cares for this person as she is a product of me - she is a caring person just like me... The only person that is neglecting my Angel is her deadbeat father who couldn't care enough to even find out how she is doing... 2 weeks & counting so far...
Alot of talking can be done between 2 people when a little girl goes to bed @ 8pm... It's just like any couple. Pretend that my partner was the father of my child - would you think I was neglecting my daughter because I chose to stay & take care of him??? NO - so why even think that just because I am not married to this ill person ?!?!? I spend just as much time & effort on my daughter than anyone other time... and having a partner adds to my daughter life - she has a male figure to look up to & care for - better than a deadbeat father that doesn't help with any bills nor calls to talk to a child uinless convenient for him! My companion loves me & my daughter - and I know that! If he didn't - why would he keep us around??? Why not go out and find someone better - prettier & with less baggage??? It's funny that no one has even wondered if I might be the lucky one to have him in my life... as he takes care of me just as much as I do for him. He has stood by me thru my troubles this past few months whereas my other so called friends have not.
Maybe God made us meet so that wee could take care of each other? Maybe we are supposed to learn from this experience - and take that learning to new heights... Or maybe I am so messed up in the head from my marriage problems that I don't know what a real relationship consists of anymore...! All I know is that every deserves a bit of unconditional love at some point in their life... Maybe this is his turn.... | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/16/2006 1:57:34 PM | ** UPDATE **
I imagine this post is going to get me in trouble as I don't seem to be able to do anything right anymore... problem is that eventually when no one thinks you can so anything right - you start to believe it... and start to no longer care about what you do - cause no matter what - "It will be wrong"!
If you can believe this... my EX is trying to use this thread against me. Is it against the law to ask questions nowadays? I was only looking for support & maybe some information that others may have. I found what I needed. To him I say - "get a hobby".
And to those who do not think one can love another person without being "in love" with them... well it is possible. I care deeply for the person that this thread is about. He is a great guy and some of his friends seem to doubt that I care as much as I do... well you know what - it's for him to decide. He is the only one who can tell me if he believes me. Plus - what does "in love with" feel like anyways? I used to trust my ex... and he literally blew me out of the water when he was not faithful... and I thought I was in love with him & vice-versa... so how the heck am I ever supposed to know what "in love with" feels like...
In any case - when I posted this thread - it was never to decide if I should stay with this person... I was actually just looking for help... I was frantic about his health and was not getting any answers from him. I have discovered alot about him and have forgiven alot... and stayed with him through all the hard times. When I should have given up... I didn't... I kept going back. Why - because my heart told me to... and who else am I supposed to listen to???
Sorry if this upset any of his friends. I truly care for this guy... If I didn't I wouldn't continue to try to help him & care for him the way that I do... even if it will only be a friend in the future. When I love someone... I don't stop. I know this cause I still love some of the people that really hurt me in the past. I am learning to forgive... and I made alot of mistakes in the past year. I have changed alot & don't like the person I have become - and I am trying to fix that. I feel that this person came into my life as an Angel sort of. He has changed my view of certain things and I am headed in the right direction towards being forgiven for my sins. For that I am truly grateful.
If nothing comes from friend-relationship with this person that I care about - I will cherish the experience... learn to stand on my own feet again... and keep looking towards the Lord for guidance. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/16/2006 2:28:10 PM | | I was involved with a man it almost sounds like the same man to tell the truth. He got to the point that he had told me he wanted to be cremated. I had tried to get him to move in with me but he wouldn't. He had lung cancer had already had one removed. He did not treat me like I want to be treated either. I worried day and night about him then one day I said wait a minute here this is not right. He won't go to a doctor, he will not make it easier on me he is stubborn this was not my fault and I diserve more than what little he gives. After really searching my heart I knew that if he were not ill I would have ended it way before then because I was not getting my needs met as well as he was no where near my 80% of the 10 things I want in a person. So I did what was right for me and dumped him. It was not easy and I had to fight myself constantly to not call him or go check up on him. The longer I was away from it the better I could see the situation. Some people really play this stuff up too sad to say so then you have to be careful and try to read what is true and what is a bit theatrical. He chose what he wanted and it is not fair for you to let him take your choices away, you never know, there could be a good reason why he does not want 911 called. But all in all turn it around say what if it were me would I want to burden someone else with it, I don't think you would because you sound like a good person who would not take advantage of a kind heart. You do sound as if you alaready made up your mind to stick in there be loyal get used and then kick yourself later. Always in all ways think of yourself first, believe me they are putting themselves first. Sorry but you do sound as if you are asking someone to confirm that you are doing the right thing sticking in there I nor anyone else can do that. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/16/2006 3:29:22 PM | You know, I've been sitting here reading this and it still doesn't make any sense to me. I haven't read everything that was wrote, but how long has this been going on? He says he's known for years that he's sick? dying? Still won't see a doctor!? and now you are saying something about your ex? I don't know about you girl, but you and him sound really confused. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/16/2006 5:19:51 PM | From the perspective of someone who cared for an ex-husband since marriage in 1979, I can state that it is very, very difficult not to become the nurse to the patient.
The "self" becomes entwined with and adjusts to the needs of the other and you run the risk of becoming an appendage of the disease.
In my case, I put him on and off an in-home dialysis machine for over three years (we were 21 & 22 so what did we know?). After his first kidney transplant, we had two children, and (as inevitably happens) the kidney failed.
Now the situtation was complicated by raising children, doing the dialysis three times a week and working full time to support the family.
For a person to remain whole and a separate entity to the one that provides is very difficult and the road is ripe with debilitating instability.
Once his body began to deteriorate and other diseases took over, there was little hope. We changed too much.
This is my story, such that it is. All I can do is state the very obvious - Care for yourself first dear for if you do not, when all is over, who will you be?
Just my humble, rambling opinion.
^^Batgirl^^ | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/16/2006 5:46:49 PM | He is afraid that he will lose his driver's licence the moment the doctor hears that he blacks-out & can't remember the incidents...
umm..this is the reason he wont see a doctor??
THAT IS THE MOST SELFISH RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!
so it is ok for him to have these spells and be driving somewhere, black out and kill someone because his car crossed the yellow line??
Perhaps he should consider surrendering his license for the safety of others
It is one thing when someone doesnt care about thier own health..I mean that is thier right..but to put others around them in danger because they dont want to take care...then that is just inconsiderate.
now back on subject.....if you love him..stand by him..and I hope you cant talk some sense into him. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:10:41 AM | Being DOUBLE DISABLED, I can say that you are probably the one thing that guy even gets out of bed for, every day of his life!!! To look at me you would NEVER KNOW that there was tha first thing wrong, untill you actually saw the disabilities. So I can say, without a positive doubt, that you've got a catch there. He thinks more about you, just for giving him the consideration in the first place, than he thinks of members of his blood family (CROSS MY HEART). He'd do anything, go anywhere, take the time, give the blood, taste the worst, experience the hardest, deal with the meanest, WHATEVER-JUST FOR YOU!!! Do I Make My Point??? You should give him every consideration that you'd expect him to give you!!! Does his attitude change any between the times that you two are together and the times that you two are apart??? Is the tone of his voice different between the times that you two are together and the times you talk on the phone?? Can you see any difference in his diet between the times you are together and seperated??? Is he at McD's more when you are apart than in REAL restraunts or even eating at home when you two are together??? Consider some of these points and then ask your question again, I bet that you come up with two entirely different answers, I PROMICE!!! | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:47:09 AM | I think you should still get him to go to the doctor...who cares if he loses his license due to blacking out. Wouldnt you feel bad if he were driving one day , blacked out and hit someone and killed them?
Sounds like he needs help...
Remember you are his girlfriend/confodant...not his personal bedside nurse!
Good luck! | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/18/2006 9:01:46 AM | | my advice... i think you should try to get him some help if you love him. i dont think you should wait for him to "come around" and decide to get help on his own. because if he does fall or hurt himself again. how well will you be able to live with that? if you love him TRULY, love him there is no reason that you should leave him, some people just need that extra push to get help. a push you may be able to give him. i'm not in that situation so i dont know details but let me know what happens and if you need more advice. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/18/2006 10:55:15 AM | | I had another thought on this man and your situation. This illness could be all in his mind. A hypocondriac can really make themselves sick you know. How long has he been ill? It does not take long for untreated cancer or a major illness to kill you without treatment you know. If I was too stupid or stubborn to go to a doctor and get care then I sure as heck not going to expect someone to take care of me when I am kicking the bucket. No, this guy is playing you like a fiddle honey. There are control freeks who use ailments to manipulate you, lay guilt on you and make you stay. Test it out honey. Tell him and mean it and do it just simply say "You are not my responsibility, I can not fix you, I can not make you go to a doctor I am out of here. When you do what you should do for yourself and if I am still available give me a call. Unless and until you do that do not bother me." If this guy has any brains he will either take care of the problem or suddenly have a very bad run of the illness or miracle of miracle get healed. Regardless of what happens you have your power back and you will find out whats up with this dude. He sounds very suspicious to me. Think how many people do you know who is truely ill that will not get help if they think they are going to die. No can not buy that this guy is still working and still kicking if he is that sick. Sounds like he has a good game going but it takes two to play the game. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:58:40 PM | | Am I missing something here? I am getting confused, didn't you start this about a month ago and didn't your guy go to the doctor around the 20th or 21st of August?. So what happened there, did he get his tests and find out what is wrong? Maybe I skipped something. Could someone fill me in please? Oh this is to bellefille (whatever) I am getting my belly full of this it sounds like one of those dumb daytime shows like "As The Stomach Turns" or something. And if you have this man in your life and you care for him why are you still on the fish? I thought this was a dating site. Maybe you should be on Dr. Phils website I think he could give you a whole list of things to think about. Whats all this bible thumping quotes got to do with this sick person anyways? Did you change your name to unhappy with life? Who is that it sounds like you Belle is it you? Oh, brother I need to get off this and get back to finding a man a hot panting healty crazy man. You need help honey bunch. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/19/2006 12:55:04 PM | | Ask him to buy a life insurance and put your name down as sole beneficial. Then get him a cat and a few dogs, wear perfume in hie presence. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/19/2006 1:50:05 PM | Hi sorry to hear your having such heartaches... If you love this man... cut contact with him.. he has to help himself... you can not help him.. you could contact his family and tell them yours concerns.. You have to look after your self and your daughter... He will only seek help if he wants to... you cannot force him.. Sounds like he's in denial.. but what do I know.. You can not help someone who will not help themselves... Let him live his life the way he wants, and if he chooses not to seek help you can not change that... you can only change what you do...
Love your self and your daughter... | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/20/2006 8:48:45 PM | Terminallycute:
if you love him..stand by him..
Thank you... I do love my friend and will stand by him - even if he is no longer my boyfriend - as the current situation now goes.
Nubclub7581:
I wish that I knew he would do everything that you say he would... but I am not so sure. We have had alot of ups & downs & I have always been there for him... but I know many times where he refuses to come to my aid - even when I ask. My philosophy is to "Do unto others as you would have they do unto you". If he was to follow this - I would no longer need this forum... What I do know is that at one time he really loved me... and I still think he does. I am a strong believer in fate... and fate put us together that one night at Tim Horton's...
Lil green eyed girl:
Sounds like he needs help...
Needing & knowing what he "has" are 2 different things though... I hope he realizes it soon
Clubdrummer_15:
if you love him TRULY, love him there is no reason that you should leave him, some people just need that extra push to get help. a push you may be able to give him.
I have done what I can... I have been by his side for almost every attack that he has had... I have taken him to 2 out of 3 doctor appts, as well as x-rays, blood work & lung functioning tests. I guess now it is time for me to step back & let "what will happen - happen". Doing that does not in any way mean that I love him any less though. He knows what my feelings are - no one else needs to know. AND... I would never leave him - unless he pushed me away... even then I would still be there watching & waiting for him to call for help(and always will be as he will ALWAYS be my friend... and a love for a friend never ends)
Lifeisgood:
Look at my profile - I am on here looking for female friends only. I am recently devoid of previous marital friendships and am looking for new ones.
Penmate:
One word unfortunately sums up alot... Co-dependency. Someone else here mentioned that as well as a very good friend of mine did months ago... But I am currently getting help with this and my many other issues. I have contacted his family & done everything that I could. I am & always was taking care of my daughter - now it is time that I start to take care of myself.
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Thank you to everyone that has replied - and I have many new friends that have sent me emails in regards to my situation.
As it stands now - his health is the same - still the attacks although they are shorter & he seems to be able to come out of them faster & without the memory lapse. He is now in his doctor's hands. As for the test results - if he wants to share further health information with me - he will as we are currently "just friends".
I am moving in the right direction now. I am concentrating on my daughter & my own health issues. Unfortunately through all this - I put my own heaalth on the back burner... and now it is time for "me". I have already started to get the help I need & am on the right path. My daughter is my  & my rock. I hear God talking through her so much that it surprises & even scares me a bit. Luke 8:11 - My daughter told me she would help me find the right path... and I have. Tonite is a turning point for me... I am no longer going to be a victim... not to my friend, or my Ex. I am going to be the best darn person that I can be - and I am going to live a great life...
I am happier right now than I have been in a very long time. Time will heal all wounds & will determine if my butterfly friend will return to me.
Bellefille | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/26/2006 4:57:42 AM | UPDATE.....
Am a happy person today. The sun is shining...
And I am leaving the site with the fish that I have on my line....
I came for female friends... I found alot ... I have been blessed with many
His health is getting better...
I could not ask for more than his love...
I wish everyone else the best.... | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:34:52 AM | He is a sweet and charming man , he has energy and sparkle and comes across with a zest for life and fulll of life.
I think he is just a tad scared of the unknown ( Eh tough guy ;) )....some would rather not have the label of what is wrong with them be it mental or physical & just live & die Au Natural.
This is a great guy....Hang in there, be the friend you are being.....he is a good man from what I've seen and know of him. He will be & is a good role model for your Angel. I know your a loving woman and excellent mother........just be you....so on to others as you would have done on to you.
Some ppl have a hard time accepting love & even more so giving love.( so yes councilling may help, I doubt he would take the time from playing to do so tho')...especially ones that have been burnt in some fashion. Since this person isn't close with his Family, it would lead me to believe he's a tough cookie and likes to be independent and only rely on himself....Habits my friend are hard to break.......small cracks ----lead to big cracks...he needs time.Hold in there Bellefille, do what you can and remember to enjoy today for it's beauty & treasure what you can.
However....Kick his tough cute lil' azz if not for you and your angel ---than for his own sake....& kick it again from me!....Next episode call 911 asap.......he will have no choice but to get assistance he needs.......who knows maybe it's emphazema & or combined with sleep apena (spelling could be wrong here sorry ) none the less tell him I said "Fack you, suck it up Princess!".......911 for this person is the Only option available to you I think sweets. He may get flaired up and have a princess fit about it---------but hey at least he will be in the hospital while he has it.............I'm sure he will thank you later.........I know I will give you big hugs and we will have a DQ together 
Rave On
HK | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/26/2006 11:45:11 AM | | Well..from reading what you wrote it almost seems like you made up your mind already. By trying to convince the reader that he is a good person and loves you dearly, you are basically telling yourself that you want to be with him until it is his time to go. And it is better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. Keep that quote close to heart. | |
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vhdc
| | Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 96 | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:39:27 PM | | He is might have sleep apnea where people in there sleep stop breathing he wakes up gasping for air and it can be a problem during the day he is not sleeping at night so he might tend to doze off during the day time this condition can be treated many ways my brother in law had this and he is ok now he can wear a breathing mask at night this will force air in so he keep on breathing my sister stayed with him and never left his side | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 9/30/2006 4:47:45 AM | | Take care, glad things are working out for you, -- notice things aren't happening because of fate, but because "you" are making decisions. You have far more choices and control than you think. It's a matter of balance. Surrendering when necessary in order to win -- and in other times, standing firm and making hard decisions and taking control when needed. | |
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| He has bad health - do I stay or leave???
Posted: 10/1/2006 12:28:43 PM | Thank you Metallic Blue for the encouraging words. I am trying & trying... I am going to Church alot to get the strength I need in order to hold him up when he falls... but I am failing at that.
My problem is when to stand firm... and when to give in.... | |
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